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Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 146 – Return to the Sewer

Chapter 146 – Return to the Sewer

Screee!

Boopzy screeched and flung out every spare limb he had, wrapping them tightly around an old broken lightpost. The metal groaned and shrieked as it bent against Nora’s strength and Boopzy’s insane grip.

“Let go you slimy asshole,” Nora cried, taking straining steps toward the uncovered manhole before being dragged back. "Joe, do something!”

I was too busy trying to work out the logistics of getting an enormous dog and an even bigger horse down a tiny circle to pay her any mind. If Jacob and Gabby were in as much trouble as I thought they were, then we would need all of us—every single one. At least Frank wasn’t an issue. He could fit just about anywhere.

“Joe!”

“Nora, he is your problem. We agreed on that. Figure it out.”

Nora swore at me and tried to force Boopzy to let go. It would have been easy for me to tell her that force was not the way to go with Boopzy but that was something I wanted her to figure out on her own.

I eyed the tiny hole that would barely fit Nora in her full armor and then eyed Sob. Without Nigel to turn him into a mouse-sized stallion we were kind of screwed. If Stella cooperated and stretched out a little bit I might be able to get her down there.

“Let go you stupid rat,” Nora bellowed.

“Shush,” I snapped. “If you keep that up you’ll bring a full army of monsters down on our heads.”

“Don’t tell me to shush Mr. Sneaky Man. I need to get down that damn hole.”

“We all do.”

Nora sighed and stopped yanking against Boopzy’s grip. The look she tossed my way was not kind but her words were, “Sorry.”

It was hard to take an apology seriously when she looked about ready to use her whirlwind skill on all of us.

I turned to Sob and asked, “Got any ideas?”

The stallion nickered and trotted over to the stretched-out and still determined to hang on Boopzy. Three intense blue flashes had us all flinching away to protect our eyes. Boopzy’s tentacles finally let go of the light post as he dropped to the ground and bounced like the round basketball he had become. He wasn’t orange, instead, he glowed a dull blue color. When Boopzy let out a cry lightning did not flash from his mouth like it had the last time he’d been oddly inflated. This time, the glow intensified, only fading when he closed his mouth again.

Sob stumbled back from the Tentarat, his long legs tangling just enough to be funny without him actually hurting himself. He shook his head, his long fiery mane flickering as it flowed with the motion. With a snort, Sob marched himself to a small shed, backing into it and covering the doorway with an odd film of blue light I’d not seen before. I walked over to join him, mesmerized by what could have been a sheet of tinted glass but was instead magic.

“Sob?”

I touched the blue sheet of magic with only the tip of my finger. A jolt of energy shot through my body, convulsing my muscles and sending me flying across the thin street we were standing on. Pain ignited in the center of my back as I slammed into a half-demolished wall on the side of the street. The pain and the sting of electricity warred within me, reducing me to a quivering mess on the ground, unable to see straight or even hear sounds properly. My mouth tasted funny but for the life of me, I couldn’t think of a descriptive word that was accurate enough.

“What… the… hell…” I managed between the uncontrollable spasms.

Nora knelt in front of me, holding the spherical Boopzy under her arm as if he wasn’t a sentient creature. She held up a hand in front of me.

“Looks like Sob learned a new trick. How many fingers do you see?”

I tried to focus on the gloved fingers in front of me but all I saw was a blur of black. “Eight?”

“Okay, wow. That’s probably not good but we don’t have time to wait for you to get better. Come on.”

Nora grabbed me by the neck of my leathers and dragged me across the street with disturbing ease. Each time I hit a bump I flailed uncontrollably as the last vestiges of lightning buzzed through me. I didn’t like leaving Sob alone up here but it was good to know he would be safe. Bringing some of him with us was better than nothing, even if this strange ability to blow Boopzy up like a balloon was a little concerning.

Frank landed on my thigh, digging his talons deep into my flesh despite my armor. I wish I could tell if my armor was just not designed to protect against birds or if Frank was just that outrageously powerful that decent armor meant nothing. I say decent only because I hadn’t come across anything better that didn’t cost over two hundred thousand gold.

Not gonna lie, I kind of wanted that armor even if it had way more purple on it than I would normally tolerate.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Getting us all down the manhole onto the sodden floor of the sewer tunnel was a blur. Nora must have taken charge because suddenly I was ankle-deep in things I’d rather not think about.

I wobbled and clasped at my head, trying not to groan. Whatever Sob had done to me, it lingered.

“If you’re going to slow me down I’m going to just leave you here,” Nora snapped, giving me a shove. “Gabby and Jacob need us. Get your head in the game.”

“Easy for you to say, you weren’t just blasted to high heaven.”

“Stop crying like a baby and move your ass.”

Stella took the lead, bounding through the muck so fast we had trouble keeping up. There was no way for us to be sure where exactly they were. There were no quests to track or trails of breadcrumbs to follow. For now, all we could do was head toward the fallen Outsider's hideout. If they were not there then maybe there would be some hint or clue to point us in the right direction.

We wound our way through the cramped tunnels, turning one way and then the next, all of us hoping Stella’s nose was strong enough to guide us. We came to a high bridge over an endless pit of darkness and my worry dissipated just a little. I knew this place. A few more twists and bends would lead us to the place Theo had called ‘the drop’. Here’s hoping the plank was still there otherwise we’d be playing the find-another-way-around game. I wasn’t a fan of playing that one.

The sound of our sloshing footsteps was overridden by the violent rush of water somewhere in the tunnels. We ran alongside the sound until we made it to the broken bridge over the deathly drop. Stella didn’t flinch before rushing over the heavy plank but Nora skidded to a halt.

“I… I hate this thing…” she murmured as she glanced over the edge into the darkness that Boopzy’s glow couldn’t illuminate.

“Now look, if you’re going to slow me down I’m going to just leave you here,” I said, mimicking her voice.

Frank hopped from one shoulder to the other, impatiently waiting for me to continue. I dodged around Nora, feeling the need to perform a flip halfway across before completing the crossing. I was still surprised I’d actually managed to land the trick. It had been an impulse I wasn’t strong enough to resist. I guess there really were benefits to being a thief. I’m not sure I could have flipped that easily even when I was young and limbre.

I turned at the end of it, beaming at her before bowing. Unbelievably, and possibly cruelly, no one bothered to clap. Frank came the closest to acknowledging my feat by chittering and pecking at my ear in what I could only assume was disapproval.

“Show off,” Nora bellowed from the other side of the plank.

“Hurry up slowpoke,” I said.

Nora moved a lot slower, holding her arms out wide like they would somehow help her balance. I tried not the laugh at the image of her wavering one way and then the other, always overcompensating and never finding any sort of true balance.

I know what you’re thinking; I’m a cruel man for laughing when one of my dearest friends was in mortal peril. Here’s the thing though, she wasn’t. Nora couldn’t see it but Boopzy was giving her a hand, or rather, about eight tentacles. Four were flung high into the air, creeping along a solid-looking metal pipe, and two more were wrapped around the plank itself to keep her feet steady. The last two were wrapped tight around Nora’s waist. Nora might hate the little Tentarat but it was clear Boopzy cared about her.

Stella growled and smacked up against my leg. I frowned and turned in place, looking into the darkness of the tunnel closest to us. Stella knelt down and snarled.

“Ahh, Nora, you might want to hurry up.”

The hiss that came from the tunnel was not the sound I had expected. Red eyes flashed in the darkness as the thing came closer. The sound of something abrasive scraping over concrete made my teeth clench.

Stella began to glow, the light starting in her paws and creeping up the rest of her body. The light of it lit up the mouth of the tunnel and the slithering black creature hiding inside.

“Joe, what is it?” Nora cried behind me still halfway across the plank.

I swallowed as sweat began to bead on my forehead. I wanted to lift my arm and fire a bolt or better yet yank my sword free but I couldn’t. My limbs weren’t listening to my brain. The best I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open and my body quaking.

The snake slithered from the tunnel, its thick muscular body taking up the entirety of it. It rose high into the air, the top of its flat head scraping against the ceiling as its forked tongue flickered from between its scaled lips.

I didn’t need the thing's name to flash up to know what it was. My last meeting with one of these would haunt me until the day I died. Hell, if it hadn’t been for sheer dumb luck the last one would have killed me.

Nightstalker rattler

The snake opened its jaw wide and hissed again, its red eyes flashing at me, digging into the very core of who I was. Its belly glowed red in the light cast by Stella’s powerup, the same shade, and intensity as its eyes. A heavy musky odor violated my nose at the appearance of the beast, overpowering the smell of wet dog and raw sewage in a way I wouldn’t have thought possible.

“Joe!”

I could hear Nora’s cry. It sailed in one ear and out the other without making much of an impact. I was stuck. A statue standing on the edge of a darkened abyss while I stared into the eyes of the devil.

The snake lunged, its squashed head flying toward me. My Blink skill escaped from me. The moment it was unleashed I desperately regretted not having a firmer grip on it. The skill blasted out in waves that slowed time that at any other moment would have seen me escape such an attack with ease. This time, however, all it did was extend my horror. The snake didn’t stop coming. Its fangs protruded from its wide jaw, and beads of venom wobbled on the tip just waiting to be violently injected into my bloodstream.

I needed to move. Why couldn’t I move?

Stella was my saving grace. I watched as she leaped, her body moving at a snail's pace as she bared her sharp teeth and slammed into the creature's throat. I watched as she clamped her jaw, puncturing the snake's scales with ease.

The snake's head whipped back along with the rest of it, crashing into the wall beside the mouth of the tunnel. The impact was enough to make the entire cavern shake. Dust and other gunk fell in clouds from the ceiling.

Time returned to normal as I stumbled back, the heel of my boot slamming into the wooden plank. Nora screamed as it wobbled beneath her. The plank slipped from the lip and tumbled down into the darkness below, the bang of it hitting the ground not coming for far too long.

Screee!