Dear Diary,

A lot of players are ordering strawberry milkshakes this cycle. I think it's cuz they're pink, and the players are leaning into all the "girly" stereotypes.

I mean, they seem to be having fun? Yay? But it is just a teensy itty bitty bit insulting. Especially the ones who put on accents. Some put on fake British accents, and pretend to be all rich and regal and stuff. If one more person calls me "maiden" and asks me to "bring forth" my "finest meal", I might lose it. Aaand then there are people who go all Southern Belle and pretend to be a reincarnation of Scarlett O'Hara. For no reason I can tell.

"Why I do declare, fightin' all them ghosts an' hobgoblins has left me positively famished! Darlin', by any chance d'you have a tall glass of sweet iced tea?"

Which, no, I don't. I have tea, and if you blast it with ice magic it'll become cold, but I don't have any pre-made iced tea.

Mika says her customers come in "warrior maiden" and "fainting damsel" varieties. Warrior maidens just want the biggest weapon in the shop, which is pretty easy. But she says trying to sell a sword to someone monologuing about how "violence is horrible, but the death of other creatures is the only way to survive, and is life even worth living if all one does is kill"… Is going to make her stab someone.

The others seem to be doing ok, nothing too dramatic. Via says she's had like twenty people ask where her cute brother is, which is slightly awkward for her. I think it's funny.

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Anyways, by tomorrow it'll be a new cycle, and things will be back to normal.

Hopefully.

Whatever “normal” is.

Oh, Aya said she talked with the other catgirl spies, and they all say hardly anyone comes in to ask about stuff any more. She said this cycle she’s only had four players come in, and all they asked was if anything had changed. Which, it hasn’t. So the spies are debating seeing if there’s a different job they can do.

They don’t know what it would be, just that no one needs information any more. Maybe they could help one of the other shops? Not that anyone really needs help; after 55 cycles we have everything pretty figured out. But maybe they could take over and let one of the other girls have a vacation?

They’re going to try thinking of new jobs for themselves before asking the Admin about it.

I’m gonna try thinking, too. I hope someone comes up with something super fun and exciting for them to do.

Fun jobs are the best jobs.

Goodnight, Dungeon!

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From: Admin To: All Players Subject: Equality

In the spirit of non-sexism and equality, here we go.

Next cycle, anyone who chooses to be a male half-dragon will receive a Golden Loincloth. It'll have the same stats as the Golden Bikini. And the same gimmick.

And no, it can't be plate armor or anything like that, or it wouldn't be equal. If chicks have to run around in their underwear to be invulnerable, dudes do too. That's fair.

Now will the eight of you who keep whining about how I'm making things ToO DiFfIcUlT fOr MeN this cycle quit complaining. Next cycle men will have the "unfair advantage", you freaking incels.

Thank you.