Dear Diary,

We attacked the kobolds today. It was kinda fun, it reminded me of when we were still working our way through the dungeon. That feels like so long ago.

I’m pretty sure the kobolds had fun, too. But, it always felt like they were having fun when they attacked us. We aren’t real enemies, so they can attack… casually. It’s still a fight to the death, sure, but it’s us. We aren’t attacking them because we think they’re dumb, or because we’re supposed to. It’s because we want to. And then we’ll have pizza.

Overall we killed them pretty fast. Aya says we’re about three times as strong as the average player should be when reaching this level, so that’s no surprise. But we weren’t testing our strength, we were testing theirs. And we learned something important: cat and monkey owners will have to get rid of their pets. Not yet, of course, but when the players get here yeah.

So, all the pets give bonuses. All the bonuses are potentially useful in combat. Like, having a frog makes it so you can jump ten feet. That could be super useful. The kobolds, not being total idiots, won’t jump in combat because they don’t want the players to guess they have a frog pet. Unfortunately, having a cat increases your reflexes by twenty percent. We wondered if that would be noticeable, and it totally is. Like, no mistaking it. The kobolds with cats were super fast with their attacks and blocks. Cats also give their owners darkvision, which I’m sure is important on a couple floors, but it isn’t needed or useful here.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Having a dog gives you a companion that will automatically attack anything that attacks you. But they can’t teleport or anything, so all we have to do with them is herd them into the dire wolves’ mansion and close all the doors and windows. Easy.

Whales pull you through water super fast and drop money every so often (for no reason anyone can tell). Whales aren’t a problem.

Owls give you flight and darkvision. None of the kobolds are dumb enough to start flying mid-battle, so they’re good.

Monkeys are weird. Their description in the store says they give you stupid good climbing abilities and a tail that’ll protect you from attacks. …I’m paraphrasing, of course. Anyways, when the first kobold got a monkey, no tail appeared. So we thought maybe that line was something that wasn’t around yet? Or that maybe because kobolds already have tails, they couldn’t get another one. Well, we found out that both those guesses were wrong. When a monkey-owning kobold is attacked, a see-through ghost tail appears and blocks the attack. It’s super obvious. So, sadly, the monkeys will have to go.

A couple of the kobolds have already switched out their pets. They don’t want to grow too attached to them only to lose them. Some others have decided to keep them until the players get here, then next cycle get a different pet. And a couple have decided to just keep switching out their cats or monkeys every cycle. They think that the pets are all the same, so they won’t notice the difference.

That just… seems kinda heartless to me.

Anyways, I’m gonna get a frog when we go back to our floor.

Goodnight, Dungeon!

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