CW:

Talk of politics, dreams being dangerous and kinda explodie, plural gerl finding herself alone while headmate sleepies, talk of self-harm through not taking care of yourself. ALSO, due to editing mupples you'll notice we not doing the space between things. Still like... 3k worbs here so just as long even if feels shorter.

“Horribly so.” Lady Ophrit chuckles while steepling her fingers.

None of us really know how to respond to that as we sit about the long dining room table. Save Delphian, who rolls her eyes and nudges her Beloved Bound. “Perhaps starting from the beginning would be a more… appropriate way to explain all this?”

“There isn’t time to indulge, and you know I could go on for hours before getting to the heart of this.” Ophrit laughs. “So I’ll summarize so we can hopefully enjoy some of the meal these girls have prepared without it growing cold.”

I nod. “That’s probably for the best. Without Aceso here I’m going to need some help catching all the little details. Thank you.”

“Anything for my favorite Hetaera.” She smiles, then adjusts to begin with a more serious expression than I think I’ve ever seen on her. “So, to be blunt, the Conclave is barely holding itself together. They’ve taken your leave as either a sign that the High Duenna plans to abandon the Academy, or… well, that you're too distracted to notice them all preparing for a little reorganizing of power within Arudia. The Obelisks tied their hands, and now that those binding are free they see it as an opportunity to pile up their resources and make sure they are well supplied for the coming Blizzard. Whoever arises with the better claims will carve up what remains standings.”

I sigh and shake my head. “That… Sounds really stupid. And horrid. And a great way to get me really upset.”

Lady Ophrit sighs. “Which is why many of them seem to have worked very hard in gathering up as many duenna to bind loyalties to their Matron’s houses instead of the Academy. Even hired more… unsavory sorts. And they are not being shy about this either. They want you to know that if you’d like to try something… less than political, there will be a few dozen women to stand between you and them.”

“But… that’s so… I told them I didn’t want to fight! Didn’t want to rule. Just… help figure out the situation with the Gemstones and this Blizzard and…” I trail off in a huff as Yrelia sighs and rubs a hand over my back.

“I… think this is them giving you that option, while also being horrible about it.” Tasii turns to Lady Ophrit, “Right? And did the Grand Doyan or Lady Veletross have anything to add or… or clarify?”

She sighs and shrugs. “Not particularly. Just… that her offers to the High Duenna still stand.”

“Fuck her.” I hiss. “Fuck them all! Fuck. Why can’t they… they just not be horrible!?!”

An awkward pause, then Lady Ophrit gives me such an empathetic smile. “Sorry dear, and… that’s not even the worst bits yet.”

My eyes widen a touch as my stomach does a little tumbling. “Wh– what?”

“They… This wonderful new Sun Spoken’s appearance wasn't the only thing they kept from you.” She nods toward Rahdian. “Apparently the Blizzards below have gotten so bad the exits to the wider reaches of Arudia are cut off as of today. Both due to the storm and… strange things within it. Carbunkles and other creatures seem to attack any carriages or travelers who wander through this past half-day.”

“I… what!?!” I stammer. “B– but… We need to go down there! Stop them and…”

Tasii lays a hand on my shoulder. “I doubt you have the Amwella, and you still need to Dream with the little one. Understand what’s going on.”

“Fuck.” I spit, anger still bubbling. “Yeah. I… I know.” Then I turn back to face Lady Ophrit, trying to soften my words and expression. “Anything else? Anything worse?”

She leans back and shakes her head. “No. Not that should pull your attention away from those things.”

I rise. “Fuck. Alright. I… I need to go. Fix this.”

“Ina…” Kque murmurs as she sees stupid ideas stirring. “You should eat first. After that you should Dream, then when you wake up. We can plan this out.”

I nod, “Yeah. Alright. But… Can…” Look away, trying to find the words.

And my lovers see so much of what I need right now. What was hopefully going to be a quiet meal with lovers and mothers and hosts turns into me just… gobbling down tasteless things as my stomach churns in guilt and worry and–

“Hey.” Kque nudges me. Startling me from my mess. “Slow down, just a touch, or you’ll get sick.”

We’ve also moved into the back bedroom where the little cutie sleeps. Just us. My lovers and Rahdian.

I huff and pause between bites. “I just… I fucked up. Need to fix this.”

Yrelia sighs and shakes her head. “No. You’ve done basically the best you could with what you were given. They Doyans are cunts who you couldn’t convince to not do this.”

“I mean…” I shove the next bite into my mouth, growling while chewing. “Yeah, but… but I should have expected this! Should have… I don’t know.”

“The only other option you could have taken was… something I’m glad you didn’t do.” Jevita murmurs. “And… it would have left you with a different and possibly worse mess.”

I glance up to see… oh.

“If we were going to just… start killing cunts who wouldn’t move we would have done that to Veletross and Emarial.” I grumble, swallow, and shove more food into my mouth.

To my surprise, it’s Zigdara who speaks up. “It wouldn’t have ended well. Too many would find reason to toss lightning at us again if you took such a path.”

The anxious chortle that bubbles up almost makes me choke. But… Yrelia is there to pat my back and free me from the chance of it. “Th– thanks. Just… I hate this. So much. I… I though I was politicking well.”

“You are.” Tasii nods. “Just… they cared more about power and control. We expected this as a possible problem. Which…” She waves about the room as a gesture to the wider manor. “Is why you asked Lady Ophrit and Delphian to consider how best to tackle that problem. They’ll do what they can while you do all this, and we’ll meet up when we can to help each other.”

Lady Ophrit’s offer to gather allies to stand together against whatever nonsense the Doyans and Matrons might demand or try. The women who hold the real trading lifeblood of Arudia brought together and ready to refuse to cooperate if the old rulers don’t set better things down where the old laws sat.

“Alright.” I huff. “Yeah. Thanks. Just… panicking a little. I need to get this right or… or…”

“You’re doing great, love.” Yrelia murmurs. “Just… stick to the plans. Let others attend to theirs. Can’t do much more. We’ll help you adjust when the time comes.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

* * *

At least… What must be a third of the Dream is spent Weaving a few extra songs while sitting on the beach with Rahdian and her two Dreamers. Aceso seems to really enjoy just… kinda riding on my shoulders and holding on with all her tendrils. And because it's a Dream I don’t even wonder about it until we’ve finished getting all our songs ready.

“Okay. Let’s see what we can’t…”

But She gave me this Dream, so I see it right away. How could I not?

Like… I was kinda hoping our little cutie would look like it did in the Waking World. At least a bit. Maybe have words for us?

But… well that probably wasn’t very smart of me.

The Zeridii isn’t human, and never was. Anything people thoughts it has wasn’t things it probably ever wanted, and…

Yeah.

And while what I hear literally tearing at the edges of our shared Dream is nothing like a song, it screams in ways I can’t help but shiver in sympathy to. Because I know what it’s like to slowly wake up to find yourself twisted into a shape you can’t stand.

Dribbling down from the Scar in the sky of this place is a fissure like the most upset and angry night sky. The background pitch is a swirling mess of purples and deep blues punctuated by blazing pinpricks of azure and scarlet and Jade. Each looking to be on the very brink of erupting forth and consuming all other lights.

Fuck.

So then I pull us closer. Before it would make sense to walk, but because we’re in a Dream we can skip the unimportant bits that don’t matter. Like turning ahead past the boring parts in a book. Parts that you just… don’t have the time or patience to consider. They don’t matter, not really, not to you, not right now.

I hope they don’t hate me for this.

Because I can’t go back and ask them. There isn’t any time! To even look back now could and would send such a bad message to the Zeridii. To hesitate in such a loud and meaningful way is… is… well I’m not sure our next Dream would be this peaceful.

Those angry stars might just have decided that, yes actually, we’d like to explode now.

So, I pull my fifth Lover off my shoulders and take her cute face in my hands while tendrils wibble in worry.

Tell Her how much I love her. How much I trust Her. How much I hope that She can trust me.

Of course She wants to argue. But… Even now the Nightmares stir and growl and even perk up at the rising fears this decision creates within us both. Would… could so easily fuck up this chance our little cutie has offered us.

She nods, and the trust and love and song that pours out of Her almost cracks my resolve.

Always and Forever.

Then I turn to Rahdian. A mess of apologies are gifted. If… if I understood her a little better I’d ask for her help with this but… I don’t and asking her to consider this would be unfair and stupid and really dangerous. Not just for her but… honestly for everyone. Even our little cutie knew she probably shouldn’t come along. Which… honestly is a good sign? I hope? A subtle hint that they kept some of the softer people's thoughts close and see them as worth treasuring.

Then the Storm is there and getting angry. I… I think they are the only ones to fully understand what I need to do. They know better than to try and stop me, but… their glare tells me everything they hate about this.

I tell them I’m sorry.

The Storm assures me that their anger is for the Waking Worlds and Dreams that put us here, and not at me.

That helps. Fuck. That helps so much.

And gives me the final courage to only take a single deep breath… And then I sing the song that ends their parts in my Dream.

* * *

Waking up hurts.

It. Always. Hurts.

He used to enjoy that. Seeing the horror at my rising from the safety of Dreams into the Waking Nightmare he built. Sometimes we would sit and talk as I tried to slowly convince him to let me go. Sparing with words and arguments. Indulging in my attempts to chip away at his cruelties.

Stupid, honestly. Even bound and broken and chained in anathema I could feel and see how little this monster was listening. How every small tittering of guilt was quickly and perfectly smothered by his own ravenous ambitions. And eventually... by the rewards his cruelty brought him.

“Ina!?!” Comes a call as I curl closer about myself. Numb in… such odd ways. Can’t feel the chains but… also can’t feel the mess of my former headstalk's severed nubs.

Ina?

OH! It’s her.

I stir as a pained smile touches my lips at the thought of her face and eyes and just… the way her Amwella always makes my World Song bubble.

A hand brushes at my cheek and…

Wait. Touching? No no no no no no no she can’t touch me or he’ll–

I jerk awake, flailing back and half shouting hissed warnings and…

Wait.

“Who…?” I whisper as I press very freed limbs into the wall behind this way too soft bed. Eyes darting between this mess of girls I don’t…

Wait. I do know them. Somehow. But… but can’t quite…

“I’m sorry I…” One of them, the second tallest, sputters from the other side of the bed as she rises. “I’m not sure what happened to us… we could see them and the Storm talked with her and we all agreed but… but it’s…”

One of them, the closest, the one who both fills me with dread but also longing… tilts her head in confusion and worry.

Another tells the one blabbering to slow down. Take a few deep breaths, while the third tallest eyes narrow while meeting mine. Eyes seem to see right to my soul, despite the lack of glimmering Amwella sight.

“Aceso?” She murmurs.

And that name cracks everything.

Memories seek to crush me under their weight as… as I look down at the gorgeous hands I wanted to weave for her. See the leg I lost us.

Us?

More panic. Managing a body's breathing all alone is… is new. Annoying at how much each gulp of air feels more important than the wonderful girl I can’t find beside me within our mind and… and…

No. No, she's there. My perfect and soft and warm little spirit. Sleeping nuzzled up close to my soul while she envelopes the glimmering scar at the side of our brow.

Off to Dream with the Zeridii while I consider this Waking World.

Someone’s snapping at me. I jerk and look up. Curling back farther away from but... no. Don’t be stupid. They’re just scared.

“She… She’s asleep.” I whisper. “Sorry. We… I hated this. But the Zeridii would have… um… exploded. Or gotten more angry? We’re not sure. And my… my Nightmares could not be allowed to infest them. So… she’s reaching out alone.”

I can’t help but shake myself a little at… at how I like her I sound. Voice only mildly tinted with our mingled Song.

“And why waste Amwella with this?” Tasii asks.

“It… This could take a while.” I draw in another deep breath, trying to acquire my own voice from her throat. “It cost less than me hovering about her within the Dream. And… and posed fewer risks of Nightmares rousing to prod at her.”

I fight to ignore the other reason I didn’t feel in her but… Hope so much was never part of her schemes.

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Our wonderful Jevita moves to sit on the foot of the bed.

Yrelia huffs and nods. “How dangerous is this for you both?”

I sway back and forth. “I… Very. But only If Ina wasn’t literally radiating the way she is. All warm and literally dripping in empathetic ways that… that show them how special she is. They like her, and me… at least a little. We’re the last souls they’ll want to hurt. We freed them and have magic they know can help crack remaining bindings and change things for them. Both before, during, and after their full Waking.”

A pause, then Tasii murmurs while her eyes roll down to my leg. “Aceso, you’re in pain. You should sing.”

I pause, consider her words and…

“It’s… not that bad. Honestly.” I murmur, shifting the aching leg. “But thank you.”

Another pause.

“Yeah. No. Fuck that.” Yrelia shakes her head. “Sing the pain down, and we’ll figure out what to do from there. Get you some breakfast.”

I purse our lips, “Is… Are you insisting? I made my promises, and will keep them, but I’d rather not waste Amwella on my comforts if this is a mere request or suggestion.”

Yrelia, after a sigh, leans forward and very gently hovers a hand next to my cheek. “Spending Amwella to keep you from pain is not a waste, Aceso.”

I have to look away, avoid the warmth and soft touch I don’t deserve. “It won’t mess up my songs or tasks. Honestly it’s always wonderful to just… feel. Again. And if pain is the form that takes then… fine. I’ll gladly bask in that.”

The silence stretches farther then, enough so I eventually glance back to find… such a mess of emotions across their faces.

Yrelia is the first to whisper, hand has dropped but… not pulled away. “That… that’s not…”

“What?” I shuffle uncomfortably. “I’m not like Ina. Or you all. I’ve laughed as worse pains were inflicted on my body and soul, and don’t think this is worth the cost.”

“I… Can you sing first?” Kque murmurs softly. Discomfort radiating off her. “Please? Then… then we… can discuss things.”

“Are you insisting?” I reply, trying to keep the bite of annoyance from my words as the guilt bubbles up at how horribly I’m handling this.

“Aceso, would Ina want you to sing here?” Tasii presses, but… only an odd patience lies within her tone, as opposed to the answering of my own careless agitations.

I sigh and look up and away from them all. “She… Understands this so much better when we’re mingled.”

“Girl… Why are you not answering the question?” Yrelia nudges Ina’s unscarred leg.

“I’m not avoiding the…” I look back and find her smirking, then sigh as something inside me melts a bit at the way she's looking at me. “Fine. Yes. She would.”

“Then, there is your answer.” Tasii leans against the wall and fixes me with such an unimpressed look. “Ina would insist. And let's all be very honest. If you’re looking to enjoy feeling body things Ina would also insist you ask one or more of us to help you with that, instead of enduring pain.”

I can’t stop the blush that tints these cheeks as I freeze at that. Nod once while tearing my eyes from the group. Then hum a low healing melody. Only finding some stability from the hornii brain rot as Tasii looks to Rahdian and murmurs an apology. Letting her know that she’d have to talk with Ina before being allowed to be intimate with me while she’s asleep in a Dream.