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Outback Joe vs the Toilet Croc Invasion
Chapter 212 – The Crafter Haven

Chapter 212 – The Crafter Haven

“I thought you were dead!” Nigel roared.

“Like you’d care if we were,” I howled back trying the rip the bastard from the top of my head. My back hit a tall standing mirror and all the others hanging above rattled, threatening to come down on us. “Would you get off before we’re both dead?”

Nigel gave my floppy hair a few more vicious tugs before leaping away and skittering to the other side of the room like some large, ugly rat.

I straightened, yanking my armor back into place. The others of our party were clustered by the only door out of the room, looking on with nothing but amusement. All but Miranda anyway who glared at me from Theo’s tight grip, the thick ropes still keeping her bound.

I shifted awkwardly under the trapped necromancer’s gaze, not sure what else to do with her. It’s not like we had a dungeon to shove her in. Maybe Nigel had some sort of weird gnome magic we could use. I might ask him if he ever stopped his swearing tirade. It would be impressive if it wasn’t all exclusively directed at me.

“Please, shut up,” I groaned, rubbing at my head where a deep throbbing was beginning to awaken.

“Sure, you disappear for months and months but me showing a little concern is what sets you over the edge. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.” Sob snorted from his place at the doorway, his eyes burning with the magic trapped inside. Nigel turned on the horse and shouted, “One more word from you and I’ll turn you into a mouse again.”

Sob stamped his feet, his bulk filling the space more than was comfortable, especially with the rest of us in here as well. I stepped up to him and grabbed ahold of the collar locked around his throat. “Come on, let’s see if we can get you outside. Maybe Affald has some apples for you.”

Navigating the cramped halls with a horse who couldn’t turn around proved to be a challenge. Especially when I stepped out of the mirror room and discovered the other players had not been idle in our absence. The house had been impressive enough before but now it was something else entirely. Kendrick helped me navigate the beast through the cramped space while Nora took over explaining what was happening whenever we ran into other people. I kept my head down as much as possible, fingering my Amulet of Deepening Shadow and wondering if it would be worth activating. The noise and pressure of this place were enough to make invisibility seem almost magical.

“Nora, is that you? I thought…”

“Wait, where did you come from?”

“Gabby, is that…”

“What the hell?”

“Hey! You can’t just…”

Yep. It was too much. Everyone was talking over each other and Nora was forced to shout over the top of it all to make her voice heard. The cacophony rang in my ears like I’d been standing beside the speakers at a concert, threatening to send me deaf if I stayed too long. I found a doorway to the outside and tried it, sure the door wouldn’t budge. It was a long time ago now but I seemed to remember the entire bottom floor being barricaded. To my surprise, the door swung open on well-oiled hinges and the three of us tumbled out into the cool night air.

“That was hell,” Kendrick murmured before straightening and turning his head up to the stars. “I always did prefer the shadowy secrets of the night.”

“Funny, I took you for a party animal,” I said.

“Oh, sweetheart, the things you don’t know about me could fill a book. Maybe even two.”

I snorted. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

“I’ll have you know I’m a very interesting person.”

“I’m sure you are, and I’m the King of Thieves.”

“Hey, back off my title you ballsy Jackroller,” Kendrick growled.

“Bandit,” I snapped right back. My eyes swept the odd little courtyard that sheltered the Red Fox Inn and our little safehouse. It was difficult to see much in the darkness. Things were different though, that was for sure. For one thing, there were pretty pot plants all around the building holding the shadowy outline of shrubs. I wasn’t sure why that was a necessary improvement but I was sure someone would tell me all about it eventually. There was no way to escape that.

Snob snorted and stamped his feet, the entirety of his bulk blending into the darkness. I stroked his barrel chest jerking back a little when my hand bumped against the collar he’d been forced to wear. A little golden padlock icon appeared beside my hand. I smiled and focused on it, bringing up the game of bouncing balls. Seven bouncing balls to be exact. Wonderful.

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I rolled over in my comfortable bed, hugging the soft pillow more firmly. This was heaven even with the golden beams of sunlight teasing my firmly shut eyelids. I was warm. I was safe. Miranda was taken care of. My belly was full and not just with food but with beer too. I could stay here all day if I wanted to.

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The door to the small room banged open and in little more than a moment, something big and heavy was slamming down on me.

“Get off,” I grumbled trying unsuccessfully to escape.

“Stop being such a lazy bones,” Nora practically roared in my ear. “Penny has something special to show you.”

“Which one is Penny again? The blonde with freckles or the chubby old broad?” Nora slammed her fist into my shoulder. “What? I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

Nora huffed and jumped off the bed. “Sure you didn’t. Typical bloody man. Now get up, you’ll like this surprise, I promise.”

I sighed and waited until I heard the door close behind her retreating form before I climbed awkwardly to my feet. The room the Crafter’s had gifted me was little more than a closet really but it fit the comfortable cot I called my bed and that’s all I really cared about. Better yet, because it was so small I didn’t have to share with Kendrick even though the man had protested being sent elsewhere.

Feeling a sudden urgent call from down below I dashed from the room and down the hall to the bathroom that serviced this floor. The gnome had spelled the toilet against Croc portals but even so, I stood back as far as I could while still managing to aim the hose. We might have banished the beasts for now but that didn’t mean they weren’t already making a comeback.

With a flush and a little more stumbling I found myself in the overcrowded kitchen. The Crafters had worked miracles. Not only had they remade this house into the safehouse I had dreamed about, but they’d done it to all the houses, both whole and crumbled, in the entire courtyard. Now, there was a solid gate separating the courtyard from the rest of Stanthorpe (perfect for keeping the giant snakes away) and also a network of walkways and bridges connecting every house high off the ground. The bridges were multipurpose, not only did they offer a way for the residents to move between the buildings without touching the ground, but they also served as a perfect vantage point to fight any invaders that made it through the gate.

Surprisingly, Roska and Affald were not at all bothered by sharing the space with the crowd of players. It might have something to do with the fact that the players who now called Stanthorpe their home often visited the Inn, spending their hard-earned gold on booze and good food. Even the Inn’s stable was bringing in a solid income; renting out the stalls to the few players who had their own steeds, including Sob and his newly restored magical mane and tail.

The Crafters had taken to calling the place Crafter Haven. It wasn’t much of a name in my book. The way they’d divided the space into living quarters for the different types of Crafters led credence to the name anyway. The Builders lived by the gate while the Growers took up residence in the building beside the Inn with every kind of Crafter in between. Here and there a warrior or a gunslinger had found their way into the space, making a home for themselves by promising defense of the weaker players. All in all, it was a fine setup. Far better than I could have dreamed of.

My room was one of many in the original house, now dedicated to the potion makers amongst the players. Many of the rooms were set aside for the process of alchemy with bedrooms and the occasional sitting room interspersed between them. This house had been given a name as well; House A. It was almost as boring as ‘Crafters Haven’. Seriously, I’d have to call a mass player meeting and get the names straightened out.

Another good thing about the setup here is no one had tried to assign themselves the leader of it. No Ryan was commanding the masses for his own gain or a corrupt panel of high and mighties like there had been in Oliver’s Rest. Sure, some of the higher-level and more competent Crafters had guided the others but no one sat upon an imaginary throne claiming to be the true master of everyone else. It was a refreshing change to what I’d experienced before and yet I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would last. Whenever groups of people came together like this it always seemed to end with someone trying to claim a larger piece of the pie.

A little on the dark side for so early in the morning, I thought to myself as I settled into a chair beside Nora. Not the most accurate thought either considering it was closer to midday.

“So, where is this Penny of yours?” I asked my favorite warrior.

Nora popped a berry in her mouth and jutted her chin out at the woman making her way toward us. Ahh, so it was the blonde with the freckles after all.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” the woman chimed in a delightfully singsong voice. “I was beginning to think we would go another day without seeing you at all.”

“I would never miss a chance at hearing whatever you want to tell me,” I said, ignoring the way Nora choked on her berry. “Nora here says there is something you want to show me?”

Penny beamed. “When we made this place we set aside a little something just for you. We weren’t sure if you’d ever come back but now that you have, it’s all yours.”

“Really?” I said. ‘That was incredibly kind of you. Lead the way.”

Penny giggled and reached out, taking my hand in her small and very warm one. I followed along behind her, my mind made a little fuzzy by the way my eyes refused to focus on anything but the gentle sway of Penny’s hips.

Nora followed me muttering under her breath about something I couldn’t quite hear. I ignored her, focusing only on the woman guiding me to another set of stairs that led to a lower floor. I frowned at that; basements were a rarity in Australia.

“I heard through the grapevine that you are a fine potion maker, or more specifically, a fine poison master. That’s wonderful for us, we have few players here who can make a decent poison. Attacks on the gates are rare nowadays but not unheard of so you can see why we need a stockpile of powerful poisons,” Penny said without taking the time for a proper breath. “That’s why we made this room for you, or anyone who got sufficiently good at it I suppose. But the idea was that it was for you.”

My eyes wandered, seeking out Nora. The warrior was wearing a smug smile, one that rubbed me the wrong way. She planned this, I just knew it.

Penny touched an orb at the bottom of the stairs and a soft golden glow lit up the wide open room. Shelves, crates, and barrels filled the space holding any number of gathered ingredients. Most would have come from the Growers. Penny weaved through the collection with practiced ease until she reached a short wooden door at the other end of the room.

The woman flashed me a grin and said, “This is for you, we hope you like it.”

The door swung open with a squeak. Penny lifted the orb in her hand and lit the room on the other side. My jaw dropped. I’d been expecting a desk squeezed in between more shelves, not this small slice of paradise.