I’m so embarrassed…
Did I just throw a tantrum yesterday?!
I am lying on my bed early in the morning thinking back on what I have done yesterday. It was so childish. I don’t have the leisure time of acting like that.
But it was frustrating that I can’t even grasp what master is trying to teach me. Is it really because I lack talent?
It really hurts to be bluntly told by that. I am not comparable to Higan or Alstroe-nee. I don’t know what to do…
I’m lost…
How do I go beyond? How can I get over my own limitations? I have done so many bad things. I also disappointed master…
And…not to mention…
I never received any praises at all…
…
Eh?
What am I thinking?!
…
!!?
I felt something warm under my sheet. Because I am busy with my thoughts first thing in the morning while covering my face with a pillow, I never noticed it until now.
I squirm for a bit… It’s kind of wet…
…
No…
Did I…
“My lady!~ Good morning!!!”
The door was slammed open! It was Milin! This damn maid! Every time! And she arrived at the worst timing!
“M-Milin! D-Don’t suddenly enter like that!”
“Tee-hee!~”
“N-Now that you saw me awake, could you kindly leave me for now…”
“Come on My lady!~ I am going to assist you with everything in the morning! it has been a while after all!”
“No! Please leave now! I don’t need your assistance!”
“Eh!?~ Surely you are too busy with that damn training that you couldn’t take care of yourself properly.”
“I swear! I don’t need it!”
“…My Lady, is there something wrong?”
“N-Nothing at all!”
“… You are weirdly stuck on your bed… You usually stand up and push me away.”
“I-I-I-I-I d-d-d-don’t feel like doing t-t-t-that today!”
“Heee… is there…something you are hiding?!~”
“No! Don’t come near me!”
“Guehehehe!~ I see, I see. What’s under there!?~”
“Get away from me!”
Milin grabs the sheet of my bed and I started tugging back to hide what’s underneath it. I desperately cling to the sheets like my life depends on it. I shouted at her so many times but she played deaf to my yelling.
But of course, in terms of strength, what can I do?
Milin wins the battle of tug and pulls the sheet revealing what’s underneath it.
I immediately put my hands to my face from embarrassment and to cover my crying face.
I can’t believe it myself!
“My Lady…you wette--!”
“Shut up!!! Stupid Milin! Ugh…”
“Ahahaha… well… it’s not weird given you were just a little girl…”
“That’s…*hic*…unacceptable for me…*hic*”
“My lady…for now let me collect the bed covers and your pajamas and I am going to wash it.”
Ughh…
I have done nothing right… I am failing at everything. I even wetted myself in my sleep. How can I make such mistake?!
Milin collected the bed cover wet with my… pee… and together…I shyly hand over my pajamas and quickly covers myself with another set of clothes from Milin’s malicious eyes.
As Milin finishes changing the bed cover, she carries the wet ones in a basket and asks me something.
“My lady, aren’t you going to eat breakfast? You have a long day.”
“I…do not feel like it… please… leave me alone…”
“My lady…”
Milin left the room and I slid under the new sheet of blanket again.
I don’t feel like I can train properly today.
My mind slips to dreamland slowly…
.
.
.
KNOCK
KNOCK
KNOCK
“Asagao! You dare slack in our training?!”
A knock wakes me up. It was master who knocked at the door while shouting. I don’t know how to face him. I don’t know how I am going to apologize. I don’t know how I am going to show him that I am worthy…
“Asagao! What the hell are you doing?!”
“…”
“You are letting what happened yesterday get into your head too much!”
“…”
“Hey!”
“…”
“Is it really something to mope about?!”
“…”
“So be it.”
After for a while, I can’t hear master shouts anymore. I stand up from my bed and walks towards the door.
I open it a little and carefully look outside by slowly peeking outside with only my head.
…
“HEY! I KNEW YOU WERE AWAKE!”
“GYAAAH!”
BAM!
I slam the door shut!
Master was there staring down at me.
“Asagao, remember that you have something to do. Never forget.”
“…”
This time, master left for good. I shy away from him as soon as I saw his face.
I feel like I am reverting back to my old self.
Shy.
Scared.
Timid.
I just hit a blockade in my way. In the thorny path that I am treading, another huge wall blocks my way…
…
I am not scared but, I am unsure of what to do. I don’t want to mess up again. With Higan and Alstroe-nee away, I am unsure myself. Did I rely on them too much mentally?
.
.
.
It’s been three days now since I locked up myself. I am a mess.
Everyone was checking on me once a while. Only Milin enters my room shamelessly. She does bring food to me.
…
I am still confused.
…
Should I get up now? If I do, what will happen? A repeat of my failure?
…
“My lady!”
“Milin huh…”
“Geez. Are you not happy?!”
“…”
“Are you still down my lady?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is that so?”
Milin approaches the bed and sits down beside me while I am lamenting my pathetic self.
“My lady, do you feel down because you are confused?”
“Ah..”
“I see.”
“…”
“My lady, let me tell you a story. A story about…”
“…”
“A friend of mine…she is… a knight captain. Well, in the service of the previous corrupt and greedy king.”
“She?”
“Yes…”
“…”
“They wage war in the order of the king. Secretly pillages the town. The knight captain’s men were also twisted as the king. They ravage villages, plundering their gold, assaulting women of any age and indiscriminately kill people. In short, the armies of the king are like a den of uneducated beasts.”
“…”
“The knight captain, however, wants to steer clear of it as she can’t swallow the act her men are doing. She turns blind eye to it and obediently follows the orders from the twisted and greedy king and nobles. She didn’t even try to fight back. She is just a pawn after all.”
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“…”
“Savagery beyond human was done here and there. The knight captain will just do whatever she is tasked to. She is quite a skilled fighter and that’s the reason she was able to join a high-rank profile in the military wielding two soul weapons as she goes around the land killing people…”
“That’s…”
“After the reign of the twisted evil king for a while, four heroes came. They showed power and strength beyond comprehensible. Their powers were unlikely and their intellect and tactics are far superior. They dethroned the detestable king and the leader of the heroes beheaded him publicly. After that, the heroes purge all the nobles and officials who are the cahoots of the king and beheaded them too.”
“Milin…”
“The leader of the heroes then claimed the throne for his self and promised to reform the whole continent and brings a civilized and order for the people. And then, the knight captains and all of the ranks in the military were interrogated. Almost all of them are beheaded for being guilty of crimes they have committed.”
“Eh?”
“The knight captain…m--..my friend was the last on the list and were interrogated. She looks… at the king with dead lifeless eyes as she knows that the hell she has endured around the savages will end. As her colorless world will finally be over, the king asked…”
“?”
“Are you willing to change? What do you feel when you killed all the innocent people? Did you dislike the act that you have committed?”
“What…did she says?”
“She said…I vomited every day. I always clench my teeth from the horrible cries of the people I have slain. I have cleaned and sweeps town clean from life when I am the trash. I see no salvation from my act.”
“…”
“The king… casually said to her…You are indeed resenting yourself and regretting every action you did. You cannot change the fact that you have committed the crimes, but I see hope in your humanity. I want you to be in my service as someone new. You will be someone who cleans if I say myself. How about it?”
“What…did she says?”
“Who knows? But she is still alive and smiling. Her smile blooms more because she found someone charming and someone to dedicate her life.”
“Ehhh…”
“So, how do you feel my lady?”
“Hehehe… I don’t feel like you solved anything but it was quite fun.”
“Oh! You smiled.”
“Is…that so? I think I feel a little better even though I didn’t see anything from that story.”
“That’s mean…”
“Anyway, thanks, Milin. I feel like failures aren't the end of everything. Thank you…”
“M-my lady?!”
I hug Milin.
I truly appreciate her help.
I am..ready again.
I am going to try again in calm mind.
I don’t need to compare myself to anyone. I just have to try. I don’t need to fear failures. There’s nothing to be scared about.
I tightly hug Milin.
“M-m-m-m-my lady! This is…”
“Oh…are you weak being on the receiving side?”
“Hahaha…it just feels weird.”
I stand up and dress in my usual attire for training and head out to the field.
I left Milin in a dazed state in my room and rushes out.
I run. I hurriedly run.
.
.
.
I arrived at the field. I expect that master wouldn’t be there at all but…
He is sitting in a nearby tree…
Was he… waiting for me every day?
I run up to master and master at the same time, stands up and walks towards me.
…
As I get close to him, I immediately bow my head in apology and speak.
“Master! I am sorry for slacking! I am very sorry for being tardy even today! I am sorry that I still haven’t met your standards as an apprentice! I am sorry for acting childish the other day! I am sorry for everything, even for my lack of talent, I will apologize for it sincerely!”
“Woah-! You’re too eager…”
“Well, because, I still have a lot to learn! I still have a lot to catch up on the days I have moped inside my room…”
“Well, it is good that you were able to clear your head. Honestly, it took you so long. Among all of my students and apprentice, you are the last and the worst one and you get emotional too easy!”
“I know! I know that already! But I won’t yield! Even if my bones break many times, I won’t yield! Even if I cry so many times, I will stand back up. I will fail many times while doing my best! Can I at least be that kind of a worst student?!”
I sincerely said all of those words while looking down. I want to prove myself worthy of his guidance. I want to get stronger and he is holding out his hand for me and I shall answer to it positively.
…
While waiting for his answer, my hand was suddenly patted. It was rough and unruly. It was done by a big and heavy strokes that it does not make me feel comfortable.
“You are definitely the worst one. But so be it. I like how resilient you are. Asagao…”
“…”
“Keep up the good job from now on.”
“Ahh…”
Eh?
My eyes start to moisten. My lips are trembling and before I know it, my tears started to fall from my eyes.
He…finally praised me for my efforts…
It was a good feeling…
“Hey, hey! You get so emotional with just a simple praise?! What a simpleton!”
“I can’t help it. Master is too strict. But please, keep being the good master that I know, okay? Even if I am your last pupil, be the master that guides people.”
“…”
As I said that, I look up again to see master’s face.
Eh?
Why is he looking away at another direction and wiping his eyes with his sleeve?
…
He suddenly throws a wooden sword at me and the moment, he followed it up with a vertical slash that I reflexively block with the sword he threw.
“Ah!”
“We don’t have time to waste then! You are now ready for the art that I am going to drill into your empty head! Are you ready my idiot disciple?!”
“YES!”
With that, we trained again.
I was calm and my mind is clear of doubts.
I’ll see to it that I can do this!
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Have you guys seen the new cover ? No?
https%3a%2f%2fczedheinelionheart.files.wordpre....jpg%3fw%3d700 [https://czedheinelionheart.files.wordpress.com/2016/06/img_20160916_0001.jpg?w=700]
I am still trying to improve. Hopefully, my grammar will too.