Content Warning:
a touch of naked things after bath
Then I’m awake. Tears rolling down my cheeks. “Fucking Cunt!”
Between the amount of Amwella I’d gathered over the past six months, and my access to healing songs throughout the merger, I was only greeted with my normal leg pains and a small headache. Both fading as I hiss out melody and pull myself from the bed. Angry and scared and…
Oh.
My new leg is… right. Fuck!
It’s the same length, but… so light I almost trip just moving about the little room. Have to take a few tries to understand its balance. Where Yrelia and Tasii’s gifted foot was this amazing replication of a human’s, with toes and such, this one is very much like that first horrible wooden thing I had to use. Stiff and awkward and… fuck! I fucking hate it. How did we even run last night with this!?!
Then I think to look out the window, notice the sun is already up.
“Fuck!” I work to struggle to the door.
Crack it open, peek out. No one in the little hallway, clothes on the floor. I snatch them up and jerk back into the room. They're fine… I guess. A little too… well I don’t like how it’s a gown meant for a day indoors. Horrible for trying to sneak out and travel into the cold Arudian winds.
I debate just… wearing my clothes from last night. But… fuck they really are a stinking heap of crusty horridness. I worry they might crack or tear without getting a proper wash, and even then they are still so damp. I’d freeze and get sick so fast if I tried to wear them.
“Fuck.” I hiss and wriggle into the gown. I slip on my shoe, empty a pillow sack to function as a bag for my old clothes. And begin to leave.
I… Oh wow I really need time to get used to this leg. How in the actual fuck am I going to walk outside in this!?! I can barely go five feet without needing to steady myself against a wall! And then there’s the noise it makes. Fucking fucking FUCK it is so loud the moment I begin to walk on tiled or wooden floors.
Makes a very distinct tink tink tink.
Even so, I almost get to the door without being spotted.
“Lady Ina?” Comes Jutic’s voice.
L… Lady?
I pause with my hand on the latch, look back to see that she’s just come down the stairs enough to see me. The honorifics confuses me more than anything else. Nothing like when Yrelia coos ‘good girl’ at me, but…
“I… I’m sorry. I just…” I huff, have to look away. Lying like this… without Her help is…
Fuck it’s hard.
She comes down the last few steps, hesitates. “You don’t have money for an inn or food.”
“What?” I turn back, confused and… oh. Right, our lie. That I lost everyone and everything and have nothing. I mean we don’t have anything right now. But if we can just find our lovers…
“Um… I’ll figure something out. I’m sure there are travelers that I can… um… convince to share a bed with me.”
She sighs, sees the wrong lie, looks me up and down. “You’re going to freeze in that.”
I shrug, begin to unlatch the door. But she’s right there before I can finish, a hand rests gently on mine. “Let me at least get you a meal, warmer clothes, and… some coin. Okay?”
I grind my teeth. I… I need to start moving now. Get distance before I need to sleep again. Find my lovers and hope that they’ll forgive me.
“Just… Tell Zin to forget I exist. Coming here was a mistake. ”
Can’t… Can’t let Her use me to… to…
Her hand tightens. “No. I don’t think it was.”
I flinch a bit, turn to glare up at her. “Let go.”
“You won’t make it two blocks like that.”
“If I catch up to them I can fix this.” I twist a truth to fit my lie. “They’re… they’re going to be worried sick.”
“You really believe that?” She tilts her head.
I hesitate, for the wrong reasons. “Y… Yes. If I can just… talk with them. Explain what happened. They’ll–”
“If you know where they are, I can send a runner with a message.” She lays a careful hand on my shoulder. “They’ll move faster than you, and can bring your teacher and companions here.”
I bite my lip.
“Lady Ina.” She presses. “If these lovers care for you, they will come. And… well, if you're worried about threats due to your being a Sun Spoken, won’t they be the safest here as well? No one would dare make a move against you while you’re a guest in Zin’s home.”
And… And it could let me avoid angering the Weaver for now… And FUCK I would still like to get that fucking gemstone!
“I want to write them a letter, seal it just for them.” I whisper. “There are… things between us I don’t want anyone else to know. Private and–”
“Of course.” Judic eases me away from the door. Helps support my obvious lack of balance.
“And I don’t want to deal with Zin until I’ve spoken with them.” I add, “I… I want us to decide some things together without him… um… muddling things.”
Or me feeling the conflicting desires to kill him and… and… well just not be near him. I CAN NOT let my fear drive me to give into that command.
Judic pauses, but nods. That worries her. “Alright. You're a Lady of the Sun Spoken. How can he refuse you?”
She guides me back to my room, and before long I’m munching on a small breakfast of sweet things and warm cider. The letter… well it's honestly more of a note, will be ran at all speed on the road we took to both enter and leave the city. Descriptions were given, but only Yrelia’s name was said. My lovers would accept the note on her behalf.
I worry the runner might… I dunno… have instructions to bring back the letter and let Judic read it. So I hope my subtle hints at the duality and merging would explain why I was here.
I’m so so sorry.
We’re at our last client’s home.
Please, come and let me explain.
Love, Ina
And then… I’m just kinda fucking bored. Judic returns up after the messenger is out and off.
“My Lady. You should… maybe enjoy a bath?” She suggests, looking me up and down.
I touch at my mangy and probably fucked up hair and what must be horrid bags under my eyes. Considering…
“I can get you some warmer clothes.” She presses. “It’ll be at least a few hours till they’ll get your message and head this way. The warm water will help you relax.”
I sigh, and nod.
It’s not a long bath. Even knowing that it’ll be hours and hours before my lovers even see the note, much less come find me, I can’t help but just do a cursory cleaning of myself before wanting to be out and ready.
Once dry I head over to the door, open it looking for the clothes Judic had promised and–
Parasite, monster, DANGER! I flinch back almost as hard as Vyre does.
“Fuck.” I hiss, fighting to settle my thundering heart. Take a second to…
Vyre’s wearing clothes this time. A simple tunic of cool blues and twisting purples.
“Oh. Sorry.” He pulls back, stares at my…
Oh right. Still naked.
“What do you want?” I growl.
Two of Her songs dance into my thoughts. Both taught in case I needed to protect myself from a sudden danger.
The first is a call for Her to join my mind. Without sleep to sooth the passage it would… well it will hurt like a raw fuck and end up costing us a ton of Amwella to heal at the end of the merger.
The second… while a much much cheaper cost to cast. It would be harder for me to use, like… emotionally. Would… would make sure a threat was removed almost instantly if I used it right.
Kill someone as easily as breathing. Or, in their case, Not breathing.
Or existing.
Kinda… peel them from the World Song.
“Zin asked me to come check on you.” He grins, misreading my embarrassment and sudden shock as me… uh… I guess displaying things.
Fuck.
Like... nakedness among people out here is even more normal than back in Lyttoral. The awkwardness here is from... well honestly my own issues with the Weaver's command and Vyre misreading that. But FUCK if I'm going to hide myself.
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He tries to keep his focus on my eyes, but fails often and obviously as they wander down and over our wondrous exposed form. “We just… got the sense from last night that maybe you’d enjoy some company?”
“What?” I lose all patience. “I was told this wing would be left to me. And now Zin sends you to drag me from it?”
His eyes dart back up to mine, “Wh– What? No! I mean, not unless you ask nicely. I can be pretty flexible in the roles I play.”
Really?
“No thank you.” I snort, “What? Does he simply wish for me to pay for this room with my body now?”
Would be a shame if he pushes this, but… if the slaughter of monsters and parasites must start now…
I look away, anger draining as I realize how easily my own thoughts just… dipped into Her command. How I'm letting myself get mad over... over what? Some monster coming to see if I'd like a good fuck? If this was Judic or... or even one of Yrelia or my clients I might consider the distraction a welcome thing!
Well... no. Not right now. But... in a TON of other situations!
Maybe... Honestly probably.
“No…” That breaks his grin. “He… he just mentioned that you might… well as a Hetaera, be able to show me a few things. Might be interested in a… uh… younger companion for the morning. One closer to your age.”
As my thoughts war with themselves and I play at the edge of horrid punishment at betraying the command She’s inscribed into me. I sigh, also annoyed at how cute that little blush is making this monster look.
But… Even without Her command I am pretty fucking convinced that I’m not interested in sex with a male ever again.
It's just... not for me. Doesn't really excite.
“So… you're supposed to be the Hetaera now?” I sigh. “Sent to entertain his guest?”
He quirks an eyebrow, a hope rekindled. “Sort of? I also heard that when you work it’s very… unique. Like nothing I’d ever experience with another man or woman.”
Oh. Fuck these monsters. Fucking… Still just chasing the chance to ravage and–
“Vyre?” Judic’s voice comes from down the hall, interrupting my little spiral into Her command.
He jerks, winces as he sees her heading our way. “Hey Judic, Zin just asked that I… um…”
Judic appears then, looms over the shorter man. Then glances over to my naked form, pauses, then pushes past Vyre to offer me the outfit she’d gone to retrieve for me. “Did you already finish?”
I poke at my still damp hair while taking the offered outfit. “Yes. Thanks for bringing these.”
“Lady Ina,” She murmurs, looking between us. “Perhaps… you should redress yourself and…”
There is a pause. Awkward, but... I quite enjoy watching this little monster squirm under Judic's annoyance, and… as for Judic. I can’t help but see her eyes work very hard to flit at the edges of me. Yrelia trained me well as a Hetaera, and helped me work through any modest worries a long time ago.
Confidence is fucking sexy and we trained to exude that. But also… I have no shame over my body now. It’s perfect. I rather enjoy her attention, helps to… helps me feel more in control of this situation.
“Vyre was just telling me why he was stalking outside my room.” I settle my clothes against my lower half. Not in modesty, but in the controlled annoyance of one waiting impatiently.
“Stalking?” He jerks, glancing up to Judic in real worry. “I didn’t get the chance to knock! Then she opened the door and…”
“So it’s my fault then?” I press, not being able to help but tease this little monster now that his confidence is shattering. Helps... helps knock down Her command a bit. Follows it's desires without dipping into murderous intent.
“No!” He nearly yelps, turns back to me, then averts his gaze. "I... Zin just said that..."
I sigh. “Look, Vyre. I told Zin both before and after our night together, I prefer my lovers to be female. And since now I guess you’re in the know about my past… differences. You can understand why that is the case. The other night with him was… interesting, but not something I plan on trying again. With... like any male.”
That… seems to crack him. Settles him into a sort of… regretful but solid understanding. Calms Judic too. Although it also makes her remaining annoyance more noticeable.
“Okay, yeah. I can totally fucking understand that.” He nods, “Sorry I… I didn’t mean to make this a big thing. Zin just… he really…”
“Go wait for me outside His chambers,” Judic commands, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I need to have a word with him anyway.”
Vyre… well he doesn’t flinch. But I can tell her words are not things he wanted to hear.
Then he’s gone. And I stand alone with Judic as she watches him disappear. Her eyes wander back to me, drift down… and end up locked on my maimed leg. I… I get to watch as quite a few things pass through her. Processing the nasty twisted thing and how it ends now not with a stump or a gorgeous stone foot, but a jutting of bone wrapped in root and glittering violet dewdrops.
“What is…?” She whispers, it’s almost a hiss of… something.
I sigh. Right. This is going to be… weird to explain. To… like anyone and everyone. So... Of course I'm just not going to try right now.
“I’m going to get dressed.”
I don’t wait for a reply and I shut the door, nearly… honestly I would have slammed it if I could have remained upright after the force. And… Fuck getting dressed is a pain. Jutic brought me a much warmer gown with nice lining and even a little mantle of fur, alongside some nice tights and underthings with really soft insides. They’re all a bit too big, and finding out how to tie all the straps and latches around the chest area is annoying. Probably takes me about an hour just to get it all wrapped up and settled.
Okay, so since the runner was sent my lovers should be heading this way… maybe… maybe I could just… like… leave now anyway and catch them on the road?
I bite my lip.
But… What if they’re on the busy streets of the city? What if I miss them in the crowd? I'm... when I'm not merged I'm just a silly Hetaera! And with this new leg hobbling me so much...
In the end, I decide to try and head out anyway. These new clothes will ensure I can deal with the cold without issues, and in the worst case I’ll just… come back here. It’s not like these monsters will refuse me because I disappeared for a few hours. Fuck, I’ll even tell Judic if she catches me heading out.
The leg is still an issue, but I’m getting more use to its weight, and honestly a few hours walking will help me adjust pretty fucking quick. But… voices stop me in the hallway, make me try and… well luckily this flooring is carpet so my leg won’t give me away as I stop and listen.
“...for coming on such short notice, but we have to move quickly. With the celebrations coming up I felt we couldn’t miss this opportunity.” Zin is speaking hurriedly from the main area.
Fuck. I pause. That’s the only way out I know of. Just… have to wait.
A younger woman sighs, “Yes yes, but what could we possibly hope for? Only one family's Matron truly supports our position. Even if we wrangle a speaking opportunity, we’d just embarrass ourselves. Too many already agree with the Doyen’s and their arguments.”
“Normally yes, but… Well, I can explain the full meaning of this all upstairs.” Zin laughs with such joy and hungry horrible anticipation of being able to enthrall and–
“The attention won’t help us now.” A second woman speaks, confusion plain in her older voice. It’s… familiar. One of Yrelia and my clients? “Unless you’ve managed to seduce or… well somehow change one of the older cunts' horrid beliefs, we’d just waste resources and place certain undecided parties on the spot. Most won’t risk disownment or even the little exile you’re happily enduring.”
Through the little space I can’t avoid, I see the monster of the house begin to head up the stairs, pause and turn back to his guests. “They won’t have to.”
“What?” A… third voice intones.
I believe another monster has entered the house.
A surge of… things, roll through me. I have to close my eyes and press myself against the wall… and… just weather it. Don’t engage or revolt. Can’t… can’t deal with the pain right now.
“We won’t need–” Zin whispers. “Just… come upstairs and– Ah Judic! Wonderful! I’m glad you’ve returned.”
Can't... can't sleep here. Not with three of them about. Don't... don't want her to make me kill them.
“How may I serve?” I hear Judic speak, her voice careful.
“I would like you to get us an early lunch for our guests in the dinning room.” Zin tells her. “All of our guests. I’d like to speak with these three privately before the meal, however.”
A long pause.
“Judic?” Zin’s voice is a little… cold? Annoyed? Worried? A bit of that and more?
She doesn’t reply, but I can see Zin huff and slump a bit. “Please, Trust me in this?”
“It’s not my trust you should be trying to earn.” She says so quietly I can barely hear it.
“Other guests?” I can hear the eyebrow on the younger woman get raised. “Who do you plan on springing on us, Zin? We come to you in confidence.”
“Yes yes. That is why I am trying to explain upstairs beforehand.” Zin raises palms out to placate the room. “If you decide to not attend the following meal… Well, you can leave. No judgments. But I would very much like your help in persuading her to help us. She is sympathetic to the plight, but… well I’ll explain in a moment.”
“Sounds reasonable.” The monster of the new group moves past Zin, proceeds up the stairs with a simple pat on his shoulder.
The two women follow suit, leaving Zin to stare down at what must be Judic. They don’t move or speak until the others have disappeared and idle chatter fades.
“She was very clear,” Judic finally says. “And won’t be ready to even see you until tonight.”
“Which is why I am asking you to prepare all this.” Zin sighs, “She trusts you.”
Judic snorts. “No. No she does not. She… I don’t know. Something's about her is off, Zin. It’s like everything she said last night was… well not a lie but… a half performance.”
I can’t help but smile. Smart woman.
“Of course it was.” Zin laughs. “She’s probably been performing so long that her body treats truths as falsehoods and lies as sweet facts. Was I no different? You often read lies on Vyre where none exist.”
I hear Judic’s sigh. “You’re not wrong, but that’s not what I mean.”
“Do you think her companions have connections to other families? Spies to observe some exile of the house of Rell? Really?”
“I doubt that. But I’ve not met all of them.”
“She’s a sweet girl,” Zin presses. “Just… scared and very alone. Her lovers might accept her back, but we can’t risk them stealing this opportunity for all of Arudia. For my brothers and lovers. Please Judic, put aside your guilt in this and stay the course with me.”
A beat, and I’m curious… Will… will she try to manipulate me? Has she been trying to? For someone who seems to have read me well despite the Weaver’s aid she seems quite oblivious to the drool her monster exudes.
I shake my head.
Ugh… Her command is… it’s too deep. I only just realize how much I’m letting it seep into all my little thoughts!
“I’ll… ask. But that’s all.” Judic begins to move this way. “I won’t press her on it.”
Zin sighs, but nods. Turns to head up the stairs. By the time Judic has turned the corner and sees me the monster is already gone and out of earshot. She stops, tilts her head. Clearly surprised, but… not angry or embarrassed. If anything she seems a bit relieved.
“How much did you hear?”
“Most of it.” I push away from the wall. “Who are those people?”
“Two grandchildren of the families, like Zin. The older woman is a wealthy merchant beloved and bound to one of them.”
“Why…” I look past her, toward the stairs leading up to Zin’s private rooms. “Why does he want me to meet them?”
“They are some of his closest allies. He wants their support, advice, and connections if you agree to come with us to the Academy.” She pauses.
I bite my lip in thought.
“What’s your angle here, Ina?” She whispers, eyes focused. Not… not unkind. But searching. “Why did you come here last night?”
“I made a mistake.” I look down and away, keep my words to simple truths. “I… I’m leaving to try and find my lovers, catch them on the road.”
“Why?”
“Huh?”
“Are you worried they won’t come?”
“No I just… I don't want to waste more time.” I huff, repeat my words to her from before. “They’re probably worried sick. And angry. And… I have so so much to explain.”
She pauses, studies me and considers. “How much of this is a performance? A mask?”
I snort, “I came here as a Hetaera in training, remember? That’s like… most of what it means to perform as one. Knowing how cover up useless emotions and things.”
“Your teacher’s not actually a Hetaera.”
I huff, knowing… knowing if she wasn’t sure she’d still read me plain here. Fuck. FUCK!
I glance back at her. Find annoyance as she sees that I already knew. “It’s not like Zin would care. Both of you were willing to risk our futures for a night of pleasure.”
“That’s… true.” She lets out a sigh, annoyance doesn’t leave her. But there is more… balance? “How’s your leg? You seem unsteady.”
“I’ll be fine.”
Eyebrow raises, but she doesn’t press. “Will you meet with Zin and his allies?”
“No, I should just go. Find my lovers and get out of here. Before…”
Her words hum in the back of my mind. Her threats to… to take my love from me.
How long can I fight Her!?! Can… Can I convince Her to just… let it go if we get far enough away?
“You seem… really scared of someone.” She whispers, almost to herself. “Not of Zin. And you seem to know that your lovers will come and accept you. So… Why? What is that fear I keep seeing?”
I can’t help but bite my lip. “N- Nothing. I’m just… There’s a lot going on.”
“Ina…?” She moves closer, “Is there someone else involved here? Did one of the other families find you? Threaten you? Ask you to–”
“No. Judic. Nothing like that.” I huff, move to try and signal I want to go past her. She remains still. So I decide to use another truth to hide the lies. “Just… Last time someone knew I was Sun Spoken I lost a leg.”
She pauses in shock… winces. I can feel that it clicks into place for her.
“Then stay. Listen to his offer and tell him to fuck off.” She raises a hand, “I’ll… I meant what I said, Ina. I’ll make sure you leave with the same amount of coin that was paid the other night.”
I openly gape at that. “Y– You can’t promise that. Zin would never agree to it. Especially once I’m leaving.”
“I’ll have him pay up front. No questions, no promises from you.”
I just snort in an ugly way. Let her know how stupid that sounds.
“Lady Inamatorii,” She suddenly lets her voice go… formal. Emotionless. “Any Matron of Arudia would pay twice that for the possibility to host a Sun Spoken in their home, much MUCH more for what Zin gained on your first night here. You can stand higher than even the Doyens of the Academy if you so wish.”
“Stop it.” I hiss. “I don’t want any of that.”
“My point, Ina.” Her voice goes soft again. “Is that you should fleece the families of their obscene wealth at every opportunity. Moon and Stars know Zin does.”
“I… Fine.” I spit. “But I’m not going to have a stupid meal with them till my lovers get here.”
“I’ll make sure he knows what you’ve agreed to. And we’ll ensure there are seats for your companions as well for what will probably be a late lunch at the earliest. You said there are four in total?”
“Jevita would probably want to stay with Lule regardless. But… Do you have Quelekita stables nearby?”