Let's uhh, let's try and recall what the hell happened just now. Okay, so Anna and I were falling through the Tree's crown, I was about to tell her to promise to bury me near the house so she can come visit me often, though I honestly can't remember if I managed to say it before hitting the ground, and... That's about it. I suddenly woke up with a crushing pain in my back like some giant was stepping on it, I got up, and I saw Anna in tears fall unconscious in front of me.
"Hey, wakey wakey." I gently nudged her, "Come on, I'll kiss you if you don't wake up soon~! Ah, actually, kissing an unconscious person feels really wrong from a moral standpoint, so I'll refrain..."
Well, there go two of my best ideas for how to wake her up. I've probably got some more in the chamber, but right now I'm just honestly glad she's still breathing. We did survive quite the fall, and though I have no clue how I even survived without any injuries, I'm still not sure about her. Wait, could she have somehow tanked the damage for me in the last second!?
"Anna! Anna!" I shook her about anxiously, "Wait, this isn't working...! Gotta think, what'd wake her up more than anything...!"
Just then, an epiphany struck me. A phrase that, when uttered even once, would wake up any human within earshot almost immediately.
"Wake up, it's 8 o' clock! We're late for our shift!" I shouted in her ear.
"Wah! No way, why didn't you wake me up sooner!" She sprung back up on her feet, full of vigor and ready to take on the workday, "Crap, grandpa's so gonna scold me for this...! Wait, hold on a minute, I stopped working at Arthur's ages ago?"
"Thank goodness!" I squeezed her tightly, "When I saw you fall unconscious, my heart sank! Are you alright!? Did you get hurt anywhere!?"
She looked at me like a deer would an oncoming wagon. Her beady Eyes spelt fear and insecurity, she was afraid of my own anxiety, which in turn made her nervous as well.
"A-Am I supposed to be not-okay?" She inspected herself for any wounds.
"No! Heavens no, if you're alright, then please tell me!"
"Well I'm fine, so can we stop shouting!?"
"Sure!"
The awkward pause that ensued after that was short lived after we made Eye contact, leading to us cracking up from the absurdity of the situation. Guess everything's fine, I couldn't be happier, but boy did it get close. This entire situation could've been really, really bad.
"Haha, and to think that monster actually said you'd be a cripple for the rest of your life!" She said in between laughs and chuckles, "What an idiot!"
"Huh? Cripple?" I worriedly looked at her, "M-Monster!?"
"Ah, you don't remember, do you?" She was still laughing, however, "Some giant Red monster saved your life while you were unconscious."
"Did he hurt you!?"
"Whoa, no no no, he looked friendly!" She backed up after my forceful way of asking the question, "He just asked where Lune and Cecily were, that's all."
"Oh, wait a second." I realized, "Did he have a pig's snout and a boar's fangs with hair on his body that's thicker than the hair on his head?"
"Ah, so you do know him!" She felt proud that I did, "My husband is the best, after all! To know a God personally so much so that he'd be willing to save you in this time of need, it's just plain incredible!"
So Auros was here. That means Aru and the other Gods might be close by as well. Then again, they did say that they make a point not to meet up unless it's during the Meet at the top of Mount Ivrys that happens every ten years. Either way, I really hate owing my life to that orc bastard, but I guess there's nothing left to do about it now. I just hope he doesn't ask me for something in return...
"Yeah, but damn, I never expected Prylos to be so ugly!" She said without remorse.
"Wh-HEY! Watch your tone, that's our Patron God you're badmouthing!" I scolded her, "Besides, if that man's ugly, then what the hell is the rest of the human race?"
"Eh? You're saying he's handsome?" She cocked her head back, "Dear, your sense of taste is absolutely ass-backwards."
"What? Why? He's tall, has great muscles, and is overall pretty fun to talk to." I recalled our intellectual conversations during the hike up Mount Ivrys, "Just a swell guy, I'd say. So to hear you call him ugly is..."
Wait a second, so Prylos was with him as well? Is there a chance that all the Gods are here then, after all? I mean, whoever this Olyahim guy is surely means bad news, but for him to get headhunted by the Gods would mean we're dealing with something way more serious than child kidnapping. Is it a safe bet to assume this has a lot more at stake?
"Can you walk?" I grabbed her hand, "We should hurry up and find the others. Whether it be Issei and Lem or Grim and Cecily, I think something really bad is gonna happen if we stay separated."
"Yeah, hard agree." She nodded, "Geez, adventuring is super hard! I never thought you guys had it this bad before!"
"Oh come on, you've seen what Grim's wounds look like and-" I finally remembered, "Hey, that's right! Why are you here in the first place!?"
"Ah, he finally noticed." She stuck her tongue out, feigning innocence, "I wanted to have an adventure of my own, so I snuck into your guys' machine! Sowwy~!"
I'm no wife beater, but this act of stupidity can't go unpunished. That being said, I'd rather drown in an ocean of flames than harm Anna, so a flick to the forehead is the best I can do.
"Ack!" She whimpered.
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"Hmm..."
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
"Dear?" She trailed behind me.
"Mnnn..."
"Don't be mad, please."
"I'm not mad." I groaned, "But what the hell do you mean you wanted an adventure of your own? You could've died!"
"I wouldn't die!" She pouted, "Look, I'm alive and well!"
"Yeah, thanks to me! Besides, I'm not talking about the damned fall, I'm talking about the airbike burning while you were still in it! Had I not checked in that random-ass compartment, you'd be up there, exploded into a million tiny bloody pieces!"
Ugh, just imagining the gruesome scene in my head is making me queasy. Seriously, didn't we make an agreement to have her take care of Cene and the others while I helped out Grim?
"Stop saying stupid things!" She shot back in a fit of anger, "I wouldn't have exploded 'cause without me, there wouldn't BE an explosion!"
"...Excuse me?" I stopped dead in my tracks, craning my body over to her with a blank yet furious stare, "You caused the fire?"
"Urk... Y-Yeah, that's why..."
"THIS is why I never bring you along anywhere!" I chewed her out with all my might, "You! Wherever we go together, something's bound to mess up because of your antics!"
"What? Oh come on, name one thing-"
"Remember when we went to go get Arthur's medicine from Cardina?" I yelled, "You got us drunk with Marina's wine and we were totally hungover the day after!"
"Don't pretend like you would've had the balls to try anything without the alcohol!"
"That's beside the point! You messed up countless orders while I was helping you guys around the restaurant, and I had to take the blame every fucking time!"
"No one asked you to!" She retorted.
"Oh yeah?! Then what about while I was studying to get my diploma?! Remember that time you spilled hot coffee all over my thesis ONE DAY BEFORE THE CUT-OFF POINT!? I couldn't hand in shit when the deadline arrived!"
"You passed anyways, what's the big deal?" She rolled her Eyes.
"What's the big deal!? This!" I pointed at her, "Whatever THIS is! You try and help, and I'm happy about that, but you keep messing up basic shit! I survive, sure, but that doesn't erase the fact that you get me in trouble ALL the damned TIME!"
"...Sorry." Her face tried to keep her brows lowered, but her conscience couldn't hold back the tears anymore, "Y-Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, you're right."
Shit, I messed up. There are some things in life you just gotta keep bottled up, and that goes especially for the people you care about, and I just let it all out on her. Damn, now that I said my complaints out loud, too, I realized they really are such insignificant and boring things. So what if she got us drunk? That night was the night that got us together, plus it was one I cherish to this day. And the messed up orders and the coffee? To hell with them all, it's been ages since those tiny problems happened. Only a jackass like me would keep count for so long...
"Anna, I..."
"Alright, sniffle!" She fixed herself up, or at least tried to, "From now on, I'll stay out of your hair! I promise I won't bother you!"
"No, that's not what I-!"
"Look, it's okay." She decidedly nodded, "I know more than anyone that I'm a lousy spouse, so let me make it up for you! We'll go find the others, find Nelly and Lem, and go back home safe and sound!"
"Anna, promise me one thing." I grabbed both of her shoulders, making her jolt a bit in surprise.
"Gulp. Y-Yeah?" She looked bewildered by the sudden plea.
"Promise that from now on, if I ever talk to you like I did just now... That you'll give me a strong, no holds barred slap to the face." I said, "I'm a man, I shouldn't be pinning the blame on you like some sort of kid. So come on, do it."
"I'm not gonna slap you." She vehemently shook her head, "In fact, I should be the one to get slapped!"
"Anna, I didn't want it to have to come to this, but..." I walked us over to the Tree's inner wall, "When I mess up, I punish myself by hitting a wall REEEAAAALLY hard. See, I'd much prefer a slap from you than to hit a wall full force."
"You don't have to do either...?"
"Hrngh!" I said, slamming my face straight into the all, the force of the impact making a dent in it.
"Oh my God! The hell is wrong with you!?" She screamed.
"That was for me lashing out at you just now like a little bitch." I raised a single finger, wiggling the second, "Now it's your turn to slap me for flicking your forehead earlier."
"Geez, are you alright?"
"Don't wanna?" I shrugged, "Alright, guess that means another slam into the wall for me-"
"Wait, stop!" She hurriedly pulled me back towards her, "Fine, geez! Okay, I'll slap you if it means you won't go giving yourself a concussion!"
"Okay. But if you hold back, it won't count." I reminded her with a smile.
"Ugh, masochist..." She rolled her Eyes as she winded her mighty hand up, "Grit your teeth, then!"
And so, with the force of a thousand Suns... Not. Her slap was so dainty I didn't even feel a thing. It's obvious she's not used to doing it. Her technique is sloppy, which is actually the first time I said that about her, but let's not get into why that is. What's worse, the impact from me slamming my face into the wall earlier coupled with her dainty slap led to me getting a nosebleed, so she assumed she actually hurt me really bad and immediately started checking if I was alright. This woman, I made her cry today because of my own stupid childish reasons. Honestly speaking, I deserve more pain for what I did to her, but I think I'll wait until she's not around first before doing that.
"And remember!" She said with a pout and her finger up in my face, "From now on, I'M the only one that gets to hurt you when you mess up! So help me, if I see you hurting yourself ever again because of that, I'll...!"
...Heh, I guess I'll refrain, after all.