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Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 141 – The Aftermath

Chapter 141 – The Aftermath

All of us stood there in a tangle of arms as we cowered against the back wall holding on to each other for support. Stella was shivering as she pressed her bulk up against me. Phlegm was howling in misery as he practically drove Taki into the ground with his excess weight.

Nora stomped across the blood-soaked floor dragging the limp body of the last hooligan who had been destroying Phlegm’s tavern behind her like he was little more than a sack of potatoes. She reached the door and with a powerful kick from her booted foot she sent him flying clear across the street where he fell in a heap beside his friends.

“And stay out you upright pigs!” she screamed after him, slamming the door and then the butt of her axe on the floor beside her foot.

We all flinched as one as we watched her head straight for the bar, reach over it and yank out an almost full bottle of whiskey.

Nora was downing the liquid fire in enormous gulps when Gabby whispered in my ear, “Maybe you should go talk to her?”

I made a strangled noise in the back of my throat before spitting right back in a stern whisper, “Are you crazy? She’ll send me across the street just as quick as any of them.”

“No, she would never do that to you,” Jacob added giving my shoulder a shove.

“Why don’t the pair of you go? She loves you guys more than me.”

“Oh hell no,” Jacob said as he pushed so hard against the wall I thought he might somehow merge with it.

“Please, Joe,” Gabby begged. “I’ve never seen her like this before.”

I ground my teeth, swore, and spun on them, “Fine, but if I die the pair of you are responsible for Stella.”

Stella tilted her head so her ears flopped to the side as she eyed me, unsure why I’d said her name. Stealing myself against the brutal tongue bashing I was sure I was about to get (before the physical bashing was thrown on top of course) I marched across the distance between my hiding place and the bar.

“So,” I said ensuring I was standing more than an arm's length away. “How are you doing?”

Nora shook the final drops onto the tip of her tongue before shoving the bottle away and snapping, “I’m fine.”

I pulled a still-standing bar stool to me and took a seat, every muscle in my body still tensed in case I had to make a quick run for it.

“Are you sure?”

“I said I was fine!”

“Okay, don’t bite my head off,” I said.

She started to waver on her bar stool as her eyes got all droopy. “Are we going to Stanthorpe yet? That blacksmith guy has some axe sharpening to do.”

I ran my fingers through my hair and glanced over my shoulder at the others still cowering in the corner. “Maybe we should just stay here for the night.”

“Still haven’t told Gabby we’re not going with her to the Outsiders?” Nora asked with a little awkward laugh tacked on to the end of it.

“What Outsiders?” Phlegm howled as he stomped toward us.

His eyes were red and bloodshot in his green face as his wobbling chin made his tusks dance at the corners of his wide mouth. Taki was trailing behind him tugging at the hem of his little brown vest, his eyes and long pointed ears darted about as tiny beads of sweat materialized on his brow.

Nora tried to snag another bottle of something only to have her hand smacked away by an irate Phlegm.

“The Outsiders are gone,” Phlegm barked as he rubbed a clean cloth over the bench of the bar. “The horde decimated them.”

“Not the ones on the front,” Nora said then paused and looked at me. “The front is right, yeah? That’s what you said they were doing.”

“Yes, they had the majority of their people there ready to fight the monsters for some reason. I still can’t figure out why they wanted to do that instead of just leaving.”

“This is… no, was, their home. You’ll feel the same way if a horde attacks this new base you’re having us build,” Nora said. “They’ll still be in the sewers though. No horde can chase them out of there.”

Phlegm snorted. “Think again, Mistress Nora. Even the Tentarats have been chased out of that place.”

A tiny cry came from Nora’s pocket. The woman screamed and almost fell off her chair before quickly yanking Boopzy out of her pocket and dumping him on the bar.

“I forgot you were in there!” she half screamed at the little creature.

Boopzy cried again and drooped across the polished wood like a melted candle with his little paws over his face.

Nora looked at me with large eyes and slightly parted lips. “What is wrong with it?”

I lifted my brow at her, surprised she couldn’t tell just by looking at the little lump of Tentarat. “He’s sad because he heard what Phlegm said.”

“He is a rat. Why does he care if the Outsiders have been murdered or chased out?”

“It’s not… He doesn’t care about… you know what, never mind. Just know that he is sad. You understand sad, right?”

She shoved me proving that I was, in fact, not far enough away to avoid physical damage like I had thought I was. “I’m not a monster.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

I turned back to Phlegm and asked, “Are you sure they’ve all left the sewers?”

Phlegm glared at me, “They didn’t leave. They were rounded up and slaughtered like cattle.”

“What!”

All four of us, including Boopzy, jumped at the sound of Gabby’s voice. We spun around to face the Daughter of Umbra. She was standing there, in the middle of the carnage that Nora had helped create, twisting her hands together in front of her chest as bright red spots colored her cheeks.

“What happened to my Dad?” she demanded.

Nora leaped off her stool and drunkenly stumbled over to Gabby before folding her arms around the girl. “I’m sure he made it out, Gabby. Your Dad is a powerhouse. Even I couldn’t take that man down.”

“But, Phlegm just said…”

“There is no way your father would ever let himself get killed when he didn’t know where you were or if you were safe. There is just no way,” Nora said as she brushed a stray tuft of the girl's auburn hair behind her ear.

“I’m telling you…” Phlegm mumbled before I interrupted him.

“Phlegm if you don’t shut up I swear to my Goddess I’ll go outside, drag those bloody lumps of men back in here, and unleash the Nora all over again,” I snarled through my bared teeth.

Phlegm reeled back like I’d slapped him and started angrily cleaning the bar with his rag. I didn’t mean to upset the goblin but we didn’t need another panic going on in here, especially over something as irrelevant as Theo Thundershield. It was hard not to feel for Gabby though. She was kickass. It’s not her fault her dad was a raving lunatic who put his own wants and needs ahead of the group's long-term survival.

“Phlegm,” Nora slurred as Gabby went from being comforted to holding the woman up. “We’re going to need some rooms for the night.”

Phlegm grunted and turned his back on us. For a moment I thought he was going to cold-shoulder us all out of the tavern but when he turned back around he had a bunch of keys dangling from his fingers. I reached for them but he pulled his hand back and held out the other empty one instead.

“Two hundred and fifty gold for the night,” he said.

“Are you crazy!”

“Five rooms at fifty gold a piece. That’s two hundred and fifty gold. Are you questioning my math?”

“We don’t need five! Three will do, Nora and Gabby can share.”

Gabby handed Nora over to Jacob and yelled across the space, “I am not sharing with Nora, she snores like a freight train.”

“I do not!” Nora bellowed.

“Fine, four rooms.”

Phlegm curled his fingers expectantly until I dumped a small mountain of gold onto his palm. I swore and told the others that I expected to be paid back but I’m pretty sure none of them were listening. Between them, Jacob and Gabby were helping a legless Nora up the stairs.

“Frank, Boopzy, Stella, come here,” I said.

Frank dropped from the perch he’d found by the ceiling to land on my left shoulder. Boopzy threw out a suckered tentacle and used it to vault from the bar to my right shoulder. Stella barked and ran to my side. It always tripped me out when she was standing that close. In my mind, she was still my little puppy who barely topped my knee. That was not the case anymore. Now her head was level with my sternum. I didn’t know how much bigger she could grow but if she grew maybe another foot or two I might be able to use her as a steed. At least she wouldn’t try to buck me off the way Sob liked to do.

I tramped up the stairs behind the others and turned to the first room that would be Nora’s. It took all three of us and a lot of convincing to get Nora to unequip her armor and crawl into the tiny twin bed that was pressed up against the window.

When we’d finally accomplished it Gabby and Jacob rushed from the room like they were afraid they’d be dragged into the mess if they stayed even a second too long.

I grabbed Boopzy and pressed him into the gap between Nora’s shoulder and the pillow she rested her tangled curls on.

“You take care of her, okay Boopzy? Come get me if something goes wrong. Oh, and if she starts hurling, make sure you get out of the way.”

Boopzy squeaked and pressed his fuzzy body up against Nora’s cheek. Nora groaned and rolled, cupping the Tentarat and holding him tightly so he couldn’t escape.

“I love you, you little monster,” Nora slurred with her eyes pressed shut in that dozy place between the waking world and sleep.

I smiled and looked at Stella, “You heard that, didn’t you girl?”

Stella barked and wagged her tail.

Frank flapped his wings, turned his beak to my ear, and screamed, “Shut the hell up!”

“I swear Frank I’m going to tie an elastic band around your bloody beak.”

I stepped out into the hall and made sure the door was solidly locked behind me before tossing two sets of keys underhand to the others.

“Get some rest. Tomorrow is gonna be a big one,” I said.

“We’ll go looking for my Dad?” Gabby asked.

I swallowed and ducked my head, not able to look her in the eyes. I didn’t want to see the pain there. “Get some sleep. We’ll try to convince Phlegm to make a big breakfast.”

Jacob snorted. “What do you mean convince? All you have to do is throw gold at him and he’ll give you anything you want.”

“Well, then breakfast is on you. I’ll be out of gold by lunch if we keep this up,” I snapped.

Jacob turned out his pockets to show nothing but little balls of fluff. “I’m no good to you there. Maybe you should have raided Nora’s coffers before you locked the door.”

“Yeah right, and have her take my head off with one swing when she found out? No thanks.”

Gabby turned the knob of her room and stepped inside. “I’ll leave the pair of you to figure out who’s buying who breakfast. Stella, come here girl.”

I reached for the dog as she bounded over to Gabby’s room and disappeared inside. “Hey!”

Gabby stuck her tongue out at me before saying, “You don’t need her. You’re a big boy.”

“And you’re a bloody Daughter of Umbra. Give my dog back!”

Gabby laughed as she slammed the door and turned the lock.

“Great,” I muttered. “I guess it’s just you and me Frank.”

Frank screamed and flapped away, swooping into Jacob’s room before the boy shut the door.

I worked my mouth for a few moments before I managed to shout, “What, you too? So I guess I’m the only one who has to sleep alone?”

The muffled scream to shut up came from behind Jacob shut and locked door. I sighed and pushed into my own room, locking it behind me before falling on the bed. The sky outside my window was still a deep purple, not quite black yet, but a few stars already twinkled up there.

It was too quiet in the room with just me. There wasn’t even a crackling cookfire to fill my ears. There were no sounds of heavy breathing and no snoring from others gathered around. There wasn’t even the sound of a stiff breeze blowing past my window. The night was still. I didn’t like it.

I rolled and punched my pillow, trying to make the lumpy thing somewhat comfortable.

“Having trouble sleeping, Dearest?”

I screamed and Blinked without thinking. The world slowed and I shot up, looking at the black shadow of the crouched man in the window. The world returned to the right speed as I bellowed and shoved the blasted thief. He cackled as he rocked backward but, much to my disgust, he didn’t fall from the window.