"Shaid!" I shouted as he blew out the candles, "Happy 20th birthday, man!"

"A tremendous occasion, bud." Olya chuckled before patting him on the shoulder, "Two whole decades of your antics. I can only imagine how the world can take so much."

"Oi, you damned fatty!" Shaid immediately tossed back an insult, "Isn't this the part where you tell me how thankful you are to be present?! Well fuck you, amigo! You're not invited to my next birthday party!"

"A-ha, but I am afraid that is just not possible." Olya once again beat him mercilessly with undeniable facts, "We three come in a pack. No matter how much you wish for it, I believe we will be celebrating these birthdays of ours together for as long as this journey lasts, at the very least."

"For as long as the journey lasts..." I donned a nostalgic expression, "Damn, lookin' back, it really has been 3 years since we left home, hasn't it, Shaid?"

"I believe so, amigo." Shaid thought for a second, "Let's see, there was that whole saga with Tanathos, Cass and the other Raamans, then we went to Carmen to ask the king for extra funds, and that took another year..."

"When you put it vaguely like that, bud, you make it sound like we were just lazing about the entire time." Olya sighed, "Geez, promise me you'll never write a story in your life. You just brushed off not only us singlehandedly reviving the Raaman quiks in a single year, but also our meeting with THE king of Carmen. You owe that man an apology for making it sound so small!"

"I agree with Olya." I commented, "The king recognized our reputations just at a glance, and immediately gave us the extra funds needed to go on this voyage. Be thankful, Shaid."

"You say that, amigo, but it's not like he just gave us a bunch of moola for nothing." Shaid sighed, "He did give us the money to go to Sibirus, and we are currently on the ship leading us there, but he also made us promise to help spread that business idea of his. What was it called again...?"

"The International Travelers Association!" I proudly recited the organization's full name, "And it's not just a business idea, it's an incredibly selfless act towards the World! Basically turning what we're doing into a full-time job for any and all like minded people will encourage more of the World's population to go out into the World instead of sitting on their asses back home all day. Personally, I find it appealing how-"

"God, shut up already!" Shaid shouted, "The moment anyone mentions the damned ITA, you always jump to dickride it like its God's blessing on this wonderful World!"

"Huh? I think there was a light novel I read with that name." Olya turned to Shaid, "Did you sneak into my stash of light novels again, you damned womanizing buffoon!?"

"They're just books, goddammit! And I get bored just sitting around in this damned ship all the time!" Shaid crossed his arms as he pouted, "Amigo, we're pals, so you gotta learn to share."

"My ass! I'll share everything you want as long as you ask first!" Olya whipped out one of the aforementioned Volumes as he proudly showcased its pristine quality, "I take meticulous care of all of my books! I make sure to keep them in safe and durable containers that won't lead to bending, creasing or moisture seeping through. I regularly take them out just to wipe the covers down with a soft and, most importantly, dry napkin! These things are works of art, so while I am rather ecstatic that my friend is beginning to see the same wonders in them as I do, I must implore you to respect their wear just as I am doing right now."

"You're makin' it sound like he just found out what good pussy sounds like." I went to slap my knee, "Olya, they're just books with fancy illustrations in them. Take out those funny looking albeit well-made drawings and you'll just be left with a normal book."

"But those drawings are what make them masterpieces!" Olya jumped to show me the illustrations up close, "See here!? In this scene, the main characters are fighting a giant White whale that's floating high above the sky! That sounds cool and all, but having the picture there really puts things to scale! Ohhh, I just love this series, it's my favorite!"

"Hey, no spoilers, amigo!" Shaid stopped him from continuing any further, "I didn't get to that part yet! I only got to the part where he's fighting those wolves with his maid."

"You guys, you're already 20..." I facepalmed, "One would assume you'd have surpassed gettin' entertained by picture books..."

"They're way more than that!" Both of them shouted at me in unison.

Well, whatever. I'm just glad these two are on such good terms, all things considered. Looking back, we really didn't get a good first impression of Olya the first time we met him. It was an uncertain time for all of us, and Olya was on very thin ice when we found out about his hobby, but ever since then he seems to have completely given up on that stuff, at least as far as we know. Personally, I don't give a rats ass as long as he keeps helping us with the documenting and haggling. I look into a person's future, not their past. Oooh, that one sounded good! I should tell Olya to write that down before I forget it!

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***

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"Alright, you guys ready?" The ship's captain called us up as we approached shore, "Remember, you're here as the king's official founding travelers. Your one and only objective is to chart out as much of Sibirus as you can, and hopefully by the time I get back to pick you up in a month's time, you'll have found something interesting."

"Yeah, man, we know." I nodded, "Just don't forget the payment. A bronze coin less than what we agreed upon and there's gonna be some trouble, y'hear?"

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

"Threatening me is one thing, kid, but going up against the damned king over a single bronze coin?" He shook his head as if disappointed, "You guys make me sick. Now piss off my ship, the lot of you."

"Shoot, if you say so, amigo." Shaid shrugged with a wry smirk before unbuckling his belt off the side of the ship, "Come on guys, captain's orders - Let's piss off of this ship!"

"That's not what I fucking meant!" The captain shooed us all away, "God, you Cardinians are all scum, seriously! Man, if I have to wash away your goddamned piss off my beautiful handrails, I ain't ever coming back for you fucks!"

"Oi, we're not all Cardinic scum here, bucko." Olya piped up, "Some of us are actually the proud and noble Entropic race, so watch your words."

"You started unbuckling your pants as well, fatso, so as far as I'm concerned, you're all scum." He ended his tirade by flipping us the bird before turning the ship around, officially leaving us stranded on the north pole.

"So, where to now?" Shaid turned to us, "I know this is the northern pole, amigos, but I didn't expect it to be so icy and snowy. There's literally no trees or anything to make a fireplace out of."

"You wanna make a fireplace on an icy cap?" Olya tilted his head, "You idiot, the layer of ice under it would just melt away beneath our feet. If we wanna not freeze to death, we're gonna need to trek onwards until we find some solid ground that's not just frozen water."

"Right, but we still gotta deal with the cold." I shivered, "We all got some pretty snazzy coats on, and we can use the flares the king supplied us with to keep warm as a last ditch effort, but then what do we use as the first ditch effort?"

"The first ditch effort..." Shaid thought, "Nothing to it - They say body warmth is the hottest item in any person's arsenal. We just gotta use friction to our advantage, amigos."

"Pause." Olya added.

"No, not like that!" Shaid shook his head fervently, "I meant like hamboning or something like that! Even a simple dap or high five will do the trick in this climate!"

"Oh good, for a second I thought you were suggesting we set up the sleeping bags early." Olya teased, "You always were like that, Shaid. I get the condition isn't widely accepted by the masses, but just know I'll always consider you a friend, no matter your preferences."

"Was that supposed to be comforting for him or an insult?" I chuckled, "Shaid, my guy, Olya just friendzoned you. What're you gonna say to clap back?"

"I ain't clapping anyone's back, amigo!" Shaid was bright Red, though that could just be due to the cold, "Unless it's the back of a lovely maiden, that is simply not happening!"

I'd like to say something vague like "This little back and forth went on until we found a 5 star hotel filled with hot babes and a spa", but sadly reality isn't as kind. Seriously, what did you expect us to find in the north pole? A fucking dungeon?

"Is that a fucking dungeon?" Shaid pointed to our left.

"No fucking way." I audibly let out a bewildered sound, "Well, guess this is the Gods' way of telling us to live. Come on guys, no time like the present."

"Hey, hold on now." Olya warned us to be wary, "This feels way too eerie. An entire stone dungeon entrance in the middle of this icy land of frost? That place has got to be booby trapped."

"You're just jealous that I found it first so it gets to be named after me." Shaid chuckled, "Don't you remember? Them's the rules, amigo."

"I-I am not!" Olya ran behind us, "Dammit, fine! I'll let it be, but only because it's your birthday! Y'hear me, fucko? This dungeon's name is my birthday present to you!"

"That sounds so stupid. It's not yours to begin with, so how can it be a gift from you?" I raised an eyebrow, "Of course, if that's how it works, then I'm piggybacking off your idea and also making that my birthday present for Shaid! Happy birthday, bud!"

"You idiots! Give me a real present!" He got fussy as we reached the stone dungeon's entrance, "Ugh, whatever. Be respectful when entering this place. Wipe your feet before stepping foot inside, uhmm... Shaid's Lair!"

"Lair? That sounds like a supervillain's crib." Olya critiqued the naming choice.

"Right, you sure Shrine or Dungeon isn't a better fit?" I asked.

"It's not a Shrine, since I'm no saint nor God, and it's not a Dungeon either, since I'm not a beast." He explained, "It's a Lair, amigos. A hangout spot if you will. I can feel it in my bones, this place is just gonna be an amazing place to live in for the duration of our stay!"

"That's... Highly unlikely." I pointed out, "Cause Shaid's Lair over here is closed shut, as you can see."

"Well, a door shut means another door opens, right?" Olya inspected the mechanism up close, "Oh, what the hell am I saying? This tech's ancient."

"You think you can open it?" We tilted our heads as he made a snowball from the nearby snow around us.

Upon tossing it up and down in his hand a few times just to make sure the density is correct, Olya assumed a baseball pitcher's stance as he threw the frosty ball with all his might towards the large button above the door. As soon as he did, the entire place lit up in a Green color, and before long, the door opened before us.

"What the!?" Shaid and I gawked at the sight of the puzzle being solved.

"Whoa, didn't expect the light show, but apart from that, it's a simple weighted pressure plate design." Olya explained, "Hitting it with the snowball makes the doors open, which I assume is done so whoever built this place could keep unwanted beasts and humans away. Come now, adventure awaits."

"Is it just me..." I looked on as the fat man calmly entered the lair like it was nobody's business, "Or did Olya just look extremely cool for once?"

"Yeah, you're not wrong, amigo." Shaid too could barely keep his jaw from hitting the floor, "I keep forgetting he's got brains underneath all those love handles."

"I heard that!" He shouted as the doors closed behind us.