Chapter 186 – Journal Entry 36: Pandora’s Ballad 6

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Somehow despite the far end nearby I fell in love. My heart wouldn’t start longing and I feel stronger. But at the same time, a feeling of aspiration comes upon me. Even though I did somehow fall in love fast, the world will soon end. I find it worry and I begin to wonder if there is anything I could do. My memories started to recover out of a passive ability of mine. I could slit my wrist and it would regenerate instantly. Due to this, I believe that even broke memories might be fixed.

I was supposed to not worry about that yet the power inside me slowly forces the truth. I am scared yet despite that I was ready for it. I do not want to change who am I but even so, I could only accept the truth. That is why while waiting for it to come I continued tailing Miss Pandora everywhere. She was busy in protecting the island. She was applying various seals on the four shrines awhile ago. Now she was fixing the ‘cracks’ on the island which was formed due to the red flicker.

Along with her was Grom, as usual, he was silent in following Pandora. While observing them from afar I could see that there was a slight difference in her expression. It was as if she was trying to hurry up on something. I notice that she was rather fidgety and after fixing that red flicker ‘crack’ she moved on immediately to the next one. The next one was located on the far side of the Island. Around the crack where two warp gates. Pandora looked at the warp gates before sticking her hands out and crushing them with an invisible force. The Warp Gates shine unsteadily before disappearing into the thin air. Pandora started fixing the red flicker, as observed she was in a hurry again.

After fixing that red flicker crack, she went back the village and rested in the Inn. While resting in the Inn she talked to the two sisters in the Inn. They were talking about the situation of the villagers and hearing them made me truly understand that her care for the island wasn’t that of a lie. It was no doubt that her feelings to the island weren’t false.

I stood outside the Inn peeking on the window. Moving back, I saw my reflection on the glass. I contemplated for a second before retracting my hearing to normal. Sitting on the stairs that lead to my house, I began to wait for Miss Pandora to come out. Once she came out she greeted me normally before striding back to the shrine-like house on top of the island. I sat on the stairs, wondering if I should continue doing this. But even so, just thinking about Grom’s pleading for help made me continue. Elena cares for his uncle and that is enough for me to continue.

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In the afternoon I didn’t follow Miss Pandora. I stayed on my fields plowing the land. The field of mine needs constant care and I am quite adamant and making my field bloom beautifully. At some point, Elena who was done with her work in the forge visited and watched me work. After I was done and talk to her all about what Miss Pandora did. She also seems hesitant to continue but still pushed through it. She told me what she was quite afraid that I would be spotted. I assumed her that it wouldn’t be so.

Elena made a smile. I like her sun-like smile. She was quite caring despite sometimes her smug demeanor. She likes talking about her golems and even though she has trauma due to some of Grom’s actions. She still cares for her Uncle greatly. I find that adorable and every time I speak that out she would be embarrassed. Honestly, spending time alone with Elena made me somehow feel normal. I could remember some of the parts that the blue haired image would talk to. And remembering them made me feel sick despite what my intentions were.

I was brutal, without mercy. It didn’t matter what I was going about for. I slaughtered at the behest of a woman who wanted to secure her Kingdom. I was used as a tool, not knowing that I was chasing selfless woman that wanted nothing but safety for her kingdom to the point that she uses me all over again for her own benefits. I was chasing after that back, fought for it so hard that somewhere along the line I begin to wonder what I was even doing anymore.

That is why despite all of that I went through for that back. I find myself easily forgetting it all the moment I lost it all. It is coming back, all of it and as it fills back, the empty void that was in me got filled up nicely by this golem loving woman. I spent only a few weeks on this island, and yet I was captured. It was foolish of mine to think that chasing after someone who only used me was right. That is why I could not bear it to go back to what I was before assuming the name Ramiel.

Elena noticed my expression and as expected of her. She started talking about something irrelevant trying to lift my mood up. I followed after her attempts and overall we chatted normally under the afternoon sun until we parted in evening. I escorted Elena back to her smithy house and there she told me that Pandora will soon go the ruins and that if I intend to follow. I need to be careful. I promised Elena that I will and after that, I went back home to my house.

While I was sitting on my bed I saw the image of the blue haired woman again. This time she was silent, yet her eyes were filled with jealousy. I spoke words and those words turn into strange runes that somehow bind the image. That image screamed, dispersed, and I found myself with a nonchalant smile plastering my face.