Content Warning:

Threats, physically retraining ones soul.

We sigh, look away, and it’s not a performance as we say. “This body is perfect, the best gift someone like us could ever receive upon becoming Sun Spoken.”

Vyre jerks at that, but the other two already know about me being Sun Spoken. Just seem confused still.

“I… I’m curious how you mean,” He pushes ahead. “But… if it’s not right for you though… What does it matter how beautiful it is?”

We laugh, and oh even among monsters it is good to revel in the joy of the truth. So much we can shove out the singular to describe it. “I hated my body when it was male.”

That cracks it. I look back and find… Eyes wide. Such… wonder and curiosity and… joy?

“Wait… what?” Vyre interjects dumbly. “You’re… B– but…”

Judic has moved forward, eyes suddenly very very curious.

Zin shakes his head. “What you said about… about being forced to… since you were thirteen. I thought… I’ve been puzzling at that since you left. Wondering how and why someone would do that to you. I didn’t think it was a lie… but… you said three or four times a day and even the worst treated Odalisque isn’t forced into such conditions. And… and at such a young age.”

“Yes.” We sigh, mood a little soured by the memories. “A breeding male in Lyttoral. Only escaped that this past year. After the change.”

“Oh… fuck.” Vyre seems to get it then, moves off the wall and suddenly seems very uncomfortable with his nakedness. The larger spirit can’t stop a growl. Stupid little monster understands how small and– “That’s fucking… I’m so sorry. That sounds… I’m… I really shouldn’t be… um…”

“How?” Jutic finally speaks, “What… It was when you became Sun Spoken?”

We nod and smile up at her.

Zin seems relieved at that. “Ina you are truly… This is historic! This… this will shake the foundation of everything the Academy claims to know!” He stands, excited and energized and hungry to use and abuse and control and–

“And… I’m sorry about last night, truly I am but…” He takes my hand, pulls me to stand. “But… I must ask again. Please, will you come with me to the Academy? Help me change Arudia?”

That causes us to freeze, glance up at him in curiosity. “What?”

“The first Transgender female I’ve ever heard recordings of, and a Sun Spoken! Given her ideal form by older magics than even the Academy knows.” He nearly shouts in joy and triumph. “My dear you will blaze a trail of splendor through Arudia. If only you will reach out and use the power the Weaver has blessed you with!”

The Larger spirit nearly shoves a laugh through our lips. Right there, right in this parasite’s stupid face. Nearly giggle and consider how we should weave a trail of blood and slaughter through his home. Turn all his joy to ash and despair as we make him understand just how much of a little horrid thing he–

The smaller spirit stiffens and resists moving to avoid… like… any of that. Braces through it, but does not fight it. Simply to avoid the Division such a conflict would bring.

The larger coos. An opportunity presents itself. And the larger soul weaves plans… plans of a greater slaughter. One that washes Arudia clean once and for all.

“Wh–” The smaller spirit jerks, tries to hold things together through the sudden influx of horrible plans and desires. Knows it can’t just… fight them. So instead she just… weathers them. Let’s them pass and settle.

“Please, Ina. Let me help you change the world!”

“What… what could we even do–” We mumble. Shove as much uncertainty into our voice as possible. These plans won’t matter if–

Judic steps forward then, nearly shoves herself between Zin and myself. “Moon and Stars, Zin. Let the girl breathe. She lost everything tonight because of our interference.”

Zin seems really pissed for a second, true nature plain on his face, but then he recovers his mask and sighs. But doesn’t release our hands.

Possessive and horrible monster. The larger observes, but then returns to Her relaxed state.

“You’re right, of course.” He smiles, looks back at us. “But please, Ina, know that you are safe here. I’d never dream of–”

“Zin.” Judic slides her hand down to replace and shove aside his hands. “I’m going to show her to a private room, help her get settled. If it pleases you, I think you should leave her be until morning.”

He… steps back. Even seems to blush at her insistence.

“Of… Of course. Judic. Apologies, Ina. I meant what I said. You’re a guest. I…” He clicks his teeth, then forces out with such effort. “A Sun Spoken is an honored guest to any family in Arudia. Stay as long as you need. My house and family are at your service.”

That’s… huh. This is getting more and more interesting. The larger spirit coos. We don’t trust this parasite, and… Judic doesn’t seem to be his creature. Just… misguided. But if what he and Jevita said are true… And we can use him to get very very close to…

The smaller balks at Her schemes. Trying to… to convey just how NOT OKAY She is with any of that! But the larger simply hums happily and relaxes again.

We just look between them, let a startled expression show the young overwhelmed girl they expect us to be. Eyes wide and mouth like a fish. Then Judic is leading me past the two monsters. Vyre’s eyes are downcast. A horrible blush and sudden lack of confidence seems to radiate from him now.

The room Judic places us in is on the first story. It’s… well kinda fucking excessive for just one person. But there is a decent bathroom attached to it with a working bath.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

“I can get you a change of clothes while you wash up,” Judic says as she finishes and stands by the door. “Is there anything else you need? Anything at…”

Her eyes drift down, notice the hooked tip of our maimed leg. We shuffle uncomfortably.

“Is…” She considers as we move to hide the leg shyly. “Is your leg alright?”

We nod. “Just… um… need sleep. Need to think about… stuff and things.”

“Of course.”

“Can…” We start to ask as she turns to leave, and quirks an eyebrow. “Did… Did Zin mean what he said? About… About letting me stay here? Even…” We bite our lower lip. “Even if I can’t…”

She grimaces. “I’ll make sure that promise is kept. But… He will sour if you don’t help.”

“Oh.” We look down. The larger spirit coos. Perfect. Let the monster drag us into his schemes, then once we arrive at a clutch of his ilk we can start to cleanse this land.

The smaller growls, annoyed but… getting really good at fronting while letting the larger spirit weave her annoying hatful plans without causing division.

“But if that happens, I’ll make sure you're well off enough to pursue whatever life I can help with.”

We jerk up, a bit surprised. “Wh… What?”

“When… When I called you a boy, I was trying to help. Thought I was speaking a wonderful hidden truth that would help you find freedom. But… I hurt you and ruined your life instead. And... I'm sorry about that.” She sighs, “So… I’m going to make sure you're taken care of. Will fund your training if you still want to be a Hetaera.”

We just stare at her. Both spirits feeling a surge of guilt for how the larger is planning on weaving such delightful agonies upon the monster she seems to care for. How she might be left bleeding and maimed in our wake…

“But… But what about Zin? Or that other M–” We choke on the word, have to adjust to avoid the pain of Her edicts. “Vyre? What if he… what if he tells people I’m Sun Spoken?”

“Vyre will keep his mouth shut, and Zin…” She pauses, considers. “He’s not spiteful. He might hate you, but he’ll move on. Focus on other pathways to his goals.”

“Oh… Okay.” We murmur.

“Ina?”

“Hm?”

“Zin… He’s…” Her eyes go distant. “He’s a good person. Just… Politics in Arudia push us to be ruthless sometimes. He wants to do better, but he’s seen too many crushed beneath this system to not be made hard and a bit bitter.”

The larger growls at that. The Monsters are sad because they are hated and feared by the women they would devour? Go weep into the sea.

“W–” We whisper but let it trail off into the nervous worry of the lonely scared girl she thinks we are.

“I’ll knock and set the clothes just outside the door.” She moves to leave, “No one else should come into this wing after that. I’ll make sure you’re given your privacy until you're ready to come down for food or such in the morning.”

“Thank you.” We whisper just before she closes the doors.

Well… won’t this be interesting? The larger coos. Parasites and monsters, preening for us to join their little clutch. Oh how they will scream when we bring down their hive with a song that will ring out over the cold wastes of this horrid land.

The smaller tries to… to… figure out what to do while ignoring the larger's continued workings. Looks to the bed as such a wash of... of mind numbing exhaustion begins to overwhelm us. Threatened division stop us for a while. The smaller wants to leave, but larger demands sleep.

We sigh and hum the needed healing song and decide that a short sleep might be the best way to handle things now. Talk in the dream, then… then wake up before the sun rises and handle things from there.

** ** **

It takes a long while for the warmth of Her embrace to allow the memories of the waking world to return. But when they do…

“THE FUCK!?!” I scream at Her.

She just… ignores me and hums a satisfied tune as eternal arms play with my hair. I shoo them off, turn to glare at her… then cast my eyes down in a spike of terror at… at what she could do to me though those eyes.

…What she already did to me.

“We… We weren’t supposed to stay. Just…” I poke her. “Fucking… kill the fuck and leave. I hated it but… but we wanted to stop him from hurting anyone else. Take the crystal, and be back with our lovers by midday, at the latest!!!”

She just… snuggles closer. Excited and warm and lulling me back into–

“Stop it!” I try to push Her away, She doesn’t let me. “Why are we doing this!?! Again? We agreed that leaving them last time was such a bad idea! You promised… Promised we could be back in time to explain this together. Not to… to…”

Still She just… happily snuggles to me. Completely ignoring my anger and fear and…

“We… We don’t want to lose them, Do we?” I whisper and squeeze at one of her limbs. “This… This could make them hate me enough to just… leave. Abandon me.”

She pauses, finally showing annoyance at my resistance. Then… They hate us. And we find new lovers.

I choke at that.

“No!” I hiss after I regather myself. “H… How can you say that!?! How is this petty fucking revenge worth–”

Limbs swirl and bind me tight, turn and force me to meet her gaze. I panic and lock my eyes shut. Ready this time to fight off a merging… or worse. If She tries to place another one of Her horrible soulfire commands seared onto my spirit and mind…

Petty? I feel Her point a few dozen tendrils at the cracking wound in the sky.

“It’s not worth it if we lose them.” I counter.

She fumes for a while, but… I sense Her understanding. But also… something else.

Jealousy.

I try to counter that spiteful emotion right fucking away. “You love them too. I KNOW you do. You don't want to hurt them!”

I’ll not leave monsters alive, not after they’ve violated my Challa.

“We could have just run!!!” I scream, struggling to get free. “Leave and find new places to explore! Away from him and Arudia and-”

Like Emarial? Always running?

“This isn’t the same.” I jerk to a halt, try to glare through closed eyes. “Fuck you.”

In time. She rumbles with anticipation. Tries to turn my anger with a wash of–

“When I wake up, I’m leaving.” I sigh, pushing away her distractions. “I won’t fucking sleep again for as long as I can. I’ll lock you out of this body. Over and over until you understand that–”

Tap Tap Tap. Goes Her fingers against my eyelids. I freeze. She… She has to feel the fear that threat brings. Especially after... after last night and...

“I’m… I’m not going to ever let you do that to me again.” I stammer, voice going small and quiet and almost turning to a sob. “That… that was fucking horrible and spiteful and… And how could you do that to me!?!”

Easily. She leans in, presses Her forehead to mine. And I’m willing to do it again, if it means keeping my Challa safe.

I growl, pull and struggle a bit more. “My name is Inamatorii. Or Ina if that’s too fucking hard for you to remember.”

I expect that to set her off, but... She only coos and nuzzles me. Who do you think gave you that name?

I pause, confused. “Y…Yrelia did. Sort of. That first night. We… I asked them to help me pick a name and I wanted that one. She liked it too, so I chose it.”

Mhm, She Purrs. But where did you first hear it? What inspired you to want it?

I twist, try to… to think. To remember… I normally wouldn’t forget such a thing. But…

You are so much like her, my Challa.

“Who? Yrelia?” I snarl, kick and squirming again. “No, she’s stronger and better than I’ll ever be. She’d slap you silly if you tried this on her.”

No. The dream whirls and curls and… and I feel a storm of sorrows around us. You are my Inamatorii, my Challa. And you are waking.

“Good. I’m leaving, and I… I hope my lovers are still willing to forgive me for our fuck up.” I try to wriggle hands free. "I'm not going to kill for you. Not... not again. This was a mistake. We might have lost everything!"

I feel an old furious hatred at my words seeming to… to melt something. Make Her will turn rotten and terrible. All warmth fleeing from her touch as something old and horrid overtakes my last lover.

Disobey my desires here, and I might consider weaving another command next you need my help.

I go as cold as the corpse that seems to bind me here in fear at... at the drifting threat.

One that robs you of your love for one of them perhaps?

“You… You can’t do that! Won't do that!!! Y–”

But the rotting thing before me just… growls. And our dream ends.