“Dude,” the spider said again. “Stop it already. You’re tearing up a week’s worth of work.”

I screamed again and struggled, trying to throw the monster's cold hands off my body. It didn’t work. The monster huffed and suddenly the strands, which had to be spider webs let go and I crashed to the hard ground not far from where I’d been. I struggled against the blanket of web still holding me tight. I didn’t want to be eaten by a fucking gigantic spider.

Something wet slapped against my face then the ground shook and those same cold hands gripped me lifting me up like I weighed nothing at all. Something sharp traversed my body from neck to feet. The threads of the web loosened and pulled away, setting me free.

I struggled and the enormous spider monster dropped me.

“There, are you happy?” the spider asked. “There’s no reason to freak the fuck out.”

I looked at the thing again. It had the body of a red-back spider with eight thin pointy legs but where its head should be was the torso and head of a man with flaming red hair and green eyes. It stood at least eight feet tall and was about the same length from chest to spinnerets. I opened my mouth to scream again but it slapped a cold hand over the bottom half of my face.

“If you scream one more time, I really will eat you. I like quiet, okay?”

“Who… who are you?” I blurted when it let go of me.

The spider smiled and pulled itself to its full height, throwing its arms wide. “I’m Red, and this is my humble traveling market! Care to have a look at my wares?”

I just stared at Red as a golden coin icon appeared in front of him. Stella wound around my legs. I bent just enough to stroke her head, too mystified to appreciate the fact that we were alive. I gingerly reached out, focusing on the icon.

A very strange window filled my vision. It looked a lot like the loot windows, but one half was absolutely full of various items, every single one of them with a price beside it. The other half was a picture of Red’s smiling face and below that a small cluster of information.

Red the Travelling Trader

Gold: 3,000

There were so many different things to sort through. He had clothes, tools, weapons, and armor and every single one of them was ridiculously overpriced. I read some of the descriptions.

Basic shirt

150 gold

Recurve bow

900 gold

Candle

75 gold

Lockpick

100 gold

I frowned and pressed the icon for the recurve bow. The icon flashed red and shuddered like I’d offended it somehow.

“Oops, like you don’t have enough gold for that one, why don’t you try another?” Red said.

I frowned. I knew there was a decent amount of cash in my wallet. Probably not 900 dollars’ worth though. I clicked the candle and the same thing happened again.

“Hmm, how strange. Do you actually have any money?” Red asked.

I growled and closed the window, digging in my bum bag for my wallet. I pulled out the beaten leather and flipped it open, counting the notes.

“I have one hundred and fifty dollars. Can I have the shirt at least?” I asked.

Red frowned and leaned over me, looking intensely at my wallet like he’d never seen one before. “What’s all that paper?”

I pulled out my notes and waved them in his face. “Money. Take it and give me the shirt.”

Red reared back and laughed so loud it echoed off the crevice walls. “That’s not money! At least not here. Where’s your gold or gemstones? That’s what I’m interested in.”

“Who the hell trades in actual gold and shiny rocks nowadays?” I grumbled.

“Me, that’s who. And every other trader roaming about these parts,” Red said, jabbing a finger at his chest to emphasize his words.

I stuffed the money back into my wallet. What was I supposed to do now?

“If you want, I’ll trade you three gold for that flippy leather thing,” Red said.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

I folded my wallet and held it close to my chest. “Come on, this thing is worth at least fifty gold and you know it.”

Red frowned and stroked his chin skeptically. “I don’t know, it doesn’t look like it’s worth that much.”

“Are you kidding, look at this thing. It folds up nice and small and has enough slots to hold ten cards! It’s even got a few in there already so whoever buys it doesn’t have to start from scratch. And look at this leather, it's beautifully distressed. That’s not an easy look to achieve,” I smiled and waggled my wallet temptingly.

“Twenty-five. That’s my final offer.”

“Forty,” I said.

Red glared at me. “Thirty, and not a single piece more.”

“Deal!” I smiled and handed the wallet over.

Red reached into his pocket and then dumped a handful of gold chunks into my hand. Then he set about inspecting the wallet like it was some unbelievably interesting trinket.

“Ooh, this one has a tiny picture of your face on it,” Red said, pulling out my license. “Cool.”

“Yeah, it is. That’s a unique card you know. Very hard to come by.”

“What do you do with these cards? Is it some kind of game?” Red asked.

I shuffled uncomfortably; these lies were getting out of hand. “Yeah, haven’t you ever heard of… Frazzle? Everyone plays it.”

“Frazzle. Yeah, I think I’ve heard of that.”

I tried not to laugh at the spider's lie. I shoved the gold he’d given me into my bum bag. It wasn’t much but at least it was a start. Wasn’t even enough to buy a single candle though, I needed more.

“Say, this gold. Where can I get more of it?”

Red beamed down at me and slid the wallet into his pocket. “Well, I am feeling pretty generous right now, so let me give you a present.” He reached out and grabbed my arm, right over my tattoos. Something burned on my skin, not enough to hurt but enough to be uncomfortable. “There, that’s a marker to a gold mine nearby. Do dig up some nuggets and come back to me. I've got a lot of goods just waiting for you.”

“Are you really feeling nice, or do you just want me to dig up some money to give to you?” I asked.

“Does it matter? You need gold and now you know where to get some. That’s a pretty good trade for nothing at all, right?”

“I guess,” I said. “Hey, do you know where I can find a cable snake?”

“Actually, I do!” Red said.

“Where? Where is it?”

“Tutt, tutt, tutt,” the spider-man said. “That information is worth at least three-hundred gold.”

“Seriously?”

Red smiled, showing a row of pearly white pointed teeth. “Seriously.”

I looked around at the giant forest of web surrounding me. “Can you let me out of this thing so I can go chase this gold?”

“If you give me five gold, I’ll take you right up to the top.”

“Fine, five. But you take me and Stella.”

Red lifted a brow, but he accepted the gold I gave him. He grabbed me with one hand and a squirming Stella with the other then he started to climb, somehow fitting his enormous body through the tangled web. When his bed of web ended, he started climbing the wall like it wasn’t weird to climb a vertical wall. I guess for a spider it wasn’t. Still, I clutched at the arm holding me, terrified by the height. There was no guarantee the web would catch me if I fell into it again.

Finally, Red topped the rise and dropped us gently to the ground. “Go get some gold. I’ll be waiting here when you get back.”

With that, he disappeared, climbing back down to his terrifying home.

I turned to Stella and mussed up her fur. “That was almost as terrifying as the crocs.”

Stella barked. I smiled and stood, opening my inventory window. Without my wallet, I had extra space, and it seemed my gold didn’t need a space to exist. It sat above my inventory boxes.

Gold: 25

I glanced at my minimap. A new icon was showing that was different from the quest marker. It was blue, not gold, and indicated I needed to go northwest. I frowned. According to the icon I needed to cross the crevice somehow.

I closed my inventory and crouched by the crevice edge. “Hey, Red! You dropped us on the wrong side!”

“Five gold for a ride,” Red called back.

The greedy bastard. I stood and looked both ways. As far as I could see, which was pretty far there was no way to cross this thing nearby. Great.

“Sob, Frank, get your asses over here,” I called. “Red, give us a ride.”

It didn’t take the spider long to ferry us across the gaping hole. He shot a web from his butt and used it to swing across, apparently not burdened at all by carrying a horse, a dog, and me. Frank just flew across, rubbing in the fact that he didn’t need to shell out gold to get where he needed to go.

I followed the icon long into the night. I probably should have found a place to sleep but I wanted to reach the mine before I did that. All I had to do was walk and occasionally check my map to make sure I was going in the right direction.

Eventually, the thing came into view, illuminated by an old-fashioned lantern. Which was odd, but hey, sometimes you have to work with what you’ve got.

I approached the thing and eyed it suspiciously. I’d never really been in a mine before. Was I supposed to know what I was looking for? I saw an old pickaxe laying in the shrubbery near the wooden entrance. I bent down and grabbed the thing, sure I’d need it when I went inside.

Stella, Sob, and Frank waited outside as I pushed the wooden door open and crept inside. It was quiet and oddly cold inside. The entire length of the tunnel was lit at odd intervals by the same old lanterns. I sneaked along, keeping to the shadows as much as I could.

I needn’t have bothered though. As far as I could tell the entire place was empty. It didn’t take me long to find a vein of gold. It’s hard to miss a jagged opening in the tunnel wall that sparkled. I swung the pickaxe at the thing over and over.

100 gold received!

New Achievement: Gold Digger

Description: Nice! A few more of these and you can retire in luxury!

The sparkling vanished. I hit the vein a few more times but nothing happened. I wandered further and found another, repeating the process ad nauseam. I have to tell you, mining for gold was fucking boring. Useful, yes, but boring. I kept going, sweating like a pig and my arms shaking from the hard work of swinging the axe into hard, jarring stone. By the time I reached the end of the tunnel, I collected six-hundred gold. A very nice haul if I do say so myself.

Now I had enough to buy a heap of goodies from my new spider friend. I left the tunnel and started the long walk all the way back to Red. I was feeling groggy and grumpy by the time we made it back. Even the bright sun hovering well above the horizon didn’t help to assuage my mood.

Carefully, I approached the edge of the enormous crevice. “Red, I’m back.”

“Five gold!”

“Oh, fuck off, already.”