Dear diary,

This magic stick is really handy.

It took care of the octopi infestation in the toilet like a professional grade flame thrower. I just point it at stuff that I don't want to see and boom! They turn into a pile of ashes. And it somehow doesn't burn the house down!

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

I love this stick.

Of course I love you too. In fact I love you more than this magic stick could ever hope to be loved.

Well... We fixed that window but those octopi left a bunch of slime and slobber all over the walls. I think we should probably clean that before everyone gets back home. They might slip and hit their heads. Then I won't have people to cook me food!

That would be a disaster.

Love,

Tina