“Would you get down from there?”

Kendrick beamed and wiggled his dangling toes. “No, I like it up here.”

“Right, well, did I pass your little test?”

Kendrick waved in front of his face and an odd glowing window of blue light appeared. There were a bunch of odd black chicken-scratch markings on it that may have been alien letters alongside graphs that moved up and down.

I frowned, trying to look closer at the thing but it was hard to see from this angle.

“Well, would you look at that,” Kendrick said, flicking his hand to banish the odd magical window thing. “You’ve stolen seventeen thousand two hundred and three gold worth of goods from your fellow man. Bravo Pickpocket.”

I should feel bad. Why didn’t I feel bad? “Damn. I was hoping for at least twenty thousand.”

“Ambitious,” Kendrick barked. “I like that in a man!”

“So, now what?” I asked, leaning back against the wooden wall of the stable.

Sob snorted and stamped his feet from his stall not far from me. I stuck my hand in the sack hanging on the wall and offered him two sugar cubes.

“You know, that’s a damn fine horse. I might have to steal him from you.”

I snorted, sounded a little too much like Sob when I did. “You’re welcome to try. Mind the lightning bolts he likes to shoot up your ass though. They don’t tickle.”

“Bummer. Would have been a party if they did,” the man said readjusting himself on the beam. “Now, on to the real business. I’m glad you’ve decided to come back to us. I would hate to think I wasted so much time getting you initiated for nothing. Hell, I might have sent a pack of Black Fangs after you.”

I blinked. “Black… Fangs?”

Kendrick chuckled and shook his head. “Oh sweet summer child, how uninformed you are about the world you live in.”

“Fuck off.”

“Rude.”

“You know, it’s pretty late, I kinda want to go to bed. Can you just speed this shit along?”

“You’re no fun. Fine, here.”

He flicked his hand again and the notification flashed up in front of me.

Quest Complete: Disappointed Master

I felt a little odd. I pressed the menu tattoo on my wrist and let out a string of curses.

“You took it all, you bastard!”

Kendrick hooted with laughter. “What, did you think all that was for you? No, that was the price you pay for disappointing me in the first place.”

“I think I might kill you.”

“Tutt, tutt, they’ll kick you out if you do that. They don’t look kindly on folk who break the rules.”

“It’s not breaking a rule unless I’m on a guild-sanctioned job,” I snarled.

“Which you are.”

“What, no I’m not?”

He wiggled his fingers at me like he was tossing me a creepily flamboyant wave. “Yeah, you are.”

New Quest: Ill-gotten Crown of Reverence

Description: The Count of Banksia has used his stolen power to shut down a prime smuggler outfit along the Condamine River. It’s time his crown was transferred to a more receptive leader. Break into the castle, retrieve the crown, and plant the evidence of his corruption.

“You did that on purpose,” I growled.

“Well, yeah. I’m not an idiot.” His face turned serious all of a sudden which banished my anger for a moment. “Listen, kid. This isn’t some bullshit pickpocketing quest. This is serious and means a great deal to our guild. If you fail. You will be captured. We will not try to intercede. You will lose your head. Do you understand me?”

“I’m a pickpocket. Why are you giving me a quest like that? It doesn’t make sense.”

Kendrick sighed and swung his legs again, looking out a small window not far from him. “I have a feeling that you’re worth more than that. If you complete this quest for us, you’ll move up to a higher level in the guild. Maybe even two in one go.

Besides, if you fail. I’ll do it myself. No big deal.”

“Fuck off.”

Stolen story; please report.

“You say that a lot.”

“What can I say, you bring it out in me.”

Kendrick puffed up like a peacock. “Thank you.”

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

“Yeah, it was.” He let out an outrageously wide yawn. I clamped my jaw hard to keep from following suit. “Not that this quaint little fortress isn’t wonderful and all, but I’m about ready to move on to greener pastures. Come find me once you’re done, alright?”

He stood and walked across the beam with an unhumanly grace before slipping out the window that looked far too small for him to squeeze through. I flipped him off before giving Sob a solid pat and leaving through the wide-open doors. I didn’t need to show off with a grand exit like that douchebag.

I weaved my way through the silent fortress until I found my building. I frowned at the small crowd of people standing outside the doorway, they were all talking in hushed tones as they clustered around the everlasting torch one of them held.

I tried to listen in.

“Upto something… room… dangerous…”

I couldn’t fit the words together into an intelligible sentence but I did know the speaker and that gave me pause. It was Theo, and he was angry. I shuddered and swore quietly under my breath. He knew. He had to.

I stepped back around the side of the building and took ahold of the rickety pipe used to drain rainwater from the rooftop. I scurried up the thing like a possum. The thought that I shouldn’t be able to do this barely penetrated my brain.

I reached for my windowsill but barely reached the thing with my fingertips. I swore again. There was nothing else I could do. Sucking in a breath that might be my last I flung myself off the pipe and clutched at the window frame. I bit back the grunt that tried to rush out of me as my muscles screamed in agony.

I yanked and wrenched and swore my way up, cursing the fact that I hadn’t spent a little more time doing pull-ups. Finally, I was high enough to push open the window and climb through the opening. I might not be one for grand exits but apparently, that didn’t hold true for entrances.

I shut the window and spun, crashing down on the bed as I puffed desperately for air. My arms felt like limp noodles. Kendrick’s bullshit wasn’t worth this living death. I should have just quit the Shadow Walkers.

The door to my room burst open and light filled the room. I flung myself around, completely disoriented as I floundered, and then fell off the bed. I hit the ground with a solid thump.

“What the hell?” I bellowed, blinking past the light to see the entrance to my room filled with the crowd from downstairs.

Theo stood at the front of the pack of angry survivors. “You’re here,” he said in an odd voice.

“Yeah, so are you. What the fuck Theo, I was sleeping.”

The giant warrior shifted awkwardly. “There have been some… reports of things going missing. Have you heard or seen anything about that?”

I climbed to my feet, rubbing my aching eyes. “There’s a thief here?”

“Yeah,” one of Theo’s lackeys snapped. “We figured you of all people would know something about that.”

I lifted myself up to my full height and glared at the man. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Theo Thundersheild!”

The outraged bellow came booming from the hallway. The crowd of people, including the massive warrior, flinched. With grunts of pain and squeaks of indignation, Nora shoved her way through the crowd and stood squarely in front of me, her axe held at the ready.

“I told you all before,” she growled. “Joe didn’t do this.”

Waves of fury were coursing off of her. I smirked and leaned around her, giving Theo the same wave Kendrick had given me. The warrior's face turned red as he glowered back at me.

“But, Nora…”

“Don’t ‘but’ me, Peter Fink!”

“… sorry.”

“All of you, get the hell out of here. He is not your guy. Go find someone else to blame or I swear to the Almighty I’ll take every one of your heads off!”

Theo’s face darkened even more. “Nora, you can’t speak to us like this.”

His little army didn’t seem to think the same way as he did as they all filtered out in a sulking line of men turned toddlers.

Nora took a threatening step forward. “And you have no right to dismiss my opinion just because you don’t like my friend. Joe is not the only thief class player in this fortress Theo and yet you made a beeline straight for him.”

“How much do you really…”

“I’ve known him for longer than you. I’ve fought beside him. Almost died with him. Not once has he cheated me out of any loot or tried to steal from me. Now go.”

“But…”

“Go!”

“Fine, but we’ll talk about this later,” he snapped, turning in a huff and stomping through the door.

Nora waited for a long time as the pounding of footsteps grew quieter and then disappeared entirely.

“Thank you…” I tried to say only to have Nora grab me by the throat and slam me down on the bed.

“I know it was you, you idiot,” she hissed in my face. “What the hell were you thinking?”

I swallowed, my eyes opened wide as I stared into her bright red face. “You know?”

“I know.”

I stayed quiet, not sure what I could possibly say to ease her fury. I’d not felt bad at all until now. Letting Nora down was something I hadn’t planned to do.

“I can’t believe you. Do you understand how fucking reckless you were? Two people managed to describe you pretty damn well. What kind of thief are you?”

I blinked, rubbing at the sore spot on my throat. “Huh?”

“Seriously, it’s your class. Embrace it. Let it take you over. And for fuck sake, don’t be seen.”

“You’re… You’re okay with this?” She laughed and smacked my shoulder with enough force to jolt me forward. “Ouch.”

“Of course, I’m okay with it. I want you to get better. Our little party only works if we’re all great at what we do.”

“But… we’re not a party anymore. Not really.”

She sighed and sat on the bed beside me. “I’m bored here. Something doesn’t feel right. I’ve tried to get more information out of Theo but the man is as impenetrable as a vault. He won’t even hint at what the leaders of this place are up to.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I laughed my ass off. Tears were streaming down my cheeks before I managed to pull myself together.

“You’re… You’re using the poor bastard?”

She shrugged. “He doesn’t seem to mind. Besides, it’s not like I’m the only girl he’s spending his nights with. There’s two more that I know of.”

“Eww, gross. You’ve spent the night with him?”

She shoved me. “Shut up.”

“Don’t touch me with your filthy hands. Bad girl. Very bad girl.”

“I said shut up!”