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Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 121 – Notes and Taverns

Chapter 121 – Notes and Taverns

The spear sailed past my shoulder, shattering on the hard stone of the tunnel wall in front of me. My arms were raised, shielding my face from the flying splinters. The echoing bellows and shouts were ringing around me, digging into my brain like worms through the dirt.

My Blink skill could only carry me so far in this cramped place. There were no sparkles here for me to dive into and wait for the hunters to pass me by. I’d been so close to a clean escape when Ryan had come charging into the main hall with a contingent of guards and one crying liberated scientist on his tail. I’d tried to blend in with the others but my spectacular outfit did make me stand out. Maybe I ought to think about losing my beloved bum bag.

The tunnel met a fork. I took the left-hand tunnel and followed the curve toward the exit. Sob wasn’t far now. If I could just get to him he could take me far away from here. In his true form, there was little that could outrun him.

“Get back here you cockroach!” Ryan roared behind me.

“Thanks for the hospitality,” I screamed back. “It’s time I left though. Wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“I swear to God, I’m going to tear you limb from limb when I catch you.”

“Can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man,” I howled, leaping onto the ladder and scaling it like a monkey.

I didn’t even pause when I reached the heavy manhole. I pressed my back to it and sent it flying. I should have used my Blindsense but when you’re running for your life it doesn’t really occur to you. Don’t judge me too hard, I promise I’ll get the hang of it one day.

On the plus side, not being prepared for what lay on the other side gave me an advantage. My sudden appearance startled the Crocs long enough for me to Blink to a patch of sparkles. By the time the others had followed me up the Crocs had collected themselves enough to attack.

I watched a Master Combustion Croc blast a player squarely in the chest with a blazing fireball before I slunk up the ridge and followed the creek toward the abandoned hippodrome.

The horse track was overrun with weeds and littered with old trash. Many of the buildings were damaged or even destroyed entirely. The once pristine racecourse was torn up and overgrown with prickly bushes.

The long line of mostly empty stables was the only thing left intact. My less-than-subtle rush was enough to bring a sparking Sob to the door of his chosen stable. The horse nickered angrily, the sparks zapping from his mouth and striking the ground near my feat.

“Sob, it’s me,” I cried, doing an awkward sidestep kind of dance to avoid being zapped.

With a whinny, the horse clopped out of his hiding place. For a brief moment, I thought he was happy to see me. Right up until he nudged my chest and sent me spiraling through the air as a powerful electric charge made my muscles convulse and my teeth smack together. Frank screeched and jumped into the sky moments before he took the strike with me.

I hit the ground hard enough to see the all too familiar black and red spots dancing in front of my eyes. I gasped for air as I rocked back and forth. Boopzy crawled from my pocket and wrapped his tentacles around my neck, his body vibrating. I would have reached up to comfort him but I was in too much pain to move.

I swear the idiot horse knew the moment I was starting to develop fond feelings for him and knew just how to shut them down. I’d been rejected a time or two in my life but never quite this brutally.

“Sob… you suck,” I breathed when my ribs stopped aching.

The horse only stomped his foot and turned his rear end toward me. I scrabbled away before he could unload something awful my way.

It took a lot of promises about sugar cubes that I did not intend to keep to get Sob to let me ride him. I opened up my mini map. There wasn’t much there for me to go on. All I knew is the horde was approaching the Western Outpost. The Outsider warriors would be gathered there somewhere, ready to try to hold back the wave of monsters.

I needed to find Hanley before he was turned into Croc kibble. He was the last thread that could lead me to my family. The moment that thread was cut I would be lost. They’d been gone for months now. Every time I closed my eyes all I saw were their hanging corpses. What I had seen in the Shadow Realm was beginning to feel more like a premonition than a nightmare.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

Blindsense became the best gift I could have ever asked for. Sob was large and loud in his movements. Being able to see danger before it came into view was the only thing that kept us from stumbling into a mob of Elemental Wallabies. It didn’t help as much with the acid-pooping pigeons. You never really notice how little you look up until it becomes vital that you do.

Being able to rest while Sob carried me gave my resources a chance to replenish. First was my health and then my stamina. I would have tried to brew a few poisons with the sparse collection of craftables I had in my inventory if that weren’t such a difficult feat to achieve when you’re rocking side to side.

Growing bored I opened my quest menu and looked through the items there. I felt a little bad that I was ignoring actual quests for missions of my own making, but what else was I supposed to do?

Dead Drop

Nigel, in a roundabout kind of way, has revealed the location of the desirable Tony the cable snake man. He is grabbing a frosty one at the Ettamogah Pub, near Table Top Mountain.

The Witch of Evermore

The witch is brewing a powerful potion, one that’s sure to knock the beastly Crocs on their ass. Collect the following items to get a taste of the sweet, sweet elixir. 10/1 Vampire Bat Wing. 0/1 Gall bladder of a King Toilet Croc. 0/1 Venom of the Nightstalker Rattler. Happy hunting

The Candlestick in the Ballroom

An unholy silence has taken over Old Man Wellington’s manor house. The man was a nut but a long-time collector of all things cryptic. Pay him a visit, and find out what happened.

Bushranger’s Helmet Cap

The Shadow Walkers need you to find an old dusty helmet. The last known reports place it in Glenrowan.

I glared at the quest I’d received from Kendrick, furious to my core by the uselessness of it. Kendrick was supposed to be guiding me to climb the ranks of the Shadow Walkers and instead, I found myself chasing another piece of headwear.

An idea tickled the back of my mind. I closed out of my menu and yanked my notebook from my bum bag. I scrawled the note carefully, making sure my request was clear. I didn’t want to give the man some sort of loophole to attach himself to. I signed the note with my title; ‘Jackroller Joe’.

I held my hand out to Frank, tapping at his talons until he climbed onto my hand. I lowered my arm, angling it so I could look the large bird in the eye.

“Frank, I have a job for you. It’s important,” I said.

“Shut the hell up!”

I smiled. I hated that I had to ask this of him but he was the only one that could get to the flamboyant asshole and back in time. I was kicking myself for not thinking of this sooner. I guess I just didn’t really feel like a real Shadow Walker yet.

“Can you please find Kendrick and give him this note? Make sure he reads it, do you understand?” I asked as I tied the scrap of paper to Frank’s leg.

“Danger!” the bird screeched.

I sighed. It wasn’t his usual outburst but it was disturbingly accurate. My only worry was that Frank was a raven and not a homing pigeon. “Yes Frank, there will be danger. Will you be able to find us again?”

Frank tilted his head. His beady black eye bore into my soul. Then he turned and plucked one of the flaming threads from Sob’s mane. The horse wickered and tossed his head, sparks flying around his muzzle in brilliant blue flashes. Frank ignored the stallion's outburst as he lifted a glossy black wing and threaded the strand of flaming hair in amongst his feathers.

“I’m not really sure what that means but I’m guessing that will help you?” I asked.

“Joe!”

I gasped, staring after the bird as he took off into the air. He had never said my name before. I didn’t even know he could. My brows dipped hard when I realized he wasn’t flying East. I had thought Kendrick would be back near Stanthorpe. Maybe Frank knew something I didn’t.

We traveled for another good hour before I began to doze off in the saddle. Boopzy chirped and dropped from my neck back into the safety of my pocket.

Sob reared, screaming at the sky. I yelped and dug my fingers into his mane, just barely escaping being dropped on the ground beneath his thrashing hooves.

“Sob, what the hell?” I screamed.

The horse ignored me. He started thundering through the streets. I cringed every time I bounced in the saddle, just waiting for the moment I’d get a duplicate of my very first achievement. Boopzy was screaming in my pocket now. The poor Tentarat was having a very rude reception to life in our clan.

I was about to tuck and roll off the crazy stallion’s back when he skidded to a halt at the steps of a tavern. The yard was blocked off by a brick and glass fence. I frowned as I dismounted the agitated horse. Something felt off about the double-story building. Every building around it was beginning to show signs of neglect; weeds were growing wildly from cracks in the concrete, and the glass windows were shattered. The tavern on the other hand was so pristine it was practically glistening.

“Joe, is that you?”

My hand dropped from the grip of my blade as the small green man came barreling out of the building, tugging at his brown vest as his pointed ears flicked back and forth.

“Taki?”