CW:

feeling of burning/immolation. BEG chappy

The morning has passed, and Delphian has led Emarial and myself into the depths of the Academy, and I was absolutely overwhelmed by the sight before me.

The… well to call it a cavern is to bring up images of cold and damp places. This is a glimmering cacophony of refinement mixed with meticulous organization and care. Even Delphian seems to relax as the faint echoes of the massive chamber of shelves and paintings and carvings and… and… and…

“It’s… Um…” I whispered.

“I missed this place.” She smirks, pats my hand. “I’ll give you a brief tour and see if we can’t get an idea of where we’ll be starting.”

“Mhm.” Is all I can murmur.

It becomes very clear very quickly that this library is… well… like nearly as big as the town above! Huge granite pillars laced with gemstones and carvings and their own little nooks filled with books separate the sections and help provide some markers for wanders like ourselves. Many shelves are basically their own floors with stairs and ladders being needed to climb to their heights.

Delphian has brought a great bag of scrolls and books and journals that Emarial had offered to help carry. Content to walk silently behind as I began to jabber and kinda panic at the overwhelming nature of this place.

But that’s when Delphian explained the bad news.

“So… Where are all the books and stuff you need me to go through?”

She sighs. “Well…” Waves a hand vaguely. “Kinda everywhere, we can use the catalogs to try and keep our time efficient. But there is no main section for almost any category, just… disparate collections.”

So, it turns out, when you have a library the size of a fucking town, organization is not easy. Maybe even impossible. This will be just as much a search for any Amwellian enchanted books, as it will be a search for the magic I need to adjust the Obelisks.

So… Because I’m not the smartest, I’d had to have Jevita and Kque explain why the Obelisks were the best pathway to change Arudian law.

I understood how people could be horrible. But… how would changing some big gemstones actually make anyone suddenly think to start doing things differently.

They’re just like… big rocks, right?

Wrong. Apparently horrifyingly so.

These big rocks are like… The Center of Cultivation. Some kind of heart to all the gemstones. The treaties and legers aren’t just like… rules written on rocks because rocks last longer than paper. They are somehow magically enchanted. And apparently, if the women of Arudian begin to en masse ignore them, things go bad.

Like… She told me about the last time the Doyan’s tried to change the way a certain gemstone was handled when harvested. A simple adjustment, practical and safer. But… they didn’t have the votes or a Sun Spoken nearby to call for the change to the Obelisks. Just a simple majority that they used to enforce the change.

Within a few years the Obelisks somehow like… knew. The violated law written started to glow on them… slowly at first, but as women just… stopped obeying it grew.

And after that glow turned into a blaze the gemstones began to like… well not stop working but fluctuate. Produced odd effects and sometimes even hurt the women using them. And when the next Hosting's of Stardust began the frozen lake was unable to be traversed due to a multitude of those giant sleepy Carbunkles waking up and attacking harvesters. And after they made emergency rulings and calls for the women to go back to the old unsafe ways of handling this gemstone?

The blaze cooled, but not immediately. It took almost the full nine years of the cycle for things to settle again. And those nine years are written in their history as a harsh reminder to honor these old silly rocks, else they are tempted to wroth again.

Fucking… like… What!?!

Honestly, that terrified me when she explained it. That the women of this region tried to do something that would objectively benefit them, but because it didn’t match up to their big magic rocks they had to stop. I… Fuck. How do you live like that? Live knowing exactly how things should be done but old terrifying ancient magic nonsense just… stops you?

I had to stop thinking about it. Had to just… focus on the little things I could maybe do to change Arudia to benefit some Monster and Parasites.

** ** **

Most of this first day is just Delphian helping myself and Emarial get acquainted with a few maps of the library, how to read the catalogs and notes spread about the archives, and beginning to learn some of the markings and tell-tell signs of a previous explorer’s discovery of such a tome.

It’s… fuck. I love it.

And while it’s very scary when she first leaves me to begin going through a section on my own. I can’t help but find myself getting lost in a few random tomes and scrolls along the way. It’s only after Delphian finds our first volume, an oddly large scroll that seems to… well… almost hum gently, that I actually sit down with a notebook and quill to begin our work.

I quickly discover the scroll is useless to us, and expect annoyance or discouragement from Delphian. Be she only nods, “As expected. The Sun Spoken often studied all sorts of things here. We’re going to come across more research about other topics than we will your odd magics.”

She encourages me to sit and finish writing out a brief summary and description of the scroll while she heads into another section to look for another lead. While doing this, Emarial breaks her silence and sits down next to me.

“So… what exactly are you looking for here?”

“I’m not really able to explain it.” I sigh, then let my voice drop to a whisper. “Not without pain. But… Let’s just say that I’ve agreed to try and change the Obelisks.”

There is a long and very surprised pause from her. I ignore it, finish the summary, and move to stand.

“Why?” She whispers. “Ina, that’s incredibly dangerous. The Doyans… they’ll try and stop–”

“I know.” I take up my cane and begin to move back toward the far shelf where I had left off my search.

“What are they offering you? It can’t be worth the attention and enemies you’ll make by–”

“Nothing, and it is.”

A longer pause as she silently follows me. “Tell me then. What are you changing?”

I sigh, “I… Fuck I don’t even want to try and talk about it right now. Don’t want to deal with the pain.”

“Pain?”

“A command She laid on me fucks me if I try and… and think certain ways. By explaining it I have to go against Her. And even if it didn't, I've already told you too much.”

“She… I… What are you talking about?” Emarial actually steps up to stop me, lays her big dumb hand on mine. “You’re awake. She can’t touch you when you’re–”

I jerk away. “She can, she does.” I pause, then look up to her, a sudden realization. “You… you’ve never heard or seen Her lay a command on someone? Burn words into their spirit and force them to obey under threat of pain?”

She shakes her head, eyes wide with worry. “No. It’s… No. She just uses dreams to coerce and torture Sun Spoken into obeying Her wishes. Has to fight or trick us into giving Her information on our waking world.”

“Oh…” I look down. “Fuck.”

“What are these commands?”

“I did not make you Useless. I did not make you Stupid.” I whisper. But the command burns my words to echo a bit.

Emarial tilts her head. Confused. “Eh… What?”

I sigh. “I was… It was after you–” I cut off. Sudden anger flaring. “Doesn’t matter. She got annoyed with me and laid it. I can’t even think those things about myself now.”

She winces, understanding. “I’m sorry.”

Emarial lets me get back to searching for a bit, and eventually my anger cools enough for me to ask. “She really never did this to anyone else?”

Emarial shakes her head. “No. Never.”

I lean forward, bonk my head on a layer of books. “Fuck. Then… then how can She do it to me?”

Emarial shuffles, “I don’t know. But, It’s good to see that it didn’t kill you. She… um… well when She’s tried to push Herself into the waking world before the Sun Spoken does not survive. Ever.”

Oh…

A cold sweat gathers along my back as I try to continue my search. Sudden memories of horrible storms of pain and near-death endings at our merging.

“Ina?”

“Let’s go sit back down for a bit. I’m… I don’t want my leg to act up.”

We do, and I can almost feel her bubbling questions. Both at my past and… and my leg as she now gets a better look at the gorgeous bone and root mixture. But… she keeps them restrained.

“So, teach me this song of waking.” I prompt, not wanting to leave a silence for her to jabber questions into.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

“Huh?”

“I’d like to learn the song that keeps you awake. Now’s as good a time as any.”

“I don’t know of any songs, Ina.” She tilts her head, then her eyes widen a bit. “Is… Is that how you…”

“Ugh!” I rub at my temples. “Jevita will be so fucking happy to hear about this, at least.”

She quirks an eyebrow.

“She’s… the one helping me figure things out. And I’m guessing you just proved her theory on this.”

Emarial has an interesting smile at the mention of my lover. “And what was that?”

I take a deep breath, and try to recall her words. “She said that if Cultivation is all math and numbers, hard and consistent and always the same, then what we do is… well… the opposite of that. Inspiration is as good a word as any. The moment and feelings have to line up. We have to sense it more than think about it. And she was wondering a few weeks back if all our kind even performed magic in the same way.”

“Smart. And she’s mostly right there.” Her smile is warm, but filled with old memories. “Some developed their magic alongside each other, we preferred it that way for the most part. It helped avoid a ton of problems. But… Inspiration. That is such a good word for this. I’ll have to thank Jevita for it next time we meet.”

I nod with a smirk, “Honestly she’d make a better Sun Spoken than me. I feel like such a clueless goose next to her.”

She laughs at that. “I’ve felt the same way. But… I wouldn’t curse anyone with the Weaver.”

That darkens both our fucking spirits.

I sigh. “Okay, so… how do you do it then? Stay awake for six fucking months?”

“Longer, and… It’s as I said. I burn my Amwella.” She glances down. Almost… almost in shame. “My powers are not… not a soft thing. They draw on old angers and pains. Manifesting as Fire and heat and… worse things.”

“Can you show me the… how you do it? Or do you need a bit to…”

“I’m doing it right now.” She looks up and smirks. “If I stop… well… I’ll need to make sure wherever I fall is some place where I can sleep for at least a week or more.”

I just stare at her. “Oh. Is… Is that why your Amwella was burning a hole in the World Song?”

“The… What?”

I sigh, and we probably spend at least an hour with me explaining the subtle wordless things I barely even understand. But… eventually she’s nodding.

“I didn’t even think about that. That my Amwella could burn anything but myself.”

“Heh.” I snort. “That… Fuck, if you didn’t just define yourself really fucking well.”

I regret the words the moment they fall from my lips. The look she gives me is one of such pain and… and deeper things. Like my big dumb mouth had somehow struck her a wound so fucking horrid and fatal.

“S– Sorry. That was really unkind of me.” I try to ease that suffering. “You’re… I just meant that… that you’re Amwella is just… It always hurts when I…”

She closes her eyes, holds up a hand, and looks away.

Fuck.

“No! Emarial. That was cruel of me.” I stammer as I see the pain roiling inside her. “I’ve hated you since Deledita, but… You’ve just… you’ve just been trying so hard to… to do good despite a patron who wants to fuck you over.”

She shakes her head. “No it’s… it’s fine. I–”

“No It’s fucking not!” I cut her off. Shame clutching at my core as I watch her suffer. “I’ve been a cunt to you, and you’ve only tried to help. And… and I’m really fucking sorry. You’re still sitting here trying to help despite the fact that you could just leave! You should leave! Go back to your home and let me suffer for all the shit I keep fucking up!”

That seems to help, at least a little. She takes a big steadying breath. “You have nothing to apologize for. I… I need to learn to think about my actions and their consequences. Look beyond myself to the pain of others.”

I slump, rub at my leg and it’s phantom pains. “Fuck.”

Then an idea strikes me. “Emarial I… Can I try and look at your Amwella again? Through the World Song? It might be the best way to understand it.”

“I thought you said it was painful?”

I nod. “It is, but… It’s just that. Just pain. And if it’s a part of you, then… Then I'll probably need it to be a part of my song too.”

She doesn’t like that, but… she nods. “Do you need me to do anything?”

I shake my head as I lean forward, close my eyes, and focus. “Just… sit there and relax. Keep burning.”

The silence makes finding the World Song easy. Shimmering silence wrapped in old quiet rustlings. A weight of heavy age that seems to muffle and smother everything into itself. It would probably be a bit suffocating, if not for the screaming mass of angry fire that burns a few feet in front of me.

I hiss, and lose focus.

“Are you–”

“Yes. Be quiet.” I spit at her amidst the fading scorch before diving back into the World Song.

Again the pain of the heat knocks me from listening for more than a horrid second. Like sticking your face into a campfire or hand into boiling water. But unlike those, the sensation disappears nearly the moment I stop.

I avoid hissing again, just probably flinch. Then an idea strikes me, and I begin to hum a quiet tune of healing as I focus. Try and use the song as a shield against–

The fire sears and melts my workings very quickly, but… not before I catch a few notes of her whirling soul’s cries. I’m choking as I lean down a bit, elbows digging into my knees as I recover.

“Wow. Fuck.” I gasp. “Okay. I… hold on. I can…”

“OH! There you two are!” A familiar voice calls out.

I look up to see Lady Ophrit and Delphian approaching. Both seem a bit… disheveled. And I can’t help the small smile at what I guess they’ve been up to.

“Lady Ophrit,” I take up my cane to rise in respect. But she quickly waves me to sit as she and her beloved bound take up seats with up.

“It’s good to see you well, especially after last night’s… interesting events.” Lady Ophrit turns to Emarial. “And you as well Lady Emarial of the Sun Spoken. I never got the chance to thank you for your discretion toward our wonderful Matron’s inquiries into Hetaera Inamatorii’s past.”

“Of course.” Emarial nods, “I’ve known Vele for many years. Am very aware of… of her nature, and of how her attentions can be quite dangerous to the young.”

Delphian nods, seeming to twitch at the words. “Even so, three more helpers will be arriving in the morning to assist in our search. It’ll potentially reveal some of our intentions, but… otherwise it will take us months and a great deal of luck to find what we seek.”

“Hm… four, beloved.” Lady Ophrit pats her elbow. “I may distract you at times, but I can focus enough to help my favorite Hetaera in this.”

I blush, “Thank you.”

And so, we return to our search and scour the stacks. End up only stopping for a light meal and when we’re all nearly collapsing from exhaustion. Well… all except Emarial. Apparently her burning keeps her body free of such things.

“Fuck!” I hiss as I jerk back from Emarial’s scorching flame for the third time in a row.

I open my eyes to see her wincing in apology.

“Can… Fuck I… Can you… like… turn the flames down? Lower the heat or–”

She shakes her head. “No, it’s either burning, or quenched. If I was far enough from the Weaver’s Wood I might try tempering it, but…”

I sigh, and nod. “Yeah… yeah. Silly question. We absolutely can’t risk your Amwella getting into Her hands.”

She gives me a slow nod, contemplating something I just said. A worry prodding at her–

But then I can’t help but flinch as a monster moves past me to lay a couple books down. Gregoris, friend of Zin and Delphian gives us both a big terrible monster smile that–

I offer him a polite nod and turn, trying to stifle the impulses.

Then he’s off after a few words shared with Emarial. When I look up she’s eyeing me curiously. “You don’t like him.”

I sigh, shake my head. “Complicated.”

Her brow furrows as she pulls back from the scroll she was looking through.

Over the past two days myself and Emarial have basically been relegated to translation work. So many of these fucking journals are just as disjointed and random as the one I gave to Zigdara, so we have to scour them thoroughly for any mention of possible hints to our desires.

“You… You can ask Jevita about it if you like. Next time we go back to the Inn. Just… make sure it’s in private. Okay?”

She nods. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

I shrug, decide to go back to the small stack of journals and scrolls. And after another hour of boring fucking legers on some Cultivation experiment I can’t even begin to understand, I try again.

Little hum of healing protection, and I’m forcing my perceptions back into the flames. Four heartbeats, that’s my limit.

Four very fast beats at that. So not even a few good seconds.

“Cunt drool!” I spit, jerk back in annoyance.

“Eck.” She smiles.

“I just… Fuck. I thought this would be a brain problem. Not… Not a fucking test of how much pain I can stand!”

She sighs, “Your Jevita really does have it right. There are very few rules with our working. Just… will and focus and need.”

We drop back into silent work then.

Later on our group of searchers regathered for a meal. Our little party consists of Lady Ophrit and Delphian, Gregoris, and a trio of youngish women apparently very sympathetic to our cause. They all know that Emarial and I are Sun Spoken, and swore themselves to secrecy. If anyone asks, Delphian has used my past with Emarial to persuade her to help us. And with my maimed leg my time is better spent resting and reconnecting with an old flame.

The chatter is light, but excited enough. We’re able to share some translations of what would have been otherwise unreadable works, and two of the younger women get really excited at some of the prospects for their own future studies.

“I still think we should at least get an idea of what’s there!” The monster in our group presses. “Just in case we can find a way to get her in.”

I was carefully ignoring his conversation with Delphian before, but can’t help but perk my attention over to their muffled conversations.

“Absolutely not. It would immediately attract the attention of the Doyans! Basically SCREAM our intentions and her nature. Everything she touches in there would be marked and scrutinized.”

“What would get their attention?” I turn, and insert myself into their conversation, ignoring any attempts at politeness.

Monster turns to me. “The restricted sections. They contain… well… most of the oldest and more potent records. Of both Cultivation research and the Academy’s founding. If there was a place nearly certain to contain an Amwellian record on what we need, it would be there.”

“Okay, then… why don’t we look there?” I ask.

“Because only one of us is even approved to enter.” Delphian sighs, “And… And I’d be under the immediate scrutiny of that section's keeper. I can’t bring anything out to you, and to get your entry would… well I’d have to beg the Doyans for permissions they would never grant to a guest.”

“But you could at least take stock of what volumes seem to hold promise!” He presses. “Just in case we find a way to–”

“And immediately find our little curious band the talk of the fucking city. And during a big celebration no less! Ina might as well just come out and announce herself.”

He sighs. He’d been less annoyed than Delphian at the news that I was remaining anonymous, but… he still seemed to want to push me toward it.

“I could do it.” Emarial speaks up.

We all pause.

“R…Really? How?” Delphian balks.

Emarial shrugs. “A Sun Spoken of my history will be questioned, but your Doyans will not deny me. It’s my right. I’ll claim a passing fancy to look at old records of my long dead allies.”

“I… I knew Sun Spoken had authority here. But… Really?” Lady Ophrit murmurs.

Emarial nods, and recites with a smirk. “I’ve never had a reason to before, but your little group has given me a case of such nostalgia. I wish to examine many a strange variety of things while there. If I stumble across something that happens to pertain to the Obelisks… well… I have a good memory. And nothing but time before I leave these lands.”

And so, I’m left alone with this giant stack of books while the others continue their search. I take walks and insist they let me accompany them a few times. But… honestly I’m befuddled by this place. Thank fuck Lady Ophrit takes pity on me a few times and pulls me away more than I would have asked.

On day five Delphian assures me that Emarial has been hard at work all through the day and night in the restricted sections. And that she’s brought her food and to make sure the older Sun Spoken doesn’t overwork herself.

But… that’s only half of the worry that’s bubbling up. My lover’s search has been about as fruitful as our own within the Academy. Lots of leads, but nothing even remotely what we’re hoping for. Even… even a few less than legal inquiries have balked at the parameters of their request.

Claimed it was impossible.

I’ve worked very hard to avoid Zigdara. Tried to have breakfast before she was awake, and return to the stables to sleep with Jevita and Kque. But… it’s this here on the fourth day that she… well she doesn’t ambush me. Just… happens to find our table over breakfast.

“May I join you?” She asks, but a hand already rests on the back of an empty chair.

I just nod and look away while taking another bite, and for a moment the morning chatter amidst my lover’s pauses. Then… to my great relief, it continues. Yrelia sees my worry, and rests a hand with mine beneath the table, but… otherwise just… kinda ignores the big scary duenna. That is, until she begins to ask questions. They start out as little things, and are never prying, but… My lovers are happy to include her. Even pull me into some of the conversations.

But soon Delphian and Lady Ophrit arrive, and I’m returning to the depths of the Academy’s great library. Emarial is still scouring the restricted sections, which leaves me buried in what is now two three foot high stacks of books and journals and scrolls.

“Hetaera Ina!” Comes a monster’s call. I flinch, but hide it well. Glance up and over careful to spot Gregoris approaching.

“Hm?” Is about all I can stomach in reply right now.

“The Ladies and I were going to head out for some lunch and wanted me to come fetch you.”

I sigh, dreading the idea of walking any length of space with this… this…

“Just… have them bring me something after you’ve all finished.” I wave him off. “I’ve still got so much to go through and…”

“Nonsense! The research will keep. It always does. Fresh air will–”

“No.” I reply with a tone far too clipped to be considered polite. Then I try to remember my roles and add in a much gentler tone. “I… I still plan on trying to leave this city as the festival’s end and am no closer despite the days of work. But, tell everyone thank you for me. They’ve done extraordinary work. I just… I just need to do my part now.”

I don’t look up to him. But after only a moment's pause he murmurs accent and leaves.

And after a solid few moments of solitude a soft female voice as smooth as a knife's edge comes drifting from a nearby shadow. “He really is quite the boorish fellow, isn’t he?”