CW:

NEW POV! His name is Takroth! Hope you enjoy his nonsense!!! Trying to force hair cutting. mild hinting at sexual slavery of breeding males. talk of body inspections and others altering your body.

Author's Note: Hii hallo everyone! SO, you might have noticed that that the POV for this chappy isn't Ina. Or her gaggle of cuties. Or even a big cunt of a Sun Spoken! This chappy is written from the POV of an Arudian Male. A Transmasc individual who was transitioned to the body he wanted/needed in his later childhood. We hope so very much you enjoy this chapter and his struggles and this peek into his history.

Also also ALSO! A BIG thanks to our wumberful Fray and Garnett for encouraging us to write this chapter. Their support means the world and ALL Her Dreams to us!!!

The Keeper, Unvay, glares. “Takroth, you know th–”

“And his answer was no.” I cut her off with a snap.

Would rise but… Kinatii is still in my arms and starting to shake a bit. And fuck doing anything but wrapping myself around the little guy tighter to help him not fall apart in front of her.

“What’s it matter, right?” Wophetra adjusts to lean a bit between us, his tone and expression an attempt at a calm pushback. “We’ve not had any sessions for over a month. No one to impress.”

The Keeper lets out a huff of a sigh, letting that spark of anger settle into a more… sisterly frustration. “The Matron’s First asked for you all to be well groomed for an Inspection.”

The little guy doesn’t flinch but… does go still. Even a bit cold at that last word.

Inspections are… they can be really rough. And we never know how much until one happens. Could be a simple check up on us. Maybe even don’t have to undress. Or… it could be a full examination with the Keepers tapping into the Glyphs and…

“I mean… I guess if…” Kinatii begins to murmur some kind of compromise.

And.. No. Fuck this!!!

“He can pull it all up into a bun for that.” I reply evenly.

She pauses, then looks about the room. Everyone’s gone quiet and is staring now. All six Arudian men sitting about this smallish bedroom.

Wish we could all just… find a place to stick close. All seventeen of us. But we’re pushing things as it is. Don’t want them to crack and start to isolate us like they could before.

“You can’t all stay together like this forever.” She says to everyone.

None of us reply.

“It’s just a haircut.” Unvay presses. “And you’ve gone three weeks without any kind of individual Inspections. Your Keepers are worried and would like to sit down with you six. Individually. Check in and ensure each of you is handling this unsteadiness well.”

I push down the bile at that. Try to forget the last shouting match me and Keeper Jessry had. How… how fucking bad I still feel despite knowing I’m nothing but right.

The oldest here, Vertrop, coughs deliberately. Calling her eyes to him before replying gently. “We’re taking care of each other, Keeper Unvay.”

The Keeper fights back at least a half dozen emotions while trying to read everything he means by that. Then lets out a steady breath. “The Matron has shown incredible patience and generosity to us all. I only hope when she finally decides on a path that you all will prove to be accommodating and cooperative.”

None of us reply to that either. Two look away in guilt but… the rest stare right back at her.

“Dinner will be brought by in half an hour.” She says evenly, then leaves.

And it’s like the entire room lets out a collected tense breath.

“Tak…” Wophetra huffs and pushes back his mane of glimmering jade hair. “Why’d you snap like that?”

I shrug but don’t reply, instead pull Kinatii closer and murmur to him. “You okay?”

He shakes his head.

“Yeah… Sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

He leans harder back into me. Bumping my chin with his head gently.

A sign that words… aren’t good right now. Just a good hug and snug. In my arms all he wants.

So I give him that. Let the room’s quiet tenseness settle a bit as I cocoon him from the world.

“You think she’ll peel off someone from the others?” Pretikk murmurs to Vertrop.

The older man sighs and rises from his spot on one of the two beds to stretch his legs. “I don’t think so. Onrell and Gyret may be a bit aloof at times but they’re spitfires. A trick like that won’t work. They’ll do as I was planning. Demand small changes in the rooms they’ve claimed, or let us all move locations if something more… intensive is required.”

He looks at me then, an eyebrow quirked in silent questions and… yeah.

A bit of disappointed annoyance.

“Sorry. She just… got me heated up.” I smile back apologetically.

“You know we cannot do that, Takroth.” He presses, but gently. “Give them reason to think we’re growing restless, or stars forbid, rowdy. They’ll push harder. Mayhaps delegate a few duenna or worse to come and enforce our separation.”

I hug Kinatii harder but otherwise only let out a huff of laughter. “Like Unvay has the courage to ask the Matron for that. We all saw Lady Elpherin threaten to have her and half the staff replaced if there was another incident. If she lets word of this slip…”

“You know how they gossip though.” Pretikk adds. “If the Matron or her First gets wind of us starting to misbehave then she might act anyway. We gotta keep our heads cool, Tak.”

Let out a sigh and nod. “Sure. Yeah. Just… Don’t like how they do that. Especially now when it doesn’t matter.”

“I know.” The older man murmurs gently.

A pause, then Kinatii whispers from within my embrace. “Sorry.”

“Not your fault.” I reply immediately. “She was being a slush pile and I just let my temper flair up.”

“It’s… it’s just hair.” He huffs. “Stupid of me to… like…”

“No. Fuck that.” I murmur back, carefully letting a hand trail up to dance through his mane. “You’ve wanted to grow it out for years. Only just got the chance. And like… Fuck them. You should be allowed to do that. Especially now.”

“But it always got in the way, even shorter than this.” He protests, but leans into the touch.

“That’s a them problem, not a you problem.” I push back.

“What if…” He tries to form words, but gives up and nuzzles deeper into my embrace.

A few moments pass but… no one wants to get back into it. So we don’t. Pretikk and Wophetra dive back into a weird card game they set up in the corner. Vertrop settles back to relax on the bed and read his book. Zatyr keeps quietly sketching in his notebook. And… Kinatii is happy to enjoy my assuring touches and embrace while I lean my head back and…

Try not to think about it all too much.

How we don’t really have a plan here. Just… We all came together that first scary fucking night when sessions had been canceled. Thank fuck. But… Also our Keepers refused to tell us why.

How we only got little bits from a few.

Some scary Sun Spoken lady had done… something. Broke something important to Arudia. And now the sessions stopped because she demanded it… We think? But have no idea why she’d do that. But then those duenna showed up and pulled us from beds and like…

Now we’re here. Refusing to separate for the next time duenna show up to take us. Not like… because we think we can do anything but go where they tell us to.

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Mostly just because so many of us were scared we would be divided up and snatched away.

I let out a sigh and try to find something else to occupy my mind. End up glancing down at the twisting of Cultivation Glyphs that run down my left arm. Things I once thought really pretty and… and perfect in how they seemed to never fade or degrade or stretch with how my body changed now fill me with…

Something else.

“Harnesses, leashes or… if I’m to be crude, chains.” Onrell had sighed between heavy breaths after a late night and too many races on the track. “Woven so tightly to the body they changed for us that we might see them as part of who we are.”

I got so mad at him for that. Took almost a year to have that truth crack through me like a pick on the ice. Only barely apologized before things got scary.

Hope I get the chance to run with him again and really tell him how sorry I am.

The older guys, they… So a couple can be a bit pushy but honestly it’s because they get it. Been here for decades and decades and are all too familiar with how fucked up this all is when we look past the glamour and lack of Dysphoria.

How we’re just…

Deep breaths, stupid boy. Don’t think about it.

Might punch another hole in the wall.

Look down, find Kinatii so fucking asleep. Which helps me smile and push down the bubbling anger. But… Fuck has the little guy been crushing my bladder and otherwise for hours now.

So I very fucking carefully shift him. Tip-tap and motion for Wophetra to grab me a spare pillow and blanket to settle Kinatii on the floor and against this other guy's hip.

Mouth where I’m going.

“Um…” He looks to Pretikk in question.

But I wave them down with a smirk as I rise.

Us sticking together is so the biggest guys, like me, can keep them all safe. I tower over all the duenna and they’ve been kept from our wing of the manor since we first got here. The Bathroom is close too.

“I’ll be fine, and quick.” I mouth and move to the door before any of them can bother over worrying much.

It’s so fucking quiet, and the bathroom is empty. Letting me take my time and settle fraying nerves while washing up. Even splash water on my face before running fingers through my own growing mane of soft silver hair.

Take a long hard look at the guy in the mirror.

Study how all the male bits on the inside grew outside due to the best Cultivation Arudia at work. Hard jaw with a little stubble. Pretty indigo eyes that glimmer with little sparks of jade.

I adore those parts. But…

Glyphs woven down from my left eye, under my lip, and down across my throat before spiraling out across chest and shoulders and more. Sometimes can even imagine that I can feel how they weave beneath. Wrapping about organs and bones like clothes over skin. Knitted deep enough to not just change me to be the man I am but… to keep changing me. If my Keeper thought new shapes would be more pleasing to the Academy’s clients.

Sculpted to be the perfect reward for any women who paid enough to use me for-

Fist cracks against the hard stone reflection before I can blink.

I don’t even mind the pain. More angry that the stupid mirror didn’t break.

Should be strong enough for that. I do more running and building up of this body than anyone else here. And…

I’m about to take another swing when a tittering sound echoes. Jerking me from my thoughts and anger with very real fear as I glance down to see the torn flesh on my knuckles.

“Fuck.” I hiss and move to the door. Snatching up a towel and trying to wrap the wound in the so it doesn’t drip blood everywhere and give our Keepers an excuse to get nosy.

Deep breath, carefully peek out the door.

Nothing.

Sigh in relief. Slide out the door.

Begin to move back to…

Huh?

A sparkling mess of… something titters and clicks against the hallway window. Like the glow bugs that sometimes come around during the warmer months but…

We’re in the middle of a fucking blizzard.

Carefully move over to stare at the odd little display. It’s like… a dozen of them are huddling close at the window’s edge.

Reach out to tip-tap the glass expecting it to be frozen cold and the bugs to scatter. But… it’s really warm, and they seem to scuttle to the spot I touched. Like a fresh mug of fudgebrew or stew. And… their shells are weird. More hard edges that seem to reflect the light and shift it to new and weird colors.

Can’t help but smirk at the thought of Kinatii seeing them. The little guy loves bugs, and he’d probably suck me into a long spiel about this rare cluster.

So… why the fuck not? Worse case they bite and I trade a few little pains for the chance to see him smile.

So I start looking about for the latch or lock or… something. The Academy only had a couple windows that opened, so I’m a bit lost. But soon I find it and the lock. Jerk it aside and leverage myself to push this big thing up. Trying to be careful though… don’t want it to scare this little bundle of bugs off.

Just… crack it up just enough to try and see if my big hand and arm will fit under?

Nope.

Little higher.

That’s it. Slowly now. Don’t wanna scare them off. Just… try to be quick and snatch up one or two and–

“Tak?”

Bang my head against the fucking glass at her voice. Not hard but… enough for her to come running over.

“Fuck. Sorry. Sorry. Are you…?”

“I’m fine.” I can’t help but snap while holding a hand out to warn her off.

But… She just pushes it aside. Reaches up to tilt my forehead down to face her.

I… go stiff. Lock up my everything. To stop me from doing… something.

Something I know I’ll regret.

“Jessry…” I murmur steadily.

“Okay. Didn’t break the skin.” She states, “Might bruise a bit. But I doubt even that.”

Very carefully, I reach up and push her hands off me. “Yup. Like I said.”

Take a step back.

Create meaningful and deliberate distance.

My Keeper is, like pretty much everyone, shorter than me. But only by a head. Short cropped hair and pretty maroon eyes with little bits of cultivated jade. Skin midnight hewn and body toned well.

“What were you doing?” She asks, tilting her head as if she means to examine the window but… her gaze is locked on mine.

I shrug. “Getting fresh air. Thought I saw…”

Break eye contact to look at the window. Sigh when I see the bugs have, of course, run off.

“Doesn’t matter.” I huff, turn, and begin to move away.

“Wait.” Hand around my arm. No, barely a few fingers touching skin.

Still need to go still to keep the mess inside from bubbling up.

“I just had to use the bathroom, Jessry.” I murmur while refusing to look back. “Kinatii finally fell asleep and I won’t let him wake up to find me gone.”

“Tak, we need to talk.” She presses. “About… about before. What you said. And…”

“Nothing more to say.” I reply icily and reach over to push her hand off me again.

“Then… then will you at least listen?” She whispers. “Let me apologize? Maybe even… like… tell you what’s about to happen so you can get ready?”

I freeze at that, look back to find her expression nothing like before.

No anger. No authority. Only… pain.

Now that I’m looking I can see all the red under and around her eyes. The signs of someone who couldn’t help but ugly cry at least a few times today, and is exhausted past it now.

I let out a deep sigh, and nod. Keep all my words close and restrained and secure to scream only inside and not outside.

“You… You’re right.” She starts, voice already a mess. “Maybe not about all of it but… but I don’t think that matters. Because this… we…” My Keeper pauses, takes a deep and steady breath before pushing out more words like they’re the heaviest things in the world. “Doesn’t matter. None of my justifications or excuses do. I couldn’t stop it. But I shouldn’t have tried to pretend it was anything else than what it was. And… and I’m so sorry. It’s not nearly enough, but if nothing else I hope after you’re gone that you can at least remember me saying that so your nightmares are less horrid.”

I go still. Open my mouth to ask what the fuck she’s on about us being gone but…

“No. Let me finish. Please. It’s… really important. Not for me but all of you.” She cuts me off. “That… You’re all being taken from here. Not by duenna or Murtaziq or… or some Matron’s gaggle. It’s that Sun Spoken Lady. She’s having all of you be moved into her care. Demanded your freedom the day the Obelisks broke.”

Freedom?

That… word. It doesn’t make sense.

What would that even like… look like?

“Tak.” I hear her call through the haze of cracking nonsense.

Where would we even go?

That fucking thought is way too fucking big for me to deal with. Kinda makes everything seem to heavy and like…

“Tak, you… c’mon.” Jessry huffs from somewhere beneath me. “You know I can’t… like…”

Pull from the muck and try to focus on her.

She’s wrapped about me, holding me up. But I’m really fucking big and regardless of the muscles we build together she can’t support my weight for long.

“Sorry.” I mumble.

“Just… sit here?” She grunts, moving us closer to the wall.

I obey and slide down to sit with my back pressed against the cool stone.

“What… How are we supposed to like…” I stammer out through ragged breaths.

“I dunno.” She sighs and moves to sit cross legged in front of my splayed legs.

“And… Where does she think the kids are gonna come from? How’s Arudia supposed to not die off?”

“Don’t know that either.”

I huff and sigh. “Fuck.”

“Sorry.” Is her only reply.

I… finally find some words to whisper after a few long unsteady heartbeats. “Thanks. Jessry. For… for telling me this. And… and the rest.”

“You’re welcome.” She murmurs.

Another long pause.

“I… Sorry. For some of the things I said.” I whisper.

“You were right, and I deserved to hear it all.” She takes a breath and nods. “Needed to. The others… are just as messy over it but… That’s something we’ll have to work through.”

“But…” I glance back up, find her fighting so hard to hold back tears. “Jessry. I didn’t want to not speak to you again. I just… needed time. And for you to say all that.”

She winces, and the tears do fall as she shakes her head. “The Keepers aren’t coming with you all.”

No... Keepers? What? Then who's gonna make sure we’re healthy and manage our… like…No...

I go still again. “What?”

The floor beneath me feels unsteady again. More than before.

No Jessry?

“She really means it, Tak.” My Keeper trembles through those tears. “She wants you all free to live and do… whatever you want. Is getting new protectors, I think, and… other stuff. The Matron left tonight to make sure everything is done well but… her First is having us all run about collecting records and your gemstones and getting ready to turn over everything to her.”

Wait.

“I… hold on.” I wave a hand at her in furious motions. “Stop. That’s… no. I… How’re we supposed to like…”

“You’ll figure it out, Tak.” She smiles through her tears. “You all will. I’m… so fucking proud of how you’ve all always taken such good care of each other.”

“No. Jessry. That’s not what I wanted.” I sputter.

“I know.” She murmurs. “But… I’d make things harder for you. We all would. The Sun Spoken Lady sees that, even if the Keepers don’t.”

“W– wait. Please.” I sputter, words falling to scatter faster than I can understand them. “Don’t… Jessry I’m sorry for what I said I just… it’s not your fault and–”

“Shhh…” She whispers and moves up to kneel close, hand gently cupping my cheek. “I’m not saying goodbye forever, Tak. Just… I know that you need to do this next part of your life with a different kind of person supporting you. And I… I need to step away too. Spent so long trying to keep you happy and healthy and… and blind to things. Never really took a good look inside me to find out who I am.”

“B– but…” Is all I can stammer as tears well up to match hers.

“You’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of that before I let this Sun Spoken Lady take you all.” She smiles.

Then as my best friend, first lover, and everything else I ever needed her to be gives me one last big ugly cry in her arms… I come apart.

Lose track of everything but her warm embrace and soft words of encouragement and apologies and love.

So much more afraid than I’ve ever been about anything ever.

Barely notice those pretty glimmering bugs come fluttering through the open window to buzz past and over us.

Heading down the hallways to the rooms with the other guys.

All except the one that lands on a hand that clings too fucking tight to my Jessry.

That one snuggles up against one of the sparklin’ Glyphs, then dissolves like it was never there to begin with.