"Alright, so what's next on the list?" I asked.
"Hot springsh n' nekkid baybes." Issei slurred his words.
"There are no hot springs in the vicinity." Ouroboras shut the idea down, "That being the case, I believe having some shrine maidens toss salt at you would do you far better, Issei Kaido."
"Yesh pleez!" He returned a hearty thumbs up before stammering along the sidewalk, "Can they at leasht wear bikinis?"
This guy's even more of a perv when under the influence. And Ouroboras too, it's because he made Issei drink the rest of the bottle that he's like this in the first place, so he's at fault too.
"Seriously, I think we need to get you some water to sober up first." I sighed.
"There is water in the shrine." Ouroboras stated.
"Hell no!" Issei shouted, "That wahter'sh holy! Besides, y'can't enter a shrine dead drunk!"
"Hence why they have those convenient temizuyas to cleanse yourself, no?"
"...You know a helluva lot about Japanese culture, Ouri." Issei glared at him, "You a weeb?"
"I know all about all. That being the case, you are getting your pubes burned off for calling me such a disgusting name."
"Ack!"
Well, I guess it's decided that our next destination is a japanese shrine. I'm not really religious, so I kind of feel like it'd be wrong to just waltz into another people's religious territory, much less pray to their God, but then again I'm also going with the Sun God and a pervert as drunk as a lath. What a party...
"Alright, wash your face and hands over by the water pavilion." Ouroboras instructed-nay, ordered, "One must leave all impurities aside before facing the deity of the shrine."
"Me too?" I asked, "I didn't really touch anything dirty recently, and we just ate at McDonald's so I washed my hands."
"Failure to comply will-!"
"Alright, alright!" I pushed the wobbly pervert away from the angry God's wrath, "Issei, lead the way!"
"Augh? Mnn, lessee..." He muttered in front of the faucet, "Yeah, two bows, two claps, one bow. I remember."
"What?"
"Yeah, bow two times to the God before clapping twice." He explained, "Make a silent prayer and bow once more before ringing the bell."
"What bell? I don't see a bell here."
"Ah, some shrines don't have 'em..." He closed his Eyes as he relished in the feeling of the water hitting his hands, "Anyways, that's the process. Follow my lead."
Respectfully after we had washed our hands, I had started mimicking his movements perfectly as we "got into position".
"Bow two times." He did as he spoke.
"Bow two times..."
"Clap twice." He clapped twice.
"Clap twice..."
"Silent prayer." He muttered it loud enough for me to hear though, "Kami-sama, please let me see Othelia and Eleanor again. I still haven't gotten them to cosplay once for me..."
What an ass. A-Ah, apologies, Kamisama! Wait, is that this God's name? Well, he called him that, or wait, is that a male or female name? Do Gods even have genders? Well, they can probably just change their gender at will, so I guess... Wait no, Kamisama isn't an actual God of this world if we believe what Ouroboras told us. Gah, I'm thinking everything but my silent prayer! Sorry Kamisama, I'm kind of a pain to deal with, given my curiosity... Anyways, I wish to safely travel back ho-
"Now we ring the bell n' toss the offering!" Issei shouted as he pulled out two 5 yen coins, "Awright, one for me and one for you~!"
"W-Wait! I didn't finish making my wish...!"
"What are you lobotomites doing!?" Ouroboras angrily stomped over to us before dragging us away, "This is the temizuya, not the haiden! You don't pray, clap, bow or make any offerings here!"
"What? Issei, I trusted you!"
"...Ohhh, yeah, my bad." He stuck his tongue out, "I forgot I've never really been to any shrines all that much. I always believed an evil spirit like me would get purified if I set foot on holy territory."
Damn this lost cause. He made me accidentally pray to a damned faucet instead of Kamisama! What a blunder this has been, I just hope they're not too angry with me...
"Here, you do it like this." Ouroboras plopped us down in front of a pretty big bell with a rope attached to its bottom, "Put your 5 yen coins in the offering box. It is a sign of good luck."
"Okay, what next?"
"Next, ring the bell."
"Alright..."
"Good, a hearty ring foretells incredible purification of any ill will in the area." He nodded.
"Thanks, I guess?" I raised an Eyebrow at him, "What do I do now?"
"Now is when you do ni-rei, ni-hakushu, ichi-rei." He recited a foreign phrase, "As Issei stated previously - Two bows at 90 degrees to show deep respect to the God of this shrine. Two claps to signify a bond between the God's left hand and your right."
"Clappy clap. Haha, I got it right~" Issei was still in a bit of a giggly mood from the effects of the alcohol.
"Then a silent prayer." Ouroboras closed his Eyes, but not before opening one to glare at Issei, "WITHOUT any interruptions this time."
So Ouroboras saw when Issei interrupted my prayer and made sure I have enough time to finish it fully this time. Is he actually kind? I was only joking when I called him a tsundere that one time, but I guess it's not exactly wrong. Well, he did say he was the kindest of all the Five Gods, but somehow that felt more like a warning than anything else back then. In any case, I'll use the situation provided by him to pray, ahem: Oh Great Kamisama in the sky (or somewhere in the world, I don't know your lore, sorry), please let me come back to my rightful world once more, unscathed, so that I may peacefully be with my family once again. Thank you in advance. Wait, adding that last bit made it sound like a business letter, so maybe scratch that last part. Or well, I AM thankful, but...
"Gah, praying is so nerve-wracking." I sighed after finishing the prayer, "Just thinking that I'm talking to this incredible deific being really puts me on edge for some reason."
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
"Yep, you get scared of offending them, right?" Issei smiled, "But don't think about it too much. Unlike these asses, the Gods of our world are a lot kinder in comparison."
"Except we ARE the Gods of your world, Issei Kaido. It is just that the ones you worship are fake." Ouroboras then turned to me, "So do not fret over such trivialities, Lune Grimheart, since it is not like the beings you fear to offend even exist."
"That's a horrible thing to say in a shrine you just finished praying at..."
"No, we are not yet done." He turned back to face the bell, "One more step."
"Ah, yes." Issei and I did the same as we announced, "One last bow to bid farewell!"
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"Hey, so whose shrine was this, by the way?" Issei thought to ask as we were descending down the stairs.
"You even dared pray to a God without even knowing who they were? Well, as to be expected of you, Issei Kaido..." Ouroboras sighed, "Kisshouten."
"Ehh, that's kinda basic isn't it?" Issei moped, "So, the Goddess of happiness, fortune and fertility. I guess that's fine, but I was expecting something with a deeper meaning."
"Must there be a deeper meaning to seeking the aid of Gods?"
"Wait, wasn't this God's name Kamisama?" I asked, "That's what Issei called them."
"Lune Grimheart, well, I would not blame you for the ignorance, seeing as you were not informed in time." Ouroboras apologized with great sincerity, "I should have been more diligent than to trust this buffoon to show you the ropes."
"Hey, don't blame me for messing up something you made me do against my will!" Issei shot back.
"It is your duty to respect your culture!" Ouroboras snapped, "You may think you are not worthy of praying to any Gods, real or not, but it is obvious to anyone that you are just making up excuses!"
"Oho, you getting angry for a fake God's sake?" Issei egged him on further, "How admirable. Listen, just let me live my life my way, and you live your life your way. Let's not complicate things, you can't convince me I'm in the wrong."
"I agree with Ouroboras on this one." I raised my hand.
"Lune?"
"Sorry Issei, but he's the one making the most sense to an outsider like me." I elaborated, "You walked into a shrine drunk, you messed up the ritual completely and made a fool out of the both of us, and when all's said and done, not only do you not know the Goddess' name you just prayed to, but you also called her basic. No matter what, a you shouldn't ever treat even another human being with such disrespect, much less a God."
"Dude, quit it with the lecture. You don't even believe in these Gods. Hell, Ouri outright told us none of them are real."
"So if something isn't real, we get to rake its name through the mud as we please?" I asked.
"Well..."
"What do you classify as 'real' or not? Are you just saying this because you know they won't get their revenge for your slander?" I continued to press him, "If that's the case, then why not walk into a cemetery and spit on everyone's graves?"
"That's not...!"
"Issei, I'm not trying to pick a fight right now." I then dropped my sharp tongue in favor of a reset, "I get it, you're being standoffish because you got told off. But just calm down for a bit, count to 10 or something, and you'll soon realize we're just asking for you to show even the tiniest bit of respect to the Gods whom thousands of people come to pray to."
"Indeed, we went to pray for good fortune and fertility, but Kisshouten's is far from the only shrine in Japan. No, countless people come every day to pray to get their situations fixed. Be it a sick family member, a business venture, or even the upcoming exam - The people of Japan have something to believe in. A convenient being who, unlike the Five Gods, is actually willing to put up with all their wishes with an effortless smile. At times... even I find myself praying to become like them, a perfect being like that, a level even we Gods cannot reach."
"Ouri..." Issei looked down after hearing him out fully, "Geez, what the hell was I saying just now..."
"It's alright." I consoled him.
"...Nah, you're both right, no matter how you look at it. I was just being an ass for no reason." He sighed, "Geez, just like I predicted, filth like me only serves to stench up the shrines here."
"Then, perhaps a salt bath in the temizuya would do you some good?" Ouroboras put his hand over his mouth to hide a wry grin, "If you want, I can even call over some shrine maidens to toss salt at you, though I imagine they will only have scornful gazes on them."
"Did Ouri just make a joke?" Issei glanced at me before we both burst out laughing.
"Now I've seen everything!" I couldn't keep my composure anymore, "Looks like our prayers worked! Ouroboras is actually showing signs of happiness!"
"Hey now, that is enough." He tried reeling us in to no avail, "Quiet down, even I can jest in times of peace!"
"Then while you're in a good mood, how about that catgirl maid you promised me?" Issei reminded him.
"I made no such promise!" He fumed, "Issei Kaido, for the last time - There will be no catgirl maids!"
"Shh!" An angered shrine maiden gave Ouroboras a scornful gaze as she told him to quit yelling, "Quieto! Shurainu no pureesu foa yeringu!"
"A-Ah, no that is..." Ouroboras lost all the fire in him as soon as the girl chewed him out, "Issei."
"Hm? Yes, Mr. Yelling?"
"Your balls are on fire."
"Ack, not just the pubes this time!?" He hastily went to put them out, "Lune, help!"
The hell do you want me to do, stomp the fire out? You did this to yourself, Mr. Catgirl Enthusiast. Seriously, what even is that - A cat and human hybrid? That sounds scary...