Screee!

Boopzy’s tentacle barely reached me but the moment it did I snatched onto the suckered limb like my life depended on it. Only it didn’t. Nora and Boopzy’s did.

My shoulders screamed in agony when they took the full weight of a grown woman in heavy armor. My entire body slammed into the invisible wall cast by the King Toilet Croc, compressing my lungs. The slime on Boopzy’s tentacle was making it all the more difficult.

I let out a roar that would have put the towering monster behind me to shame as I yanked with everything I had. Boopzy wound his limb around my wrist, the tentacle trembling as it rounded my forearm a second time.

The King Toilet Croc snarled as his clawed foot slammed into the ground beside the rune that held me trapped. I was panting like a dog trapped outside in the middle of summer but there was nothing I could do. My blade was out of reach. I tilted my head back. Hot air that smelled of rotting flesh blasted over my face, burning the fine hair in my nostrils and splattering my bare skin with globs of slobber.

I closed my eyes as the beast's great jaw opened wide with a hiss.

Stella howled as she charged from somewhere behind the monster, slamming her golden glowing body into the Croc’s face. The resounding crack of its jaw bone shattering was a balm to my injured soul. Stella skidded on the hard-packed earth before launching herself back at the monster.

The Croc bellowed and snarled as it struck out, digging claws deep into my girl's belly.

“No!”

Stella whimpered as she was flung into the air. I reached for her but I couldn’t make the distance.

“Stella!”

“Shut the hell up!”

Frank dropped from the sky, digging his beak deep into the Croc’s eye. The Croc reeled and Stella missed dropping into the Croc’s wide open mouth by the barest of margins. Stella hit the ground just outside my glowing prison. I dropped to my knees, screaming as I yanked on Boopzy’s taut limb. Agonizingly slowly I crawled across the tiny space, pressing the fingers of my free hand against the barrier that kept me from her. The weight of Nora and Boopzy dragged on my shoulder, pulling me back when all I wanted to do was move forward.

I sucked air in past my clenched teeth and bellowed, “Sob I need you!”

The Croc had had enough of our games. Its health bar was still over a third full. Our tanks were down. I was trapped. Jacob was weaponless. I don’t know where the fuck Red had gone but he was no bloody help. Frank could only do so much on his own without being swatted from the sky like an annoying fly buzzing around the monster's head.

The rune beneath me flickered. I swore as my feet slipped and I found myself on my back being dragged toward the edge of the ravine. My feet pressed up against the invisible wall jerking me to a stop. I couldn’t figure out what to do. My mind was screaming but no matter how it searched for an answer nothing came to the forefront.

The rune flickered again and vanished, stealing the only purchase I had. My feet floundered in the dirt, searching for a rock or a stump or something to brace myself on. With both hands on Boopzy’s tentacle, I bellowed and yanked but all it did was make my fingers slide along the length of it like the useless lumps they were.

A flash of blue light lit the world behind me, disappearing as fast as a bolt of lightning would have. Something snatched the strap of leather that crossed over my chest. I gagged as the firm rawhide dug into my throat, cutting off my air.

“I’ve got you,” Jacob cried, yanking even harder.

I would have said something if I wasn’t being thoroughly choked out. Little spots of light were dancing around the edges of my vision but still, I could see my health bar slowly dropping. There was so little of it left.

Screee!

My fingers weakened. I was losing my grip. Nora’s warcry effects were wearing off.

My foot hit something hard and warm and suddenly I wasn’t being strangled anymore. The spots blinding me turned blue.

I roared in agony as the sizzling fire burned through me, chasing away the cold that had begun to sink in. Like a freezing man dropped into a tub of hot water my skin was scalded even through my thick leather. Even my ears were on fire. No doubt steam was rushing from them like it did in all those cartoons I’d watched when I was younger.

The Croc’s furious scream is what dragged me from the rejuvenating hell Sob had thrown me into. Jacob’s hold on my strap disappeared. I sat up, staring at the weight that had stopped me from joining Nora and Boopzy over the edge.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

Jacob looked up at me, his eyes opened wide and his face pale as he stroked his hands over Sob’s ebony coat. The stallion was still, his flaming mane and tail little more than the flicker given by the smallest of candles. Not a single buzz of electricity flickered around his slack snout. The horse’s health bar was as low as mine had been. He’d given all he had to get me back on my feet.

My chest was heaving with my rapid hard breathing.

“Nora, Are you alive?” I bellowed.

“Yes, get me up!”

Three more tentacles reached over the rim of the ravine, searching blindly for me. I gathered them with the other and turned, holding all of them over my shoulder.

“I’m sorry Sob,” I whispered as I took my first step away from him.

I glared at the Croc ahead of me as I Blinked. Time slowed and when it did I started walking. Even with time slowed for all those around me by my skill I couldn’t run. The weight didn’t seem so bad in this place between time and space but it was enough to limit my speed.

My Blink snapped and I was thrown back into reality. I could see the golden glowing blur that must be Stella ahead of me. She was on her feet again and given the King Toilet Croc everything she had. The weight dragging on my shoulder dropped away and Boopzy’s tentacles went limp.

Screee!

Nora’s feet pounded the ground as she rushed to my side. Her face was bright red and her hair an immense mess of tangles. She was clutching her axe close to her chest. Boopzy was wrapped tight around her waist, his entire body trembling, and his enormous black eyes glimmering with what might have been tears.

The King Toilet Croc roared and grabbed Stella, lifting the dog high towards its open snout.

I spun toward Nora, grabbing Boopzy’s tentacles in a firm fist. “Throw me!”

Her mouth dropped open but she managed to say, “What?”

“Do it now!”

Nora’s face grew sour but she grabbed Boopzy and bellowed as she turned in ever faster circles. My feet left the ground as I whipped around. My stomach dropped down to my toes. Nora screamed as she launched me into the air. My fingers dropped from Boopzy’s tentacle as I righted myself.

Before the Croc could release Stella into its enormous gullet I slammed into its face, clutching onto two jagged teeth thicker around than my legs. The Croc roared and flung its head sending me swinging from side to side.

Stella barked and writhed as she tried to reach me but it only made the Croc grip her harder.

My eyes flicked upward. The beast's health bar still had a quarter to go. The Croc’s tongue slapped against my face, covering me in foul gunk as it tasted me. I’m sure I was delicious but it was unappreciated all the same.

I pulled myself up just high enough to plant my lips against its giant scaly ones. The kiss was cold and hard and horrible, even for a man like me who hadn’t had a proper kiss in so long it would be embarrassing to admit.

A bright purple haze gathered around me, blocking out the shadows of the night and my friends along with it as my Grim Kiss took hold.

The Croc stiffened in place beneath my lips. I couldn’t see anything around its snout but I could feel its pebbled skin grow icy cold. The breeze around us blew strong, sweeping away the cloud of noxious purple fumes that surrounded me, and like a tree felled by a skilled lumberjack, the Croc tipped. The scream that was torn from my lips was manly and triumphant with no fear at all mixed in there. Nope, none whatsoever.

The Croc hit the ground and I bounced off of it, landing flat on my back. It had been a while since I had been violently winded. I had forgotten how much I hated it.

By the time the air had settled back in my lungs where it was supposed to be the others had gathered around me. The Croc lay beside us, a giant lump of dead beast glowing golden with what had to be unique and precious loot.

“Are you alright?” Nora asked me.

Before I could answer Stella jumped on top of me, her weight slamming me back into the ground as she painted my face with her tongue. I opened my mouth to tell her to stop only to have that same tongue violate it. I gagged and shot upright, dislodging her for long enough to stand on shaking legs.

The sun was rising on the Eastern horizon, painting the sky in sickly sweet shades of red, orange, and purple. The breeze shook the trees and set the birds to singing their morning chorus.

“That… was awful,” I managed.

Nora leaned on her new axe like it was some decorative walking stick. “Tell me about it. I normally enjoy a battle a little bit more than that. Although I have to say, that beautiful kiss at the end was pretty damn entertaining.”

“It’s a skill I have,” I said in a rush.

Her eyebrows shot up close to her hairline and one side of her mouth lifted in a mocking grin I did not appreciate. “A skilled kisser. Interesting.”

“Oh, shut up. You’re just jealous.”

“Joe, he’s real bad,” Jacob screamed.

Snapping out of the daze I seemed to be in my eyes shot to the boy and the still-unconscious horse he was kneeling beside. My heart leaped up into my throat as I pushed everyone aside and bolted for Gordon’s prized stallion.

I skidded on my knees, slamming into the horse’s body with more force than I had meant to. I lifted up his heavy head and rested it in my lap, rubbing my hand down his ebony nose. I could feel his labored and uneven breathing. His health wasn’t restoring itself. Jacob was right, he was in really bad shape.

“Don’t you dare leave me like this you Son-of-a-Bitch,” I snapped.

Jabbing at the three lines on my inner wrist I rushed to my crafting menu and threw together Oleander, Sage, and a Rosemary Sprig.

New Item Received: Inferior Potion of Healing

Description: If a Band-Aid is unavailable this piss weak concoction will have to do.

I ground my teeth, furious that it was the most pathetic kind of potion I could possibly make aside from the failed ones.

“I’m sorry Sob,” I whispered as I forced his muzzle opened and dumped the potion down his throat. “I’m no healer like you.”