Have you ever seen those zombie movies where they’re lumbering around in slow jolting movements with washed-out faces and black-rimmed eyes? Yeah, picture that but on a still kind of young, kind of ever so slightly balding man. Because that’s what I felt like. If I’d been near anything even remotely reflective, I’m sure that’s what I’d look like too. I’m the zombie. Zombie Joe.

I was so bloody tired that my vision was blurry, and my head felt thick like it was full of cotton candy. My feet dragged with each step, but I couldn’t stop. It had to be around here somewhere.

Stella was looking just as saggy as I felt. My stomach was growling horribly. It had been almost two full days since I’d eaten anything. Stella would be feeling it just as much. She’d caught a lizard and a small bird and munched them in moments but that wasn’t enough for a high-energy working dog like her. Sob didn’t seem to be struggling quite so much, every few feet he’d stop and tear up a chunk of dried grass. It seemed to be enough for him, at least for now.

I checked my watch in the dim grey light of predawn. It was hard to see but by the looks of it, we had three hours left before time ran out. I didn’t know what would happen if we didn’t make it.

Something blue and glowing caught my eye. My heavy brows dropped as I stared at the weirdly shaped blob laying on the ground beside a gnarled and bent tree. Pushing aside my exhaustion I marched toward it, a little hesitant given everything I’d been through in the last forty-five hours.

The thing looked like fruit and was shaped like a papaya, with a fat bottom and tapering near the stem. I’d never seen a fruit that glowed neon blue though. I reached to pick it up but before I could Sob slammed me out of the way. I shouted and swore as I stumbled, almost falling on my ass. The horse didn’t care. He snatched the fruit up and gobbled it like it was a sugar cube. Glowing blue goop coated his muzzle as it had back by the tunnel.

I stood there in shock just staring at the idiot. He was snuffling around, looking for another no doubt.

“That… that thing was probably poison you know?” I said.

Sob looked at me like I was a moron and went back to his snuffling. I shook my head. If he was so determined to eat alien fruit, there wasn’t much I could do about it.

I turned again, rubbing at my aching sandy eyes. We had to be close to Joridoon Flat’s and the old, abandoned station that stood there but I wasn’t sure where exactly I was. I missed my gadgets. If I’d had half a brain, I would have grabbed my phone before I fled Mrs. Percott’s cattle station. Maybe there was a landline or something that still worked at the station. Maybe an even ancient payphone.

We crested a small rise and I stopped, staring at a pillar of purple fire that should not be there. I blinked a few extra times, but the thing stayed where it was, lighting up the abandoned station sitting at the base of the thing.

The transfer zone. That had to be it. We’d made it.

I let out a happy shout and started to run. Stella barked and followed, running circles around me. Despite my lack of sleep, I felt like a child again, so full of energy it was practically bursting from me. I should have been afraid of the towering whirlwind of sparking fire but instead, it was like I was running toward a rollercoaster.

My safe paradise was awaiting me. I refused to be stranded in this hellish word the disembodied voice had created. Or the toilet crocs had created. My mind stumbled. I had no idea who or what had created this new world we were all stuck in.

By the time we reached the outskirts of Joridoon Flats the sun had risen, painting the world in a bright orange glow. I slowed my pace, panting for breath and sweating bullets, but I couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot. We’d made it!

A slow ache and uncomfortable dampness were making my right foot feel really odd. I assumed it was blistered and bleeding from all the running in my old, battered work boots, but that would have to wait. There was no point looking at it when all I had to do was reach out and be taken away from this place.

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I reached down and picked up Stella, looking over my shoulder to see Sob standing right behind me.

“Are you ready for this?” I asked the horse.

Sob snorted and shook out his mane, stamping an impatient foot on the ground. I assumed that meant ‘yes’. I pet Stella’s head before I reached out, the electricity of the fiery pillar making the hairs on my arm stand on end. I hesitated for a second, still a little anxious about trusting alien magic.

I took a steadying breath and said, “follow me Sob, or you’ll be left behind.”

My fingers were an inch from touching the spiraling fire when a roar made my ears ring, and a giant clawed hand whipped out of nowhere, slicing gouges in my arm. I screamed and stumbled back. Sob whinnied and bolted, clouds of dirt jumping out around his retreating hooves. Stella growled and struggled, escaping from my hold, and hitting the ground hard.

My eyes widened as I looked up at the croc circling the fiery whirlwind. I screamed and ran for the cover of the dilapidated train station, pushing through the broken door and slamming it behind me. Stella was right beside me. It wouldn’t hold against the croc, not even for a second, but nevertheless, it was a barrier.

I yanked my pathetic whip from my belt and skidded to a darkened corner behind a stack of crates. Dust and spiderwebs coated me in less than a second but I didn’t care. Spiders were better than mutant toilet crocs. Stella squeezed in beside me and I snatched her close to my chest, stroking her to keep her quiet as I watched the shadow creeping along the porch through the sheet-covered windows.

I waited, not sure why it hadn’t charged in right after me. My legs cramped from my awkward squat, but I held the position anyway. A second shadow just as big and lumbering joined the first. I swallowed, my balls tightening like they’d been caught in a vice. I could hear them growling and hissing at each other. It wasn’t aggressive. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought they were talking.

Great, the monsters were at least semi-intelligent. That’s not at all what I wanted.

I peeked around the corner of my hidey-hole. Four long claws appeared over the half-broken door, gripping the weak wood and ripping it from its hinges with a resounding crack. I stiffened, gripping my leather whip more firmly. The beast tried to squeeze through the door, its large shoulders hampering its progress for a short moment. The second followed, right on the tail of the first. They grumbled and flung their long snouts around. I kept to the shadows, barely breathing.

GURGLE!

I flinched at the loud angry scream from my painfully empty stomach. Both crocs whipped their heads around to stare at my not-so-secret corner.

Fuck.

I ran, not wanting to be trapped by the croc's headlong charge. Stella yelped and bolted, taking off down a cramped, debris-filled hallway. I followed her, leaping over a cluster of smaller crates. One of the crocs raked my back with its claws, I screamed and ran faster.

This shouldn’t be happening. We’d been so close. I’d felt the lightning from the spiraling magical pillar, but I’d hesitated. Why had I hesitated? This was all my fault. I hoped Stella was wise enough to head for the pillar while crocs munched on my bones.

I needed a gun, a crossbow, or a knife. Or anything that wasn’t this pathetic ass sexy-time whip that did nothing. I’d said it before, and I’m sure if I survived this bullshit I’d say it again; fuck you, Gordon.

I squeezed myself into the tight hallway, scraping the skin off my stomach and my back as I forced my too-big body into the small space. My health bar crept down, heading dangerously close to half. The crocs tried to follow me but no matter how they clawed and roared they couldn’t fit. One stuck its arm in after me, tearing off a swathe of my filthy shirt.

Their constant roaring was making my head throb. I glared at the nearest beast and stuck up my favorite finger in its direction. “Suck on that, you filthy wanker.”

I had to grab Stella and get my ass around the building back to the pillar. It was the only thing that would save us now. I glanced at my watch as I pushed through the other side. We were running out of time.

I stumbled out on the broken platform, blinking at the bright sunshine. I couldn’t see Stella. I turned, hightailing it around the side of the building. A croc charged around the corner at me. Its toothy jaw opened wide, and its clawed hands outstretched. I stuck my arm out, latching onto a column and yanking myself around to hurtle back the way I’d come.

I dodged around the same corner I’d just come around. The second croc was charging from the opposite side of the building. I was about to be sandwiched between two toothy monsters.

Yep, I was screwed.