CW:

Rahdian POV followed byyyyy INA POV! AHH!!!! Morning touches without reestablishing consent leadings to confusion and dysphoria and misgendering. This is all quickly apologized for and acknowledged, But it is still a wrong thing and is getting itself CWed for it. Mhm. Talk of lost memories and flaying nightmares alive.

The Storm’s two halves flitter and weave about our Dream with such calm delight at my return. What was such an overbearing anxiety for my safety washed away by the sudden warmth of a soulflame renewed.

I’ve also shared a bit about Kikii with them. They seem pleased enough but… also sort of indifferent? Like… hm… Even with the girls I traveled with before their interest mostly depended on how they made me feel. The Waking World is just… such a distant thing to my two Dream lovers.

Painfully so, at times.

But with the Dream so vibrant, we’re able to snuggle close and… and go over the changes the magical spinning spells they’ve taught me. Ensure I ration out the Amwella and keep my body's waters tinted with the right… um… things.

Apparently lots of small, very intricate rivers filled with the wrong things. Kinda like fish or other such wildlife but… also not at all?

They don’t need me to know all the specifics, and even the Storm doesn’t truly understand the deeper delicacies. But… they know how to ask in magical spinning ways.

You… you're so much like our mother was. I once got the Fury to admit when I asked why they wanted to help me. Wrapped in wretched flesh that was not right and… and…

Then her memory gave out, again. Like it so often does. Either by distraction or… or worse, old nightmares bubbling up that they need to drive off or flee from when they try to reach for things.

But… as ever and always, the Dream soon signals an end. This one tinted with the feeling of movement and… and outside warmth and… and soft lips trailing across rough jawline while fingers and legs are–

Snapping awake in a flurry of panic to discover another warm body atop mine.

She’s crawled on top of and around me. Curling her everything around while lips nibble and fingers wander.

“Morning.” She giggles and moves to hover over me. “Sorry. I would say that I didn’t mean to wake you buuut…”

I sort of… wriggle a bit, wondering how to pull free before she starts more but… but then my eyes find hers and… and she’s leaning back down to press lips to mine. Amwella all a flutter with morning desires.

I’m a bit dizzy with her when she pulls back, only barely hearing her whisper. “I wanna play with your tits.”

It… what? I mean… I’ve… I know they’ve been growing these past years but…

But she takes the little noise I make as agreement and just kinda… shoves my shirt thing up. Crashing through any of my anxiety with such a little smirk of delight as the next thing I know Kikii’s tongue and lips are… are…

Oh. Fuck!

I… I mean I could tell they were sensitive, especially at first but… but they’d settled and… but…

Can’t help but buck and twist myself to… to suppress…

“Gosh,” She coos mid nibble. “You are SO cute!”

“Kikii. I…”

“What’s that?” She teases, taking a nipple between teeth and tugging gently.

It feels… SO amazing. Almost… almost makes me forget… something. Something important about myself that…

Kikii’s fingers dance down to my hips, tracing winding patterns down and around and eventually pressing in between my legs and–

I freeze, and so does she. Eyes flicker open to find her tilting her head, eyeing me with…

“Um… Rahdian?” She murmurs, pulling fingers up. “Did… um… Are you… um…”

Fuck.

“I… I should go.” I move to slide out from under her and pull my shirt down. “You… thanks for last night and–”

“Woah! Woah! Rahdian just… it’s like…” She flubbers and huffs. “It’s not like… I just… Didn’t know! Didn’t like… And I’m such an idiot!”

I pause, look over to her in confusion.

“The signs were all there and like… I literally spent like… three nights with someone like you a few months back!”

I freeze. She… she spent time with another temple’s–

“I… I got to get close to this cute Arudian male for a few nights.” She explains. “Was part of this little group we mingled with on the way here and… and like…”

A… oh. A person changing to the body they need with Cultivation instead of… of whatever my magic is.

I flinch, visibly. Spit out before I can consider the easy lie Kikii just gave me. “I’m not a male, Kikii.”

Sickened and furious all over again.

A long pause passes before she murmurs. “I… oh.”

Stolen story; please report.

Sigh and bring a hand up to rest my face in. “I don’t… Just… thanks. For the meal and… and after. I… I think it best you just forget I was here.”

“What?” I see her moving up beside me from the corner of my eye. “I… Like I'm not sure I get all of it but Tydel explained a bit of things. How… how it’s hard to like… get a grasp of this all without people to help. His moms were actually kinda shitty to him when he told them.”

So backwards, and so much… like what I knew would happen to me. But… so opposite and wretched and too painful for me to embrace that lie.

“It… Yeah. But I’m not… It’s complicated.”

She kinda settles in to sit next to me. "Okay."

A long few seconds pass before I realize that she’s waiting for me to continue.

I sigh, “It’s… not something I want to talk about.”

She nods immediately. “Okay. That’s perfectly fine. I’m really sorry I like… kinda jumped on you this morning. Should have waited for you to wake up and… and communicated better. Asked first.”

That… wow okay that helps. A lot.

Stupid girl. Should have come to Arudia sooner. Just… used that as an excuse if something like this happened again. Let them assume whatever nonsense they want.

“Thanks.” I nod and squeeze her hand back.

“Of course.” She smiles warmly back, “Just… um… wanted to let you know that you’d be safe if you wanted to travel with us. No matter who you chose to be.”

While mine is tinted with anxiety and strain, the smile I return to her is real. “That’s… wonderful to hear. I.. um… my last pair of traveling companions were not incredibly willing to walk with me when they found out about my… um… differences.”

“Fuck.” She huffs. “I’m so sorry. Like… Arudia is already shitty enough to people like Tydel and… well even if you don’t claim his gender the same horrid views would be set on your shoulders too. But… like… I’m serious, Rahdian. If you’d like to leave with us then we’ll be happy to host you. Even… um… help you with possible gemstone stuff when we can.”

So kind. Is the thought that infests my thoughts as I nod. Would… would that kindness remain if she knew the truth?

“I still need to find the Sun Spoken.” I begin to gather myself to move. “After that… I’ll see. It’ll depend on quite a few things.”

She easily rises with me. “It’s not like this blizzard will let us leave anytime soon, so… Yeah. I’ll let my moms know to wait up. We’ll figure out all the details when we’re walking down the mountain together.”

I pause at the tent’s exit, turn back to her with far too easy moisture in my eyes at… at her easy acceptance.

So much like Pips words to me, and… and how she knew Yundre would agree with her.

“Hug?” Kikii grins and spreads her arms a bit.

“Y– yeah. Fuck. Thanks.”

Kikii makes sure I take breakfast before trudging back through the snow to my old campsite.

Don’t even notice the disparate and torn up nature of it till I’m practically tripping over my belongings.

Breath only coming in terrified gasps as I tear about the place, looking out desperately for my little friend. Images of… of duenna finding and hurting or smashing or… or stealing them away haunting my every thought.

That is… until I find a little trail of odd weird markings in the snow.

Foot… er… claw prints? Looking perfectly like what their little hooked legs and twisting limbs would make.

Heading off and into the city proper.

“Fuck.” I hiss as I gather up what I can of my scattered belongings.

The footprints around the place aren’t like… the people who did this didn’t seem to follow my little friend. So… whether duenna or rude scavenger, either shouldn’t be a worry. At least…

I spin the magic while kneeling next to the little cluster. Snow and frost warms and rises to claw and cut and clean all the stubble off my face that had begun to grow.

Disgusting nonsense.

Sigh and shiver as I twist the spell to weave into my body. Flooding unseen and unknowably small places to flow to the rhythm the Storm showed me.

Continuing the changes they promised. Slowly and forcefully changing me into the girl they say I should have always been.

“Three days.” I whisper to myself as I rise. “More if I don’t shave.”

Not… I mean I could just wear my scarf and hood. The second spell really does seem to be more important along the long Path.

Can’t help but squeeze my eyes shut as… as I remember the stranger in the mirror. How… how despite still having many of the features I remember from before she… she looked so… so beautiful.

So female. More than I can bear to believe is me.

That thought bubbles up into a smile as I decide to leave my hood and scarf down. Approach the city proper with more confidence than I’ve ever felt.

Just… another girl walking the Paths in search of happiness.

* * *

“Somethings changed.” Aceso murmurs after I settle down onto the warm sands she seemed to want to weave into our Dream.

“Oh?” I tilt my head, sort of… spiraling between all the different things she could be talking about. “I mean… I did just have one of the most exhausting nights of my fucking life.”

A pause, and I can’t help but chuckle at the double meaning of it.

My Fifth lover’s eyes flicker open as she side eyes me. “The duenna?”

I nod with a blush and a smirk. “Yup. Finally stumbled into asking her. But um… turns out her Amwella is REALLY dense and like… wow. I took like… four BIG bites out of her and I’m pretty sure her soulflame is STILL bigger than anyone else I’ve been with.”

Aceso’s brow furrows and her tendrils wriggle about. “I… That might support an idea I have about Emarial’s blaze.”

“Oh?” I work to keep my worry at Her focus on that off my face and out of the Dream.

Don’t want Her to like… start trying to talk me into trying to get some of that. Either… either through hurting Emarial or… or…

She sighs. “No, Ina. I’d never suggest you share an Amwella dance with a woman you hate.”

I sputter a bit at… at how easily she read me there!

“I’ve given up much of my sway and songs to you, not gone blind.” She responds to my obvious surprise. “And I mean it. Your kind nature benefits you in this. Never think of gaining more Amwella outside of consensual embraces.”

I nod furiously. “Not even sure how… how that would…”

But then I think back on the Matron’s words…

Veletross chuckled, my distress obvious. “Emarial may act the forlorn old Murtaziq. Weary and consumed with grief at her past actions, but she’s just lying to herself. She loved it. I watched her tremble in joy as she stood over her dead companions and drank in their souls.”

“And she will suffer from that until the day her body rots and her soul is set to wandering.” Aceso sighs.

“I… because of the shards she now bears?” I whisper.

Her tendrils do a little ‘so-so’ gesture. “Yes, but… That’s not what I mean. Souls are like all things, bearing complexity unseen. To drink in one you stole, whether their host still lives or not, carries risks. And to take in the soul of one of my Sun Spoken… well…”

Old nightmares in the waters around stir a bit.

“Um… Aceso?” I murmur, looking out at them in worry. “Should… is this a safe topic?”

I look back to find her smiling wickedly. “If those things want to entice me into flaying them again I won’t protest.”

“But… but you said something’s changed?” I move around to kinda block her view. “And you wanted to share a theory you had about Emarial’s Wellspring?”

“Fair point.” She sighs and twists eyes and tendrils to regard me, “I think… My Sun Spoken that Emarial slew had managed to spark something. Or… or Emarial did by mistake when she brought so many of my shards into herself. A Hearthfire rekindled and mantled.”

“I… do not know what any of that means?”

Her tendrils writhe in worry. “I… I don’t either.”

“Uh… what?”

She growls and stands, moves to walk past me and glare out over the sea beyond. “It’s like I told you, my memories from what could be thousands of years were bled from me. Stolen and… and I can’t…”

My lover shakes with such… such sadness. And the sea beyond roils in tune with Her pain.

I scrubble to move to stand beside her. Take up a hand in support and feel her tendrils reach out to weave about and cling to me.

“I… I remember them, Ina.” She whispers. “I know I had sisters and… and mothers and… and something wretched happened and… and I… I think they yet live but… but I don’t know where they are! Why they… they haven’t come to help me or…”

Spines and claws and angry black shapes begin to break the water’s surface.

“I’m here Aceso!” As I step over to pull her into a hug I can feel Her everything call out for, I coo and murmur such soft comforts. Backed by all my will and fury and love for this girl. “We’ll… we’ll figure this out.”

She shivers. “How? They… those monsters stole them! Took my everything and… and taunt me evermore! Never die and never surrender what they stole! No matter how many Beasts and Monsters and Parasites my Sun Spoken break.”

“Maybe… maybe that’s not the way to do it?” I muse. “Maybe…”

Inspiration bubbles up.

“Could we try to make a song for it? A… a thing to try and call out and get them to give back what they stole?”

She stiffens. I will NEVER BEG THESE THINGS FOR ANYTHING AGAIN, INA!

I do flinch at the fury in that. Such… such a terrifying thing to feel rumble through the Dream but… I’ve dealt with worse and She’d never hurt me.

Not again.

So I only sigh and hug Her harder. “Why not let me do it then?

She considers that for a bit, then hisses.

No.

“Alright, we can like… figure that out later.” I shrug and let the Dream carry my earnest desire to help Her calm. “But you also said that something’s changed. What did you mean? Or… were you just noticing the new Amwella I’ve gathered?”

She pulls back and wipes tears from her angry eyes. Takes a deep breath while moving to just hold me with talon and tendrils. “I did, and no. But I think it’s good that she can provide a new source of plentiful Amwella. I… I was listening to the fissure and think we might have slipped past the break we’ve been waiting for. The Zeridii stirs and… and I think I’m sensing pieces of it wandering about.”

“Really?” I sputter. “Fuck! Then… Where? Can we like… try to find them and like…”

She shrugs after I trail off. “A Maktaba might be able to communicate more about this but… I think remaining stationary might be safer. A Nightmare is something you can handle alone, but I can’t speak to the shape or danger that something like this may pose.”

“What if I’m inspired to like… sing out to them? Try and call them to me?”

She wibbles for a bit. Caught between worry and curiosity.

“Just… Please be careful.” She murmurs. “Call me to the Waking World the second one makes contact. I don’t want you dealing with some monster alone and… and your kind nature leaving you open to an unexpected strike.”

“Of course.” I assure Her. “But… If It’s like that Carbunkle I’m pretty sure a song of peace will work though.”

She winces and squeezes my hand. “I… I’m sorry I wasn’t there for that.”

I return the squeeze. “Me too. But… You’re forgiven. We’ll deal with all the nonsense together now. Alright?”

She smiles then, asks softly. “Together?”

I giggle. “Together. Promise Promise!”