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Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 28 – A Lesson to Remember

Chapter 28 – A Lesson to Remember

The bastards swarmed, forming a circle around Nora and Stella. Sob had calmed himself enough to fire properly now. Each scorpion he hit flashed neon blue as the jelly inside them bubbled. I fired my arrows sparingly, knowing that if I aimed wrong I’d hit one of my squad.

I couldn’t even use my acid flasks for the same reason. Damn, I felt useless right now. Why did I have to give my dagger away? Stupid soft-hearted idiot.

“Joe, call Stella!” Nora screamed.

I hesitated for half a second then shoved my fingers in my mouth and whistled. Stella barked and broke free from the cluster, charging back toward me. Nora gripped her axe by the very end of the shaft as the scorpions surrounded her and then she spun. She spun so fast that she was nothing but a blur. The scorpions hissed and flew into the air. I aimed and as they landed, fired. The scorpions exploded sending globs of still-burning jelly in every direction.

Two of them died from Nora’s powerful attack and the others from my assault.

Level 4!

Nora dropped to her knees, gasping for air. My entire body shook with pent-up energy as I charged forward.

“Are you alright?” I asked, skidding to a halt beside her.

She lifted her hand from a gaping hole in her armor just above her hip. Her fingers came away bloody.

“They… they got me…” she managed before her eyes rolled and she fell backward.

“Sob!” I bellowed.

The horse came running like a black and blue flash then lit up the space with his glaring magic.

Nora sucked in a deep breath and shot upward, her health bar refilled to a third by Sob’s magic. The horse snuffled her face, sending her matted brown hair fluttering as he snorted.

“Yuck,” she said, wiping her face with a hand. “Sob, that’s gross.” Then she looked at me. “He’s a healer, too? Is there such a thing as a healer cross battlemage?”

I gestured at the giant brute beside us. “Apparently there is, yes.”

Nora stroke Sob’s nose and then used him to help lift herself off the ground. He just let it happen without so much as flinching. I wish he was that nice to me.

Nora looked around at the scattered and glowing corpses. “I’ve wanted to use that skill since level six.”

“It’s a pretty amazing one, I’ll give you that.”

“Whirlwind for the win. Are you alright?” she asked me as I climbed to my feet unassisted.

“Yeah. I’m a level four now too, so we’re getting closer.”

She smiled. “That’s great! We should go hunting, you’ll be a level five before you know it.”

I gestured at the corpses. “We just barely survived this, and you want to go hunting?”

“Of course! Hunting is the best part of this game.”

I just stared at her as she started looting the scorpions. “You’re a little crazy, aren’t you?”

She held her fingers a tiny space apart. “Just a little.”

“Are you sure you don’t need to sleep some more?”

She stood and turned to me. “No, I feel pretty good actually.”

“Fine. You win. Let’s go hunting.”

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen someone wearing a full suit of armor trying to prance away but it’s the funniest fucking thing. There’s a lot of clanking and jolting and a few near misses of falling on her face. I shook my head and followed her. We were still heading back toward Stanthorpe but this time we were wandering and looking for hidden quests or secrets we might have missed on our way to the swamp.

We found a man looking for a ring in the middle of nowhere. He had a metal detector and red splotches all over his face. He, like the woman I’d met earlier, was stuck in a limited vocabulary loop. Nora found it strangely amusing and forced him to repeat himself so many times that I’d already found the thing before she got bored.

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The only reward I got for that was a small amount of experience points, but that’s all I wanted anyway. It’s not like I had any room for anything else. For the hundredth time, I looked at Nora’s belt of pouches with envy. I’d offered her my awesome bum bag in exchange for it but she, for some unknown reason, had thought that a bad deal.

It was nearly midday when we were passing through a short ravine when I spotted the door to a mine, hidden behind a landslide of rocks. I almost did a happy dance when it came into view. I only had a small amount of gold so the idea of mining more was oddly exciting.

Nora chose to stay outside. Gold didn’t seem to be as important to her which just made me want to know how much she had. It couldn’t be that much, this game world was still very new. Sob stayed with her, there was no way in hell he would ever voluntarily walk into a dark and cramped tunnel.

I grabbed the always handy pickaxe that was leaning against the red-hued stone beside the door. For some reason, my inventory didn’t seem to care when I was holding a pickaxe, almost like it didn’t consider it an object. I wasn’t complaining but it was an odd glitch the game makers had somehow let happened. I walked inside and followed the oddly spaced lanterns, digging at the walls whenever I found a glimmering vein.

About one hundred meters into the tunnel the space opened up into a large natural cavern. An old rickety wooden staircase led down into the space. I couldn’t help but smile. From up here I could see at least ten veins of gold. I was going to be rich!

At the bottom of the stairs was an odd platform with three bedrolls laid out on it. I frowned. Did that mean there were people here? I looked around. If they were, I couldn’t see them. I was having flashbacks to games I’d played before. This place would be the perfect hideout for bandits. Were there bandits in this world? There were goblins, talking spiders, and toilet crocs, why not a simple bad human NPC?

Shrugging off my nerves I ran to the first vein and started whacking away. An odd noise sounded behind me. I stopped mining and turned around, looking for the source, but there was nothing there. Frowning, I turned back and mined the vein dry.

I ran to the next and it happened again, only louder this time. My heart struck up a crazy tempo as I turned this time. A tightness clamped around my lungs making it hard to breathe. The cavern was still empty.

“Nora?” I called. “Are you here?”

Nothing but silence greeted me in return. I turned back to my task at hand, my arms shaking a little and not from the jarring mining.

Hiss!

I yelped and spun, dropping my pickaxe, and shoving my hand into my bum bag for my bow.

The snake came barrelling out of a tunnel I’d not seen before. Its belly and eyes were red but the rest of it was black. It filled the cavern with its length, coiling its tail around itself as it reared high and hissed again, the rattle on its tail buzzing loudly.

I fired an arrow and squinted as the cavern lit up. The snake rumbled in what was a strange mix of a hiss and growl and struck out at me. I leaped to the side and focused on the name floating alongside the monster's expansive health bar.

Nightstalker Rattler

I blanched and tried to run past the monster. There was a red skull and crossbones icon beside the snake's health bar.

The snake's tail whipped out and struck me in the chest, sending me crashing back into the wall. My health dropped to a fifth of what it was.

I struggled to my feet, digging in my bum bag for a flask of acid. I tossed it at the snake’s head. The glass bottle broke smoke rose from the monster as the liquid burned it. It writhed and smashed into the walls as it threw itself about. I bolted past it and took the stairs two at a time. The tail came flying toward me. I screamed and ducked. Wood shattered beneath my feet and suddenly I was falling.

I hit the ground and my health bar started blinking. I coughed as I crawled to my knees, blood spewing from my mouth leaving behind an awful metallic taste. The snake whipped around and lashed out, its fangs just barely missing me as I rolled over the rocky floor. Its head smashed into the wall and the entire place shuddered, dust falling from the ceiling in enormous clouds.

I ran for the tunnel it had come from, unable to go back the way I’d come. I clutched at my side, my hand dampening almost immediately. The snake slithered after me, so close I could feel its forked tongue taste my neck.

A few feet in front of me was a small crevice in the wall. I threw myself at it, forcing my body through the tight opening. The snake hissed, its tongue following me inside. I rolled away from it, pressing up against the cold stone. There was no way out. I was trapped.

I’d lost my bow. It was laying somewhere in the cavern. I fished out an arrow but hesitated. If I struck the snake the arrow would explode, and I’d probably be crushed under a mountain of rocks. The snake threw itself into the wall over, and over. I closed my eyes against the dust, trying not to inhale it. The hole I’d squeezed through was getting bigger. The snake would have me soon.

I dropped the arrow and dug in my bum bag, pulling out another flask. The snake’s tongue flickered into my hiding place. I dumped the entire flask over the tongue and flinched as shot back. The snake hissed and struck the wall again.

An enormous crash sounded, the place shook, and then there was silence.

I waited for who knows how long before cautiously edging towards the crevice. It was too dark for me to see what lay beyond. It was now or never.

I squeezed through the gap and pressed up tight against the wall, the snake’s body almost filling the space. A little moon icon appeared beside the skull and crossbones, a little white circle slowly fading around it. I didn’t have long before the sleeping draught would stop working. I took off down the tunnel as fast as my broken body would take me. There had to be an exit this way. If there wasn’t, it was all over.

It was a lesson I didn’t want to learn on the fly. Never explore a new area without backup unless you want to die.

Brightness at the end of the tunnel had me running faster. I passed through in and pushed through a busted iron grate into the open air. I sucked in deep breaths a looked around. Everything was silent and still and yet I couldn’t shake the feeling of being in danger.

I stuck my fingers in my mouth and let out a loud whistle. My head spun, little black spots dancing in front of my eyes. I groaned and toppled over into a prickly bush as the darkness took me.