We'reeee~!
"...Back~!" I sang a tune as I kicked the front door to our house open.
"Wah, it's the house!" Cecily's Eyes twinkled as she dropped our bags at the entrance, "It's spotless! Anna really did keep it clean for us!"
"The wug!" Cene smiled, "The cuwtains! The fwidge! I missed youuuu~!"
"It hasn't been THAT long, has it?" I chuckled.
"Well now, he's only a few years old, so to him three weeks must've felt like an eternity." Cecily added, "I can definitely relate to the welcome feeling of homesickness being cured, though."
Yeah, definitely. This house has been through a lot, and as far as I'm concerned, it's been taking care of me ever since Marina and I were renting it out. It wouldn't be too farfetched to even say it raised me into the man I am today... But never mind that.
"Come on, we still aren't done yet." I clapped my hands together, "Cause now is the time for everyone's least favorite part of a trip - putting all of our luggage back to where it belongs!"
"Hell no." Cecily ruined the mood as she jumped onto the coach immediately, "We've been on the road (well, sea) for a week straight! Just rest for a bit at least, will ya'?"
"Imma go play in my woom." Cene bounced as well.
"Oi! Come on guys, we gotta put our stuff back now, because after that we need to go visit everyone and give them their souvenirs!"
"Dear, just lay down a bit with me." Cecily made way for me to join her on the couch, "It's already warmed up, come on~"
Huh? It's already warmed up? Sure, summer's right around the corner, but it's not like the house is warm by any means. In fact, I'd call this temperature quite chilly in comparison to how it usually is.
"How is that even possible?" I accepted her offer, if for a short while, "Whoa, hey - It really is warm!"
"Yeah, so come on, lie down for a bit with me." She repositioned herself to make us more comfortable, "Just for a bi-"
"Crap! I get it now!" I jumped off the couch, "The house is spotless, ey? The couch is warm and the curtains are closed, ey!?"
"Geez, that startled me..." Cecily got up in a somewhat pouty manner, "What are you getting all panicky over? Just lay back down, will you?"
"Sorry, but now's not the time!" I tried to explain my fears to her, "Right now we need to check the entire house!"
"Huh? Is something wrong?"
"Extremely wrong!" I urged her to help me, "Go find Cene and call him down here. He's the one person we gotta protect from this dangerous situation!"
Sensing the urgency in my voice, even Cecily sprung to action despite not even knowing what I was talking about. I'm glad she trusts me enough to not even have to ask whenever I suggest outlandish things, because frankly, I don't think she'd even believe me if I did. Well, even if she did believe me, I wouldn't wanna have to explain it. The reason why, you ask? Well...
"Yaaahhh!" Cene's scream for help could be heard from the second floor, "W-What awe...!?"
"Cene, my babyboy!" Cecily cried out as she ran up the stairs, "What's going on!? Is it burglars, or assassins, or maybe...!?"
Following her upstairs just in case, it would appear my fears we're sadly correct. Even though Cene said he'd go play in his room, his curiosity must've gotten the better of him when he noticed our bedroom door, the one door we never keep open, creak open in that very moment. He surely went inside, and was disappointed when he found nothing unusual inside. Well, it's not like he COULD find anything unusual in our room, since neither Cecily nor I have anything to hide. That's when he must've heard a rustling in the closet, and when he went to open it.
"Ah." Ed and Anna, their naked bodies squished inside it replied, "S-Sorry, we weren't expecting you to come so soon..."
And so, the mystery was solved, but it was just too little, too late. Even though I, as the detective, masterfully deduced from the given clues that these two bozos were up to no good in our lovely abode, I failed to protect my son's innocent Eyes from this admittedly traumatizing sight. Well, it's not like the sight is disgusting by any means, but I imagine no one expects to open a closet and find their auntie and uncle shagging inside it. Cene, you poor, brave trooper of a boy - Too soon have you learned the faults of curiosity...
"M-Mommy! It's uncle... a-and auntie! They're...!" Cene pointed and cried.
"Shh, shh, it's alright. We'll take care of this, so go to your room for now and close the door." Cecily made him leave, "And you're grounded for entering our room without permission, you hear!?"
"Uuuu..." He waddled away in tears.
"Sigh... So." She then turned to the dastardly duo in the closet with a fiery brimstone in her Eyes, "Mind explaining what the hell you were doing in our closet, mister and missus Saint?"
"Tsss, not even calling us by our first names now?" Ed barely squeezed himself free due to his wife's gigantic milkers, "That's cold, Cecily. It hurts."
"Put some damned clothes on first!" She kicked their clothes toward him that was scattered across the room's floor, "Seriously, is THIS what you've been using our house for while we were away!?"
"S-Sorry, sorry..." Anna whimpered as she sheepishly ducked to pick up her own clothes, bashfully hiding away her private parts with her other arm as she did, "I'm sorry, Cene... You saw..."
"Eh. I wouldn't wanna be that guy, but..." I got close to Cecily to deliver a rather heavy blow, "I told you so."
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I told you! I told you they'd end up using the situation to shag in our house! Seriously, I specifically remember warning both her and them about it, and she STILL didn't believe me! Haha, serves you right! Ahh, but of course these are all just my internal thoughts. She's already flipping tables just from the tiny comment I DID verbalize, so I'm sure this house wouldn't even be here tomorrow if I said the rest out loud.
"Alright, everyone dressed?" I rounded the adults in the room up as I had us all sit down, "Great! Now, I really wanna find proper grounds to forgive you two, cause you're my friends and all, but you're gonna have to help me out here."
"I can take it from here." Ed raised his hand politely to speak up, "Well, I do feel bad for having to admit this to you guys, but Anna and I were, well, "doing it" on your bed."
"So you don't feel bad for actually doing it, just having to admit it?"
"Hey, shut up! I'm the one talking here!" He shushed me before continuing, "Anyways, when we heard the door opening downstairs, I wanted to get dressed and feign a surprise welcome party or something, but Anna said..."
"T-They don't need to know every detail, honey!" Anna, who was beet Red in the face, stopped him from embarrassing her further, "Just say we both flubbed and continue on with the story, please!"
At this point I don't know which one of them is more suspicious. Well, at the end of the day, the bedtime brawl is a two person tango, so it's as Anna says, it seems. They're both at fault, and the only loser here is the one that can't get that image out of his dumb head. In other words, it's me.
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"Right, so basically we saw Cene's shadow toddling over to us, so in the heat of the moment, I ran to shove us inside the closet." Ed explained, "Obviously we weren't doing anything in there, but it seems we didn't close it properly all the way, so he still found us out."
"But you were groping me while we were..." Anna whispered.
"I don't care!" Cecily looked like she was about to spew fire out of her mouth at any moment, "Be honest, did you only do it on this bed?"
"Y-!" Ed went to reply, but for whatever reason changed his answer at the end, "Nah... After cleaning the house up like we usually did, we thought to get a quickie in over the kitchen counter, then we moved to the couch, then the stairs, then..."
"Ugh, okay, I get it, geez!" Cecily couldn't believe her ears anymore, "What the hell, I wouldn't have even asked if I knew you'd flaunt it! God, so that's why it was so warm... I just lied down on that couch too!"
"Huh? Why DID I say all that?" Ed seemed kind of out of it, "I-In any case, the point is we're sorry."
"Yeah, after it happened the first time, we promised to not let it happen again..." Anna looked down, "But then the second time happened, then the third... then the thirty seventh..."
These guys seriously have nothing better to do in life it seems. But well, leaving aside the bedsheets we'll probably have to throw out and replace, this is actually a really good opportunity to make use of!
"Well, it can't be helped." I shrugged, "Alright, I'll forgive you guys. Love isn't something you can control, after all."
"Gasp, you really mean it!?" Ed saw stars in that moment, "Oh, you're my best friend! The best friend that I ever had, Grim!"
"Ap ap ap, but only if you help us unpack our stuff downstairs." I stuck my tongue out cheekily, "Then I'd consider forgetting this whole fiasco ever happened. Remember, Cene's crying in the other room because of you."
"Oh, little Cene...!" Anna, fidgety as ever, almost instantly went to comfort him, "I gotta apologize and-!"
"Get your ass back here and help us unpack!" Cecily tackled her, "If he sees these damned jugs of yours again he'll faint!"
"Can confirm." Ed added, "I've suffocated many a times under their immense pressure."
"No one asked!"
Sigh, that's the end of that I guess. After we finished unpacking, we had given the Saints all the presents we had gotten them and invited Sigmund and Camilla as well as the Gryses for a nice get-together over a cup of coffee. It would have been too exhausting having to repeat the entire story to every person individually, so I found it more economic to just tell it to them collectively. Heck, even Cene showed up during that time to share with us the story of how he found the legendary sword Prototype, though he couldn't really look at his dear auntie and uncle in the Eyes the entire time, much to the confusion of the other guests. Finally, everyone left home satisfied and we could sleep in our own be-err, the couc-oof...
"T-The guest room?" I shrugged at Cecily.
"Sigh, they did it there as well..." She slumped forward, "Like a bunch of dogs in heat, its as if they wanted to mark their territory, those horndogs..."
"Damn, so where are we gonna sleep tonight in that case?"
"Well, there is one place Anna told me they didn't dare go to..." Cecily then walked to Cene's room, wherein he was playing with all his beloved toys, "Alright, the beds are too small for two adults, so one of us can go in Nelly's room, and the other can sleep with Cene."
...I don't suppose I'll be taking Nelly's bed, then? No? Sigh, I guess I'm just gonna have to deal with Cene's nighttime thrashing then...
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Waking up with heavy fatigue and a sore back from all of Cene's nightly kicking, I somehow managed to lift myself out of bed and get dressed to greet the day. Cleaning myself up in the bathroom before heading downstairs to eat breakfast with Cecily, I had then realized that I really don't have anything better to do at all. Like, wouldn't one normally have to get back to their work or a personal project or something? Well, the last time I had something like that was when we were building the Saints' house, but now that Issei is gone and the house is finished, I really can't even remember what I was doing before this trip. Well, I guess peace and quiet is nice as well.
"Hm?" Cecily wondered as we heard the door ring, "Could it be the mailman?"
"Dunno, I'll go check it out." I stopped eating to see for myself, "Yes?"
"Letter for Lune Grimheart." The tired old postman listlessly put his hand out to hand me the letter, "Geez, that Saint boy had the same one too. Well, not my problem. See ya!"
"Y-Yeah..." I awkwardly waved back before inspecting it, "But damn, so Ed got the same letter as me? This is kinda scary. Sigh, so much for peace and quiet..."
"Grim, did the mailman give you this letter as well?" Ed rushed to me with the exact copy in his hands, "It says it came from Simpleton."
"Simpleton? Gasp, Nelly and Meil!" I smiled, "Wait, or maybe it's just one of them? Ah, who cares, finally some contact at last!"
"But wait, if it really is from Nelly or Meil..." Ed worried, "Then how come they know you're alive?"
...Oh geez, this is bringing my anxiety levels back up again. Well, I guess there's only one way to find out. Opening up our letters at the same time with absolute terror in our Eyes, we put them next to one another to compare and, sure enough, the machine-like handwriting was indeed the same. This is Meil, surely.
Ed's letter wrote:
"Dear friend, I hope this letter finds you in good health. Have no fear, Nelly is doing just fine with her studies. She has recently been promoted to Decim, an incredible feat no matter how you look at it. If possible, I would like you to come to Simpleton for a visit. COME ALONE. -Meil"
A bit ominous, but at least Nelly's doing fine. I think it's kinda weird that he would mention for Ed to come alone, but on the other hand, a ship ride to Simpleton costs around 40 silver when converted to Entropa coins, so I can understand him not wanting Ed to overspend on plus ones. In any case, my letter was next.
"Dear friend, are you alive? This... feels weird, to be writing letters to the deceased, but it seems my medicine is indeed working properly, for the letters I received recently are indeed not hallucinations. Right, recently a few letters came by announcing your and miss Cecily's wedding, and to me that timeline of events just did not add up. I know, from a scientific standpoint, there is no possible way with which you could have returned to the world of the living, but maybe, just maybe... You are standing on your front porch with Edward, reading this letter together with him."
"What the hell? How did he guess that so accurately?" Ed asked.
"It's Meil, and it's not exactly rare for him to figure out these logical puzzles." I shrugged, "Anyways, there's more on the other side."
"Apologies, but there simply was not enough space to fit the entire contents of the letter on just one side." The letter continued on, "If you are reading this, then you already know what to do from Edward's letter. Come to Dimitri Uni in Simpleton and, I cannot stress this enough, PLEASE COME ALONE. That is all. -Meil"
Dammit, you couldn't have waited a week, at least? How the hell am I gonna convincingly explain this trip to Cecily...?