CW:

ACESO POV followed by TASII POV!!! Talk of a past person's misgendering. Curses unraveling when people change their perceptions. Panic attacks and talk of being alone and unable to talk about abuse.

I sigh and give my Challa such a look. “I don’t know.”

“Okay…” She replies easily. “That’s fine. But… Could you share your thoughts anyway?”

Looking past her, I can’t help but let the glare I’ve been holding back spread over my everything. Both at her question, plans for tonight, and… well, how much I want to scream and tear and ignore this.

This… Redrogal. This not man, not woman, who wanted to be a monster for a time, or… thought they were? Or that was the only other option? Then tilted into something else?

The Lamentation within my Ina remains dormant though. Just like with Rahdian. Because shapes don’t make us who we dream to be. I’m not foolish enough to believe something so stupid! That was something HE thought! That HE and his ILK should be the ones to decide what and who people should be by breaking them into shapes they wanted. A vile lie the monster wanted to wrap about this Waking World like so much–

Ina touches my fingertips, jerking me from that. Without words gifting me stability within our Dream.

Helping me calm. So much that my headstalks lean toward her in longing.

Deep Breaths…

“They are what they say they are, of course.” I huff, carefully pulling each traitorous tendril back to sway about me. “And… it scares me how this might chip at the curse. Because it… it feels like it would also chip at me?”

“How so?” She asks, exuding nothing but patience as the edges of the Dream titter and glimmer happily behind her.

“Because it…”

Would make all her pain, our pain, MY pain, those final spiteful memories into nothing but broken wretched flailings I can barely understand. Just… another mistake amidst a shattered tapestry within the core of my everything. Something that the woman I was a part of did, but I’m left to hold close as mine.

As if I am real and not just a withering shadow to Her–

“Aceso?” Ina whispers, and my name jerks me back.

Ends the rising howling fury that might awaken the sea of nightmares.

“Sorry.”

“You’re fine, love.” She smiles softly. “This is hard. I knew that when I asked. And it’s okay to be messy over it.”

“Not when that mess, as you put it, can and will hurt so many.” I mumble and curl in on myself.

“Not anymore. I’m here, and I can help.” She assures me. “So… just give me your thoughts. Don’t worry about the rest. The Zeridii is sealed from us until I knock on their Dream, and I can brace and cool anything that you bubble up with. Lovers are great for getting messy with.”

Can’t help but feel my lips quirk at that. At the idea of…

No. No distractions. No more risks. Need to focus and gift her truths.

“Fine. Yes. Okay.” I growl, but only to myself. “At the core of me is… is Her final memory. The death of our first Inamatorii. The curse She… we… I?”

Was it me? Or… but… Ignore that. Doesn’t matter. Keep going!

“Anyway. It’s important. If memories can have a heart then that one is mine.”

Ina thinks about that for a bit, radiating nothing but soft considerations for the wretched proclamation.

“Okay.” She finally nods. “So like… would you say it feels like your first memory? Or at least your first memory of people thoughts? Like… that feels like yours and not someone else's?”

Tilt my head as I think about that. Then nod.

So glad her mind envelopes the shapes this quickly.

“Mine were of hating the old body.” She replies. “And while I don’t like… think that should define us, as we both were pretty confused and hurting and not with kind souls, but I know it matters. And I don’t think I want to like… invalidate that? Because that would feel wrong.”

“But… that could make this Lamentation untangle more easily.” I refute, but only barely.

Both terrified and hopeful at the idea of… of that memory being less than what it is.

She shrugs, leans back on her hands. “I… don’t think so? I think it’s more important to like… fully understand it. Get to a place where your perspective is different, even if the emotions struggle to change? But that happened and changed you, still affects you. Trying to dismiss or erase… honestly I don’t even think that would work! Because that’s what I tried to do. For years. Especially at the end. Deny my Dysphoria as me being stupid or broken and that fixing me meant trying to force myself to enjoy that body. And…”

She pauses, looking down at the drifting sands, and the Dream tilts into such… melancholy. With little titters of fear tinted overtop like the stars above.

“And that’s what led something in me to die.” She whispers. “And the rest of me would have followed soon. If you hadn’t found me.”

“Ina…” I carefully murmur, crawling a bit closer and touching her knee. “It’s… that’s not…”

The same?

“Why not?” She replies to my unspoken thought.

And from that I know we’re coming close to the Dream’s End. Her song mingling our spirits but… only so we might separate and my Ina may speak with the Zeridii while I keep her body safe.

“B– but…” I stammer. Suddenly all a rush with such anxiety. “It shouldn’t be. You should have been allowed to live as you Dreamed to be, my Dreams were spiteful wroth lashed out. Not… not a part of her, of me. A choice. You didn’t choose to be uncomfortable with your flesh. Didn’t choose to want something better. Only to live as best you were taught how. She… we… I chose to Blight this Waking World in those final moments. Weave Rot into the World Song She made to keep everyone–”

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

Nightmare’s are bubbling. Have to stop. Can’t spoil this. Can’t risk hurting her or the Zeridii or our lovers or the World ever again!

Ina’s pulling me into her arms, enveloping in herself and sealing the song against her heart so the cruel things in the sea don’t hear my wailing sobs.

Please.

Whispering and singing and promising endless love to me.

Would rather my shard crack and shatter than that.

But she can’t stay with me forever.

Please... Mothers. Hear my Song.

They never can.

Never again.

Wouldn’t curse anyone with what we did to keep them all safe.

Please… Beloved Siblings…

But… Nothing is always and forever.

Please…. Let them forget me. Then maybe I can forgive myselves.

No agonies are endless.

And see an end to this Waking Nightmare.

So Ina lets me go, sends me tumbling backways out of Dream, and into the arms of the Lovers who’ve given her their everything.

** ** **

Aceso wakes up very nearly screaming. Wailing and sobbing and thrashing between us.

We’d talked, and set out plans after Yrelia and Ina filled us all in on Redrogal and their schemes. Agreed that tonight Ina should talk with the Zeridii. Which… would mean Aceso would wake up in her body again after a full night’s rest.

Thank fuck Yrelia and I already woke up and got ourselves sorted for the day. One of us always close while the other washed, changed, or just went to the bathroom. I was even able to get us a platter of breakfast to nibble on while we enjoyed the later morning in bed.

Takes us a bit to figure out how best to calm her. She’s… not Ina. Our touches aren’t things she’s accustomed to. So while we stay close, we don’t pull her into a too tight hug like we might if Ina woke like this.

“Hey Aceso, it's okay.” I offer as she seems to quiet enough to hear words. Face still a mess of tears and blubbering nothing words as wide violet eyes cast all about.

“Wh– where…?” She stammers. Seeming to steady at the sound of her name.

“In bed, with Tasii and me.” Yrelia whispers from behind Aceso.

She actually relaxes at that. Not all the way but… enough to be noticeable.

“F– fuck.” She sputters, “I… I’m sorry. We… I… Th– the…”

“Are you both okay?” Yrelia asks when Aceso can’t find the words she wants.

Aceso pauses, looking inward, then nods. “Ina’s safe. Dreaming with the Zeridii. N– none of my Nightmares followed her.”

“And you?” I ask.

She tries to glare at me, but… my steady gaze must crack something. Causing the mess of a Goddess to huff and look down. So obviously guilty and hurting and embarrassed by that honestly adorable attempt to try and goad me into matching some of her negative feelings.

“I’ll manage my tasks.”

Yrelia pokes her from behind as the girl hides her face. “That wasn’t her question, love.”

Fuck. I wish Yrelia got to see the blush and expression on this girl’s face when she calls her that but… she already can guess. Most likely said it to crack some of this spiral.

“I… No.” She whispers, shrinking in on herself. Trying to nuzzle deeper into the covers. “But that’s nothing new.”

“Anything we can do to help?” I ask.

She’s about to shake her head, but her eyes glance up to see my expression. My worried look, and she pauses. Thinks through the question and how it’s clear that I’ll press if she tries to brush her needs off.

“I… food?” She replies carefully. “S– something warm to drink?”

“Thought so.” I smirk down at her while reaching back to grab one of the mugs off the side table. “Should be just about the right temperature by now.”

She takes the warm Glimmer wine and wiggles to sit up. Drinking deeply and kinda… curling about the warmth.

“Thank you.” She whispers, voice steady and more… her? Sounding more aged and controlled. “And… apologies. For waking up like that.”

“You don’t need to apologize for waking up all a mess of rough emotions. Plenty of us still have bad nightmares and anxiety dreams.” Yrelia moves to stack a pile of pillows behind us all before settling herself comfortably, then asks. “You want to talk about it?”

She opens her mouth to reply but… stops herself. Seeming to want to consider the question.

“I… Don’t want to hurt either of you.” Aceso eventually whispers. “Speaking my feelings is not a thing I feel safe making a habit of. The… the nightmares may not be able to follow me as easily into your Waking World, but they still can.”

“That… yeah. That makes sense.” I nod. “And… fuck. That’s actually terrible for you. That to really express pain or worries or talk through your trauma can literally endanger your Sun Spoken. I’m sorry.”

A streak of such pain tears across her face, makes me think she might be about to have a good cry. But… she swallows it and shakes her head. “Don’t be. I don’t deserve your or any other's sympathy. Your world withers due to my mistakes. My spite and curses.”

“I mean… That’s really unfair to yourself.” Yrelia wiggles a bit to be closer. “You were betrayed, literally tortured, then lost the person you came to love through it all. And it honestly seems that your curse kinda spiraled into this big thing even you didn’t realize the long-term effects of it.”

Aceso winces, but… glances over to Yrelia as I swear I see her eyes begin to moisten again. “I… You can’t mean that. I was a godling. Had more power than I must have known what to deal with. Was… was irresponsible and stupid and broken so easily and…”

Yrelia gently lays a hand on Aceso’s knee, and the girl stops.

“I do. You’ve made mistakes. But… that’s normal. For everyone. The only difference is that you had more power to back up those mistakes.” Yrelia whispers. “But… Aceso? We really do forgive you. Not just for that, but before. With us and Ina.”

“B– but…” She stammers, and the tears do fall then. “The… the things. Our rules and…”

“They’re there to keep us and Ina safe. Sure.” I supply, which causes Aceso to jerk and stare at me. “But also you. Because that much power is scary in the most stable of hands. And you were hurt so much, we just… It’s a weight? Right? All that power? Gets really heavy sometimes?”

She nods, and it’s hard not to see myself reflected back in those pretty violet eyes. Of a girl cracking under a weight she shouldn’t be holding up and just… needing to hear someone else acknowledge that.

Maybe even offer to help lighten the load.

Work to keep my own tears back as I remember Kque and her mums giving me a Path to walk with them.

“Crushing.” Aceso whispers.

“Jevita has a theory… ya know? Pretty smart one too.” Yrelia offers. “That even before things got bad for you, you were trying to give away your power. Spread it out. Does that sound right?”

She pauses, still crying a bit but… trying to remember. Nodding carefully after a few heartbeats. “M– maybe? I… I’m not sure?”

“But it’s all your Amwella, right? The World Song is not just over and through everything, it was woven from you.” Yrelia presses.

Aceso nods again.

“So… you could have kept everyone from messing with it. You told Ina that was your plan. Didn’t want another group to bubble up and use all that magic badly again. Only changed course at the very very end?”

She winces, looks back down into her drink. “I… I’m sorry.”

“This isn’t…” Yrelia huffs, adjusts, and moves to lean down and catch Aceso’s gaze. “Love, you did the best you could with what you had. Mistakes and all. And you are trying so hard to do better. I just… we want you to know that. Okay?”

Aceso shivers at that first word, then shakes her head at the last. “No. Should have done better. Especially me. The shards they… they could be resting peacefully now if… if I hadn’t…”

“And curses aside… if you had locked away the magic then Lyttoral Alchemy wouldn’t exist. Which would mean a lot of people would have died or lived worse.” I muse, and get to enjoy a spark of realization flickering in her eyes. “And that’s not even including the Zeridii. They might not have come here at all if your World Song wasn’t the way it is. Or not been able to rest and heal if a Sun Spoken didn’t show up to calm things.”

She goes stiff. “But… people just… I… You really shouldn’t…”

“We’re not blind, Aceso.” Yrelia whispers. “We see you. All of you. Scary bits and soft bits and wounded bits and healing bits. All the bits. And we want to take care of you. All of you.”

Aceso sputters at that. Begins to shiver and tremble. Trying so hard to hold in all this pain.

I carefully take the cup from her hands as Yrelia wraps the girl in a gentle embrace.

“S– sorry.” The goddess whimpers. “N– need to hold it in. C– can’t… F– fall apart. Th– they might hear me and b– bubble up and… and…”

“You’ll keep us safe.” I gently reply and add an arm to the embrace. “And Rahdian’s close to the all the others.”

“B– but…” She sputters.

“You need this.” Yrelia presses, but really sweetly. Choosing soft encouragements that always makes our Ina listen. “C’mon. Be a good girl and let it out.”

Aceso shakes her head, but is pressing face into Yrelia’s chest and already trembling with the sobs she can’t hold back. “Pl– please. I… I c– can’t…”

So… I give her the nudge I think she needs. Use the words we’d all agree would mark when Aceso is to follow our directions without argument.

“We insist.”

She jerks, as if something inside her cracks.

Then, as I wrap myself fully about them both, Aceso ugly cries what feels like an eternity of repressed pain and agony and such… loneliness into our arms.