"What in the Sam hell is this?" He blinked, opening his Eyes to find an endless visage of yards.
No, pinching himself didn't seem to wake him up, so this wasn't the case of it being a dream. Indeed, he floated high above an infinitely large board of yards, neatly sectioned into blocks with what appeared to be uniform streetways dividing them. All the yards were spacious and equal, with vastly differing architecture placed within the plots of land. Everything was the same, yet somehow nothing was alike.
"Ah, I get it. Yeah, it's all coming back to me now." Schnell chuckled, "That Black Eyed brat got me straight through the nogging with that giant bow of his. Guess that must've done it."
Lightly applying pressure to the wound on his forehead, he was surprised to notice a hard circular surface. Knocking on it like one would a door, the dinks it made suggested it was lacquered in some kind of metal, like gold. That's when he realized another crucial part about this place.
"Ah, what did I just knock my forehead with, exactly?" He asked himself, "My hands... No, I got no arms even. Or a body for that matter."
"Rejoice, for your body is still being made!" A chipper and smiley Golden being stood behind him, "Congratulations on dying and making it here! As you can see, this is Heaven, new and improved!"
"Yeah, I figured as much." Schnell chuckled, "That means I'm home free, right?"
"Home... free? W-Wait..." The Golden being's heart sank as he quickly sifted through a familiar Purple Book, "Don't tell me, you're...!?"
"That's right, the one and only!" Schnell laughed proudly before stopping, "...Wait, who am I?"
It appears one's memories of their time in the world of the living start to wane quite quickly once they've made it to Heaven 2.0. This detail is something kept hidden from the world below, but then again, they have no use of knowing it anyways.
"Y-You're him! But what are you...!?" The Golden being stepped-well, floated back in fear.
"Alright, calm down, guy. We're not gettin' anywhere like this." Schnell stopped him, "First of all, introduce yourself properly before you start getting all dramatic on me."
"...Right, apologies. I am the Meditation God, Prylos." Prylos nodded, "You are currently in Heaven, the land where people go when they die."
"I got that much. And hey, Meditation God, sick." Schnell smirked, "Well then, Prylos, I seem to be dealin' with some sort of amnesia. Did I like, hit my head or somethin' when I bit the dust?"
"No, everyone loses their memories when they die." He explained, "This is done to preserve the equality among everyone. If people show too many unique characteristics due to their past lives, then they might start to get back at the people who've wronged them in said past."
How odd, Schnell thought. The fact that no one even had any recollections of their time in the world of the living meant there's no proof that they even lived to begin with. He no longer knew who he was, yet he still felt this tinging distrust of the Gods even now.
"In that case, which one's mine?" Schnell pointed below with his chin, "The yards, I mean."
"Ah, you figured that out as well?" Prylos chuckled, though that friendly laugh soon stopped abruptly, "None."
"Aww, what?! How come?"
"Let me make myself clear—You're not supposed to be here, and neither are you welcome inside the Pearly Gates." Prylos spoke calmly and concisely, "Clearly, there has been some kind of mistake downstairs. Please wait while I get in touch with my supervisor."
Just like that, Schnell had blinked and Prylos was no longer there. The word supervisor stuck out immediately as odd here, for who could be the Meditation God's supervisor even? Still, it seems whatever issue had occurred wasn't due to Schnell, so he at least breathed a sigh of relief for that.
"Still, what did he mean by me not being welcome here?" He wondered, "I guess that means I died prematurely or something like that. Or maybe I was meant to go to Hell? Well, it's a small chance, but I can't remember who I was while I was alive. It's like, on the tip of my tongue, but I just can't put my finger on it."
Coincidentally, it appears he had already forgotten what he had just told himself a few minutes prior to this. When he had just opened his Eyes in this place, Schnell knew exactly how and from who he died, yet now it's nothing more than a blur. This naturally led to him panicking a bit and growing restless.
"I still don't have a body, right?" Schnell looked down to see nothing, "In that case, I'm like a ghost, right? Ghosts can fly, so why shouldn't I be able to do the same?"
With a hop and a skip, or whatever the flying equivalent to that is, he had somehow maneuvered into a cruise. He did it, he was moving across the air, but it felt kind of like moving on ice. If he wasn't careful, he worried, he might overshoot and crash somewhere down the road.
"Sorry, Prylos, but I'm gonna explore Heaven a bit while I still can!" He guffawed to himself, "Woo! Let's go!"
Schnell had directly disobeyed the Meditation God's orders to stand still and wait for him, but since he already knew the time he had here was limited, he at least wanted to make the most out of this chance he was given. Thus, as he zoomed around this endless expanse, he made sure to tour each and every yard he could find. Though Iro's weren't a thing in Heaven, it seems his yearning for novelty and adventure still shone through.
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"Hm, so each of these houses have someone living inside them, eh?" Schnell peeked in through one of the houses' windows, "Hoo-la-la! This one has a lady living inside!"
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Now, Schnell was never known for being a pervert nor a creep, but given his newfound incorporeal state and lack of any previous memories, he seems to be feeling quite the liberating slew of emotions as he partakes in it. Nonetheless, he was more so shocked than anything when the lady showed herself fully.
"E-Eh?! Walking around naked!?" He couldn't believe his Eyes, "Wait, no... Her body is pure White. Not just her skin, but her hair, Eyes, everything... Ew."
This was around the time Schnell had began taking notice of the other Heaven residents as well, who also bore these interesting features. Some had golden arms or legs, others had golden cuts or circles on them, but the main takeaway was that each and every person here was pure White from head to toe.
"Honestly, I couldn't notice them before 'cause they blended in with the background so much..." Schnell clicked his tongue, "The sky's White, the grass is a faded Green, everything's so desaturated. Yeah, how do they constantly not bump into each other?"
Just as he said that, two people bumped heads whilst turning one of the corners. Obviously, this made Schnell laugh.
"Ow! Come on, dude, what was that?!" One of the men that got bumped shouted at the other, "How are things going on your end?"
"Hngg... All done here, you?" The other guy rubbed his sore noggin before answering back, "But damn am I nervous!"
"What? They're friends?" Schnell sounded disappointed to hear that, "So I wasn't gonna witness a Heavenly street brawl?"
More importantly, the two men seemed to be plotting something rather devious. As if they had just reconvened after a job well done, it seems they still had more to do, judging from their behavior.
"Hey, you there." One of the guys casually waved to Schnell's ghost above, "You a seraphim?"
"Elegy!" The other guy shut him up.
"Y-You guys can see me?" Schnell gulped.
"Puah! See, we're safe, man!" Elegy reassured his friend that the situation was fine, "He's just some guy that can fly. Otherwise we would've been fast asleep by now."
"True... But it's still dangerous to not ignore such oddities, y'know?!" The other guy incessantly warned, "Look, we're wasting time. If the day ends before we save our progress, then we did all this for nothing!"
"You two, you're not making any sense..." Schnell shook his head in confusion.
"You don't gotta know. Hey, be a bro and tell us where G district is!" Elegy smiled back.
"G district?" Schnell embarrassingly looked down, "Sorry, I'm new here, ehe..."
Nonetheless, before they could properly reply to this confession from Schnell, it seems Prylos had finally finished looking for his supervisor and came to check on the late Grandmaster Adventurer. Appearing before him with a lanky, tall and scary friend, the two immediately began chewing him out.
"So Prylos wasn't lying after all..." The lanky man groaned.
"I leave you alone to get Selzion for one second and you already go off on your own..." Prylos crossed his arms, "Did you have fun on your little tour here?"
"I had a blast." Schnell said carefreely, only to look down and see the two men down below had already made themselves scarce, "Hm."
"What? Who are you looking at?" Selzion followed his gaze to find nothing.
"Not tellin'." Schnell teased.
"Sigh, Selzion, what do we do with him?" Prylos worried, "We can't just revive him, but on the other hand, he can't stay here!"
"It'll be alright, I'm sure he's not actually dead." Selzion pointed at him, "There's a high likelihood that this is just a near death experience or something. No need to stir up a fuss that fast over this."
"But-!" Prylos was about to object, but in the very next moment, Schnell was back in the hellhole with the others.
"Auros, you traitor!" The generals cussed the Fighting God out.
"Calm down, he's of no use to me dead." Auros rolled his Eyes at them, "I need this bastard tossed into Hell alive, so try again."
"Ngh... I had such a weird dream..." Schnell stammered up, finding that the arrow previously lodged in his forehead was completely gone, "Huh?"
"Ain't that nice, Douglas?" Auros mocked him, "You got a taste of Heaven and you lived to tell the tale. Be thankful I dragged your sorry soul back here, otherwise you'd be in a lot more pain than anything Hell might've offered."
This much was completely true, having to deal with not only Prylos but also the Knowledge God Selzion would have definitely been a dreadful experience. In a way, Auros too showcase a great deal of mercy in reviving Schnell just now, even if it was for his own personal gain.
"I actually kinda liked it up there, y'know?" Schnell bluffed as all his memories of the living slowly returned to him.
"Everyone, killing him is not allowed." Auros added the extra rules finally, but not before smashing a hole straight down to Hell, "Ragh! There, now we can kill two birds with one stone."
If all goes according to his plans, Aru will have gotten a way out of Hell, and Schnell could now be pushed inside in her stead by the others. With this new game having properly been explained to everyone, the board had effectively been reset by the Fighting God to give everyone a second chance. And yes, that did involve Schnell.
"In fact, I'm such a kind God that you'll get infinite lives from me!" Auros guffawed loudly, "Y'hear that, guys? Until he makes it in one way or another into Hell, you're not allowed to stop beating the ever living daylights out of him!"
"Aye!" The Generals and Issei roared, "Let's go!"
It was 1-0 for them, but in reality, this one should have been Schnell's victory. For getting sent to Heaven in spite of all the Gods' wishes, one must truly hate the Gods to an unfathomable extent.