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Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 179 – On Skittering Paws

Chapter 179 – On Skittering Paws

I don’t know why I thought it would be different when I chose to transform myself. Spoiler alert, I was wrong.

It was just as messed up as the time Pete (I refuse to call him Harold, sue me.) had turned me into a mouse. The world was still filled with unrelenting noise and smells so intense that they got my eyes involved and blinded me with waves of color. I screamed from my place on the ground beside the prickly bush that now looked like a towering oak tree but even to my own ears, it was little more than a high-pitched squeak.

A whoosh of foul-smelling air as hot as an oven washed over me. My fur rubbed uncomfortably against my armor as I leaped high into the air and landed awkwardly on all four paws. My heart pounded so damn fast inside my tiny chest I thought the thing might explode as I looked up at the oddly textured and very wet black blob in front of me.

And then, under the blob, an enormous cavern opened up, and a slimy mutant earthworm the size of a paddle board slapped me in the face.

“Stella, what the hell?” My voice vibrated from deep inside me, sending painful spikes shooting around my throat to the base of my tiny mouse skull. I was too excited to give the pain the attention it demanded though. “I can talk, girl!”

Stella turned her head, focusing a soft brown eye on me as she held her body close to the ground. She made a little rumble in response to my excitement but she didn’t bark or howl. The reason for her hesitance came to me on the breeze, drumming into my ears until I was forced to raise my forepaws and flatten the rounded flaps.

“Bow your head slave.”

I didn’t need to look to know that came from Orion. I turned and ran through under the bush, impressed by my own speediness. It was difficult to manage four legs rather than my standard two. I stumbled often but avoided landing nose-first in the dirt. Jitta’s easy adjustment from human to bird was all the more impressive given my struggles. Even just the thought of flapping into the air made me feel dizzy and had my stomach flip-flopping about. No, I’d much rather be a mouse, even with the onslaught of sensations rendering me dazed. My feet, whether it was two or four, belonged on the ground.

I topped the small rise that hadn't even registered to my human self and stared at the gathering of cultists. They looked different to my mouse eyes. The smells were bright and colorful, stinging my nose with the scent of body odor and pungent smoke, but their robes were all a shade of grey. Now I couldn’t tell who was who amongst the crush. Only the High Priestess, Miranda, and Orion stood out as individuals. I guess Theo did too but that was just because he was a lump of malnourished human being doused with whatever liquid Orion was dumping over his shoulders. Whatever it was, it smelled vile. Like week-old garbage that had been basking in the heat of a summer sun.

I couldn’t see Jitta anywhere in the crush of people but with her small form and dark feathers, she would have blended into the darkness very easily. I wished I had a chance to schmooze her with my decent Charisma ability, then maybe I could have gotten the reason she was here from her. I didn’t think Kendrick had sent her to help me this time. The man couldn’t have known I’d be here. I didn’t even know I’d be coming this way. Stella had decided that for me.

“Do you have anything to say before we feed you to the flames?” Orion asked the bowing form of Theo.

Fuck, I’m almost out of time, I thought to myself as I hightailed it down the rise and toward the mighty bonfire.

The flames had no color to them anymore but they were wickedly bright and smelled of danger. My mouse brain did not appreciate the fact I was running toward the fiery death and not far, far away from it. Too bad for it. I needed to be involved in this event. No, not just involved. I planned on being the climax of the show.

A noise overhead had me changing course with a wild swing and diving under a hollow log, an action made difficult by the toothpick-sized sword still resting on my back.

Whatever was up there it smelled a lot like me only with added hints of moth, fungus, and something I could only describe as wet sky. Not like rain. No, rain's smell was different. This was wet but as fresh as linen right from the washer. The freshness of that scent did not blend well with the earthiness of fungus and the bitter smell of moth guts. All of it formed an image inside my brain, one that might as well have had a big red stamp with the word ‘danger’ over it. The chittering squeak was the real giveaway though.

I hunkered down in my hidey-hole, trying to ignore the crawling bugs that called this place home and smelled as good as one of Mrs. Percott’s home-cooked meals.

Don’t eat the bugs. Please, oh please, don’t eat the bugs.

I waited just long enough for the smell of bat to grow faint before I darted from my hiding place, hindered a second time by the sword. Jitta had been dressed much the way I was when she transformed into a willie wagtail but in her feathered form, she’d been unhindered by armor and weaponry. Did she take it all off when she morphed? My mind flashed up with unsavory imagery of the woman standing stark naked. I swallowed and shook my tiny head, trying to banish the tempting image of a body that was not hers but simply my mind's desire. You know it's been too long between rolls in the hay when your brain starts making its own smut. Sorry Jitta, please don’t kill me.

Focus you mindless oaf.

There was nothing I could do but dive into my inventory and remove everything that would give me away. My bum bag, my leather armor, and even my Crossbow of Umbra which looked incredibly strange in its tiny form all had to go. No one would believe me a true mouse if I was clothed and armed.

The ring of Fellowship of Fayum members was creepily silent as they bowed and rose in a continuous wave over and over again. It seemed like something that would go nicely with an eerie chant. I suppose these people didn’t stick to well-documented ritual behavior all too often.

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Not a single one noticed me scurrying in the dry grass and dirt between them. Being able to slip past so many without even trying filled me with a satisfying thrill that felt uncomfortably close to a small zap of Sob’s magic. The fear the bat had filled me with was nothing compared to the wave of terror that swamped me the closer I came to the bonfire and the group of four gathered around it.

“Is it time yet?” The High Priestess asked quietly.

“Speak when you’re spoken to,” Orion growled back.

The High Priestess reeled at the harshness of his tone but Miranda only giggled.

“Now, now, Orion. That is no way to speak to one of Melumek’s chosen,” the necromancer said, pressing a hand to the man’s arm before she turned to the High Priestess and said, “Almost. The moon is just about in position. Something this important cannot be rushed.”

Orion shuffled his feet and a wave of stink came off of him. One that smelled of bile and hatred. “Of course, forgive my rudeness. This is a pivotal moment. I’m sure you can understand my brashness.”

“Of course, of course. I’m just happy to be a part of this. I’ll be silent until you need me.”

If I could have sneered I would have. Both Miranda and Orion were playing this woman. Using fancy and overly formal words to hide their disdain. I could smell it though, the same way I could smell the intense fear wafting from the High Priestess. I would have expected to smell something similar on Theo but he smelled of nothing more than body odor and something akin to stale coffee.

I crept around the bonfire, being careful not to get too close to Orion’s boots, and made my way up beside Theo. He was muttering under his breath so quietly I doubt the others could have heard, but I sure could.

“Gabby. Forgive me, Gabby.”

How the hell can an asshole like you make me actually feel bad? I bellowed inside my head. I so badly wanted to spew the words out loud but that would be the worst possible way to announce my arrival. I had to do something though, something that would disrupt this entire show.

I moved to climb on Theo when a pair of sharp tiny daggers dug into my ass. I squeaked as I was thrown back into a cluster of shadows by a stack of sandy rocks.

Orion’s chuckle filled the air and his words hit me like a club to the face. “Tonight is a good night. Even the animals are in the murdering spirit.”

“What are you doing?” Jitta hissed into my ear as she buffeted me with her slender wings.

The beating probably would have hurt more if I wasn’t so accustomed to Frank slapping me. “I can’t just let them break another seal. Plus that guy has to come with me.”

I flinched at the sourness that entered my tone on that last part. My hatred for the man had fizzled a little now that I saw what had become of him but it was still there. A deep burning that bubbled up whenever I focused too hard on the man.

Think of Gabby. I like Gabby. This is for her. A pretty good apology for being gone so long if I do say so myself.

“This is my mission, you idiot. You can’t just come in here and mess it all up,” Jitta snapped.

“It’s time,” Orion barked. “Face the flames, Champion. Are you ready Miranda?”

The loud shuffling of Theo turning about along with the steady drip of the foul liquid dropping off of him filled my ears as I swung around to glare at the silhouette of the willie wagtail behind me. “There is no time for you to be all territorial. Tell me what to do to stop this.”

Jitta flapped aggressively and pecked at my long smooth tail. “Why does nothing ever go as I plan it? Fine, just get to the skinny man and do everything in your power to keep him out of the fire. I’ll take care of the rest.”

“On it.” Of course, I’d be a lot closer to doing that if you hadn’t dragged me back here, I grumbled to myself. I’d say it to her face but now didn’t seem like the right time.

I scrambled from the stone, bounding across the distance until the heat of the fire warmed my fur. As I ran I stuck a paw into a smudge of darkness and summoned my shadow friend. I breathed a sigh of relief that the skill wasn’t hindered by my mousy appearance.

“Snuff out the flames,” I said to the glob of shadow, a little buzz of satisfaction filling me as it hurried away.

I had no idea if a shadow could actually do that but it was worth a shot. I leaped, digging my new claws into the flesh of Theo’s leg and clambering up until I reached the top of his head and the annoying amount of hair he had there. I nestled into the dark threads, screwing up my nose as the stink of the oils they’d tipped over him overwhelmed my senses.

Theo didn’t even shudder despite my tiny mouse paws clambering all over him. Instead, he stood there, his back to Miranda and Orion as he stared into the flames. Tears were streaming down his face in a silent flood and yet the side of his lip was turned up in an odd imitation of a smile. It was even creepier looking at it from up above.

Orion handed Miranda a small blade made of bone. She floated it above her hand on a cloud of her bright magic. The man smiled and winked at her before moving back to stand beside the High Priestess, as he did his eyes swept the crowd, as sharp and intense as an eagle's gaze.

Miranda faced Theo and fed more of her magic into the bone blade. Her face was still held in a mask of indifference but I could see the war raging inside her eyes. Something Kendrick had once written to me flittered through my mind.

The Lady has one weakness, and it is one you will not believe. Her weakness is YOU.

Time to see if his prediction had been accurate.

“Miranda, you can’t do this. I won’t let you,” I said, feeding my voice with as much force as my tiny mouse form could muster.

Miranda’s magic fizzled out sending the blade dropping into the palm of her hand. She sucked in a hard breath and spun in a wild circle, her eyes unblinking and the rose tint returning to her cheeks.

“Joe? Where are you?” she called.

I felt Theo tense beneath me but he remained where he was facing the flames. My shadow friend was doing a poor job of putting out the fire. Orion let out a roar and charged forward, his eyes swinging as he tried to find me in the crowd.

“There’s no time to waste,” he barked, not so gently shoving Miranda back toward the bonfire. “Do it now, Miranda!”

She turned back to Theo, her chest heaving and her hand shaking as she lifted it again. The bright flare of her magic returned, holding the blade aloft.

“Don’t let that jerk tell you what to do Miranda. Do you think I am alone? No, we’re all here and every one of us will stand in your way. Theo Thundershield will not die tonight. Not here, not now. Do you hear me?”

“Shut up!” she howled.

The blade lifted higher and then shot forward like a bolt from a crossbow.