A little man came running out of nowhere. I yelped and stumbled back. The man was green all over and had strange pointed ears. The smile on his face disappeared as he looked at my face and suddenly he slowed, straightening the little brown vest he was wearing.

Nora smiled at him. “Hi Taki, it’s good to see you again.”

The little green… goblin? Looked at Nora and smiled again, his pointed fangs turned orange by the glow of the lantern. “Hi Miss Nora, kill any fun monsters today?”

“Nothing too exciting this time I’m afraid. Say, would you mind taking care of my new friend for me? He deserves a sugar cube or two for his work today.”

Taki beamed and nodded his head violently. He gestured to Sob and said, “come with me, sir. I have a fresh stable waiting for you. Head inside Nora, Phlegm just pulled a duck from the fire.”

“Sounds fantastic. See you later.”

“Bye!”

Taki left with a happy Sob on his tail. Yep, Taki had a tail, it was long and whiplike with a tuft of brown fur at the end. I just stood there, unable to move as I stared after them.

Nora poked me in the chest. “Hello, still with me Joe?”

“What… what was that?”

Nora gave me an odd look. “Haven’t you explored any of this new world? The goblins provide us with safe places to recoup. They’re wonderful chefs.”

“Goblins are real?”

“Yeah, we live in a world overrun by monster crocodiles that literally popped up from the toilets. Why does a goblin surprise you?”

“I… I don’t know.”

She shook her head and gestured for me to follow her. “Come with me. We’ll talk about it inside. I think there is a lot that you don’t know, somehow.”

I followed her in jolting footsteps as we pushed into the inn. The room inside was cozy and full of mismatched lounge chairs and tables placed awkwardly around a roaring fire. To my left was a long bench and behind it another goblin, this one much bigger than the last. It was still a head shorter than Nora though.

“Miss Nora, what a pleasure,” it said in a gravelly voice.

“Hiya Phelgm, how’s it hanging?”

“Low and to the left,” the goblin chuckled.

Nora snorted and waltzed right up to the bench. “Can I rent another room for my new friend here? And we’ll take some of the duck Taki told me about.”

“Of course.” The goblin turned around and grabbed a key from a large rack. He turned and held it out to me. “Any friend of Nora’s is a friend of mine.”

“Th…thank you,” I managed, carefully taking the key from his clawed hand.

Nora gave me a look that reminded me of my mothers ‘behave’ look. I glared at her, annoyed that all of this came so easily to her. The goblin turned and disappeared into a back room.

She reached out and squeezed my arm. “Come on, we’ll talk by the fire. You look like you’re ready to pass out on me.”

She took us to a pair of plush-looking chairs and fell into one, standing her axe up beside her. I dropped into the one opposite and stroked Stella’s soft head, taking comfort from it. This was all bullshit and I’d just about had enough.

Frank smacked my face with a wing as he jumped into the air, soaring up to land on a roof beam. I watched him go unable to look at Nora right this second. All of this felt wrong somehow.

“Are you alright? You look very pale.”

“No. I’m not alright. How can you be so calm with all of this?”

Nora shrugged and looked into the fire, the licking tongues of flame lighting up her slightly upturned nose. “I don’t really know. I guess I just took it in stride, you know?”

“No. I watched those bastards tear apart everyone I knew. I’ve almost died so many times and every time I find a new place I’m greeted by a new kind of monster. How can any of that be okay?”

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Her eyes grew a little damp at my words. “I’ve lost people too. But I can’t just lay down and die. I have to keep fighting. They’d be disappointed in me if I didn’t wherever they are now.”

“Why didn’t you go into a transfer zone and escape this madness?”

“There was only one near me when I woke up to this. I couldn’t get close to it before it disappeared. I wasn’t as strong back then.”

“You talk like it was a lifetime ago but it’s barely been a week.”

“It feels like a lifetime. When I realized I was stuck here I worked hard on leveling up and getting stronger. I barely stopped until I found this place two days ago.”

“What class did they give you? What level are you? How did you level up so fast?”

She laughed. “Calm down. I can’t keep up if you go that fast. I’m a berserker. I’m level eight, and I did so many quests and killed so many monsters to get to this level. You happy now? How about you?”

“Thief. Level three.”

She tapped her chin with a finger. “A thief, huh? That must be really useful. Does that mean you can open all the locked things around here?”

“Well, yeah. I can.”

She smiled. “That’s fantastic! What a cool skill.”

“If you say so.”

“You don’t like it?”

I gestured to myself. “I’m not exactly the sneaky type. It makes fighting monsters hard too. I’m just not strong enough.”

“You don’t have to be strong to fight them. Just be smart. You’re a thief so fight from a distance. Hit them in the back.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It could be. You need to lean into your abilities and figure out the best way to use them.” She touched her axe. “That’s how I got good at swinging this beauty.”

I wanted to swear and shout but the return of Phlegm made me bite my tongue. He came shuffling from the back room carrying a large tray. He handed a plate of hot delicious smelling food to each of us along with a mug of ice-cold beer. Then he knelt and slid a bowl of slop to Stella. He stood again and dangled a dead mouse from his fingers by its tail.

“Here you are birdy, come get dinner.”

Frank squawked and flapped down, swooping past the goblin's hand and snatching the offering. Then he hurried back to his place on the beam to eat.

The goblin shoved the tray under an arm and clapped his hands. “Enjoy! Your rooms are ready when you are.”

“Thank you Phelgm,” Nora said, digging in her pocket and pulling out a shiny ruby. She tossed it to the goblin and he snatched it from the air, scurrying off with a giant smile on his face.

Careful not to drop the plate on my lap I stared at Nora. “A ruby? Really?”

Nora shrugged. “They’re useless unless there's a merchant nearby. The blacksmith here doesn’t want them and I have no idea where Red has run off to.”

“You’ve met Red?”

She smiled and took a bite of her duck, closing her eyes as she chewed and savored the taste. “Yeah, he’s a little weird but he’s got some pretty good stuff.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but how much gold do you have?”

She stiffened and gave me an odd look. “Enough. Why?”

“Sorry, it's just… I have almost nothing.”

“I’m not surprised. You have a pretty powerful team but it doesn’t sound like you’ve explored much.”

“It’s too dangerous to explore. Monsters are everywhere.”

She remained silent for a long time then asked, “do you have any quests to do?”

“Yeah, I was thinking about going to see the witch next.”

“Oh, the Witch of Evermore? I have that quest too. Maybe we can do it together.”

“Did you get it from the Toilet Master of Deepwater?” I asked.

She choked on a piece of roast potato as she tried to laugh. Coughing and pounding on her chest until it cleared. “Who?”

“The Toilet Master of Deepwater.”

She laughed again, wiping tears from her eyes. “What kind of name is that? Oh my god. No, I found an old newspaper that had a story on her and the quest popped up. Toilet Master, that’s the best.”

I smiled. If only she knew the whole of it. I focused on eating. The duck was soft and deliciously seasoned. The potatoes were crisp on the outside and soft in the middle. Even the carrots were a delicacy compared to the jerky I’d been living off for the last few days. I washed it down with the beer and belched. Leaning back in my chair as a wave of tired washed over me. I rested a hand on my almost painfully full stomach. It had been so damn long since I’d been this satisfied.

Nora was staring at me like I was crazy. I frowned and asked, “what?”

She shook her head. “Nothing. I told you, the goblins are amazing chefs.”

“Damn straight. Not as good as Mrs. Percott though.”

“Who?”

“Just an old friend,” I said, not wanting to go into details right now.

“So, will you go with me?”

I blinked. “Huh?”

“To the witch. It would be nice to have the company and a little extra muscle in case things get dicey.”

“Ahh, sure. I guess we can team up for this one.”

She smiled and stood, leaving her dishes neatly stacked on a table beside her chair. “Great! I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.”

I rubbed my eyes and pushed to my feet following her up the stairs. “Goodnight.”

She turned back at the door that must lead to her bedroom and said, “by the way, I love your bum bag.”

Told you this thing would get me noticed.