It’s my eyes that startle me the most. Two violet iris with a hint of reflected gold sparkle back at me. Against my dark turquoise skin, all framed by a full head of black hair, they shine like gemstones amidst midnight sand.

Wow. The hair, the eyes! Wouldn’t it have been easier to just… I pause, trying to come to terms with my new self. Why? Why do this for me?

I kneel a little to try and get a closer look at my face. It’s everything and more than I could even dream of. But… Is it still me? How much of me would I even care to keep?

“Ina!”

Jerked from my thoughts I turn to see Yrelia waving at me, a bundle of towels in her arms. I finish rinsing off and move back up the shore.

Yrelia passes me a towel and when it’s obvious I have no idea how to handle my new mop of hair she offers to help me manage it.

“Would you like me to braid it while you eat? It'll be easier to handle.”

“That would be really nice actually,” I agree, remembering how much I admired the longer hair many women had, and all the amazing ways they would twist and braid it.

Jevita, Kque, and Tasii take up a smaller comb and pouch of wash. Together they head down to the river and begin to wash themselves. Lule seems to have huddled down into a little patch of grass and is happily napping. Yrelia rushes over to a bag and comes back with a sun-yellow manaka and poofy pants with beautiful twisting designs sewn across the legs.

“These are for you!” She holds them out toward me with a grin.

I suppress… well what probably would have been a ugly sound of joy. I’ve memories of… Well I’d occasionally asked Sangoma to arrange for women to pose so that I could paint them, Then asked for them to leave certain clothes behind for me to reference if needed. I thought myself sneaky when all I really wanted was to wear them myself.

I’ll never forget how it felt, waiting until the dead of night to take them into the extra privacy of my own bedchambers to disrobe and try them on. Honestly there was little practical difference between my robes and theirs, except maybes a tightness in certain areas.

But I remember wanting to cry as I wore them, as a sense of rightness and freedom warred with shame and self loathing. As I got older it helped less and less. But I still have a few sets of clothing stashed away back in my chambers at the temple. Occasionally I would still turn to it to help ease the pain.

I reach out to take them, shaking my thoughts from the cold memories. “These are really nice. I um… Are you sure?”

“Of course!” She’s nearly pushing them into my arms in excitement, “Nakedness does suit you, but It can get very cold on the road.”

I blush and accept them. They are very soft and as I slip into them I am surprised at how much they stretch and hold in all the right places. Yrelia shows how the manaka can be adjusted to let the neck and shoulders breath when it's hot, while in the cold it can be bunched up to have a large hood.

“See!” She says, taking a step back to inspect me. “They even look better on you than they did me! So not fair!”

“Thank you.” I blubber as that age old feeling of longing, that spark of hope at this very thing, is rekindled and begins to spread and change. Yrelia walks around me and twirls her fingers, prompting me to turn.

Is this what everyone else felt like all the time? I wonder as I obey, a giddiness rolling all through me.

“What do you think?” She asks, her excitement tinged with a hint of nervousness.

“Honestly?” Finishing a turn to face her I hug the soft cloth against my skin “They’re kinda the best clothes I’ve ever worn!”

With a contagious grin she takes both my hands in hers and guides me to sit atop a pallet that’s been set out with food.

“Okay, well... for traveling clothes they’ll do, and they certainly flatter your hips more than mine.” She settles down next to me and pops one of the smaller fruits into her mouth “Alas! The struggles of shopping without a proper mirror or changing room in sight.”

“Mhm,” I agree while taking up one of the same fruits. Just the idea of browsing a market or store for clothes to wear fills me with excitement. It wasn’t something we did. We had a sort of… delivery or showing by either Sangoma or a guest merchant where we would pick out new clothes. They were always on one of our two rest days. I often just grabbed what worked and looked comfy..

“Which, by the way, you’re going to have to share your Ki Ritaa routines with us. Because… wow!” She motions at me in general. “It must work wonders!”

I‘m caught off guard. The word is familiar, but no mind bells ring.

“Did I get the word wrong? Your exercise routine.” She replies to my confusion, “If It’s something you don’t mind sharing, that is!”

Then I understand, the word ringing like a bell in an old memory. I couldn’t study or learn any specifics of Alchemy, but I did hear of the need for special stretches needed by anyone imbibing the creations regularly. I never needed them, but when someone got sick and needed an alchemist’s brews or steams daily they would be led through them. Something from the alchemy needing to be burnt from their systems?

“Oh, No! Not at all! It’s nothing special! I actually didn’t really ever need to learn any of them.” I reply, “Just normal morning stretches before…”

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

I trail off, then awkwardly stuff another piece of fruit into my mouth, chiding myself for the near slip up. Can’t tell her what I was expected to do every day! What do I even say I was doing with my life?

“Before?”

Yeah now she’s curious. Guilt at needing to lie rumbles through as I finish chewing. Need to try and redirect this!

“Before the day,” I try to placate, but I’m so awkward! I can only guess how stupid I look trying to cover my misstep.

“Just every morning.” I add after a pause.

“Oh yeah yeah yeah!” She also takes a bite and continues like I’m not being stupid. “Tasii normally bugs us to join in her’s if we’re in for a longer day. Otherwise we’re in for a rough next morning.”

“That I can understand.” I reply, memories of similar mornings after some of the more busy days. “Leg cramps can suck when they hit at the wrong moment.”

“I know right! Seriously, Just a few months back we met this group along the road. We did some trades and after a bit of flirting we all agreed to share a campsite.” She gives me a wicked grin, “After dinner, and passing around some amazing wine, things started to get intense.”

“Intense?” I ask.

“Oh yeah. You almost saw Tasii at her best last night in Lyttoral. She’s amazing at thinking ahead and pushing us in the right directions. I’ve yet to see a crack in her talents, and it’s definitely not with parties.” She reaches out to the wine pouch and offers it to me.

I accept and take a drink, still a little lost. It’s the same wine from last night. Everything she’s telling me is new, but her smile and enthusiasm is contagious and I don’t want to interrupt to have her explain!

“We were halfway along a long road and you never know when the next party you feel safe with will come along. So, I think she knew we all needed to work off some stress. Also, We were sure to have things to talk about for days and days to come.” I offer her the wine. She accepts, and after a big gulp, her cheeks flushing a bit pink, she lowers it and continues. “Also also, Kque has an amazing singing voice and one of them played the Julo strings. So once we shared a meal, passed around a variety of wines, I knew it was time to make the first move.”

Yrelia leans closer, her voice soft, but not quiet. A conspiratorial sparkle to her eyes. “Nothing like a soft, albeit spicy, song about old flames to get everyone in the mood. It’s always the quiet ones whose heads are filled with sex.”

Everything clicks then, and I freeze.

Yrelia leans back, “So I know to cozy up to… Ludelia? Yeah yeah! That was her name.” She waves her hand dismissively, “Anyway. She was all tall and quiet and eyes watching everything! Very serious looking, but I knew she would be soft and sultry beneath all that!”

Is this why she’s being nice to me? I look down at my hands as I feel my heartbeat in them. Why they are letting me travel with them?

“I’d been not-so-subtly poking questions at her past lovers during the meal and song. So when Kque stopped singing and their musician filled the sunset with sweet nothings, I had her eyes pretty firmly locked on me.”

Is that all I’m good for? All I’ll ever be good for?

Yrelia takes another drink and looks out over the field, face flush and an easy smile. “I might have been the first to ask if she wanted to… and you have to understand I really was tipsy, I asked if she wanted to make a flame with me.” She laughs, “ But it worked and she wrapped me in those big arms and a tender kiss.”

It’s hard to listen as the anxiety rolls through me. Sure, I’d lost myself in tales of adventure and romance over the years. Dreamed of lives lived in the right body, of a slow burning love and someone to sweep me away. But… that’s not what this is! It feels like I’m back at the temple, and someone is just being polite before she gets what she paid for.

She must have noticed something wrong, because her voice speeds up. “Anyway, she was super sweet, way more than I expected. Had me on my back and nearly in a ball while she buried her face in... eh... places. Was fucking amazing, but of course a cramp hit right in the middle of it all!”

Right. Leg cramps. This whole tangent started due to a discussion about leg cramps. I calm down a little.

I glance over as she pokes at the traitorous leg, “But she was really good, so I tried to just… I dunno. Maybe develop a weird leg cramp pain kink? Or hoped it would calm down on its own?”

She tosses her arms up half-heartedly, “Then my other leg hit me with a worse cramp, and I let out a yelp that startled everyone, including Lule.”

I keep my eyes on her leg. “Really?” Is all I can muster.

All my years of training must keep the worse of my thoughts off my face, because she keeps going. Reading something I can’t even begin to guess.

“Oh yeah. The big floofball hopped up, dodged Jevita, and ran over to us to make sure I was okay. Shoved his big face right in mine. Took a dozen scrutches to convince him I was okay.”

She sighs and I catch a bit of a forlorn pout on her lips, “By that time Ludelia was not in the mood. I ended up snuggled up to Lule that night, wanting to keep the big guy calm so everyone else could enjoy themselves.”

“That sucks.” Is my meek reply.

“It was definitely one of my more embarrassing nights.” She holds out the wine to me. “But what about you? Any salacious interruptions?”

Too many, but none of them are funny. Including… Wow, that was only yesterday. I’m not sure existential dread at the certainty and hatred of one's own body will ever make me laugh.

“I thought you’d be helping her with her hair?” comes Tasii’s voice from behind.

I glance back to see the three women approaching. They each grab towels from a pile and join us around the food after drying and re-dressing. Save Jevita, who goes to the bags.

Yrelia tosses the wine pouch to Tasii and moves to sit behind me. “Just sharing stories while we waited for it to dry a little.”

As she begins combing through my hair I feel my tummy rumble and begin to eat more of the food alongside Tasii and Kque. Eventually Jevita joins us, with a little dark bundle in her arms. It’s hard to make it out from the corner of my eye as I try to hold still for Yrelia.

Tasii raises an eyebrow at her, but stays silent as she lays it out beside me and unwraps it. It’s the book of course. Jevita also pulls out a much newer and less disintegrated notebook and quill.

“What?” Jevita asks the group. There is a pause, even from Yrelia’s brushing. “We still have to eat, and you’ll be doing up her hair.”

Tasii nods, but adds. “I’m going to help with that when I’m done eating. We still need to go farther today.”

“My thoughts exactly. We’ll be tired, and this isn’t something easily done in the dark, especially while tired.” Jevita agrees, pops a few fruits into her mouth, and begins to carefully open the book. She flips to the first pages, takes up her notebook, and starts jotting things down.

After a few moments she turns both to me and lays the quill atop the notebook’s pages. “Can you please translate that?”