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Vol.13 Ch.265 - Panty raiD

Waking up the morning after turned out to be a lot more pleasant than I had originally expected. Who'd have thunk that waking up in a clean and tidy room would feel nice? Heck, it even seems Kevin is feeling a lot more refreshed than usual as well.

"Wow, man! I've never slept so well in my life before!" He smiled as he poured himself a morning cup of milk, "We really outdid ourselves on this one!"

"Yeah, but do not forget to do this regularly, otherwise it will just go back to the way things were before." I then went into the kitchen to make breakfast, "By the way, why all the milk drinking?"

"Ah, you've noticed..." He suddenly got all mopey, prompting me to turn the stove off and hear him out seriously, "Yeah, I drink a lot of milk, even for normal human standards... Actually, I have a serious condition - I got bit by a fire ant."

"I do not follow." I tilted my head.

"Well, fire ants burn like hell, right?" He elaborated, "And so when one bites you, you actually have to endure the feeling of your body constantly burning up until you go to the doctor to get that sorted."

"Uh huh, so why have you not gone yet?" I asked, "That seems quite inconvenient."

"Don't you remember what I told you yesterday?" He tilted his head up and right, "I saved up all my money to get Kiria into University, and after that I spent the next 9 years saving up for myself as well. I don't currently have any funds to treat myself, so drinking milk is like the home remedy to hold it at bay."

Wow, this poor guy sure is dedicated. Saving up not only for his girl, but himself as well, he stayed loyal for over a decade just to be with her, and in the end he is still punished with misfortune? How pitiful...

"Pfft!" He suddenly burst out laughing, "I can't believe you fell for that one, dude!"

"Ah, was that story not true?" I got a tiny bit embarrassed at my naivety, "Kevin, it is rather rude to make light of serious conditions."

"Dude, aren't the people that enroll here smart? How did you not know that eating fire ants won't give you that condition?"

"Well, I have never eaten any fire ants in my life before." I then thought for a second, "No, forget eaten, I have never even seen them!"

"Huh? You've never seen fire ants before!?" He fell from his chair, "How is that even possible!?"

"Well, Abyssus Solis doesn't have any of them." I shrugged, "Entropa too, as far as I am aware at least."

"Oh, right, you're not from around here." He seated himself back up, only to get all melancholic again, "This must be what she meant when she said she wanted to meet all the people the campus had to offer, huh? I'm just a bumpkin who's never left his home, so obviously I wouldn't know that fire ants are only found here."

"I will not fall for your fake sob stories twice." I turned away to continue cooking up breakfast, "Hey, I am thinking of making some pancakes. I am really good at them, so can you give me some of the milk."

"Ah." He looked surprised before shaking the empty milk carton, "All out."

"..."

"..."

"Alright, get dressed." I pointed to the door, "We are going to the store."

"Yeah, sure, sorry about that." He chuckled a bit bashfully before just putting a shirt on, "Alright, ready when you are."

"You are still in your pajama pants." I pointed down, "Please do not tell me that you sleep in the same pair of pants you go about your day in?"

"Uhh, no...?" He refused to make eye-contact before hastily grabbing a clean pair of pants and booking it to the bathroom, "Be right back!"

This guy's hopeless. A girl like Kiria, who is interested solely in the cool and elegant gentleman that has both a daring and calculating side to him, to fall in love with a guy like Kevin? Yeah, I just don't see how that's gonna work out. Still, it's not for me to judge, but to nudge! Wingman Meil is gonna turn this guy into the man of Kiria's dreams!

***

After he finally got properly dressed, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride growing in him as he confidently waltzed around the marketplace with me. He looked so dapper in his white T-shirt and gray pants. Just kidding, he was just barely reaching the absolute minimum requirements of looking dapper. Like the kind of outfit you'd wear to a convention that you got dragged into by your father. Ugh, dammit Joseph, I had to lose out on my free day because of that stupid whim of yours...

"So, from the checklist, we'll need some milk and bread. Oh, and it seems we're running out of eggs too." Kevin read through the tiny checklist I had made for him.

"Do you know where we could go to get those?" I asked, just in case.

"How rude!" He seemed offended, "I'll have you know my family takes care of chickens! Eggs are my forte, I can practically sniff them out!"

"Oh good, because the marketplaces on campus are infamous for being hard to locate, so having someone like you means a lot."

"Ah, ha-ha..." He started sweating profusely.

Walking forward, I had noticed that the path that he pointed to originally as "the direction the egg scent is coming from" had long been overshot, and we had slowly but surely started turning back to the way we came. Stopping to inform him of this, he brushed my internal compass off as ignorance and continued to push through. Before long, we had found a building that very much resembled the boys' dormitory. Remarkably so, even.

"Sigh, sorry, but I lied about being able to sniff the eggs out..." He apologized.

"Yeah, I figured as much a long time ago." I pinched the bridge between my Eyes, "Okay, since we're here then, why not enter and get some water? The Sun is incredibly hot at this time of year."

"Oh? That's rich, coming from an Abyssal." He joked, "But yeah, I'm parched too. Let's go."

I didn't get to correct him on the "Abyssal" part, though I don't think he'd care enough to remember either. We had made our way inside and walked through the long corridor before we had made it to our room numbered 217.

"You got the keys?" He turned to me.

"Of course. I get the feeling you would all too easily lose them if I left them in your care." I remarked, "Here you go."

Taking the keys from me, he went to put it in the keyhole and... nothing. He chuckled, a bit nervous as he fiddled with the keyhole some more. He tried all sorts of angles, however the key just wouldn't fit into the keyhole. He even tried spitting on the key to "lube it up", though that just made the entire process look much more gross. After a while, he had handed me the spit-laden keys and with a sigh he officially gave up.

"Ew." I wiped the spit off of his white T-shirt before trying to open the door myself, "Huh, well I will be damned. The door actually refuses to unlock itself for us."

"No shit, detective Obvious." He scoffed, "Alright, screw this. I'm lockpicking it."

"Please do not..." I tried to stop him, but he was oddly extremely nimble with his lockpick, opening the door in just a mere second or two.

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"Alright, mission accomplished!" He sounded satisfied as he entered the mess of where the living room was supposed to be, "Uhh, didn't we clean this place up just yesterday?"

"Yeah, that is quite odd." I thought for a moment as I carefully swam through the piles and piles of clothes.

"Y-You think we got caught up in a burglary!?" He sounded terrified, "No, but that's odd. Why would the burglar change the door lock too, if that's the case?"

Just as he said these words, a rather well-endowed lady emerged from the pile of clothes that were apparently meant to be where the bed was. Sporting nothing but a white tank top and a pair of short shorts, the green sleepy lime-green haired girl woozily put on her glasses before jolting awake at the sight of two men suddenly being found in her room.

"Eep!" She jumped up, "B-Burglars! I-I don't have anything important here, s-so if you could just please get lost, that'd be great!"

"Mademoiselle?" I tilted my head at her panicking state.

"No! Don't come any closer!" She started yelling even louder, tossing any and all clothes she had close to her at us, "Burglars aren't welcomed here!"

"Kiri-!" Kevin tried to calm her down, only to get hit in the face with a pair of panties, "Ooh, cute. I-I mean, calm down, Kiria! It's just us, Meil and Kevin!"

"K-Kevin? And M...monsieur?" She slowly creaked her Eye open, the other one following soon after, "Gosh, what the hell are you two doing in here? You scared the crap out of me!"

"That is what we want to know, mademoiselle." I inquired, "This is our room. What are you doing here?"

"Huh? You must be confused, this is my room." She then realized, "Ooh, I get it now. You're in the girls' dorm."

"What? Girls' dorms? Don't tell me..." Kevin then got all giddy for whatever reason, "Aww, well if it ain't fate for both of us to have the same numbered room, then I don't know what is!"

"Fate? Come on, this is bad, Kevin." I suddenly went to the door, "I am sure the mademoiselle will forgive us for this simple mistake, but if any of the other girls see us like this..."

"Crap, you're right! We'll be expelled for sure!" He facepalmed, "Kiria, do me a solid and help us leave this place unnoticed! Remember, you still owe me one from last time."

"L-Last time!? That was just under a decade ago!" She whined, "Ugh, I can't go out looking like this! It's already embarrassing enough as it is to be seen by you two!"

"T-Then..." Kevin started drooling as the idea crossed his mind, "Y-You can just change in here..."

"No!" I smacked him on the back of the head, "We need to find another way."

"Yeowch! Ehh, you're right, but how?" He put his hand on the place I smacked.

Ugh, he's right. Right now, it should be first period for the regular students attending the schools here, hence why the dorms were mostly empty. Since Kevin and I still don't have any classes currently, we managed to get in unnoticed. Though, I do wonder...

"How come you are not in class?" I turned to Kiria as she hastily put on a stuffy sweater to deter Kevin from staring too much.

"A-Ahem, that is..." She got all shy, "I-I'm kind of a geek, ha-ha... I-I got all my assignments done early, so I don't have to attend the leftover classes of the semester, unlike everyone else."

"Huh..." Kevin looked at her, "That's amazing! You've really been using the money we acquired properly! Good on you for being such a hard-working and straightlaced student!"

"Kevin, praising her right now after we saw how she normally lives is only pouring salt into the wound..." I stopped him before she broke down.

Okay, well, that at least explains that. Which means that if we leave from whence we came right now...

"H-Hold it!" Mademoiselle stopped me, "Can't you hear the footsteps? The girls are coming back from their classes."

"Shit, then that only leaves one option for us." Kevin suggested.

And so, dangling from the second floor of the dormitory, Kevin and I had slowly scurried over the small ledge that protruded as decoration under the windowsill. Inching over until we had made it to the roof of the boys' dormitory, we had no other choice but to make the jump.

"Hup." I easily cleared the gap without any issues.

"Huh?! I'm not jumping there!" Kevin whined.

"Shh! Be quiet, man up and jump! If you keep yelling, you will get us caught!"

"Mn...! No! I can't!" He shook his head, "I'd rather get caught and branded a pervert than die!"

Noticing all the girls looking up at us from the courtyard under us, I had already resigned my fate of being expelled. That is, I would have, if I didn't previously put on a disguise. Actually, I had asked mademoiselle to give us some of her extra clothes to put over our faces just in case, so it seems I was right to do that. Nonetheless, I had to take some rather drastic actions.

"Jump, or I will tell everyone right now who you are and who you have a crush on!"

"Eh!? Y-You wouldn't!" He cried out.

"Do not test me!"

He then sighed, realizing he had no other choice but to take the dive. He took a piece of cloth out of his pocket and began praying to it as if it was a holy relic, before taking a deep breath and jumping. The jump was magnificent, though it seems magnificent wasn't enough. He had undershot the jump, leading to him falling right in front of me. I went to reach for his hand, and in the end, just barely, I had grabbed hold of...!

"Panties?" I furrowed my brows.

"Haha! No way! No way Kiria's panties saved my life!" He cried out, "I'll cherish them with all my might! I'll even set up a shrine for it!"

Hearing him mention the mademoiselle's name immediately made all the girls down below treat us like subhuman trash. Shouting for us to fall or for me to let the panties go so Kevin could die from the fall, I could really tell they cared for mademoiselle. That, or they just didn't like panty thieves in general. Nevertheless, I had grabbed Kevin's hand and thus helped him up the roof safely. Now that we were in "our territory" so to speak, we were safe to return to our dorm room.

The first person to visit us afterwards was actually mademoiselle herself, who asked with a rather embarrassed tone for her panties back. It seems she became the talk of the town after "a pair of crazy panty thieves stole her precious underwear" and wanted us to apologize. Kevin, who was all too busy setting the shrine up proudly on display on the wall above the sofa, had all but completely sounded her out.

"No can do, Kiria." He finished the piece off with a frame on the wall, "This pair of panties literally saved me. To me, this is a treasure worth more than my very life!"

"D-Don't make that your item of w-worship!" She whined, though it fell on deaf ears it seems.

Looking back, we still didn't get any groceries, so we had mademoiselle show us which way the market was. We ended the day off with a super late lunch that was supposed to be a breakfast, though my god tier pancakes more than made up for the wait. The mademoiselle looked so pleased whilst eating them, she had almost forgotten her undergarments were just above her head, framed on the wall.