At first Emarial is confused, thinks I’m suddenly in a joking mood. Yeah, fuck you. I don’t need any more of your horrible help.

“That’s… not a good idea.”

“Probably not.” I shrug, rise, and am turning to leave already. “But I don’t know you, and more importantly, I don’t like you. Don’t trust you.”

“You don’t understand what you're dealing with here. What She can–”

I... I don't know why it's those words that send me into a fury. But I'm whirling and slam both palms on the table, making my friends jump as I level glare at her. Even sitting down she’s at eye level with me. “Like I didn’t understand yesterday?”

Her face darkens, but... it's mostly a surprised annoyance. “I helped you–”

“No!” All the pain and anger of yesterday boils up again, I thumb a finger at Yrelia. “She would have, last night. But you decided to corner me, and force me to– to–”

I can’t get the words out, not as tears begin to fill my eyes. Can’t say what she did, not in front of Yrelia… not after how amazing she was to me last night. Especially how she... how she understood, even before I did, what our sex would mean.

So instead I just hiss through the pain, “Fuck you. Go away and don’t come near me again.”

At this point the silence of the tavern dawns on me, and I glance back and around to see the dozen or so surprised faces looking between us. A pause, then everyone looks down and away. Heat burns at my cheeks, and I turn back to stare down at the table. Ashamed and annoyed at how I just... erupted there. Let... Let this fucking cunt set me off.

Stupid useless–

Her dream glare bites at my thoughts, interrupting them with pain. I might have swayed if my hands weren't still gripping the table.

By the time I recover Tasii is glaring at Emarial, while Kque’s face is drenched in naked concern as she looks at me. Yrelia rises slowly beside me, murmurs something I don’t have the emotional capacity to process.

Emarial has paled, looks at me like… I don't know. Like I’m someone else. Then her eyes flit past me, then she swallows, and nods to me while murmuring a wordless affirmation. I’m vaguely aware of someone approaching the table from behind. Tasii and Kque push away to follow, I take Yrelia’s hand and turn to leave this stupid fuck of a cunt behind and never–

I nearly bump into the second tallest woman I ever met.

I look up to find Zigdara, duenna of the Lyttoral breeding temple, staring down at me.

Oh. Just… Fucking perfect.

But... It takes her a second to recognise who she’s bumped into. If I had just been faster on my feet, quicker to notice and move past maybe she wouldn’t have realized who I was. If Emarial hadn’t argued with me, had just let me leave!

Her eyes go wide, then narrow.

“You.” Is all she says.

I expect any other day I would have wilted into a terrified mess, but somehow the fire stays and burns reasonable fear out of my words.

“Move.” I growl.

It works… sort of. Her narrowed eyes show a flicker of doubt. She glances between me, my friends, and I’m guessing Emarial.

“Sorry,” Tasii mumbles, places a hand on my shoulder and tries to nudge me past Zigdara, oblivious of course to who she is. “We were just leaving, Excuse us.”

She doesn’t move, glances over at Tasii, while moving her huge fucking arm to block the path. “You’re with her?”

That makes Tasii pause, looking Zigdara up and down. “I’m sorry, what? Who are you?”

I hear Emarial’s chair squeak, signaling her rise. “Zigdara. I told you, this isn’t Lyttoral business.”

Zigdara’s eyes look past and over me, she keeps her voice a low growl to match mine. “This is her, the woman from his chambers. She had the book.”

A pause of confusion from Emarial, surprise from my friends as they realize who this is. Lucky for us… Yrelia is fucking amazing.

“I’m sorry, his? Did Ina fuck your Arudian lover or something?” She laughs, only a little one, but enough to sell a great performance. “Possessiveness is ugly dear, especially for one with such a plentiful amount of… well, everything! Wow! Your arms are so big!”

Zigdara doesn’t drop her arm, but does shift it uncomfortably at Yrelia’s words.

I play along, gather up all my anger and weariness and desire to go back upstairs with her pour into my… well attempt at a lie. “I don’t care who you think I am. I’m tired and done with today. Besides, I’ve never been with a male, Arudian or otherwise. ”

It weirdly… doesn’t feel like a lie as I speak it. Comparing my memories of Jawdat to my nights with Yrelia feels really gross and wrong.

“I remember you from that night.” She growls down at me. “Back in Lyttoral.”

“What? Zigdara…” I hear Emarial move around the table, “She can’t be the one you mentioned. She’s only just been claimed. You heard the local duenna’s story, and I talked with the other women this morning even.”

That makes her glare falter a fraction. “This is her?”

I huff, then hold up my arm. Burn marks still mar the hand. “Have the burns to prove it.”

Zigdara’s eyes lose something, a confidence in her own words as she studies my face again. But... it's not enough. My face must burn in her memories. The cunt who stole a breeding male from under her nose... maybe... maybe a chance to make up for how she never found Hitorra.

Emarial steps up and around us, I can't help but glare into her back as she moves to place a hand on Zigdara’s wrist.

“We’re looking for someone older, and...” Emarial whispers, tilting her head back to me. “This one doesn’t even know what she is.”

Her brow furrows, eyes flit over to Emarial. This is working. How the fuck is this working!?!

Zigdara’s arm falls, but she doesn’t give up yet. “She doesn’t have to be. She could be working with another who was involved. ”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“How long did you actually spend in that chamber with this woman you remember?” Emarial whispers, so quiet even I strain to make out her words. “A minute? Two at most? Are you absolutely certain in your memory? There is no mention or sighting of him in this city.”

Zigdara glowers at her. “She might know something.”

“So… what? We drag her back to Lyttoral? While our real targets gain more distance? We're out here to get ahead of the group that has him, not waste time on random leads!”

“What about the book?” She mumbles back, but I can see the defeat growing in her eyes. “What if she has it?

“And if she doesn’t? How much time do we waste here?” Emarial shrugs. “I told you that your scraps seem to be useless anyway. And the book is probably much the same! What’s more important, the book or the person we seek?”

Zigdara gives me one last glare. I channel all my tired anger into my best Jevita impression. I roll my eyes and huff, then look off to the side.

A pause. Please work. Oh fuck please fucking work! Let me go!

Zigdara lets out something between a sigh and a growl.

Emarial softens her voice. “Let me finish up here and we can go. No more delays. This isn’t our woman.”

Zigdara glares at Emarial, “We should at least… question her. Search her for–”

I’m not the loudest of the protests. Just a mumbled “Fuck you both.”

Tasii and Yrelia have different versions of “Absolutely not.” and “Just try it.”

Emarial is the loudest, but it’s only a short “No.”

But Zigdara ignores us and only seems to focus on Emarial, reaches into her bag, and I watch in a sudden fear as her fingers wrap around the hilt of a bronze blade. “I have the authority. I could force her.”

“With me here? Sure.” Emarial nods, then runs a hand through her short hair and down her face. “But.. Look. I treated this woman like… I fucked up and let my worst fears drive me toward some shitty behavior. All I got from it was guilt and shame. I should have been able to help her. But instead I’ve only made her future harder. Her life is already going to be a difficult one now.”

That… fuck her, that helps the knot of hatred not hurt so much. I don’t forgive her, but hearing the regret in her tone and it… does something at least.

And... That seems to break Zigdara’s final resolve. She releases the blade and looks between us, purses her lips. “On your word then. Sun Spoken Emarial.”

And then she turns to leave, and the entire room takes a collective breath of relief.

Emarial turns, takes a step back from us. An awkward silence settles as the common room passes back into low chatter. But I can still feel their glances and attention on us.

I want to leave, but something keeps me rooted in place.

“I… I am sorry.” Emarial whispers, very quiet. “About yesterday, about Zigdara, and… Her. You don’t deserve any of this.”

I'll take Her over the both of you cunts. But... Emarial seems to be really worried about me. Maybe I should...

“You… you said my dreaming of Her was not a good sign.” I mumble, “Why? She… She saved me. Saved my friends.”

Gave me my body.

“She’s not like us. Not human. Might never have been.” Emarial sighs, “You’re… fuck there isn’t a good word for it. Her new paramour, new plaything. Us older members, we’ve done everything we can to stop more from being claimed by Her because of how badly it normally goes.”

I… half remembered memories dance just beyond my grasp. I know they… they aren't pleasant but…

“Why? Having more could protect people from... like... whatever the fuck attacked us.” Tasii asks.

She shakes her head. “It’s… complicated. Just be careful how much you feed Her. The more lucid the dreams are, the worse it can get.”

I touch my sternum. “But She can hurt me. That cold ache… it's... will that always happen if it goes out?”

“It’s a balance. Run low or empty and she’ll hurt you physically. Gather too much–”

“Like you have?” I interrupt, but not rudely, as I focus a bit more on that blaze that radiates off her.

"Yes. Exactly. I..." She purses her lips, nods. “I can’t sleep anymore, Ina. Not while I’m this close to Her woods.”

That catches me off guard. “How… How does that even work? You seem... lucid enough.”

“I can burn the Amwella as fuel to keep the worst fatigue off, but It’s not a substitute for real rest.”

Like… magic? Real magic? I could learn magic from Her!?!

“What would happen if you sleep? If you dream?” Yrelia surprises us both with her question. All mirth and false charm gone.

“I’m not going to, not before I’m on a boat sailing away from these lands.”

“You wanted to help.” She presses. “What does Ina need to be careful of with Her. What can She do?”

“Best case? She ignores you and me both.”

“What about the worst case? What could she do to me? It’s just a dream right?”

Emarial smiles, tired and sad and will waaay too much age behind it. “Have you ever had a dream so perfect you don’t want to wake up? What about the opposite? Dreams full of your worst fears, laced with pain so real you feel it the next day?”

The thought of reliving an old life, even in a dream. That does scare me. Nightmares about old horrible flesh and...

“I… used to have that first problem a lot. But… I’m really happy with my life now. The second sounds fucking awful though.”

Yrelia wraps her other hand in mine. I turn to give her a weary smile.

“That’s… that’ll help. But understand She’s…” Emarial’s eyes stare off into wall, past us. “It’s just better to not provide Her with the fuel.”

“So… what? Don’t have sex?” I snort.

A shake of her head, pulling her back to us. “You’ll need to learn to burn it without pissing her off. I could teach you if I had the time, but I don’t, So I’ll point you toward some people who can.”

She pulls out a small journal, tears a page out and hands them to me. “It might be a bit outdated, but you should be able to track at least one or two down.”

“Okay.” I let out a deep sigh. “Thank you, I guess.”

Guilt hits me. She’s with Zigdara. Which means she’s looking for me.

“So… you said you're hunting someone? Like us?”

They got a Sun Spoken to hunt for them? How long will they look?

A nod, surprise at my sudden interest. “Yes. There was… Someone important went missing. Back in Lyttoral. An old… well I guess an old friend asked me for help finding them. Someone important in the city."

My Sangoma?

“You… she…” I need to be careful. Very very careful. “You both mentioned a male.”

She sighs, “We’re trying to keep it quiet, but most people will know soon anyway.”

I nod, “You think a Sun Spoken has something to do with it? Is that why you got involved?”

A snort, “Not at first, but now I’m worried. Invested. If an old ally of mine is responsible… It could imply some really really bad things.”

“Maybe–” I start to suggest, then Yrelia squeezes my hand, hard. I would have yelped if I didn’t read her rising tension at my questions and been expecting it. “I don’t know!” I wince and huff, “I just thought… What if he wanted to leave! It’s not like he’d be free to choose. What if someone like us fell in love with him? Or something...”

I’m fucking this up. She’s going to see right through me and–

That gets a tired, very unamused snort from Emarial. “No. Males don’t produce Amwella. Our patron… She hates men. Like… a lot. I… I met a few Sun Spoken who tried to... um... well they wanted–”

She cuts herself off, some memory playing behind her eyes, then whispers. “It went very badly for them. Both of them.”

Oh. Her initial malice plays out in my mind’s eye. But… then a flutter of happiness washes over me. She saw I wasn’t a male, It stopped her from killing me. She was the first person who knew me and accepted me! She saved me!

I wipe at my wet eyes, “Okay, sorry. I just… I only just found my own happiness and got caught up in thinking about it.”

Fuck. I didn’t want her to see my tears again. Stupid fucking cunt fuck!

She nods and adjusts her backpacks. “It’s fine. We don’t like to spread too much knowledge about this. And I do need to go.”

I wave at her and the door. “Go. Good luck. Don’t… don’t risk your life over this.”

That gets a smirk from her, “Haven’t yet, but thanks.”

I grumble, “I… I still don’t think I like you.”

A shrug from her, “I don’t very much like me either.”

I can only stare in shock at that as Emarial the Sun Spoken turns and leaves.