Content Warning:

Forced kissing/Amwella sharing that causing trauma flashbacks of past assaults.

Yrelia’s scent on the sweater helps calm my mind while the cold ache seems to lessen.

Then that warmth is at my back.

“You alright?” A startled question. The cold gnaws and claws and growls.

“Mhm.” I lie, “Just… like… yeah I’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t like this before. Why now? Am I… is it the healing waters? I thought this was just…like… general sex cravings! I try to continue walking, but a wave of nausea just makes me relocate my hand to a guardrail as I stumble along. What the fuck! What’s happening?

I can feel that heat jerk, then radiate behind me by a few feet. Then it’s at my side, and I look over to see the woman. She leans over a bit, and is trying to see my face but is keeping her distance. A controlled look of concern that is just beginning to reach her eyes.

“Can I help? What’s wrong?”

I shake my head. “I… I don’t know. I don’t think so. Just… like. Go away?”

A pause, then a surprised smirk.

“Fuck, sorry. That was mean.” I try to smile, but expect it looks like a pained grimace.

“It’s alright.” She pauses, awkward.

I should get back to the inn, to Kque. She’ll know what to do. I should have asked her about this earlier! Stupid stupid stupid!

I look back the way I came, and wince. I don’t like the idea of trying to walk back, especially if she’s going that same way.

“I just need to get back to my friends. One knows healing things. She can help me.”

“Is that far?” She raises an eyebrow and looks me up and down. Takes in my splinted fingers, still healing hand and wrist, and frowns. “You don’t look ready to walk much.”

I huff, wishing she would go away, but not wanting to be rude. “I’ll be fine. Just need to catch my breath.”

She takes a small step back, “Okay, take your time.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. Deep breaths. Focus. It lessens a bit with her distance.

“Has this happened before?”

“Nope. Can you um… like… give me some space? Or better yet, just leave?” My focus wanes. “I’m not trying to be horrible. I would just rather deal with this alone.”

A pause, then a sigh. “Yeah I get that.”

I look up… and up and up. Fuck is she tall! Those amber eyes are looking down the street, real confliction on her face. Then she looks back at me.

“But… no. Sorry.” She gives me an awkward smile, “You’re not really getting better. You said a friend of yours was a healer? What inn are you staying at?”

“Wha… what? You can’t just…”

“Stop me then?” She quirks an eyebrow, the smile reaches her eyes. “Or better yet, walk the street without a stumble and I’ll go.”

“Fine.” I grumble.

I take a deep breath, turn, and begin to walk. After a few seconds of gaining some distance I feel the heat return, then move up beside me.

I glare over at her. “See? I’m fine.”

I’m not, the cold still aches like nothing I’ve ever felt before. But I’m running on spite now.

“Good.” Then, after a few more steps. “So what brings you to Deledita?”

I huff, “What says I’m not local?”

A chuckle, “Just a guess.”

I don’t answer as we round the last corner, revealing the main street just a building away. I sigh in relief, and speed up as much as I dare. She keeps pace easily.

“There. See? I’m fine.” I say as we exit the alley.

“Mhm.” She looks right and left. “I don’t see any inns on this street.”

“I’m staying a few spokes over.” I give her my best tired smile, “Thanks for… well… making sure I was okay. Even if I didn’t need it.”

She gives me a sidelong look, “No problem.”

I’m stuck for a second, locked by her eyes that seem to glow and dance in the Everlight.

I turn and rub my sternum reflexively and begin to head up the street. The ache lessens considerably as I build distance, and I sigh in relief.

Okay… what the fuck? How can being close to her make it hurt like that? Is this a magic thing? Is she doing this to everyone?

I stop and glance back to check. At first I can’t see her, and think she’s gone. But then a group moves and I find her. She’s not moved from where I left her, and she’s still staring after me.

Our eyes meet.

I turn and keep moving. Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter. Stupid to look back.

I get halfway down the last alleyway before my street when a heat prickles the back of my neck, and the cold gnaws a little harder.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

I nearly whirl around to see her following about twenty feet back.

“What are you doing!” I nearly shout the words.

“Sor…” She bites whatever she was going to say, closes the distance, but stops about ten feet away, hands raised. “I just wanted to–”

“Go away!” I hug my arms against my chest as the cold ache gets a little worse. “You’re literally making it hurt more!”

“That shouldn’t happen.” Her eyes lock on my burned arm.

A pause, then she makes a decision. “There is talk around the city, about a couple groups that got attacked on the road.”

I freeze. Anger shifts to confusion. “What?”

“The duenna say it was some kind of monster.” She points to my arm, “Told us that one of the women took care of it, turned it to ashes and slag. But she got pretty hurt doing it. Burned her arm.”

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“What does it matter to you?”

She looks up to my face again, “How’d you do it? Nightmares like that don’t die easy.”

“It was just a potion. I got lucky. It ate it or something.” I shrug, angry and confused and still trying to focus through the cold ache.

The memory mingles with the pain, and I visibly wince.

“Alchemical potions that can do that are… rare.” She replies. “And very expensive.”

“It was just healing waters.” I grumble, “And what does this even matter? I just want to get back to my friends.”

“Hm.” She takes a step forward.

I take a step back. “Seriously, go away. I need to–”

Her expression has turned hard, guarded. “No.”

Another step forward, I try to take two steps back to compensate for the difference in our strides.

“Don’t… don’t come any closer.”

She closes the distance, now barely arm’s reach away. “How did you know I was following you?”

My anger shatters into fear. “What?”

“How did you know I was following you?” she repeats.

“I… I don’t… It…” I move to take another step back, but one stupid foot catches on the other and I begin to fall.

Like lightning she has my unhurt wrist in one hand and the elbow of my burned arm in another. Her hands radiate and buzz, the ache at my core burns in cold contrast.

“Careful.” She mutters and gently pulls me upright.

Before I can panic, begin to kick and struggle to get away, she releases me.

I sway and stare down at my own feet. I don’t know what to do. Even if I wasn’t sore and weak and stupid, I’m certain now that she could stop me from even getting a few feet away. But… The cold is unbearable when she’s this close.

“You knew I was behind you without looking back. Whatever is hurting you gets worse when I’m close. ” They aren't questions. “You also killed a lone nightmare from the Weaver’s Wood.”

I don’t answer from my pained hunch, just give her my best glare.

She sighs, “Fuck. I’ll make you a deal. If I can make that pain stop, will you talk to me? Answer some questions?”

I shake my head, “It’s just unbound principles, from the healing waters we used. I don’t want any more alchemy done to me.”

“Wasn’t going to use alchemy.”

I look up to meet her gaze. “Answer is still no.”

She shrugs, “That cold in your chest isn’t going to get better unless you feed it.”

That cuts through the fear and pain, “Feed it? You know what this is?”

She nods.

This is a trick. It has to be. I must have let something slip. She’s wanting something from me.

“I’m not going anywhere with you. I’ll kick and scream and bite and–”

That gets her to laugh, a soft melodic sound. “I help you right here. Make that cold empty ache go warm.”

Biting my lip, I try to think through what her angle could be, what she could possibly want. The pain is getting worse, she’s right about that.

“How can you help? You said I need to eat or… something?”

“Not you… This is Her way of telling you to gather Amwella into yourself.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know what that means.”

A long pause as she searches my face.

“Of course you don’t.” She sighs. “Look I’ll let you in on some trade secrets, yeah? Give you some advice after you're able to think straight?”

I grind my teeth, then angrily. “How will this work?”

“It’s complicated. Is that a yes?”

“I’d like to know–”

“Is that a yes?” She insists.

I huff and look off to the side. “Alright, yes. But first–”

I’m cut off as she snatches me up. Too slow and shocked to resist as she cradles me in her arms. Reflexive struggles and shouting are about to send me into a flailing panic, and I can feel the cold ache begin to riot at her warm embrace, but then her lips are pressed into mine.

A shower of sparks pour into me. I can tell it’s only a small amount, barely a fraction of what she must have roiling inside her, but to my small frame and bitterly cold chest it is a roaring fire. My body can’t help but shutter now. Her warmth paralyzes my muscles, causes little twitches of lightning to run through me. It feels amazing, a sudden climax of pleasure and warmth.

And I fucking hate it. My mind is screaming as these few seconds stretch on and on. All the memories of being small and weak and helpless back at the temple fill my mind as she pins me against her chest. I want to fight her off, but my body just won’t listen!

Then she is setting me back onto my feet, keeping a hand under an elbow to make sure I’m steady.

I’m not, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to hit her, a lot. I slap and claw and punch at her. Her long reach allows her to keep me at length while also keeping a hold on me.

“You Fucking stupid fuck of cunt!” I hiss and spit, finally yanking away to stumble back.

“Just take some deep breaths. Breath.” She does her best to release me in a way that I slam down onto my butt gently.

“Shut up!” I scream at her, wiping at my mouth. “Fucking cunt drool!”

She twists up her face at that. “Ew.”

Then she looks past me, puts on a fake smile.

“Sorry! We’re fine! Just eh… stumped her toe.” She half yells to someone behind who must have heard my cries. Then a laugh, “Yeah mouth of a sailor on this one!”

Should have just run and shouted for help. Stupid stupid stupid. The duenna here like you! I curl up on myself, knees against my chest and head pressed against them. Still back in the Lyttoral temple in my mind. Helpless and stupid and small. Unable to move as panic rolls through me. No. Not now! I should run now. Get up and go. GO!

But I can’t move. Then she is kneeling in front of me as I begin to shake. “How’s the cold now?”

I pause. It’s gone. Replaced with a little flicker of warmth and light. That helps me calm down, breath slow and steady. I can still feel her radiant blaze in front of me, but my own doesn’t ache in response.

“It’s… It’s warm now.” I say into my own legs. “A little light inside. What did you do?”

“Shared some of my Amwella with you. I’m guessing you used all yours up killing that thing outside the town?”

I look up to her. Real worry and regret flash across her face. “I… I don’t know what that is. What the monster was. I… I wasn’t panicking after I killed it. The potion broke in my hand and then there was a fire and–”

She nods and settles onto the ground in front of me, sitting cross legged. “So it really was just… good luck? You really don’t know what I’m talking about?”

“Why am I panicking now? You didn’t mention this!” My voice is shrill, I want to keep screaming.

“Oh…” She runs a hand through her hair. “It shouldn’t have… couldn’t have–”

“It did!” I hiss, cutting her off.

“Okay. okay. You’re right. I should have explained before doing that. I…” She sighs, visibly grits her teeth. “I’m sor–”

“Fuck you.” I spit, and the anger gives me the drive to begin to rise.

She reaches out to help, but I yank back.

“Alright alright.” She raises her hands, palms up.

I finish getting up, more steady than I expect despite my shaking. I keep fighting to replace the shitty memories with anger and spitfire. The little blaze in my chest gives me encouragement.

I don’t say anything, just give her a glare before turning and stomping away. Her glow on the edge of my senses lets me know that she follows.

Once I get within sight of the inn I stop and take a deep breath. You're fine, it was just a kiss. Calm down, you little stupid. She healed whatever that cold was. Even if you could somehow force her to go away, you need to at least ask how she did that. How she knows anything about that thing that attacked you.

A realization hits like a kick to the nose. You idiot, it’s pretty fucking obvious how she knows, once you stop panicking over nothing.

I turn, and she’s there. Keeping just out of reach.

“I can come by tomorrow morning. I just wanted to know where to find you. You rest and–”

“You’re a Sun Spoken.”

She winces, glances around, and takes a careful step closer.

“I was.” She replies so quietly only I can hear.

That catches me off guard. How do you stop being a Sun Spoken?

“Seriously, I think you need to get some rest before I–.” She holds her hands up, palms out.

“What is this?” I ask, pointing to my chest, “What did you do? Why did it hurt when–”

“Amwella. It’s called Amwella. Our patron hurts us when we don’t store it. It’s… a type of energy.”

I shake my head. “That makes even less–”

The spirit in the journal, the one that changed me. I vaguely remember Her reflection in the potion before… I thought It was only a hallucination.

I try to swallow, only to discover my mouth is very dry.

“Oh… Her.” I whisper, very quietly.

She grimaces, then nods. “This is a lot to go over right now, we’ll talk tomorrow.”

I nod. “Okay.”

“May I have your name?”

“Inamatorii, or just Ina.”

That makes her choke, then cough. “You’re not… You can’t be…” She grimaces, “Okay yeah. Fine.”

I bristle at her reaction. Any other day, any other person and I would fall apart in self-consciousness over that. But not today.

“What?” I snap. “Now you have a problem with my name? Fuck you!”

She sighs, then turns “We’ll talk tomorrow. I have to make sure my companion knows we’re staying in Deledita tonight.”

“Wait.” I call out, “What’s your name?”

“Emarial.” She calls over a shoulder before walking off.