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Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 4 – Sob the Pirate

Chapter 4 – Sob the Pirate

The sky was changing colors by the time I could lift my hand off the ground, and the sun had fully risen when I could finally sit up. The tiny lightning bolt had vanished now. It had been interesting to see my health slowly creep up as I lay there motionless. It was good to know I could heal at least.

I stumbled to my feet, parts of my body popping and cracking. For the second time since the invasion, I felt like an old man. Sob glared at me and snorted, stepping back so I couldn’t use him to steady myself. Selfish bastard. Stella leaped to her feet barking and spinning in a circle. Whatever damage the scorpions had done to her was gone now. I took a step and groaned at the pain it caused me. It was like I had gone a couple of rounds in the ring with a pro boxer.

There was no time to sulk and lick my wounds though. I had to get to wherever one of those transfer zones the voice had spoken of was. Now, if only I could figure out what one might be. Was I looking for some sort of magical portal? A regular old train station? Maybe even an alien spaceship ready to beam me up.

It could be anything and it could be anywhere. Not a good starting point.

I turned my eyes to Sob. “Are you going to let me ride you?” The horse shook out his mane with a loud snort. That was a ‘no’ if I’d ever seen one. I turned and wobbled toward the rising sun, saying over my shoulder, “just so you know, if we run into another croc, I’m going to ride you whether you like it or not.”

The horse remained silent, which wasn’t overly surprising. He was a horse after all. I’d spent so long surrounded by other farmhands and an enormous herd of noisy cattle that this silence was a little uncomfortable. What I wouldn’t give to hear one of Bruce’s bawdy jokes right now. I’d even settle for James’ near-constant ass trumpeting. He might have reeked like something had crawled up his hole and died, but he was good for a laugh.

Unable to stay quiet I said, “where do you think we should go, Stella?”

The little dog looked up at me with her soft brown eyes and let out a little woof. I was surprised by her good spirits. She’d come face to face with the same beasts I had but she was as happy as Larry. Too bad I couldn’t seem to muster a bit of that carefree spirit in myself.

We walked until the blazing sun was sitting right above us, burning a hole in the top of my head. I was painfully thirsty but there was no source of easy water out here. If we were really heading East like I thought we were, we should have reached the old, abandoned train station by now, but as far as I could see, we weren’t even close.

I dropped under a squat little tree, the shade it cast a small relief against the unbearable heat. I missed my hat. And clean clothes. Holy hell I missed clean clothes. Didn’t think I’d ever be worried about that but here we are. Horse dung, blood, dirt, sweat, and scorpion jelly did that to a man, even one used to cattle station grime.

Stella dropped down beside me, her tongue hanging from her muzzle as she panted.

I rubbed her soft head and said, “I’m sorry girl. We’ll get through this.”

Sob wandered out into the sun, seemingly unaffected by the heat as he snuffled at the ground looking for grass or something. I don’t know. I was too burned out to care much about what the idiot horse was doing. I did notice that his coat was horribly filthy though. It might be a good thing he didn’t have a saddle on. He’d get sores in the state he was in. I needed a brush or something for him.

The midnight black stallion pawed at the ground. Digging a decent hole faster than even Stella could. I frowned, watching. I’d never seen a horse do that before. Beside the hole Sob was digging was an odd stack of rocks, something that didn’t look natural. Someone must have been out this way at some point to build the thing.

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“If you keep going, you’ll dig right through to China,” I quipped.

Stella huffed. Clearly unimpressed by my wonderful joke. The solid thunk of something hard smacking wood had me frowning and climbing to my unsteady feet. I wandered out into the heat, holding a hand over my eyes to block some of the sun's harsh glare.

“What have you found?”

Sob whipped his tail and turned away from the hole. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was disappointed by his discovery. I crouched by the hole and looked inside, surprised by the old wooden chest buried there.

Treasure. Sob had found buried treasure. That’s right; the idiot horse had decided to branch out and become a pirate.

I dropped down into the hole and wrapped my arms around the chest. I yanked and tugged but the thing was stuck tight. I dropped into a squat and used the power of my legs to force it free. Whatever was holding the thing let go and I flew back, smacking into the wall of the hole. The chest flew out of my hand crashing to the ground and smashing to pieces.

My feet felt damp, forcing my eyes downward. Water bubbled up from the divert the chest had made. An untapped spring! I bent, cupping my hands and downing as much of the cool clear liquid as I could. When the water hit my calves, I climbed out of the hole, trying not to dump too much dirt into it.

Stella came trotting over, lapping at the water desperately. Sob followed. I got out of the way, crawling to the smashed-up chest. I pulled pieces of the broken wood away, revealing what was inside. I picked up a folded scrap of yellowed paper, an old canteen, and a pair of worn fingerless gloves.

I dropped everything but the note, unfolding it carefully so it didn’t rip. There was a crude drawing inside, like something a child would make with crayons. It looked like a wonky rectangle wearing a crooked hat next to a tapering spiral. Beside the picture, a few words were written in barely legible chicken scratch, ‘Get your ass to the old station, Buckley. Bring the goods.’

New quest: Chasing the goods

Description: It looks like there is something useful at the old station. You better hurry. Whatever it is, it won’t be there for long.

The words slowly faded from my view but I didn’t need them to know what the note was pointing at. I suppose I should be grateful. I’d been heading toward the old train station at Joridoon Flats, but now I knew I was right. That’s where the transfer zone must be. It had to be. I frowned and shoved the paper into my pocket, picking up the gloves instead.

New item received: Buckley’s Mitts

Armor: 31

Effect: Lockpicking is 5% easier

They weren’t as good as Stella’s unsavory collar, but the special effect might come in handy. I slipped them on, flexing my fingers against the tightness. Whoever Buckley was, he had tiny hands.

I grabbed the canteen and pushed my way back to the little pool of water. I filled the bottle and drank deeply before filling it again.

My thirst satisfied I turned back toward the East, using the lowering sun as a guide. “Come on guys, we’ve got a crooked spiral to find.”

I looked at the cracked face of my beaten-up wristwatch. The voice had given me forty-eight hours. That had been thirty-two hours ago. We had sixteen hours left to find the transfer zone or we’d be stuck here in this living nightmare. I walked toward Sob, making what I hoped were soothing noises. If we were going to make it to Joridoon Flats before time ran out, I’d need a ride.

The giant horse glared at me, his ears folded flat and his hooves stomping the ground.

“You have to let me ride you, you great stupid brute,” I said gently. “Or we’ll all be stuck here. Do you get it?”

The horse snorted and walked away. Stella stood, woofing loudly after the horse. If I gave her a command, she’d try to herd him back to me the way she’d done the cattle on the farm. Sob probably wouldn’t like that very much, though. I was half tempted to do it anyway, just to piss off the asshole. I didn’t want him lashing out at Stella though, she didn’t deserve that.

“Come on, girl. We better get moving before the sun goes down,” I said.

I broke into a slow jog, hoping I could keep it up for long enough to make it there in time. Stella loped beside me. Somewhere behind us, I could hear Sob’s hooves clopping on the hard ground. He might be an unlikable horse but clearly, he didn’t want to be alone out here.

Here’s hoping we make it in time. The sun was sinking fast. Too fast.