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Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 37 – Flushing Revelations

Chapter 37 – Flushing Revelations

I might be letting my age out here but do you know how it feels to tilt a trampoline up on its side and race at it, getting as high up as you can before it starts to fall, then riding it down as its feet return to earth with a satisfying thud? Yeah, that’s how it felt as I slammed my blade into the croc's neck, severing its spinal cord. I clutched the hilt hard, my feet planted solidly in the beast’s back as it pitched face-first onto the asphalt.

A wave of pure satisfaction swept through me as I yanked the blade free and looked at my newest kill. It was beginning to glow already. It had only been a distant feeling before but now that I’d focused on it, I realized that the pleasure I got from a kill grew each time I succeeded, like my brain was flooding me with happy hormones as a reward. I liked it. I liked it a little too much.

It hadn’t been as difficult as I had thought it would be to convince Nora to stay in Stanthorpe for a while yet. And with Nora’s agreement, came Jacob’s. He was a lost puppy and he followed her like she were his mother. I didn’t think too deeply about that one as it was a bit on the weird side. It didn’t matter anyway. The decision made, I had done something that had made Nora squeal with joy. I’d asked her to go hunting.

It went against everything inside me that screamed for me to hide and wait out this volatile new existence like a cockroach in the shadows. I had made up my mind though as I sat at the bar at the breaking of dawn drinking mugs of Phlegm’s best coffee. I was going to become the best version of myself that I could be. No matter how many risks I had to take or how scared I got, I was going to do it anyway. I couldn’t improve without committing completely, body and soul.

When I was younger I was a big lad. I ate too much and spent too much time forming an ass-shaped divet on the sofa. I’d only been able to change that when I’d committed to change. This was the same feeling I had back then. Determination. Resolve. Motivation. All those feelings mixed together and combined into something that would see me through this nightmare.

Or, if all else failed, at least I would die on my terms. I’d be cursing myself as the croc tore my head off. I could live with that. Or, die with that. Shut up, you know what I mean.

I squatted down and looted the fallen body of the croc. I got the same tooth that I always did, you know, one day I hoped I would find out what these were actually for, and a chunk of rotting meat. Well, that one I didn’t bother taking but it was there.

“That was great Joe!” Nora cried running up to me. “You killed it all on your own!”

I stood, not quite hiding the smile that cocked my lips. I did. I actually did. And I’d barely lost any health at all. Dodging and striking from behind were clearly my friend, now I just had to perfect it.

It had occurred to me that I shouldn’t have been able to learn how to use swords, especially two at once, so quickly. I assumed this was a benefit of my class because it had been the same way with the bow. Somehow, I just understood what to do and then, the more I used the weapon or performed certain attacks, the better I got at it.

Practice really did make perfect. Even if I was given a little boost by the new world's system mechanics.

I eyed Nora’s big two-handed axe. “Can I borrow that for a second?”

Her brilliant smile turned into a frown as she clutched her axe to her chest. “No.”

“Please, I want to try something.”

She sighed and handed it over, her whole body tense. The moment her hands left the weapon I stumbled back under the thing's weight. My eyes bulged in surprise. The thing was huge but the way Nora flung it around with ease had me thinking it wasn’t that heavy. I was wrong.

I hefted the weapon and turned, giving it a few awkward swings that almost had me falling on my ass. It was horribly unwieldy. I tried to aim for the croc’s body but as I brought the thing down my back spasmed and I missed my mark. I stood there, my arms shaking as I panted for breath. My fatigue meter had dropped from 12 to a mere 4 with only that one action.

I straightened and handed the axe back to Nora, groaning as I massaged the pain in my back. Yep, it was confirmed that not every weapon’s use came naturally to me. I guess I should have realized that given that non-gunslingers couldn’t use a gun at all, but this truly confirmed my suspicions. As a thief, I could wield a bow and short swords or daggers. Those were my limits. It suited me though. The swords on my back felt more like an extension of my arm than anything else and the bow had been incredibly handy, even with the limitations regarding arrows.

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Jacob came over to join us, his eyes focused on the dead croc at my feet. “How can you even think of taking that thing out on your own when we’re all right here?”

“There’s only one way to get better, kid and that’s to do things you don’t want to do.”

Jacob frowned and fingered the gun that now sat in a croc skin holster on his belt. “I still think you’re crazy. They might be the smaller ones but they’re still dangerous.”

Nora laughed. “It’s fun if you give it a chance Jacob. Come on, let’s go find another one.”

I let them walk ahead of me as we wandered through the streets looking for prey that wouldn’t immediately kill us. We’d already taken out four crocs and another snake. They seemed to be the abundant creatures in this place.

Every time we wandered my mind jumped back to my meeting with Shadow Walkers. I’d been awake all night but for some reason becoming part of the guild had given me a wealth of energy. It was almost like I had a purpose. One that wasn’t just surviving and hopping from quest to quest. Now I could improve my skills and climb the ranks to become a master like Kendrick seemed to be. Sure, doing so meant completing a lot more quests and scaling my thieving abilities which weren't too far gone from what I was doing before but this just felt different. It was a challenge that had a clear endpoint. One that made sense.

“Can you stop doing that, it’s making me nervous.”

I blinked and focused on Nora staring back at me from up ahead. “What?”

“You keep twitching your head around. What’s wrong with you?”

My mouth worked but nothing came out. I knew what she was talking about. Now that I’d discovered the silver sparks that marked useful hiding places I couldn’t stop seeing them wherever we went. There was one behind a loose wooden panel on the side of the building over there. Another under a cart not far from me. And another up on the roof of one of the buildings near a big ass brick chimney. They were everywhere and using them was one of the reasons I’d been able to beat the croc back there on my own.

Could I tell my friends about my new skill or did that violate one of the rules of the Shadow Walkers Guild? Argh, I hated this uncertainty. Keeping secrets did not come naturally to me. I wasn’t as loose-lipped as Gordon was on the beers but still, there was a reason I normally tried to avoid gossip.

“Sorry. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I guess I’m just tired.”

“You do look like crap, old man,” Jacob said.

“Fuck off.”

“Well, you do.”

“Boys, enough!” Nora barked. “Are we going hunting or do we need to take your ass back to the inn for a nap?”

I wanted to answer but my eyes were drawn to something else. The door to the building just up ahead was ajar and something was staring out at us. It didn’t feel threatening and was the size of a small child. Holy crap was there a little kid here all alone?

Panic washed through me as I started running. The thing, whatever it was, vanished from the doorway, disappearing deeper into the house. I pushed through the door and followed the sound of footsteps to the back of the house.

“Wait, I’m not going to hurt you,” I called. “I just want to help.”

A rounded a bend in the hallway and found myself facing an empty bathroom. The loud sound of a toilet flushing drew my attention. I cautiously approached the thing, seeing the bright gleam of gold in the reseeding water.

I swallowed nervously and stepped in for a closer look. Whatever it was, it was much bigger than a filthy outhouse gun. I checked behind me to make sure I was alone before staring into the gurgling depths of the white porcelain bowl.

The glow wasn’t attached to anything in particular. There were no items that I could see. Carefully, I reached out, the golden glow lighting up my fingers.

The world went suddenly dark. I thrashed in the gloom and the weightlessness but unlike all the times before, this time it vanished quickly and I found myself standing in a darkened, slimy, and foul-smelling brick tunnel. The only light here was cast from odd-looking glowing mushrooms that lined the corners of the tunnel floor and crept up the walls. Filthy, disgusting water lapped at my pretty croc skin boots as my stomach roiled in protest.

A notification flashed up in front of me. Cold fear filled me as I read the words.

Minor dungeon discovered!

Dungeons can be found throughout the new world in the unlikeliest of places. Like all dungeons, these offer terrible danger and difficult trials but also, handsome rewards! Once entered, there is only one way out. Find the exit before death finds you.

Requirements for entry: None

I was alone. In what appeared to be a sewer about to face terrible danger and difficult trials. I looked up at the dripping ceiling and snarled, “this is not what I meant when I committed to improving!”

From far away a thunderous roar blasted through the tunnel. A powerful breeze struck my face bringing with it a stench so bad it dwarfed the filth swirling around my ankles. I swallowed and drew my swords. Glancing back I saw there was a solid wall blocking my retreat with only a tiny grate in the bottom for the repulsive muck to flow through. That left only one way to go. Forward.