CW:

SEX, talk of dysphoria and possibility of being unable change due to Cultivation changes. Dehumanization. Graphic depictions of consensual sex! BITING (but consensually and because peoples want to be bit and sex is sumething to sumtimes be done with your TEETH)!

After spending about an hour of our walk home chiding myself for leaving my lovers to deal with the girls affected by the Maktaba, I’m met with two surprises.

The first one we saved is curled up between Letital, Votrel, and Lule. Recovering from sobs I’m guessing the lack of eyes stops them from shedding. Letital pulls away from the huddle to step into the house to get more blankets as she thinks sleeping close to the big child will do such wonders for him.

Him.

That’s the second surprise. This one is… is an Arudian Male. Transgender, the opposite of me.

Fuck! I hate how that twists my mind into such knots to know! Letital doesn’t notice my wince of pain as the command flares up to bite. It… it hurts a lot but… feels a little less horrid. Am able to feel such a titter of joy that they got this monster to open up so quickly to them.

She explains that he doesn’t remember anything from before but… due to the incomplete transition work and scars and… and horrid bouts of hatred for certain parts and lack of parts he very quickly realized this.

And… It didn't help with how horribly the family treated him. How they didn’t just deny his desire to feel right in his own flesh, but… but to even be a person!

“How can we help him?” I ask Letital. “I remember Jevita explaining the laws of Stubborn Changes with Cultivation. Will the Maktaba things stop him from…”

From continuing with any changes he might want?

She sighs and shakes her head. “We’re pretty sure that’ll apply to the eyes. But as for the rest… I’m not sure, and neither is he. His relationship with the Maktaba is… not great. Not as bad as what Jevita described as hers but… he's been smothering himself for a long time. It’ll depend on where all the gemstones were used. And he’s too scared to try and delve into it right now. Worried he’ll get overwhelmed again.”

“Fuck.” I huff. “Thank you so much for like… not just watching over him but… but being this for him. I’m not sure how we’d have managed him if I’d not have stumbled into you all!”

She smiles but there is a serious look to it. “What was your plan?”

“I…”

Zigdara laughs tiredly as I trail off. “Spread herself thin and tried to do everything. Then get overwhelmed within a few days.”

But Kque’s mother only laughs and pats my hand as I look away in a bit of embarrassment. “You did the right thing. But… Ina. Girl. Take some advice from an old healer. You can’t save everyone. Sometimes… sometimes you have to walk past a problem and prioritize.”

I nod weakly. “Yeah. That makes sense. But… figuring out when and who is…”

A pause, and she moves to catch my gaze when I trail off. “Impossible. Of course. You’re doing your best, and are clever for someone so young. Surrounding yourself with very capable lovers and family and even this impressive duenna. Already built a little community that glows with the same ideals and passions you do.”

Zigdara tries to hide it, but I do catch the little blush on her cheeks. Which makes me less worried about my own.

“Thank you.” I let myself smile and try and feel the compliment. “I really am so glad to have you all here. You all inspire me and… and, while I think I could have helped him, I’m not sure I’d have done it as cleanly. Sharing their same pain is a great foundation but… their trauma is SO different still!”

Zigdara stiffens a bit as Letital tilts her head in confusion. “What do you mean by sharing their same pain?”

Oh.

Fuck.

“Ah… I… it’s just…” I stammer, weariness and stupid dropping of my hetaera mask around her making me realize the mistake and scramble to recover.

She quirks an eyebrow. “Ina… are… Are you like him?”

“No!” I sputter, and now how easy she must read my lie. “It’s… I mean…”

She winces. “It’s okay. I… I can imagine how being a Sun Spoken must make thinking it safe to come out hard and… and see about getting any treatment must–”

“No.” I interrupt as I smother down the images and flashes and ‘need to avoid’ words to stop any pain from the command. “Fuck! I… Fuck. Please keep this between us.”

“Sure.” She reaches out to touch my hand. “But… you deserve happiness. Even if it means you might lose the political power to help others.”

I can’t help but giggle at… at how absurd this is! “I can’t believe this is happening all over again. Fuck!”

She tilts her head in such confusion.

“Look, we’re all tired and I need to check in on everyone before I tuck in. See if my songs are needed. But… tell Kque I’m okay with you knowing about my past when you two get a private moment together.” I offer her.

She agrees, and I head off to find the others.

Jevita and Kque have done enough for the second to let them all just… slump into a deep snuggle of rest on the big bed in that room. So I leave them to it and go find Yrelia and Tasii. Discover them snuggled together so happily and very asleep on some couch. Must have… have fallen into sleep after talking for quite a while. Hopefully about whatever had been upsetting Yrelia ever since Kque and Tasii’s moms popped in.

So I make sure there is a big warm blanket around them and move from the room.

Zigdara is waiting, and quirks an eyebrow in silent question.

“Everyone seems good.” I sigh happily and whisper. “Was so worried I’d return to such a mess or… or people hurt or worse.”

“You need rest.” She replies softly. “Even only a few hours before the Conclave in the morning is good.”

I shake my head. “Think I’m going to skip tomorrow. Give the Doyans this little gift of normalish and peaceful politicking after they helped me do this.”

Zigdara nods. “You should consider doing that more. You’ve made your demands known, and can always insist on other changes afterwards.”

I move to lean against a wall. “Yeah. I… I also think I need to focus more on this storm and… and gemstone stuff. Sleep and Dream for another twelve hours after…”

A long pause as stupid old nervous nonsense flitters up.

They’re all sleeping and… and still a little spent after weeks of rotating me between their beds. Amwella on the brink of only giving me little sparks as their flames rekindle.

Stolen story; please report.

“After what?” Zigdara asks, either very clueless or very good at hiding her understanding and opinions on the question I’ve danced around these past weeks.

Yrelia won’t stop teasing me about this and… and even Tasii is poking a bit. Starting to get worried that if I didn’t just ask her then it might slip out at a bad time and… fuck. There’s so much about this that might make Zigdara uncomfortable!

“Um… Zigdara.” I sigh and just… get the words out in a whispered rush. “I wanted to ask if you wanted to share more than just skinship with me. I… not just to help me build my Amwella stores back up but… but…”

But because your strong and pretty and the smell of your skin after a busy day is stupidly interesting and–

“Ah.”

I can’t look up, just… force out more words. “If… Zigdara. I know that back at the temple there wasn’t a lot of love for duenna who got close to the charges there and… and if this is too much like that I REALLY don’t want you to feel obligated.”

Zigdara wasn’t just a duenna. She was one of THE duenna. Like… like a councilwoman or… or something! While I didn’t pay much attention to the nonsense I… I can see her not feeling okay with something like this!

“I didn’t.” She murmurs softly. “My position by your side now is one I chose, and… It’s very hard for me to even think of you as I did before.”

I let out a bit of a relieved sigh. “I mean… I look and sound so different. Everything about me feels new and… and like that person I was is barely even a part of me anymore.”

Look up to see her staring down at me thoughtfully. “The more time I spend with you the more I can see the little pieces of the girl from before but… Now blossoming. Finally living the life you needed.”

The Girl from before? Like… like even in the past tense she understands that I was always…?

After a pause I murmur. “But…?”

She shakes her head. “No contrary thoughts. I’m simply… considering this offer from all angles. Weighing how weary you are against my own desires.”

That makes my brain kinda sputter out. “Oh.”

She smiles then, and gosh is it a wonderfully ferocious thing. “Would you like to try this another time?”

I shake my head. “Nope. Tonight is… kinda perfect. We have our choice of bed and everyone’s settled and… and I’m not going anywhere in the morning so…”

“So…” She steps a little closer and pulls my hand up to… oh.

She kisses it. So gently. My little dumb hand cradled easily in hers.

“May I lead you in this tonight, Sun Spoken Inamatorii?” She whispers. “Help carry you and your burdens?”

Can’t look away, can’t stop from biting my lip like an idiot. “Um… I mean. Yeah? I’ll need to make sure to pleasure you to ge–”

And then she literally, and way more deftly and smoothly than I can react to, sweeps me up into her arms.

“Wh– I–” I blubber, pulling everything close.

“Is this alright?” She seems to purr with a smirk.

“I… I mean. Yeah? If I’m not too heavy, that is.”

That gets such a laugh from her. “No, you’re so much lighter than even your small frame hints at.”

I can’t help but smother a little tittering giggle at that. “Well… I’m pretty sure some of my bones got replaced with magic tree things.”

Another really cute quirk of an eyebrow lets the giggle loose. “Long story.”

She nods and… and begins to literally carry me to the closest room with a good sized bed. Holding me close in her big warm arms the entire way. I have to reach down to get the door for us, but after nudging it closed she moves us over and carefully crawls up. Never releasing me until I’m literally on the covers and… and she looms over.

“Hi.” I whisper with such a smile. One that’s meant to show confidence I only barely feel.

The biggest girl I’d ever had sex with is… well there was this one client but she just wanted Yrelia and me to do everything and never like… wanted to be on top of me. So Tasii kinda holds that place.

But fuck me is Zigdara literally huge. Bigger than both and ALL muscles. Totally not worried that she’ll hurt me. Just… am not sure what…

She smiles at my obvious pause. “May I kiss you? Are you still interested in–”

My hand reaching up to cup her cheek halts her words.

“Yes. Fuck. This is… like… kinda really overwhelming and perfect and… wow.”

She chuckles, and leans down to press lips to mine.

Hmmm…. Warm. Of course. Gentle, but it’s obvious she wants to be a bit rougher. Definitely not as deft as Yrelia or Tasii, but… that’s unfair to compare her to them. They both have waaay more practice.

Those big hands wander down my hips and around my legs and even brush a bit of butt. All while this low rumble of hunger and anticipation is stirring up inside her. While I definitely have to take a few huffing breaths when she pulls back, Zigdara looks a bit dizzy.

Because what kind of Hetaera would I be if I couldn’t make her duenna all wibbly after a good long kiss!?!

I smother the giggle down to just a smirk and reach up to tug at her shirt. “We should probably get these o–”

But she’s already moving. Expression brimming with desire and hunger and what I’ve learned from Tasii to be a ‘I’m just about done taking this slowly’ look.

Lips to my jaw before sliding across neck and ear while agile hands easily peel my sweater up and off. She barely even has to pull back as it passes over my head, just… swoops it over and then she’s back on top of me.

And… yeah that’s when my first little murmurs and even a soft moan of delight bubbles up. Right when a hand moves back to slide down my leg while Zigdara nibbles and bites at my lower neck.

Fuck. Fuck fuck.

… Fuck!

And of course that just… makes her move with more ferocity. Her hunger enticed and beckoned forward by my little titters and moans and wiggles. As teeth and tongue find my breast I very nearly have to shove a hand in my mouth to stop a squeal which would totally have woken someone up!

What Zigdara lacks in gentle teasing she makes up for in aggression. Hands are always squeezing or raking on skin while her mouth is busy on flesh. Just shy of too painful, always feeling a whisper from biting too hard or licking an area to discomfort before moving on.

I… am not entirely sure when we get my pants and underthing off. But her Amwella is bucking and sizzling like crazy! So… next time she pulls back for a second I’m kinda pushing her to sit up, half-kneeling half wrapping legs around her as I press lips to hers. Fingers digging into her big mane of braided hair and then I sort of…

Huh… did… Did I just growl a bit?

Zigdara answers with a purring laughing sound. Both hands gripping my hips and pulling me to grind mine into her. Ends up kinda… taking back easily surrendered control as her mouth once again moves to my neck.

Then one of those big hands moves down and… and rakes wonderfully across a thigh and… oh… oh fuck. That…

One big hand between my legs, the other wrapping around my waist to keep me steady, and my duenna begins to rub thumb against clit while fingers dance across my second lips. Easily weaving up and down and around and into my already very wet cunt.

So warm and perfect against the light chill of my nakedness. I can’t help but just… grind into her. My fingers gripping for all their worth as I move to the rhythm of her workings.

And with a weird kinda growling moaning mess of a sound she easily brings me to the peak of it all. Drawing out an orgasm that feels so much like… like every muscle is a part of it! Which… as I shake and shudder and recover at least a few coherent thoughts I can’t help but muse at just how much more of myself I put into this.

Like… Yrelia taught me all about different sex positions and how to make sure not to overexert or hurt something by throwing too much of myself into it. A pulled muscle or sprained anything could really fuck-up our work back then. Which is why we kinda avoided really active poses like this.

Ones that needed not just a willing and strong partner, which only Tasii kinda fit that role, and care to not twist ourselves in a bad way.

But… Zigdara is really strong and kinda supported my weight through all that!

“Fuck.” I finally huff, slumping into her chest as I work to steady my gasping breaths and twirling heartbeat.

My duenna just… purrs. Which is really really fucking comforting and soft and… and…

But her Amwella is furious. Kicking and surging in what looks to be really annoyed demands for release. And while my body is aching a bit, my own Amwella can’t help but answer her hissing growls. So I move and stretch up to begin placing a line of… biting kisses up her neck.

Curious if she enjoys the same thing she gave me.

While I’m not nearly enough to force it, my duenna is happy to let me ride her down as she tumbles back into the soft bed.

And… yup. Those are definitely purring sounds of enjoyment and fuck me is her Amwella wiggling so cutely!

Carefully and slowly I drag fingers up and around to twist her top off. Revealing big cute tits that I can’t help but just… just abandon my training for a second and snuggle into! Letting little happy noises out as I nuzzle between them. Only returning to the salacious workings when her Amwella kinda bucks in tune with a little rumble from her.

I consider teasing her more but… No. She’s been very patient. And as my mouth weaves over to begin altering old soft training into harder workings with more teeth than most women would enjoy, I can’t help but muse over a thought.

Has… has Zigdara been wanting this for a while too? Am I just… really really bad at reading people? Did I miss her little unspoken requests for physical intimacy?

Fingers raking and dancing over long-healed scars, some shaped oddly like bite makes, just before my mouth follows up to nibble and kiss and bite over the patterns. With how her hands move up to grip and touch and still grasp at me I… I think I did miss them.

Woops!

“Harder, Su– Ina.” She purrs. “If you can.”

I don’t stop but… can’t help but catch the almost word she used there.

Sun Spoken.

She… well… I’ve no doubts now that she and Emarial got really close along the Paths. Definitely in sex ways, that’s normal and expected, but… Ugh. Emarial’s broken promises must have really hurt her too.

I do bite down then. Not… not in any anger. At least not for Zigdara.

Honestly, the mark I leave is a little thing compared to a few others. But… It’s there! Won’t leave a scar or anything. Not sure I would be willing to go that far. Regardless of how much she might love it.

Zigdara’s Amwella does prickle and gurgle and simmer in little happy motions, so… I decide to take my first real chomp of this wonderful lady.

Sliding up and up to nibble at her neck while fingers dance down across thigh and hips. Raking rough but delicate patterns all around as I settle teeth on the little nub of the collarbone that pokes out. Then I move to press and rub and dig fingers into her while biting down.

Big hands reach up to grip at my sides a bit, and I press and bite harder into her. Enjoying so much the rising rumbles and purring growls and even a moan or three as she bucks a bit beneath me.

It honestly doesn’t take long. What with how much her Amwella was already bubbling over I’m kinda surprised she didn’t orgasm with me before. What with how I was most definitely probably bumping into her during my grinding.

So with a great shudder that rocks through her entire body, We’re trembling in tune as my Wellspring of Amwella reaches down to give her little flame such a cute little lick. Drawing up and away to return the prize into me.

Drowning me in the pleasure of it.

A few bleary moments later, and she’s wrapped those big wonderful arms around me, and I get to just… nuzzle into her.

And… huh.

“Is everything alright?” She asks, noticing my sudden change in breathing or… something. Fuck. I’m really bad at hiding anything, aren’t I?

“I… yeah. Just… Hm…” I murmur. “You gave me a decent nibble of Amwella. More than… than I normally take. But…”

“But what?”

“I can barely notice the loss.”

A pause.

“What does that mean?” She asks.

I let out a huffing giggle. “It means that… that… I’m not sure. I couldn’t tell you why but… You’re Amwella seems… bigger? More vibrant than others? Maybe…”

“Could it have something to do with my time with Emarial?” She asks.

Knowing the things a Sun Spoken is gifted during sex.

“It shouldn’t!” I huff. “Sun Spoken need to take Amwella. But… but even after weeks of not being with her yours wouldn’t be like this. Maybe nearly full again but… but not this dense! It’s like you’ve not been fed upon at all! Only… only been taking.”

“But only Sun Spoken can do that, right?”

“I mean… kinda? I’ve been about and seen my lover’s soul touch each others a bit but… it’s always so little.”

“Hmm…” She muses for a while. “Could she have given me some of her flame?”

“No that’s…”

But it IS possible. I gave Yrelia some of mine.

“I mean it is possible but… I don’t know why she would do that!” I sigh and wiggle in annoyance.

“We’ll ask her when she wakes up then.” Zigdara offers.

“Yeah. That… I mean of course but… This is still so weird.”

She chuckles softly and moves to sit up a bit. Regards me for a moment. “Would you like to take more?”

“I mean…” I sigh and consider. “Yeah? It doesn’t have to be now but…”

But fuck me silly is her Amwella already starting to gurgle in hunger again. And from that look I… I think she’s still hornii!

“But?”

I can’t help but giggle and repeat her words from before. “No contrary thoughts. I’m simply considering it from all angles. Weighing how weary you are against my own desires.”

She laughs too, and proceeds to almost tackle me to the bed and enjoy quite a few more Amwella dances with me