Have you ever seen those books that you have to unfocus your eyes to see the 3D pattern hidden in the picture? Yeah, finding the arrows hidden in the sparkles was a lot like that.

I followed the winding path the arrows showed me through the piles of rubble, sidestepping the occasional monster. I wasn’t overly interested in getting caught up in a fight right about now. Kendrick disappeared again the moment he was sure I could see the hidden markers. For someone who had spooked me into believing he was going to reveal himself to my clan, he was doing a good job of staying out of the way. Somehow, even that made me uncomfortable. I suppose it didn’t matter if the man was near or far, he just had a knack for rubbing me the wrong way.

A towering Combustion Croc crossed my path sending me Blinking across the tight alley to hide behind a crate. The wooden box was marked with an odd symbol that looked like a cartoonish drawing of Phlegm, pointy ears, and all.

The Croc stopped in its possibly predetermined path, lifting its snout to sniff at the air. It wasn’t me making a smell. My defective guts had been in check for months and for the first time in longer than I would care to remember I’d had a shower that morning, once I’d triple-checked that Kendrick had left of course.

I waited for the monster to get bored and leave. While I did, I focused on the loot icon spinning temptingly in front of the crate a little like a scantily dressed master of erotic dance. The loot menu popped up in front of my face, giving me little treats I might have missed if the Croc hadn't scared the pants off of me.

New Item Received: Goblin Fungus of Evergrow x 27

Description: A unique fungus adored by Goblins because of its propensity to keep growing and producing fruit despite being completely and utterly neglected. The fruit is not only nutritious, hydrating, and delicious it is also a potent alchemy ingredient.

New Item Received: Fantastical Pot of Sole x 1

Description: A mystical flower pot spelled by an impatient, and only mildly powerful, witch. Plant an ingredient in the soil and it will produce another just like it at a rate of one per day.

New Item Received: Golden Hoops of Piracy x 1

Description: A neat pair of golden hoop earrings cursed by the final words of a dying pirate. Any who wear them gain a 15% bonus to loot drops but run the risk of being haunted by the Phantom of the Betrayed Bootleg.

I beamed and focused on the loot-all option, happy that space in my inventory wasn’t my biggest concern anymore. Hell, I could have even given up my bum bag if it hadn’t morphed into an odd expression of my identity.

I straightened to peek over the lip of the now-empty crate. The Croc was still there but now it was sending small balls of fire after a mob of Elemental Wallabies that had decided to come after the lone monster. It was an interesting show to watch. Did you know that the red Elemental Wallabies could absorb the balls of flame without dying? That wasn’t the case for the green-colored wallabies, but they could wrap the Croc up in vines that hindered its movements like it was nobody's business.

I really needed to increase my Animal Charmer skill. Can you imagine how powerful I could be if I befriended an entire mob of those bouncy little creatures? The thought of it was enough to make me tingly in all the best places. The Croc roared as the wallabies drained its health bar. The Croc teetered and dropped, taking two of the wallabies along with it into the underworld.

That was awesome; like watching a movie about a theme park filled with prehistoric monsters only these monsters had magic. Does that make for a better movie or a worse one?

The wallabies lost interest the moment the Croc died and scattered like cockroaches exposed to the light. I waited for a full five minutes before I crept from my hiding spot and looted the corpses. I might be a sook but I wasn’t one to let good loot go to waste.

A few craftables and a cool-looking coin later I was finding a new hiding place only this time it was filled with sparkles and a difficult-to-see arrow. I followed it until it led me into a darkened alleyway that cut off at a miraculously still-standing brick wall.

Standing in front of that wall was a man dressed from head to toe in a black robe. Seeing him made me flinch until I realized he didn’t have a skull emblazoned across the trunk of his robe. He did, however, have a fancy-looking chest sitting at his feet.

“Ahh, hello?” I said.

The man lifted his hooded head revealing a face covered to just above the lips by a decorative black mask. “Do you walk among the shadows?”

I stood up straighter, flexing my fingers but resisting the urge to draw my sword. “I am a Shadow Walker, yes.”

The man pulled his arms out from his overlarge sleeves and held up a misshapen plastic gun. “Step forward and present the mark.”

“What mark?” I asked, not moving an inch.

The man tilted his head but otherwise didn’t move. “Step forward and present the mark.”

“I don’t know what that…”

“Step forward and present the mark.”

“Holy crap, would you just stop?”

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“Step forward and…”

“Stop!”

I stepped forward, still unsure what to do, and stood there like an idiot hoping the damn NPC would give me a little more information.

“Step forward and present the mark.”

My fingers flexed again, desperate to reach for my blade. Did it make me a bad person if I wanted to murder a game character? It wasn’t like it was another player or anything like that so that makes it okay, right? I swore and resisted. No matter how I tried to rationalize it I still couldn’t kill someone without a better reason than because they had pissed me off.

I swore again when that realization decided to impact other parts of my life. Stupid, evil brain. I really wasn’t interested in being told off by myself right at this moment.

“Step forward and present the mark.”

“I swear Joe if you don’t hold out your damn arm and show him the royal fox I’ll kill you myself.”

I bellowed and spun reaching for the grip of my sword. Kendrick was standing at the end of the alleyway with his arms folded across his chest. One of his little fox friends was standing between his spread legs. A single side of his lips was raised in a snarl as he glared at me.

“Show him your arm,” the Master Shadow Walker barked.

I muttered under my breath as I turned back around and held out my involuntarily branded arm. The NPC raised his hand holding the odd-looking gun and aimed it right at the fox head wearing a padlock as a crown branded beside the lines that opened my character menu. A red light flashed from the end of the gun, slowly moving over my skin until it flickered and vanished.

It was a barcode scanner. I’d just been scanned like a pack of meat in the checkout line. I wonder how much I was worth.

The NPC shoved his hands back into his opposite sleeves and smiled. “Welcome Jackroller. The guild needs your assistance.”

“See,” Kendrick said from his place far behind me. “Was that so hard?”

I glared at him. “Yes. Maybe you should talk to the gamer gods about changing up the script?”

Kendrick snorted. “Yeah, they don’t like me much. Something about being a thorn in their blistery backsides.”

“Makes sense,” I grumbled.

“Welcome Jackroller. The guild…”

“I will kill you,” I snapped. “Give me the damn quests.”

The man pulled his arms out of his sleeves again, revealing himself a magician because this time, he was holding an angry-looking magpie not a barcode scanner. The bird screeched and held out its leg, exposing the little pink note tied there.

“Why?” I asked as I gingerly tried to take the note from the bitey little bird without losing a finger. “The NPC could have just handed me a piece of paper. This is stupid.”

“Don’t bitch, just do as you’re told like a good boy.”

“Asshole.”

I took the note, which actually turned out to be two notes, and read the words scrawled there.

New Quest: Underworld Collection

The Vanick Brothers have broken their agreement with the Shadow Walkers. We allowed them to run their gambling den in the sewers without Shadow Walker interference so long as they paid their bill. Guess what they didn’t do? Your task is to talk your way into the den and run their coffers dry with your skills. Deposit all winnings into the chest located by your guild contact to receive your reward.

New Quest: Brother Lost

A guildmate has gone missing on an important mission to the Barrington Mine. Your task is to complete the one he couldn’t; retrieve the Lady Geraldine’s Pewter Flagon of Happiness. Once retrieved place the trinket in the chest located by your guild contact to receive your reward. A bonus will be given if you discover what happened to your guildmate.

The notes disappeared in a flash after I’d finished reading them, singeing my gloves.

“Happy thieving,” the black-clad NPC said.

I turned and walked away feeling my frustration build when Kendrick fell into step beside me. I glanced his way and said, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about these quests.”

“I did. I told you to watch out for the messengers.”

“Following hidden arrows to weird strangers in dark alleyways isn’t exactly watching out for messengers and you know it.”

“I told you eventually. Stop whining.”

“Anything else you’re hiding from me?” I asked.

“Oh, so, so much, sweetheart.”

“Well go on then, share.”

“Nope. If you want to get it out of me, you’ll have to torture me. Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, I’m dreadfully ticklish,” Kendrick said.

“There is something very wrong with you,” I said.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that a time or two.”

“Now what, are you going to come with me and play helpful sidekick while I complete these quests?” I asked.

Kendrick laughed hysterically. “You really think I would lower myself to the rank of sidekick? Who is the Master here, Joe, you or me?”

I tried to take another step out of the alleyway only to almost trip over a little orange fox blocking my path.

“Hey, don’t kick Sasye, what the hell is the matter with you.”

I made a noise in the back of my throat and snapped, “Maybe she shouldn’t be underfoot.”

Kendrick went to say something that was no doubt snarky but I slapped my hand over his mouth and dragged him back into the darkness of the alleyway. Every muscle in my body was taut as I stared at the monstrous scaly giant stomping between two busted buildings. I have no idea how it had managed to get so close without either of us noticing but here it was with its little golden crown sitting askew atop its wide flat head.

Where was a mob of Elemental Wallabies when you needed them?

As I shook with pent-up adrenaline in the shadow of the alleyway I prayed that the beast couldn’t see things that weren’t moving. Being lucky like that was not my strength though much to my disgust.