Novels2Search
Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 200 – Only a Flush Away

Chapter 200 – Only a Flush Away

The banging of the spoon on the side of the cauldron was beginning to grate on my nerves. Always three. Why was it always three? Boopzy ran around the clearing, wearing his favorite basket as a hat. Every time he came close to the edge of the swamp itself he let out a high-pitched cry and ran away only to continue his circling. Whatever Sob had done to him with his soothing flash of blue light had sent the creature into a frenzy.

I envied the Tentarat’s energy. I sat on the driest patch of earth I could find having lost my hammock to Nora and Gabby. They sat squashed together regaling us all with stories of their hunt outside the swamp. I tried to focus on what they were saying to no avail. My brain just didn’t want to listen.

It was Kendrick’s fault. He was over by Cassie’s cabin, leaning against the wall beside a snoozing Theo. Jitta had disappeared the moment Sob had charged into the clearing. She flittered away on tiny wings without saying goodbye. The moment the others had followed Sob I had expected questions about the stranger in our midst but not a single one had been tossed my way. Cassie’s eyes frequently landed on the man but she didn’t acknowledge him as she kept up the conversation with Nora and Gabby. I had expected, or in all honesty hoped, that Nora would draw her axe on the man. Seeing him squirm beneath her scrutiny would bring me immense joy. Too bad for me he seemed to be nothing more than a phantom haunting the edge of my vision as I tried and failed to ignore him.

“… so jumpy?”

The words broke through the fog in my brain, jerking me back to reality. I blinked and shook myself, digging my fingers deeper into Stella’s comforting fur.

“What?” I asked the group, unsure who had spoken.

Nora’s eyes flared as she stared down her nose at me, idly rocking the hammock with one booted foot. “ I said, why are you so jumpy?”

“Huh, I not,” I said, reaching up to rub at my head.

Nora narrowed her eyes at me and suddenly I was the one squirming. “Something happened while we were gone, didn’t it?”

“Oh, I like her,” Kendrick said. “She’s sharp as a tack. Maybe you and her should swap classes.”

“Shut up,” I snapped, glaring at the man.

“Excuse me?” Nora practically bellowed.

The blood drained from my face. Not only could they not see the master thief leaning against the building, they couldn’t hear him either. “I wasn’t talking to you. Sorry.”

“Then who were you talking to?”

“The potion is just about ready, it’s time for you all to make your choice,” Cassie interrupted.

I could tell by the thundering look on Nora's face that she wasn’t done with me. Sometimes I wished she would just let things go. Gabby on the other hand didn’t seem interested in my odd behavior at all. She leaped to her feet and rushed to Cassie’s side, her face illuminated by the green-hued liquid in the cauldron.

“What are our options again?” She asked the witch.

“Stay and take this potion here where your animal companions will be safe, or take it with you and hunt down Nigel the Sentinel first,” Cassie answered.

“Shut the hell up!”

Frank’s call was muffled but still made its way out the slightly ajar window of the cabin. The raven had rarely left his perch within since the moment we’d arrived. It seemed he wasn’t happy at the idea of being left out of an adventure. At least, that’s the feeling I got from his call. I could be completely wrong given that I didn’t speak crazy ass bird.

Sob snorted and stomped his feet setting the fiery blue feathers above his hooves dancing. Stella yawned and rolled, exposing her belly to my pats. Boopzy wasn’t listening to any of us, content to rush around the clearing pretending to be a turtle. Sasye watched his every move, her head tilted as if she was trying to make sense of his antics. Captain Fluffers, lying right beside her at Kendrick’s feet was indifferent to it all, opting to snooze like Stella was instead.

“What should we do?” Gabby asked.

Nora sighed and fingered the crescent blade of her axe. “We’re already here, maybe we should just take the potion. It’s that or we waste…”

I held up a hand to stop her before she could continue. “What does your potion actually do before we make up our mind?”

“I told you before,” Cassie said, a hint of irritation creeping into her voice. “You’ll be sent to a dungeon that will offer you the chance to defeat the Crocs. It won’t stop Melumek mind you, just his beastly pals.”

“It will stop them entirely?” I asked.

Cassie spread her hands wide and lifted her shoulders. “I can make no guarantees. Perhaps it will, or maybe only a select type of Croc will be annihilated. That is entirely up to how you three handle yourselves on the other side.”

Done speaking Cassie waved her hands, summoning three exotic-looking crystal flasks from her cabin. They floated from the window, bobbing as they sailed through the air. I watched as one by one they dunked themselves into the cauldron, filling to the brim with the glowing liquid inside. When the cauldron was empty Cassie stepped forward and stoppered each in turn with careful fingers. Her job done she sent the flasks flying again. One for me, one for Nora, and one for Gabby.

If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

Theo snorted in his sleep, waking himself up. I’d thought him completely out of it but his eyes shone with a determination I hadn’t seen there in a long time. “Where is mine?”

Nora and I stiffened in response but Gabby smiled sweetly and hurried to her father, kneeling down in front of him.

“There was only enough for three. Besides, if we’re leaving all the others here they will need someone to protect them. Could you do that for us?”

Theo screwed up his nose and opened his mouth to answer but Cassie beat him to it. “I would appreciate it if you could stay here with me, Champion. When they cross over the Crocs will know and they’ll come out in full force. There are many here in this swamp. I won’t be able to keep them all at bay on my own.”

Gabby’s face drained of all color when she turned her eyes on the witch. Cassie offered her a small smile but did not bother to alleviate the fear Gabby was plainly feeling. I had no idea if Cassie was speaking the truth or simply trying to appease the warrior but either way it was effective. Theo climbed to his feet, rolling his shoulders as his face set in a scowl.

“I will defend your home as if it were my own, my lady,” he said.

Cassie beamed. “Thank you.”

“So it’s decided then,” Nora said. “We’re using the potion now and not going after Nigel?”

“I think it might be our best play right now,” I said.

“We know where Nigel is. We can get there fast enough with the carriage at the inn. For now, we should put a stop to these Crocs. It will make it easier to build our safe house too,” Gabby said.

I scraped my foot along the ground disturbing the muddy dirt. “We have left the others there for a long time now. They’ve probably all left.”

“I don’t think so. They were as determined as we were to have a safe place away from all these monsters. If we’re lucky, they’ll have the entire place ready before we get back,” Nora said.

“But I don’t want that. It was our idea. I kind of wanted to have some input into how it was built,” I said.

“Leave it to the Crafters, Joe. They can do things we can only dream of.”

“But…”

“No buts. If we get back and they’ve already begun I expect you to be grateful for it and not blast them for taking creative liberties,” Nora said.

“Yes, I like her a lot,” Kendrick piped up.

My dreams of having my own private alchemy room were being torn to shreds. I doubted the Crafters would even know that I had the ability let alone that I preferred to brew in private. Cassie’s reaction to my best potion was enough to cement the need for privacy in my mind.

Boopzy in his mad rush around the clearing slammed into my leg, almost sending me toppling over Stella’s prone form.

“Careful mate,” I snapped, scooping the little Tentarat into my arms.

Screee!

Boopzy reached out with a tentacle, wrapping it around the delicate-looking flask and yanking it. I tightened my grip, pulling it away from him.

“Not for you.”

Boopzy chittered angrily, squirming in my arms until I let him down. I dusted off my hands and turned back to Cassie. “So what is the deal? Do we just drink the potion and off we go?”

Cassie laughed, that same tinkling sound that descended into her typical grating hoot. “Of course not. If you want to reach the Crocs domain you’ll have to arrive the same way they did.”

I waited for her to explain but she seemed content to watch me fidget. “How do we do that?”

Cassie flashed her teeth in a wicked grin but remained silent. It was Nora who answered my question. “We have to go down the toilets like we did when we found the Swamp Hag.”

Kendrick chuckled, “You always look so surprised but if you really thought about it all this would make complete sense.”

“None of this makes sense,” I barked at him.

Nora lifted a brow at me. “It makes more sense than drinking a potion and magically being transported somewhere else.”

“Um… right. I guess,” I mumbled.

“Come along,” Cassie said. “Let’s get this over with.”

She turned and walked around her cabin, disappearing into the darker shadows on the other side. Nora marched over to Sob and whispered in his ear as she stroked his muzzle before readjusting her armor and following the witch. Gabby wrapped her arms around her father. I sighed and crouched, scratching Stella behind the ears.

“Stay here girl, keep an eye on everything for me, okay? You’re not allowed to get hurt.”

Stella barked and tried to paint my face with her tongue, planting her paws on my shoulders when I tried to pull away. I eased her down, swinging my head one way and then the other to escape her fragrant kisses.

With one last pat, I commanded her to stay and followed the others. Frank screeched out a string of his favorite words from within the cabin but didn’t bother to show his feathered face. Sob turned his back on me, his ears lying flat and his tail swishing.

“Take care of my little girl, Joe,” Theo growled. “If anything happens to her…”

“I know. You’ll gut me and leave me for dead.”

“Oh, no. I’ll do much worse than that,” he snapped.

I gave him a stiff nod and rounded the corner. The others had gathered around the small outhouse Cassie had constructed there. It was much nicer than the last one I’d seen. The wooden door was carved with vines and beautiful flowers decorated the outside and the inside alike. She’d even managed to find some high-quality loo paper somewhere giving it an out-of-place luxury feel.

“All right, let’s do this,” I said.

Nora pushed her way to the front and with a glance at Cassie to confirm she was doing it correctly, dumped her potion into the toilet. The liquid hissed as it disappeared from view and a bright green glow emanated from within.

Nora looked back at me and said, “See you on the other side.”

She jumped, shoving her feet into the bowl. The green light flared and vanished, swallowing the warrior woman whole.