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Vol.3 Ch.53 - To trust or not to trust

After running away from my own party, I made my way through the countless maze-like turns and twists of the dungeon before collapsing on the floor, be it from fatigue or just the adrenaline wearing off. I managed to shake them off for now, but they’re probably gonna find me soon enough. I can’t let that happen.

Once again, I am put in a situation where I am alone, helpless and anxious. This is where dread seems to always make it’s way to my heart, and I have absolutely no idea what to do to quell it. This journey has been so much fun, but everything seemed to go to shit when that Damned Organization dispatched me on this commission! Assholes.

Every day I would awake to see Cecily’s and Nelly’s sweet, sleeping faces. I would smile as I got dressed and ready to eat. The dining hall was filled with friends, colleagues and… family. Each day I would sit down with a different person in order to adequately meet every single one of my gang members. Their faces would always light up as we talked about all sorts of mundane topics. Always.

Breakfast was and will always be my favorite designated eating time. It comes right after waking up, so your topics will almost always be about the dreams you’ve experienced that night, and if not, then you can always talk about what happened yesterday. It’s what I think, at least.

Even still, all good things must come to an end, as I would soon be off to the Generals’ office to review what we had to do for the day. Be it making our rounds around the Base to add in new items or patch up the old ones, I would always be praised by Aaron and the other Vice-Generals for never complaining about the work. Sometimes I’d have to listen to Max’s rants about going on strike and stuff, but these rants did prove useful in showing me what a bad example of a leader was (heh).

One time, I remember vividly visiting this old worn-down shed and was told by the Generals that we were to tear it down. I’m not sure why, but I saw potential in that shed, I thought You can’t give up just yet! and promptly fixed it up. Passing gang members would look at me as if I was making a fool of myself and Cecily made fun of me without reserve, but I didn’t care. I had only one thing on my mind at the time, and that was fixing this shed. The shed was progressing really well, but I got sent to Sibirus before I could finish it. As it stands, the project is incomplete.

One other time I remember Ed trying to set up a local hospital in Melgam, as the nearest one was out of town weirdly enough. I offered to help as much as I could, but he was apprehensive about me funding the project. He said something about making it his own, which is understandable. Wait, if he left for Trivis Numerica, does that mean he abandoned this dream of his? Is giving up truly the best option?

Now that I think about it, didn’t this feeling of uneasiness only show up after Ed had left? Some friend he is, I thought we’d travel the world together, but he hopped on a travel wagon leading back home the very first chance he got. Seems everyone around me just doesn’t understand my goals…

But… if I gave it another shot, could I start anew with these very same people who abandoned an old shed like me? No, that’s just naïve! Being complacent and giving in would just lead to me ending up like my parents. My parents…

How are my parents doing? Well, dad’s probably still hard at working keeping the family butchering business afloat. Now that I’m gone I imagine he’s got his work cut out for him, since he has to find a new apprentice. Serves him right for always lowering his head to society, let’s have him sweat it out for once. Goes to show just what’ll happen if you become a slave to society…

And mom? Well, it has been 3 years since I left home, so I imagine she probably got over my absence and is doing just fine. No, I’m sure she misses me just as much as I miss them. We’re family after all, why wouldn’t she miss me? Well, I was always a lousy son, so who knows?

Where was I? Oh, right: this damned trip to Sibirus. To be honest, I didn’t really get a good chance to express my thoughts and opinions on the matter, so here I go. Of course, I just wanted to get it over with, rip it off quick like a bandaid and all that, but I can’t deny a huge part of me was excited for it. I mean, who wouldn’t be? I’m travelling to a new continent, after all! I didn’t plan on visiting this place until way later, so I considered this an easy way of checking this place off. But things weren’t that simple, I guess, as the people accompanying me are unbearable, and I’m pretty sure they’ve gone crazy.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

At first, I considered the party members to be a quirky bunch, but I didn’t once deny the fact that they were good in heart. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and this is how they repay me? They never once gave me the light of day, and I basically had to force my way into the group, and for what? Just to get told I’m the crazy one, despite simply making the right calls? I’m gonna kill them the next time I see them.

Speaking of this temple, I’ve been wondering who this Shaid guy is exactly. What was the purpose of him making this dungeon? Was it created with the sole purpose of killing curious adventurers who stumbled upon it? Or... could this place be his shed? Maybe he was also a traveler or adventurer who simply found an abandoned temple and decided to refurbish it all those years ago, but it reverted to this sorry state after years of being left unattended. Who knows?

Well, one thing’s for sure: this guy’s a total weirdo. I mean did you see his book collection? I don’t think I’ve seen anything remotely close to such trash taste. The only thing I got from the stories he read was that the protagonist would most always have a clear-cut goal, which he would eventually accomplish. But that’s not really realistic, is it? I mean, I want to travel the world, but I’m not sure why. It’s not because of any particular reason, it’s simply just what I want to do because my Iro dictates it. Iros…

Iros are getting pretty complex, aren’t they? Just a couple years ago they were nothing more than indicators of what a person’s ideology is, but recently there have been all sorts of new discoveries on the topic. I’ve seen firsthand just how much power an Iro can hold, but I wonder what else we don’t know about them? The previous generations didn’t even know you could swap between Iros if given enough mental power to do so. Those old idiots don’t know nothing…

I’ve been thinking, but what’ll I do after I visit every place in the world? How old will I be? Will all these people who are currently in my life still be there to support me? The Book did mention me having marital issues, so I guess not… No, wait! I can’t trust that Book! It’s evil! But then, who do I trust?...

I can’t trust the ITA that gave me a warm smile as they had me sign countless contracts. I can’t trust my fellow gang members who made fun of me behind my back simply for wanting to build a better environment. I can’t trust Ed because he just left me to fend for myself. I can’t trust my parents to not forget about me, nor can I trust my party members because they constantly want me to bend to their wills. This leaves only me. I can only trust myself, or can I?

I can’t. I can’t even trust myself anymore. I seem to always be different, no matter how much I try to ignore it. The reason I’m travelling the world is because I just want to find a place where I’ll be safe. A place where no one will ostracize me for being… me. But, am I the crazy one? No matter what I do, it seems like the people around me always disagree with my actions. What do I do? What can I do?

“Oh, there you are.” An old voice peeks out from behind the corner.

“Ah, Linus, you finally found me?” I answered back.

“Aye,” he said, “you ran quite a way’s away. The others didn’t think you had it in ya’, but I know just how capable you are, so I decided to search a bit farther just in case.”

“Thanks for believing in me, heh…” I chuckled to myself, “So what now? I’m doing it with Miss Dola?”

“See, that’s the thing,” Linus quietly said, “When the Book mentioned a man with a grim heart, it wasn’t talking about you.”

Come again?

“It was actually talking about Sullivan. We all know just how much of an ass he can be, heheh…” He joked, expecting me to laugh with him.

“You’re fucking kidding me.” I got up from my sitting position to oppose him, “I got traumatized and left to die in this freezing cold, just for you to say Whoopsie, we made a mistake?”

“Yeah, basically.” He answered back truthfully, “But hey, at least you got to save yourself for that future wife of yours.”

… I- I just… Sigh, fair enough. I give up, let’s just head into the next floor.

I was quickly given my clothes back as the party regrouped once more. Sullivan and Miss Lionheart looked quite pleased, sitting there with red faces and unbuttoned shirt collars, only to tell us how they found a hidden lever while fooling around. I couldn’t believe what I had heard, to think these guys were actually professional adventurers, and they’re saying they just happened to stumble upon the lever to the next floor? Despicable.

Like I said, though: I don’t care. Let’s consider this a blessing from the Book and just head on through to the next floor. Looks like we can’t escape the Book’s predictions, so it’s best to just accept it…