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Vol.22 Ch.489 - Zzzzap!

"Oohh..." Freddy could be heard crying in his stall, "I knew that taco was laced with something..."

"Mistakes were made, mistakes were made...!" Issei whimpered in his own stall.

"You guys really shouldn't have eaten that much." I sighed as I leisurely checked myself in the mirror.

"Of course you're the one least affected by it, Lune." Issei weakly opened the door, not even having the strength to buckle his pants back up, "Damn, the hell's your stomach made out of? I'm pretty sure you ate more than us."

"Well I always eat larger portions, so I'm kind of used to inhaling anything and everything." I fixed my hair up while I had the chance, "You two on the other hand? You both eat like picky cats, so you really shouldn't have overdone it."

"That's not what he meant, tough guy. Ungh..." Freddy chimed in from his stall, apparently still not done fighting his demons in there, "Mexican food is the second spiciest food in the world next to Indian. We're wondering how your stomach's not feeling the effects yet."

"Oh, is that it?" I chuckled, "Nah, after Cecily buries her cooking in all kinds of spices, you can hardly see the food underneath. In comparison, this was pretty bland for me."

"So the key to an iron belly is a wife who can't cook!?" Issei jolted.

"She and I are both on equal levels of cooking!" I snapped back.

"So you both poison each other!? Should I use my wish to save your kids from their abusive parents' cuisine?"

"Sure, in that case I'll wish for Othelia and Eleanor to peek into your browser history."

"Dude, I was just joking, come on..."

Yeah, not so tough now, are ya'? Well, you never looked tough to begin with, and this burdened state you're in right now after that nasty battle with the toilet isn't helping your image either. Still, what kind of a tasteless joke is that? To separate a mother and father from their kids... I really hope those girls smarten up soon with him, but at that point I kinda think they'll have gone too far to turn back. Oh well, not my issue. I'll long be back home by then, eating my dear wife's spice infused cooking and rubbing my tummy in delight.

"Ugh, finally, but I think it'll come back for round 2 soon..." Freddy kicked the stall door open before approaching the sink to wash his hands and face, "Ah, I should shave soon."

"How come, you look good with a beard." I pointed out my own three patches under my chin, "Beards make a man. That's what Schnell said in his handbook. Besides, I wouldn't be able to tell you two apart if you both shaved regularly."

"I have to shave." Issei rubbed his clean-shaven cheek, "I was born with the nasty genes, so even if I let it grow out, it'd only give me a long moustache and some hairs at the chin."

"Our condolences." Both Freddy and I closed our Eyes and prayed for his wellbeing.

"Then, without further ado, shall we get going?" I clapped my hands together.

"Right, before El Turdo comes back." Freddy rubbed his sore ass.

"What's our next stop, uncle?" Issei asked as I whipped out my trusty map.

"Mn, the next World Wonder should be in Peru. The famous Inca citadel of Macchu Pichu."

"Macchu Pichu, Peru... Ah, there it is." I pointed on the map, "Wow, that's kinda far."

"Yep, it's down in South America." He explained, "While we're in Mexico right now. That being the case, our fastest route will be to go across the ocean again."

"Heh." Issei smirked smugly at me.

"What's with you? Want a knuckle sandwich?"

"You don't even know why I'm grinning at you, you just wanna punch me in the face." He scoffed, "Anyways, I'm smirking because you're gonna have to sit down with us on the airbike again~!"

"Says who?"

"Huh?" He cocked his head back, "L-Lune, you can't use a hoverboard on water. Did you not watch Back to the Future?"

"You know I didn't." I rolled my Eyes, "Either way, the guy at the skateshop said it's safe to use over puddles of water and stuff like that."

"A puddle of water does not equate to the entire goddamned ocean!" He went off on me, "You idiot, you'll sink the moment you step on the damned thing! Have fun swimming though, cause by then we'll be long gone without y-!"

"Actually, these hoverboards can go across larger bodies of water just fine." Freddy chimed in.

"Eh?" Both of us tilted our heads at him.

"Yeah, oh well, not the stock ones like the ones they sell you at the shop. Those will definitely sink." He elaborated, "But if you let me tinker with it a bit to change what the sensors under it consider to be the floor, then..."

"Will do!" I shook his hand without hesitation.

"Will do, my ass!" Issei broke off the handshake with a chop, "You're gonna trust this idiot uncle with your life like that!? Let's not forget this is the guy who singlehandedly almost jeopardized the future of our family trees!"

"He's also the guy who made a flying airbike that's taking you across the world without the need of a passport, and all that from a bunch of junkyard scrap." I patted a smug Freddy on the back, "So I'd take my chances."

"...Ugh, fine." Issei finished drying his hands before walking out of the public bathroom, "But don't blame me if you suddenly get kicked in the balls by your hoverboard somehow."

"I'll watch out for that." I stuck my tongue out at him with a cheeky grin.

So, another half hour of Freddy tweaking the underside of my hoverboard later and we were all ready to go. Issei was yet again forced to sit with his uncle on the airbike, though he had asked me to Materialize some towels for him to put in his pants for padding, so maybe it won't be so bad for him this time. As for me on the other hand, I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear as I tested out the new and improved hoverboard!

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"Woo!" I shouted as I shifted into 7th gear, "This thing's faster! I definitely feel it going past max!"

"You noticed already? I didn't even tell you that yet, haha!" Freddy shouted from above, "You're crazy, Luneski! And here I thought I could see you panic for a change!"

"Panic? You're the crazy one, Freddy, cause this is awesome!" I grinned, "With this, we'll make it in a flash!"

"You two idiots are gonna get us killed at this rate!" Issei said, still not used to opening his Eyes out of fear, "Why would you ever add speed to those demonic things?!"

"Because, I really gotta crap again!" Freddy explained, revving the motors to speed up that much more, "I said that Mexican food was gonna come back for seconds, and I was right on the money! So either hold on tight or endure some real nasty farts from your ol' uncle!"

"Why didn't you put me in front of you then, you damned pooting primate!?"

"You're not a kid anymore, nephew, you're a grown man! I won't see jack squat in front of me if I did!"

Haha, this is how a trip across the world should look like! I'm inclined to ask Freddy to make this thing go even faster, but I wonder if it'll be too much. This is incredible to begin with, but unlike airbikes, hoverboards don't have any safety straps. I'm afraid I'll literally fly off of it if it went any faster. I'll be honest, just because it's fun doesn't mean it's easy for me to balance on this speed demon. Still, we're on the open ocean now, so after a while you really just get used to the speed because of the monotonous scenery and it's just like before. If only something interesting happened to make things more...

"Fun!" I swerved to the side as a shark almost chomped me whole, "Haha! Nice try, nice try! So close, but no dice!"

"Lune!" Freddy and Issei yelled, "You alright!? We'll lower down, so hop on our bike!"

"No, that's way more dangerous." I replied, "The transfer's gonna be tough, and the it might attack you guys too instead. Just stay there while I, WHOA-!"

Yet again, I just barely dodged it. This shark is really relentless, I see! Well if that's the case, sharkie, I'll accept your cheap provocation! I've fought bigger baddies than you, including a whole ass krakethulu! I didn't wanna kill anyone in the other world, but I guess you leave me no choice. No takebacks, now!

"I guess it's high time to surf up!" I got an idea, "Guys, on second thought, go in front and lower down just a bit!"

"What happened to not wanting to put us in danger, jackass?!" Issei whined.

"Oh will you shut up, you damned coward?" Freddy shut him up as he lowered the airbike down, the strong propellers pushing the water below them and making just the perfect waves for me, "This good, Luneski?"

"Yep, couldn't have asked for a better jump pad!" I grinned before going max speed.

"Wait, jump pad? Luneski...!?"

Dodging the sharkie's relentless attacks was a chore, but luckily it wasn't fast enough to negate me Going Solipsistic. And thus the stage was set, the enemy, the protagonist, the helpers, the main prop... Hell, even the sunlight felt like it shone directly on me and me only, serving as the perfect spotlight of this heroic feat! Gaining major air with the giant wave to dodge one final shark bite, I Materialized a the charged part of a megavolt battery and dunked it down below, intending to fry the sharkie from above. That was the intention, but I had accidentally miscalculated and instead slammed the charge directly into its face, causing a large electric explosion to occur mere meters away from me.

"Lune!"

"Luneski!"

"Bzzt! I-I'm ZZZT-! ...fine..." I twitched a few times as I continued skating away next to them, "J-J-J-Just a b-bit f-f-f-f-"

"He took that blast head-on!" Issei fretted, "Uncle, how do we fix him?"

"Fi-fi-fi-fin-fi-" I continued to st-st-st-stutter.

"I'm a self-taught rat-mechanic slash traveler, nephew! NOT a doctor!" He shrugged, "Look, Luneski, just whatever you do, DON'T FALL INTO THE WATER! The salt and other minerals will kill you just like they did that shark!"

Oh, so the shark did die after all. That's good, I was too focused on Healing myself to survive whilst simultaneously slowing down time to properly land and continue to hover over the water, so I didn't get to check. That being the case, it'd make sense that it did die, because unlike me, it fell back into the highly conductive water post-electrocution, just like how I had planned. That being the case, I really could have just Materialized an AFP and shot at it, now that I think about it. I really shouldn't have gone for the style play, but that wouldn't have made for a fun chapter now, would it? Seriously, the things I do for you guys, I swear...

"Hey, it looks like he's calmed down finally." Issei inspected me, "Yo, Lune! How you holding up? Need a ride, after all?"

"I-I-I-I..."

"Guess he's still zappy." Freddy then tried to guess what I wanted to say, "Umm, let's see... Indeed?"

"I-I'd...!"

"I'd... like that?" Issei shrugged.

"I'd rrrr...!"

"I'd REALLY like that?" Freddy gave one final guess.

"I-I-I'd rather die!" I finally finished the sentence, "I-I've an-another kid t-to make!"

"Oho, so that's the case." Freddy laughed, "But y'know, given your 'current' state, I wouldn't be surprised if that future kid was born with electro powers."

"Honestly, that'd be quite fitting." Issei added to the joke, "So does that mean Lune's dad burnt his dick in his youth?"

I-I-I wouldn't b-be surprised w-with that b-b-b-buff-ffoon... Also, rude.