Taki was bouncing around like a toddler who had just been fed a double shot of expresso. Needless to say, it was bad. Boopzy climbed out of my pocket chittering and screeching at the little green goblin. Taki didn’t seem to mind as a hundred questions streamed from his lips.
“Taki I…” I said before the goblin spoke right over me.
“What is that creature? Is Nora with you? Will you be staying for long? Phlegm will want to know how many will join us for dinner. What would you like, fish or grilled drop-bear? It’s fresh. Harvested this morning. And what about…”
“Taki!”
The goblin froze between Sob’s forelegs, oblivious to the storm of sparks flickering over his head. My fingers curled into fists as I forced myself to breathe through the wave of rage quickly overtaking me. At least, I assumed it was rage. It had all the markers for it but instead of wanting to punch the goblin, I wanted to hug him instead.
“What are you doing here?” I managed to ask.
Taki beamed, revealing his string of sharp teeth bordered by tusks. He bounced around me to the finely crafted steps, pointing up at the tavern above us. “Phlegm has expanded his business. This is his newest location. Do you like it?”
“It’s… ahh… very nice.”
“Please, go on in.” he leaned around me, flicking his tufted tail behind him as he eyed the towering stallion. “Come with me, sir. I have a fresh stable waiting for you with oats and sugar cubes.”
Satisfied with the goblins offering Sob took off at a trot down the service road that ran parallel to the building. Boopzy shrieked, fanning out his tentacles until he looked three times his regular size.
I sighed, rubbing at the pain building in my temples. Boopzy was beginning to be as loud as Frank and I didn’t think I could handle that. One noisy animal companion was bad enough. I climbed the steps with my hand on the rail. I’d gotten used to the archaic inn where I had first found Taki and Phlegm. It had been old and a little lopsided and definitely out of place in the middle of an outback town but it had at least been comforting. This place was far more modern. Made of steel and enormous glass windows and tiled floors. It felt almost sterile. The only similarity between the two buildings was the sign over the door with its red fox curled around a candlestick.
I pushed through the large door plastered with laminated menus and promo deals into the huge open-plan dining room. I stood there for a moment, taking it all in. To my left was a row of slot machines, their chimes and pretty lights filling the air as a group of players sat around them feeding the machines their precious gold. To my right was table after table of boisterous warriors neck deep in their cups. There was a lot of laughing, bellowing, and arm wrestling. Directly in front of me was a cluster of pool tables interspersed around dart boards screwed to the wall.
In another place and at another time it would have been a killer bar to waste countless hours in but right now, with Crocs roaming the streets outside, it seemed insanely out of place.
Phlegm stood behind the bar, his rotund belly covered by an apron whose straps were straining at the seams. His ears were flicking back and forth as he surveyed his domain, idly cleaning a stein with a rag. Some of the players were staring at me, or rather, Boopzy. The little Tentarat was losing his mind.
I grabbed him and stuffed him into my pocket, buttoning the thing closed over the noise he was making. Phlegm yanked his head around, his large black eyes focusing on me. He beamed and threw up his arms, gesturing for me to hurry up to the bar. I barely caught the mug Phlegm sent flying my way as I hopped up on one of the cushioned barstools.
“Cheers,” I said, downing the icy cold brew in just a few gulps.
Beer had never tasted so good. Not even after a few days of mustering in the unbearable summer heat. I dug into my bum bag, pulled out a handful of gold, and placed it on the bar.
“Keep ‘em coming Phlegm.”
The goblin waddled over to me with a fresh mug and leaned on the polished wood of the bar. “Not having a good day I take it, mate?”
“More like a not-so-good year, but what are ya gonna do?”
“Where are all your friends? Nora not finished slaughtering everything that moves yet?” Phlegm asked, plonking a plastic bowl of pretzels on the bar beside my elbow.
I snatched the thing and started shoveling the salty goodness into my mouth. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until food was offered to me. The only thing that would have been better was a big bag of spiced jerky. Well, okay, Mrs. Percott’s apple cobbler would be the best but as far as I knew she was somewhere in Adelaide.
“I lost them a long time ago. I have no idea where they are.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. That sounds pretty rough,” Phlegm said, awkwardly looking away for a moment. “So, just the one room tonight?”
“I guess so. Have you heard any news?” I asked.
Phlegm put the clean mug down and shoved his hand in the pocket of his apron. “I have a few notes I collected from travelers.”
The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
He handed me a bunch of crumpled notes and clipped news articles. I sifted through them, reading the words as they flashed up in front of me.
New Quest Received: Roaring Springs
Description: Avoid the hot spring at Saunders Peak. There is a big guy up there guarding some sort of chest. He has a club. No seriously, he killed Vicki with a single swing. Don’t go up there.
New Quest Received: Anglers Conquest
Description: I’m offering a reward of 100,000 gold for anyone who can catch the monstrosity swimming around my pond. It’s spoiling the ambiance. Dictated but not read, Count Lorington.
New Quest Received: Whispers in the Garden
Description: Something is happening at Serpentine Cemetery. Every night there is another empty grave. I can hear noises in the old mausoleum but I’m too scared to go in there. I’m offering a hefty reward to anyone that can solve this mystery. Speak to me, Groundkeeper Hugh, if you have the stones to help me out.
Note: Rewards will not be given to meddling kids and their dumb dog. You freaks and your ugly van can stay the hell away from me.
I sighed as the scraps of paper disintegrated in my hands. Receiving quests had once come with a little thrill. Not anymore. I rubbed at my aching eyes.
“Phlegm, do you know where the Outsiders Western Outpost is?” I asked.
Phlegm lifted a bushy black eyebrow in my direction. “The what now?”
“I guess not.” I pushed away from the bar, eyeing the groups of players around me. It might be nice to join them but I wasn’t in the mood. “Where’s my room?”
Phlegm sighed, or, at least I think he did. It was more of a deep-throated grunt. He turned and jabbed a clawed green finger at the metal staircase at the back of the room. “Up those, fifth room on the right.”
“Thank you.”
I turned to leave but the goblin stopped me, holding out a hand. “It’s fifty gold for a night.”
I blanched. “Fifty?”
Phlegm shrugged. “Demand is a lot higher around here. Besides, it’s a much nicer room than the ones I had in Stanthorpe.”
Muttering curses I dug out the gold and handed it to him before storming off. Boopzy let out a shrill cry, mirroring my outrage at the steep price. I climbed the stairs as I unbuttoned the pocket and took out the slimy creature, shuddering as he wrapped his tentacles around my wrist and clung on tight.
Phlegm wasn’t lying. The room was enormous and well-equipped. Seeing the bathroom gave me a small heart attack until I saw the sign nailed on the wall beside it.
Croc-resistant toilet.
I still wondered what the hell that meant. How do you make a toilet Croc proof when the scaly bastards could pop out of a too-shallow hole that barely deserved the title of ‘toilet’? Maybe it was a spell or something. Magic seemed to be the answer to just about every crazy ass thing in this new world I was attempting to navigate.
I didn’t bother stripping off my leathers before I dropped face-first on the king-sized bed. I knew the nightmares were waiting for me in the dark. They always were nowadays. I missed the part of the Shadow Realm that didn’t require sleep. It didn’t take long at all for the thoughts swirling around my head to disintegrate and the soft shadows of sleep to take me away.
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The temperature dropped the moment she stepped into the hall. She paid it no mind as she swept toward the throne at the far end of the room, her black dress billowing out around her. She was very disappointed with her newest recruits. They had barely reached the tenth floor and already they were dropping like flies. She sighed and took a seat before removing her hat. She set it down on the small table beside her.
“What do you want, brother?” She asked the empty room.
“You know what I want. Your Chosen One stands in my way. Remove your blessing so I can be reborn.”
“Is it my fault if all those silly seals have got you trapped in the void? Don’t go blaming me for your constant failures. I mean, crocodile monsters from the sewers, could you truly not think of something more practical for your uprising?” She snapped.
“I grow stronger with every seal my disciples destroy. I know you can feel it. It is the reason you keep bringing my players here. Take away your blessing from the man or I’ll consume your realm when I’m done with the humans,” the disembodied voice of her brother growled.
“Go bother Umbra. I have had enough of you.”
She waved her hand and the cold dispelled. Outside her window lightning flashed followed almost immediately by booming thunder. The sconce on the wall holding a black candle lit up with a purple flame.
“Not this time, I suppose,” she murmured as she glanced at the thing.
She settled deeper into the chair and took out a long pointy-tipped file, grinding the edge of her long nails to sharper points. Her eyes flickered to the edge of the room where the phantom of her Chosen One stood watching the show.
“Have you seen enough?” she asked.
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I woke with a start, wiping the drool from my mouth as I lifted my foggy head. That was not the dream I was expecting.
The dim light of early morning was filtering in through the heavy drapes over the window. Boopzy was sprawled out on the bed beside me, his tentacles spread wide around his fuzzy rat body. I moved carefully to avoid waking the creature as I rushed to the small ensuite and let loose the stream that had been threatening to soak my pants.
Something was happening out there in the cosmic world that I didn’t quite understand. At least, I thought it was real. There was a possibility all of it was just in my head.
It was hard to leave the relative comfort of the tavern. Sob seemed just as cranky about leaving his food-filled stable. Phlegm had been kind enough to charge me for that as well the greedy bastard.
We were nearing the edge of the suburb by midafternoon and still, we hadn’t seen anything that would resemble an outpost. It was possible I was heading in the wrong direction. I was moving East but looking for something called the Western Outpost. I just couldn’t reconcile the thought of a barricade against a desert horde of monsters being built near the ocean.
I yelped and grabbed Sob’s mane as a loud crack sent him hurtling down a tight side street. Sob charged into a half-open garage, refusing to leave the tight dark space even when I tempted him with a sugar cube. Boopzy slid up my arm, his suckers making odd plopping noises on my leather until he reached my throat and wrapped himself around it.
“I really wish you wouldn’t do that,” I said, awkwardly lifting my chin to avoid touching the creature's slimy body.
I Blinked through the streets toward the source of the sound that had startled my horse. I knew a gunshot when I heard it and where there were gunshots there would be Gunslingers.