Sleeping on top of a slightly slanted roof with nothing but a bedroll and a farting gnome who likes to kick doesn’t make for a great night's sleep. Morning came with its chorus of birdsong and brilliant colors which only served to make me angrier. The new day had no right to be so beautiful when I felt like a wretch and my stomach was rumbling.

“Sweet Peachy, don’t you run from me. Give up your charms, girl.”

I made a face and shoved Nigel away from me. I didn’t need him confusing me for Peachy while he was sleeping. I don’t want to even think about the kinds of violating things he would try to do to my poor supple body.

I stood and stretched in the growing sunshine. An odd feeling encompassed me as the shadows from the chimney shifted, chased away by the light. I frowned, eyeing the darkened portion of the roof. I felt sad. No, that’s not right. It was more like an emptiness. Nothing extreme of course, just a sensation I didn’t normally feel.

Chalking it up to the painful effects of hunger and exhaustion I turned around, scratching at my itchy fingertips, and gently nudged Stella with my foot. She groaned and rolled onto her back, throwing a paw over her eyes. I’m not sure what a dog had to be so dramatic about this early in the morning but she was looking like some character in an animated kids show right now.

“Get off you giant, smelly beast!” Nigel bellowed, trying unsuccessfully to crawl out from under Stella’s bulk.

I snickered as the gnome tried to use his magic to escape only for Stella to sneeze and roll further atop him. At least, I laughed until the small bruise the gnome must have gotten dropped me to my knees as I clutched at my ribs.

“Stella,” I groaned. “Wake up.”

She woke with a start, rushing to me and whining, pawing at my arm until I rubbed her fluffy head between her ears. She knew I was hurt, she just had no idea it was because of her.

“Serves you right for laughing,” Nigel snapped, climbing to his feet and straightening his clothes.

It took us a few minutes to get back down from the roof. Stella had learned that she did not like Nigel’s magical leash and ran away from it. The glowing cord chased her about followed by a string of angry curses from the gnome as she dodged it time and again.

We stood on the ground just outside the yard of the inn. I don’t know about the others but I was looking longing in on the place I would have much rather been. Whatever Phlegm was cooking smelled damn good. I was still salty that no one had bothered to bring me something to eat last night. Jacob had bothered to care when I didn’t eat in the cave, but apparently here was a different story. If any of them stepped foot outside that building without a picnic for me I’d shoot an arrow up every one of their asses. Not the regular kind either, the fungal kind.

I eyed the carriage while we waited. The goblin in the driver's seat was still sleeping, his tall hat pulled over his eyes as he lay slumped against the carriage wall. It looked mighty uncomfortable considering there was a building full of beds behind him. Could he not leave the carriage? That seemed incredibly unfair; Phlegm and Taki had the run of the place.

Finally, when the sun was well on its way to noons high the door of the building finally opened. I glowered at my lazy teammates, furious that had left us out here for hours when we should be in Perth by now.

“’Bout fucking time!” Nigel screeched from my shoulder.

“Damn straight,” I barked, a little annoyed that Nigel and I were on the same page.

Theo stretched and rolled his enormous shoulders. “It’s been a long time since any of us got a good night's rest. You can’t blame us for taking advantage of it.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Gigantor, I can and do blame you. What happened to a quick rest and then off to the other side of the country? We’re still on an important quest you know?” I asked.

“No, we are not, you are. There’s a difference, Buckaroo. You had best remember that,” he said.

“No need to be sandy that you didn’t find me yourself, there’s enough Nigel to go around,” the gnome said, making an unwelcome kissy face.

I sighed and rubbed my aching eyes. This is not how I’d wanted to spend the morning. A cool hand landed on mine. Miranda smiled at me and held up an overstuffed woven basket complete with a baguette and a red and white checked napkin.

I beamed like a kid on Christmas and took the basket from her, crouching on the ground as Nigel I raided it with gusto. Miranda only smiled and turned, handing a big, meaty bone to Stella who trotted off happily with the thing to gnaw at it in the shadows.

Nigel sprawled on the ground with a hand on his distended belly, belching out his satisfaction at the meal. I licked the thick, rich gravy from my fingers. There was plenty more in the basket but I was well and truly stuffed. I closed the lid and awkwardly stuffed the thing in my bum bag. It still felt strange that such a small pouch of fabric could manage to swallow everything I tried to squeeze through it into my inventory spots.

Speaking of inventory spots, I glanced over mine as the others meandered toward the carriage that would take us all far from here. In my many attempts at playing with my menus, I’d found one incredibly useful one; if I hit the tiny little arrow beside my inventory slots, it changed shape, and when it did, the items displayed differently. I hit it twice until it showed a little sword and sprig. This was my favorite way of displaying my goods; by category.

Apparel:

Amulet of Melumek’s Curse

Croc skin boots

3 x Fellowship of Fayum Black Robe(s)

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Fox Fur Gloves of Thieving

Leather armor

Leather breeches

2 x Leather boot(s)

Ring of Fayum Calling

Crafting:

52 x Croc Tooth

4 x Elemental gemstone(s)

1 x Wallaby Pelt

Food:

Bluedart Brew

Canteen

Well-stocked Picnic Basket

Ingredients:

4 x Lavender Sprig(s)

1 x Toxic Toad Terror Tongue

2 x Wallaby Tail(s)

Miscellaneous:

2 x Charcoal Sketching Stick

Sketching Parchment

Stone Orb of Noxim

Potions:

1 x Sleeping Draft

Weapons:

2 x Dagger of Bleeding

35 x Fungal Arrow

149 x Iron Arrow

2 x Silver Short Sword of Thieving

Walnut Horsebow of Stunning

I loved the organization of this sorting method. Any way I sorted it though, I realized I only had four empty spots available. Even that was only possible because of the third pouch I’d tied to the strap of my bum bag. I thought longingly back on the pouch that gifted one hundred extra inventory spots I’d seen in a shop window. Maybe one day I could return to Castle Condamine for it. Perhaps in disguise so no one tried to immediately kill me. No problem though, thirty spots was still a lot, I just needed to find a merchant to sell some of the useless crap I was carrying.

Theo, Jacob, Nora, Gabby, and Miranda clambered into the carriage. I watched the thing rock as they settled within, eyeing the small size of the coach, this was going to be a cramped trip. Taki came running from around the corner of the building with Sob on his tail. Taki tied the horse to the back of the carriage and gave him a sugar cube for not fighting too hard.

Done saying their farewells, Phlegm and Taki stood on the step of the inn with their arms crossed over their respective chests, glowering at the gnome on my shoulder. Nigel didn’t sit idly by and accept their rage, he waggled his rear end at them and stuck up his middle fingers as he danced about. The press of his little boots was beginning to hurt and all it was doing was making the goblins hate me more.

I grabbed the gnome and held him carefully in my hands, ignoring the anger he turned on me. The goblins seemed to approve of my methods although I’m sure they wouldn’t have been so gentle.

The goblin driving the carriage snapped his reins and the things trundled from the yard onto the cobbled street in front of me.

“Climb aboard, your fare is paid,” the goblin said in a thick drawl.

“Stella, up,” I said.

The dog came trotting over, her bone still held tightly in her jaw as she leaped into the carriage. I climbed in after, wincing at the tightness. Nora was sitting on the far side of the carriage on Theo’s lap, with Gabby, Miranda, and Jacob squeezed tightly on the bench across from them. Stella curled up on the floor making it hard for everyone to place their feet. I dropped into the small space beside Theo, my broad shoulders cramped between his and the hard wooden wall of the carriage. If Jacob had sat here, he would have fit better. Apparently, none of my team members knew how to play Tetris very well.

“What now?” I asked, trying unsuccessfully to find some semblance of comfort.

“Hold on tight,” the carriage driver called from the front. “Let’s be off.”

The carriage shuddered and began to move.

“It won’t be like this the whole way, will it?” Miranda asked, gingerly placing her feet on Stella’s back.

“No, it will…”

Nora didn’t get to finish her explanation before the darkness consumed us and once again I was floating all alone in the weightless dark place. I panicked, tossing myself about as I tried to make sense of the sudden location change. The space to move was a welcome change but the crushing isolation and dense silence was not.

I wasn’t stuck for long though. A chorus of birdsong sounded and I was thrown back into my place in the carriage, cramped right beside Theo where I had been before.

“… do that,” Nora finished, rubbing at her temples.

The carriage jolted to a stop and the carriage driver called out to us, “this is as far as I go. Give us a holler if you want to go someplace else.”

Jacob scrambled to grab the handle and flung the door open, racing out with Miranda, Gabby, and Stella on his heels. I followed, unfolding my bulk uncomfortably as I slid out on the hard-packed ground. I looked around at our new surroundings, feeling the reality of it hit my stomach like the punch of a world champion boxer.

We were somewhere in the far southwest of Perth’s suburbs. There were no people anywhere around here but the roads and the houses were broken and painted by what I hoped were splashes of reddish brown paint.

Fences were torn down, flower beds were dug up and trees torn roots and all from the ground and tossed across the street. Windows were smashed allowing the shredded fabric of once beautiful curtains to be drawn outside where they fluttered in the breeze like sad ghosts. What really hurt though was the small blue and red plastic tricycle on its side in a yard not far away. One wheel was snapped off and the handlebars were snapped in half. The once-beloved child's toy was nothing but a pile of trash now. What had happened to the little kid who would have loved it?

I looked in the distance at Perth’s skyline and shuddered at the glow of fire coloring the darkening sky. It wasn’t something you’d see from any old bonfire, no, that and the smoke carried by the breeze spoke of an out-of-control blaze eating its way through the city. Fire was a familiar enemy to every Australian. It raged through half the country almost every year, stealing homes, livelihoods, memories, friends, pets, and even lives.

Perth, and everything around it, had been reduced to nothing more than a blazing, broken apocalyptic wasteland.