I flinched and dropped my new book, scrabbling away as the bullet whizzed past my ear.

“For fuck sake, Jacob! You’re supposed to be aiming at the bottles, not my fucking head!”

“I’m sorry,” the boy cried, rubbing his pink nose with the back of his hand

I glared at him before turning to pick up the book the Toilet Master had given me. I’d only made it halfway through the thing and already my head was pounding. So far I’d learned very little about the Fellowship of Fayum other than the fact that they were batshit insane.

In the book, it said that on the night of a new moon an Associate of the Fellowship would offer up a part of themselves to appease Melumek’s hunger. If the godlike entity accepted the offering, there would be no disasters until the new moon came again. If he did not accept it, well, that's the kind of thing that causes a toilet croc invasion.

Whoever had made the unacceptable offering needed to have their ass kicked.

That part of the book, as insane as it was, was something I could follow. It was the other parts that made no sense, like how Associates would have their marriages arranged based on eye color alone. Or how the next Divine, whatever that was, could only ascend by eating the flesh of her predecessor. That part made my stomach flip.

I still hadn’t read anything about a ‘great cull’ though. So far it was just a collection of ramblings from people who had forsaken their sanity to join what had to be a cult. And an evil cult at that.

One thing caught my attention though. In the book, a sacred place was mentioned over and over. Something called Mary’s Redoubt. The book didn’t give a location other than North. Do you know how much land is north of central New South Wales? It is a LOT. I had expected a quest to pop up at some point throughout the book, but so far there was nothing.

I sighed and rubbed my aching eyes. I slipped the book into my pocket, too tired to read anymore right that second. I shifted and looked over at Nora and Jacob. Nora was trying so hard to help the boy but for whatever reason, he hadn’t hit a single can. What use was a gunslinger who couldn’t shoot? Even I’d been more than passable when I’d picked up a bow for the first time. I’d assumed it was purely because of my class but maybe it was something else. Some sort of knack I was born with or something along those lines.

I doubted that was it but what other explanation could there be for Jacob’s ineptitude with his class's chosen weapon?

I drew one of my blades and hopped to my feet. If we were going to be stuck here training for who knows how long, then I might as well practice. I tried out a few jump strikes, aiming at a small sack hanging from the ceiling on a frayed rope. It was hard to reach, even if I pushed off the wall and twisted. After a few minutes, I hit the ground and stopped, panting desperately for breath. I was getting slimmer and fitter the longer we stayed in this crazy-ass new world but even with all that training, throwing my body around was exhausting.

I straightened, wiping the sweat from my brow as I focused on my feet. My fight with Vincent Voss had given me an idea, one I was desperate to see come to life. I focused on a spot on the other side of the large warehouse we were practicing in and took a step, willing my feet to carry me there in a blur.

My leg shook a little but otherwise, nothing happened. I sighed and sheathed my blades. I guess that move required some higher stats or a skill I didn’t have yet.

I opened my stats menu. It was hard to keep track of all the numbers so I found myself looking at the thing more and more often.

Ability

Score

Agility:

12

Charisma:

7

Constitution:

11

Endurance:

7

Intelligence:

2

Perception:

The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

11

Magic:

1

Strength:

5

I wasn’t really sure how my stats compared to what others might have. Was I building the abilities in the right way for my character? Who knows. This was not my area of expertise. I’m not ashamed to admit I’d sometimes have to look up the best character-building guilds in some of the RPGs I’d played in the past. It still stung a little that my intelligence score was so low but given I wasn’t a complete moron I was fairly sure that particular ability corresponded with magic wielders more than sneak thieves. I couldn’t be sure of course but it was an educated guess.

Even though my agility score was the highest of them all, I guessed I’d need to focus on that ability if I wanted to pull out some of the more impressive moves like the quick step Vincent had pulled on me. Hopefully, that wasn’t a skill restricted to that boss in particular.

Bored out of my mind I exited the menu and leaned against a column as I turned back to my party members. Finally, after wasting so many of the rounds we’d found for him, Jacob hit a can.

I started clapping and hollering until Nora gave me a vile look that suggested her axe might meet my rear end in a very unpleasant manner. I don’t know why I felt the need to be such a dick but for some reason, I couldn’t seem to stop it. If I wasn’t careful I was going to end up like Sob.

“That was great Jacob,” Nora said. “Now let’s see if we can hit the rest of them. Then we’ll get out of here. If we stay in one place too long the crocs will find us.”

“Okay, I can do this,” Jacob replied, aiming his gun with a shaking hand at the line of cans on a far-away half wall.

I sighed and opened my quest menu, sorting through what I had left there. There were only four in there.

Dead Drop

It’s so rude to read someone's private thoughts, but the diary held some important details. It’s time to go on a hunt for Tony the cable snake man. Just be careful, this guy makes people a little hot under the collar.

An Eye for an Eye

There is a master blacksmith in Stanthorpe that might be worth visiting.

The Witch of Evermore

The witch is brewing a powerful potion. One that’s sure to knock the beastly crocs on their ass. Collect the following items to get a taste of the sweet, sweet elixir. 1 x Vampire Bat Wing. 1 x Gall bladder of a King Toilet Croc. 1 x Venom of the Nightstalker Rattler. Happy hunting.

The Candlestick in the Ballroom

An unholy silence has taken over Old Man Wellington’s manor house. The man was a nut but a long-time collector of all things cryptic. Pay him a visit, and find out what happened.

I already knew two of them were too difficult to attempt at my current level but the other two might be alright. Nora wanted to head toward a city but until I finished these quests I was beginning to think that was a bad idea. We were already in the area, why leave before I completed them?

It would have been helpful if the quests came with a difficulty rating. That was another thing I would gripe about if I ever met the makers of this game. I might be feeling a little more comfortable with my abilities nowadays, but I still didn’t want to throw myself into unnecessary danger.

I would have to ask Nora what kind of quests she had collected so far.

Jacob hit the last can and let out a whoop in delight. Nora smiled and wrapped the boy in a hard hug.

“That’s it, you’ve got it!”

“I think I do!”

“Can we move on now?” I asked. “With all this noise I’m sure the crocs aren’t far away.”

Stella sat by the door, lifting her head as I marched in her direction. The door burst open and Sob charged inside, his bulk barely fitting through the door. Behind him can a ferocious roar and a croc slammed into the opening, the wooden door frame shattering as it forced its way inside.

Stella yelped and bolted, chasing Sob across the warehouse.

“Run!” I bellowed.

I turned and rushed away from the towering monster. He was the large kind of croc that I’d rather not go head-to-head with. Jacob’s high-pitched scream echoed around the building as he took off running. Nora’s face contorted into a vicious scowl, she stood her ground, her axe at the ready. I grabbed her arm, dragging her with me as I rushed away.

“Let me go!” She shouted.

“Not this time, we have to go.”

“Joe, we can take him.”

“We don’t have to kill everything we see Nora, now move your ass!”

Sob and Stella outpaced us with ease but we followed their dusty trail as they weaved through the streets. The croc chased us for so long that I wasn’t sure my stamina would hold up. I was right. My speed dropped significantly as we rounded a bend. Nora skidded to a halt, looking back at me and then at Jacob who was rounding a corner ahead of us.

“Go!” I bellowed. “I’ll be alright.”

She hesitated for half a second before continuing to run. I glanced around as the ground shook beneath my feet. The croc was right behind me. The street was practically empty. I panted for breath, the panic sweeping through me like a wave. I needed to hide. Where could I go?

A sparkle caught my eye and without thinking I hurried toward it as fast as my depleted stamina would allow me to. My gut had steered me wrong so many times but my brain felt almost numb. There was no thinking right now. Only action.

I slipped beneath an old cart, yanking the tarp on top of it over enough to cover me from view. The croc rounded the corner behind us and charged after Nora’s retreating form. I pressed my hand's hard into the paved street below me, holding my breath as the annoying silver sparkles danced around me. The croc paused for a moment and did a little spin in place, lifting its snout high into the air.

Piss off you great lumbering jackass, I thought.

I flinched as the thudding of heavy feet slapping the ground sounded again.