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Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 51 – Theo Thundershield

Chapter 51 – Theo Thundershield

“Right in here, dear. Get some rest before your meeting.”

“But…”

The little old lady didn’t wait for my questions. She pushed me into the tiny room and closed the door. The solid click of the lock being turned made me shift uncomfortably. Stella didn’t seem fazed though, she waltzed right past me and leaped up on the tiny bed, stretching out on the thick covers.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I looked around. The room was as basic as can be. It had a bed, a large wooden chest, and a window. That was it. A small door on one of the side walls drew my attention. I gingerly opened it to find a minuscule bathroom. The toilet was glowing a feint green color. I focused on it and a description popped up in front of me.

Croc-resistant toilet.

I felt like I should be concerned that it was only resistant and not impermeable.

The rest of the space was taken up by a cramped shower that I’d have to duck awkwardly to fit into. The entire room was a little small and claustrophobic. At least it was safe though.

The building we’d been brought to before we were all separated was three stories high and long enough to cover an entire block in the odd makeshift fortress of Oliver’s Rest. Every room I’d walked by had looked exactly like this one and there had to be hundreds of them. Some were occupied and others were not.

I sat on the bed and pulled off my shoes, stretching out my toes. There hadn’t been much chance to talk about what had happened when we arrived. The man with the killer shield had guided us into the fortress with a crowd of silent warriors keeping us bunched together as we made our way here. The man had been friendly and talked about just about anything that wasn’t important until he handed us off to the elderly lady in charge of this strange accommodation.

Every time I had tried to ask him about this place, who was in charge, or if any of them knew anything about Nigelt the Sentinel, the man had changed the subject. He hadn’t even given us his name.

Something felt off. It was almost like we’d been thrown in prison. A very nice prison but still confined and without so much as a how-do-you-do. Was this the townsfolk being cautious of strangers, or was it something a little more sinister? What had they done with the other members of my party?

I took out my swords and laid back on the bed, looking up at the wooden ceiling. I was tired. My eyes were aching and my head was throbbing. But sleeping now seemed like a bad idea. Killing me as I was now would be like shooting fish in a barrel.

Stella grumbled when my feet invaded her space. I sighed and pulled out my notebook, drawing a picture of the emus. It looked more like a mix of a chicken and a giraffe but hey, I wasn’t trying to win any drawing contests. I tapped the top of the page, realizing I hadn’t seen the name of the emus even when I’d tried to fight them. I shrugged and wrote in a name of my own.

Flaming Decay Emu.

I wrote everything I could remember, underlining the passage about my swords not being an effective weapon against them. I still didn’t understand that part.

After what felt like hours with not so much as a whisper on the other side of the hallway door I jumped up and moved to the small bathroom, running the shower and enjoying the brick of lemongrass soap I found in there. Funny how something as simple as soap can make a man giddy.

When I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a convenient towel around my waist I turned to the mirror, running my hand across the steam-fogged surface. The mirror shifted a little under my hand. I frowned and reached for the corner, swinging the thing forward. Inside was a mostly empty set of shelves. On the topmost one was a brand-new razor. On the shelf below were a toothbrush and a small tube of toothpaste.

I brushed my teeth eagerly before grabbing the soap from the shower and slowly shaving off my scraggly beard. When I’d finished I took off my towel and wiped my face, pleased with the result.

A knock at the door made me jump. I rushed to put my clothes on, shoving the razor and the soap into my bum bag just in case they tried to take them from me.

“Hold on,” I said.

The door opened just as I finished yanking on my pants. I yelped then glowered at the little old lady as I threw on the rest of my armor.

“Hurry, boy,” the lady said. “It is not wise to keep the Elders waiting.”

“Who the hell are the ‘Elders’?” I grumbled, sliding my blades into their sheaths.

The old lady made a sour face. “Watch your language boy. Manners still matter.”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

I snorted but didn’t say anything as I followed the old lady. We traipsed down two flights of stairs and down a long hall until we came to a room that was a little different than the others. It was the same size but inside was a table with three seats on one side and one on the other. The room was lit by countless candles as there was no window.

Two of the chairs on the side with three were taken by older men wearing different colored robes. They eyed me wearily as the lady pushed me into the room and shut the door.

The one with the salt and pepper goatee gestured toward the singular chair. “Take a seat. We’d like to hear about your adventure before you found our little sanctuary.”

The other man turned to the first as I took my seat and grumbled in a thickly accented brogue, “we should wait for Theo.”

The man with the goatee turned red and spat at the other, “if he does not care to be on time, that is his own fault.”

“Aye, but I’ll be throwing your ass under the bus when he comes in here all angry about it.”

“Enough, Connor. Let’s get on with it.” The goatee man turned his grey eyes on me and snapped, “how did you find us?”

I folded my arms and lifted a heavy brow at the man. “The names Joe, what’s yours?”

The man blinked, surprised by my change in topic. “We are the Elders. We help keep this community alive and thriving despite the monsters outside our walls. Now, answer my question.”

I ignored him, choosing instead to talk to his shorter and hairier friend. “You must be Connor. This is a nice safe place you’ve built here. I have to say, I’m surprised by the huge amount of people. Until now I could count the number of people I’d seen since the Croc’s came on my fingers.”

Connor beamed, his dark brown eyes twinkling beneath his bushy eyebrows. “Not too shabby, eh? Took us almost two weeks to get it all constructed. Wait ‘til you see the main hall. She’s a beaut.”

“Sounds good to me. Say, you wouldn’t happen to know where my friends have disappeared to, would you? It’s kind of weird not having them around after so long.”

The man nodded like he completely understood. “They’re in their own meetings. Gotta figure out what your place here will be, you understand? Everyone’s got to contribute or this place turns to a lump of broken wood and blood swarming with monsters.”

“Good god man, would you shut up!” The goateed Elder screeched. “We are interrogating him, not the other way around!”

Connor blanched and leaned back in his seat, his eyebrows dipped in a deep frown. The other jumped to his feet, his face and neck a flaming red. He slammed his fists on the table and screamed at me, “tell me how you found us! What are your intentions here?”

The door behind me opened and a much calmer and deeper voice said, “settle down, Leon. The man is fresh from the wilderness. There’s no need to be so damn aggressive.”

I glanced over my shoulder at the man standing behind me. It was the man from before, his enormous tower shield now strapped to his back. He waltzed up to me and held out a hand.

“Nice to meet you, Joe. I’m Theo Thundershield.”

Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh. “How’d you know my name?” I asked, shaking the offered hand.

“Your lady friend shouted it out past the wall.”

“Ahh, I see. So, what’s with the third degree going on here, Theo?”

Theo chuckled and rounded the table, taking his seat between the pair of robed Elders. The other men were forced to lean outward to give the man's shield some room.

“Nothing too sinister I assure you. We’ve been caught out letting strangers in before. Lots of killing and stealing and other behaviors we just don’t allow here. I’m sure you can understand our concern,” Theo said.

I eyed the man carefully. He was speaking a lit more formally than he had when he’d walked us here. Was it because of the Elders? “There’s not much to tell. The crocs came and tore the shit out of everyone I knew. Wandered around figuring this crap out and collected all the others as I went. Lots of quests. Lots of monsters. Then we found you guys.”

The goateed man sniffed loudly and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t trust him.”

I glared at the man. “Got to be honest, I don’t really trust you either. Had some nasty run-ins with some bad humans myself, you know.”

Theo beamed and stood. “Well, that’s all I need to hear. Short and sweet is how I like things. What is your class Joe, it will help us assign you.”

“What do you mean ‘assign’? What about my party members?”

“They’ll be assigned tasks that suit their skills the best. Don’t worry, you’ll see them all again during rest times. Now, your class?”

“Thief,” I said.

“You see!” Leon shrieked. “Kick him out now before he causes even more trouble.”

“More? What do mean more?” I asked.

Leon glowered at me. “you brought the Decay Emus down on us. If Theo hadn’t been keeping watch at the gate they would have crushed our defenses.”

I smiled, not much caring that the act made all three of the men across the table stiffen. “They are Decay Emus! I knew it!” I pulled out my book and flipped to the page I’d filled in not long ago. “See, I didn’t know what they were called but seeing what they could do, well, the name came to me pretty quick.”

Theo let out a deep rolling belly laugh. When he’d finally settled himself he wiped a hand over his sun-tanned face and looked at the book on the table. “May I?”

I handed the book to him and watched him flip through the pages. I sat back in my chair, rocking back on two legs as I folded my arms, trying not to let on how embarrassed I was that someone was looking at the thing. It wasn’t a diary or anything like that but it still felt oddly personal.

Theo nodded and handed the book back to me. “Very impressive. Your observation skills are pretty good. Not so much your drawing but that’s not the most important. I think I’ll assign you to the Goshawks. They’re our best scouting team.”

“And what of Nora? Where have you placed her?”

“That’s easy,” Theo said. “She’s partnering with me.”