Chapter 80 – Cogs Turn Twistedly

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The streets of Lugenstan city are empty, in the middle of a road, he walked alone limping, dragging his leg towards any Inn he could find, alone in the desolated road, Ramiel made a lonely expression, the moon behind his head, the stars dotting the sky.

A fresh breeze passed his nose, the clean unpolluted air, made his expression fall lower. A sweet memory of gas excess, his first smell of the city air, it all went back to his head. He tumbled through the road with a hazy head, his body seems floating, half close eyes, a frowning mouth, that slowly turn into a weary tired smile, his legs hurting, his body weighing a hundred times ever.

Shivering in the cold night, he touches his shoulders with both hands, he exhales a warm breath, as it forms clouds in front of him. Calculating something inside his head, he remembered something precious in his heart, he then weakly hummed.

A tune usually uses in celebrating the birth of life, he quietly hummed it all alone in the road, walking, finding some place to stay. His stretched legs, it throbbed, every step felt heavier than usual, his face cringes as he takes a step. The corner of his eyes had a small roll of liquid, his eyes shaking; lines filled his face, as he hums the tune to himself.

Continuing his walk, he stopped for a while, his head pointed up, his heart trembled, his teeth clattering, he strides listlessly in the streets, without no one to bother him, he was free to stumble upon the empty roads, looking like a wreck.

He turns into one of the branched roads of the streets, he tried going back to the Inn where he first rested, yet he didn't recognize the street, confused, he sighs and went back to the road he once stomped on. In the road, he saw nothing, the streets didn't have any single soul, and he went on forward, continuing to look for a good place to rest. His mind churned, a small chain in his head thawed completely. A smiled formed naturally as this chain melted away from his head, a weary smile, a roll of tears on his cheeks, a timid posture while sighing endlessly.

Emotions poured through his head and chest, he held the part where the heart is located, he tapped it, tried to find answer inside, only to find a strange feeling of acceptance

Then it bursts into a horrible anger, a hate filled flow of emotion climbed on his head. He grabs onto his head, he held his hair, pulled it, as he kneeled on the ground. He sobbed, poured tears on the floor, as he then suddenly went silent. His crying face turned blank, he wiped his tears and stood silently as if nothing happened. He dragged his legs again, he stretched it until he saw a glowing building that might allow him to rest, he entered this building, he went to the owner, asked if he can stay, paid the fee, and went up to a room, which have a simple wooden chair, a table, a bed, a window on the wall.

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He tumbled in the bed, he didn't lay his back, he instead opened the window, a breeze entered, and it fluttered his gray hair. He scratches his stubble, his sleepy-dead eyes cast upon the moon, he supported the side of his head with his hand, and then he stared silently at the night sky.

A strange feeling happened, he wobbled his head from left to right, he swayed it forward and backward, he then turns back to the sky, where he saw the stars filling it up. He then remembered a memory of the time he was in a concrete tower filled community, this place made him see men and women, walking with suits, staring dead-eyed on their phones, walking like automatons with a cog for a head. It was the first time, he thought to himself that he never wanted to become someone like that, he thought that it quite a cruel state of mind, and ever since that day, he stopped thinking about dreams, thinking that they are nothing but bait that will turn him into a cog head. Ramiel, in his head, thinks that becoming a suit wearing cog head is his future, he adamantly refused it. He tried searching for a way to make this not happen, yet somehow he ended up in a dark room with a bright monitor in front of his face.

Then things happened, he wanted to look for meaning, he didn’t found it, he cried, and now he is in a world, he really hates, and now his mind is in turmoil, as it gets filled with various things such as longing and regret.

But!

If there is anything it is clear above all of these confusing things inside his head. It is that he wanted to have a peace of mind, and this peace of mind that he wanted was a feeling of enlightenment. He brought the mouth of his gourd to his lips, he let the liquid flow inside him, and then to his throat. A flash of memory appeared on his head, as the image of a man struggling entered his mind, he was able to vanquish the thought, and somehow through the liquid, he was able to erase it rather easily. This state of mind continued until a small single snap of a finger like sound happened.

His eyes wide, and then finally, somewhere in his fragile head, a small barrier, a small delusion, a small coping mechanism triggered, as the logic of this small delusion brought forth, twisted his fragile mind. Not turning into Ludak, Ramiel, who felt this firework like event in his head realized something and this realization gave him peace.

But this peace was illogical in nature, it is twisted, self-deprecating, delusional, and heartless. But even with that, the troubled mind of Ramiel accepted this to give himself a peace of mind.