ATTENTION! SOooooo moving into new place with wumberfull people and such we TOTALLY forgot to mention that we are ONE chapter away from Arc Two's END!!! GUCK US isn't that neat!?!?! The last chapter is such a fun one with a returning POV.
Love you all SOOOO much and can't wait to dive RIGHT into Arc Three!!!!
CW:
Talking about abuse/self-harm being bad. Also discussion of mind commands. Mupples.
After that, there was little more to say tonight.
We leave Emarial to explain a few particulars to any Doyans or Matrons who might need to understand that yes, we did destroy your Obelisks with a magic song. And no, trying to kill or hurt us would not be a good idea. We truly are Sun Spoken and Weaver Roused. A duet that hasn’t walked these lands since… well… long before Arudia’s star fell from the sky. Maybe even ten times that…
We sigh in relief as we hobble along. “Thank you Zigdara. For this and before.”
She nods, face still a bloody mess, like it was literally nothing. “My vows are to protect you, and I mean to do that. Along any path you choose to walk on if you’ll have me.”
We wish we could… like… heal her face. The spirits agree as we feel moisture begin to gather in our eyes. Maybe try and restore whatever Veletross did to her face. But… we only have enough Amwella to complete a safe separation! Will have basically nothing when we wake up.
Our walk is silent for a bit, and we expect her to press us for answers. To… to ask what I was doing. Why did we destroy the Obelisks of Arudia? But… she doesn’t. And another question becomes a much more present focus for us to ask her.
“How did you know where to find us?” We whisper.
“Jevita came to me.” She murmurs. “Told me things. Asked me to make sure you got back to them safely.”
Our heart swells. A flutter of warmth and love and such deep desire to hug and kiss our brilliant lover.
“Fuck. She... She really... We…” Tears fall then as our voice trails off.
“Oh… right.” Zigdara flinches. “She… I’ve probably been rude. There are two of you on my arm, and I might have addressed only one a few times tonight.”
“It's fine.” We lean into her. “Takes getting used to. And… And it’s only for…”
The smaller spirit thinks. But… it’s not. Is it? We are always here. Always together. Just… One of us may have more control in the Waking World. But… Can that change? More than this? Can we keep pulling the larger spirit more from our Dream?
“I don’t know all the details. But the Weaver dwells within you, and has helped you. I would like to convey my thanks and… and my apologies. I have failed you these past days and… and She has acted as a duenna should in my stead.”
“That… That means a lot to hear. Thank you.”
We can’t help but just… cry into her for a good portion of our walk then. Zigdara even… and fuck if it isn’t kinda weird coming from a big wounded lady who used to scare the fuck out of the little spirit, adjusts her hold on and offers us little squeezes and murmurs of comfort.
The larger spirit is… uncomfortable with this. She hasn't allowed herself to cry into another's arms since…
NO. She won’t share those memories. Not even with the smaller spirit. At least… at least not right now. But… She will indulge these tears because She knows how much it will help the little one. Allows our gratefulness to manifest in this wonderful way. It feels good, and we both need it so much. To hear someone from our past accept us as we are.
The streets are a bustle of anxiety and fervor of a celebration interrupted. Shouts and yells and talks of some great event at the heart of the Academy of Erudition, of gemstones acting strange.
And a girl, maybe a Sun Spoken, weaving some great magic.
Then I see where Zigdara has led us, to… to the estate of Lady Ophrit?
“Um… We need to get back to the Inn.” We pause along the pathway to the main entrance. “That’s where–”
And then the door opens, and all our lovers are spilling out in a cacophony and eternity of questions, and shouting, and hugs and kisses. All of the emotions on display from our family. Anger, fear, joy, sadness, and dozens more… but… all drowning in a love for the little spirit. It takes a bit for us all to be wrangled into the home by the worried trio of Zigdara, Lady Delphian, and Ophrit. But eventually they’ve ushered us all into the house.
And now we sit on a big bed in a big guest room that just… still feels simultaneously too small to fit us all, but also too big in that our lovers are not close enough. Zigdara is just in the doorway. Keeping watch and listening for possible trouble that could’ve followed us. Lady Ophrit and Delphian sit together in a big fluffy chair near the door.
Kque’s at our splintered leg, quiet annoyance and frustration obvious from how her hands flit about. Jevita examines the fading but still sparkling mark. Sort of… joyful but also terrified tears still dripping at our words that no Obelisk can dictate how she can live her life and how we mean to ensure no new laws ever will. Tasii leans against a wall directly in front of us, cold regard we now understand to be her… “I’m really focusing on you both and trying to pick at any lies or half truths you two might try and get past me.” face. And… Yrelia. Right behind us. Basically pulled us into her lap the moment we got into the bedroom. Arms resting over our shoulders into a light recline as she leans against the bed’s backboard. And she is thrumming with… everything.
Mostly anger we think. They honestly all are. It’s all rooted in love… but… still hurts. As it should. Because we both deserve it. The smaller spirit sighs. Our recollection of the night starting with our disastrous encounter with Matron Veletross in the library and ends with us getting here finally over.
The larger rumbles her disagreement. Radiates regret at… at how Her purposes are now the smaller’s to bear.
“We’re sorry.” Is how we choose to break the silence.
It won’t be enough. Nothing will probably be enough for the decisions we’ve made tonight. For… for how we’ve stepped onto a path that we can never ask them to follow…
A long pause.
“Ina…” Tasii murmurs, voice hard but… careful. “Is there any way you can let us… avoid communication issues when we need to direct things to one or the other spirits inside you?”
That sort of… studders the smaller spirit. She’s about to ask why… but… the Larger spirit just offers up an answer both can agree to after only a brief pause.
We reply softly. “Not without the pain of a Division. We are more melded than ever before. But… we will understand and not be insulted if you wish to direct things at the Larger or Smaller spirit.”
“Why not just call one the Weaver and the other Ina?” Tasii tilts her head. An attempt at conveying real confusion without hostility.
We sigh. “Because the lines between are blurred when we’re like this, and 'Ina' is how we regard ourselves at the moment. We are two liquids slowly being poured into the same bowl. Using those names implies we don’t share those memories. To us… at least right now and when we dwell on the memories. Both grew up in Lyttoral, and also last shared a dream with a lover in a few thousand years past. The experiences must be offered freely, but… they are muddled the moment they are shared in the mind between. Even after waking the smaller will be… influenced. Especially now.”
A long and very tense pause. Tasii turns to Zigdara, Lady Ophrit, and Delphian. “Your hospitality has been greatly apprecia–”
“Say no more!” Lady Ophrit rises with a sudden start, almost carrying Delphian with her. “Family business. We’ll keep an eye out and turn any possible undesirables away from our home.”
Delphian seems to want to object, but a quick glance at our lover’s faces shows that any curiosity as to the nature of our merger and magic is not worth the storm that approaches. Zigdara lets them pass, then looks at us. A question in her eyes.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
Do we want her to stay?
We shake our head. “Go rest, we’re safer here than anywhere else along the Paths.”
The long pause that stretches after the door shuts is suffocating. We’d love to move, to sit up, to… to stand and beg our lovers for forgiveness. But… we can both tell from Yrelia’s hold and the stares of our lovers that at the moment that is not an option. Just like that night six months ago… They are dedicated to protecting their lover. Even… or… we guess especially when it’s from her other half.
The smaller spirit chokes up at that, can’t help but… but reach a hand up to grip one of Yrelia’s. That breaks something, and the first of them speaks up.
“Let’s start with the mind commands first.” Kque murmurs, locks eyes with ours. “Remove them.”
We sigh, glance at the wall. The two spirits don’t argue. Just… stew in their differences. The smaller hoping their lovers can help give better words to help convince the larger, even as She settles into a tired stubborn regard.
“How can the larger claim to love the smaller,” Kque presses. “Claim to… to abhor slavery in all its forms, but still inflict such spiteful and cruel things on her own headmate?”
We stare over at the wall… The smaller agrees with Kque but… prompts the larger to answer. To… to explain the why to their lovers.
“We will remove the first.” The larger relents.
Kque nods, “But not the second?”
We shake our head. “No.”
“But you freed them!” Jevita touches our elbow. “Ina… I mean the smaller spirit, she convinced you to do it. I heard that!”
“We freed YOU, Jevita. Freed Arudian women from the blight of the Obelisks.” Then the Larger spirit’s musings quirks our lips. “And freedom from the care of the Academy will not benefit the monsters and parasites as much as the smaller hopes for. They will fade away faster without the care and supervision forced upon them.”
The smaller huffs, annoyed but… the math the larger lays out is clear. Without the brutal efficiency of the Academy’s fertility program there will be less births, less possible monsters being born. And that’s not even considering the Odlock gemstone’s already rare status. With the Obelisks gone and the future of Cultivation beyond what even the Larger can predict Arudia’s birth rates are going to plummet over the next century. Unless…
The larger pulls back… offers no help. No suggestions. And with the compulsion still in place the small can only flounder at the edges.
“Why!?!” Tasii shakes her head. “You, the larger spirit, think you’re protecting the smaller by setting really cruel mind magic to stop her from going near a male without wanting to hurt them. But what I can’t get my head around, is why you hate them? Why are you wanting to kill them?”
Old memories rumble, but the larger keeps them safely sealed. The smaller prompts Her, but… the larger shushes her and turns them back to their lovers.
“Promises Kept… Is all the larger is willing to offer.” We huff. “The smaller agrees with you, and the larger is set in her ways. But… you should all understand that this edict and the pain it causes is shared. The larger feels the sting of the curse every time the smaller fights it.”
That surprises everyone here. Not… Well the smaller knew this but to hear the larger admit to it makes her balk a little bit. Tries to… to hug the larger and get Her to pay attention for a second before more questions need to be answered.
The ‘us’ includes you too. The smaller murmurs. In the question. Can you love us more than you hate them? You need to love yourself and your own happiness more than you want to hate them.
‘Maybe’ is still the answer. The larger replies. We will try things your way. Try… healing. Ignoring them as we try to build something better.
The smaller huffs.
“What was that?” Tasii interrupts that thought. “Something just… what passed between you two there?”
We both can’t help but fix her with a smirk. Our lover really is very good at reading us. So we share the exchange.
“That isn’t good enough.” Tasii shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter how much you claim to care for her, or even if you’re willing to suffer too. Torture or… or self-harm, is NOT the answer. You have to understand that. After so many years and lives shared. If you mean to try to heal and… and grow beyond that pain you need to start by trusting the smaller spirit with her own fucking mind and body.”
The larger growls… and… and there is a rot festering in her heart at the truth in our lover’s worlds.
“You’ve told me so much about the Dreams you share” Jevita whispers from our side. “Even gave me a glimpse of that foundation for real magic! I heard it. The… the big song you’re always talking about!”
We jerk a bit to stare at her… in wonder and love and pride and… and we can’t stop the tears! Even the Larger is overwhelmed at the joy in her eyes.
Jevita heard the World Song?
“When?” We both ask.
“When you sang the merging in the stables.” Jevita grins. “It… it wasn’t for long and it was hard to hold onto but… but Fuck Ina it was amazing! Like seeing the sun or the ocean for the first time! I want to hear it again and… and share that with our family!”
How long has it been since that’s happened? The smaller asks.
The larger shudders, It’s age a sudden weight on their shoulders as She measures the time.
At least… at least for this shard… four incarnations and… About five thousand years since We were able to help an unclaimed lover hear the Song coaxed from the silence of the Waking World. And even that took most of their life to give them a glimpse of its edges in their final fading years…
“Inamatorii.” Tasii murmurs, stern but softly. “We need to have an open conversation right now, and… and to do that we need you to share these mental exchanges please.”
We nod. Relay our thoughts as best we can.
“See!” Jevita presses. “You… This is new for you too! Despite all your years! The full-body transition, surviving the mergings, and… and you so easily showing me the roots of real fucking magic! Imagine all the amazing things we can do together! You want to trust her! And… and to trust us! I can see that!”
The larger spirit can’t help but look down at our twisted leg. “We…”
“And… what if the smaller spirit slips up?” Tasii presses when we trail off. “If you both mean to stay and help ensure Arudia survives and changes, she will encounter Arudian males, fertile or otherwise.”
Parasites and Monsters walk the streets quite often… and… the authority of even a Sun Spoken will only allow us so much. We consider together. Sudden and brutal murder? No. No, the city will rise up against us. And if the parasite happens to be fertile? How much worse will that be?
“Objectively speaking, and this is a question for the Larger spirit,” Kque whispers. “Who is a bigger threat to you both if that happens? Some Arudian males, or the entirety of the Academy’s Duenna and the Doyans? Everything you’re trying to do will fall apart if that happens. You could lose her.”
The Larger snarls internally, and the smaller tries to calm her as She latches onto her anger in a stubborn fury. To… to let Her know that she can take her time to work through this.
But… after a while she accidentally shares an image of Lule when he thought a bag was a fruit and refused to let go. How… how they had to calm him and give scrutches and even tickle him a bit before–
We let out a huffing laugh, which surprises everyone. Then in a flash the larger understands just how… how…
How She acted just like Zin.
The larger sort of… withers at the truth of that. Just like the slavers and monsters of ages past. Just… deluded Herself into thinking it was necessary. Began to... to see the smaller as... as something owned and... and not a treasured lover and--
“Sorry just… Dreamer’s Tits!” We sigh. Allow ourselves to lean back into Yrelia. “You’re right. Fuck… how… how could we not…”
A shuddering sob crashes into the larger spirit. A… an old memory crackling and shattering a moment of control and pour a confession out to our lovers.
Cold-dead eyes staring up just before a spiteful curse is spewed force and the final thrum of life is-
“We will always hate them. Will never regret the things I’ve done to break this world free of their blight. But… I’ve allowed that hate to… fester and rot and… and hurt the women we love.”
During the silence that follows the words, tears once again begin to roll down our cheeks. At hope and joy at our lover’s words and ability to persuade, and… and sudden revulsion for past actions from the larger. Tasii must see that this is just… formless rising things. Not communications. So she doesn’t interrupt until we break the silence.
“It’ll take time and a wellspring of Amwella. But… But It will be done.” We sigh. “A few weeks… a month at most. We’ll remove it. The larger spirit promises.”
There is a collective sigh of relief. Then another long pause.
“Never again.” Yrelia growls from behind us. The first words she’s spoken to us since we entered the room with her.
We both nod. “Never again.”
Another long pause, we bite our lip. Wait for… for the worst thing we might need to acknowledge tonight.
“All of this.” Yrelia nearly hisses. “Never again.”
We turn to see her face. Such… cold anger and focus as she glares into our eyes. “We…”
"You have a fucking family that loves you now!" She growls, gently cups our cheeks between her hands. “Act like it!”
That stutters the larger spirit. Breaks the smaller into a mess of love and pain and adoration for our first lover. Yrelia… fuck we both love her so much, she see’s exactly what makes our tears fall.
“You… you don’t hate us? Not… not even the larger spirit?”
“You’re a big fucking cunt,” Her hands are shaking now. “Abusive and manipulative and spiteful and… probably worse things. But no… moon and fucking stars you’re just… such a disaster. Old and scared and filled with more pain than any of us can probably understand right now. Not until you start trusting us and communicating!”
The larger huffs in… in an odd new sensation, and our body kinda slumps to follow the impulse at how easily Yrelia sees through Her.
“So no, you idiot. We don’t hate you.” She pulls our forehead into her’s. “We’re pissed and scared in the way only family can be. Just as our little temple girl is stuck with you, you are stuck with us.”
“But. The dream stone. The research into sealing–"
“This family doesn’t put up with the abuse you were leveling.” She spits. “And if you’d not been willing to change, to… to stop and make things right, then we have the right to end the relationship. To protect our girl’s spirit from you. But you did, and even though it doesn’t fix things, we can’t help but be proud of you both for doing that!”
“Oh…” Is all either spirit can supply.
“We need to establish boundaries and expectations.” Kque adds. Quietly but with a tone that brooks no argument. Even more than when she’s handling our body care. “For both your safety and ours.”
We let out a heavy breath, and for a second there is a fleeting worry that… that an old pride will bubble up and fight that. Or… or that the larger will agree here but ignore whatever She wishes. But… She surprises us all by taking the lead and nodding.
“Of course.” We whisper, leaning more into Yrelia. “Tell us what is expected. And we’ll do everything in our power to change. To… to try and love you all more than we hate them. At least in action if not in heart. And… and maybe even heal.”
A pause, then Tasii asks. “Just like that?”
We gently pull away from our first lover and turn to face our second, letting her read the truth in us.
“Everything we love is in this room. Save our Big Child.” We smile sadly at her. “For you all the smaller would give up everything she is, and the larger cannot help but… but be enthralled with Her everything. She won't risk losing her again.”