CW:
EMARIAL POV!!! SHE IS RISEN!!! Oh WOW! This chappy has... things. SO. Talk of past sexual assault and abuse. The POV character talking of a 'need' to perpetuate that abuse. Hint of said abuse currently happening... fuck. Talk of breeding temples. People being kept and used for that. Dialectic drift to justify these actions.
Inamatorii’s promise holds true until the very end, and the sharp panic would easily have jolted me awake if not for the exhaustion and song that still holds me beneath the tides.
But… all is peaceful within this Dream.
Endless impossible darkness stretches all about me, and underneath is sand softer than any bedding.
Beyond that? Stars. But… not as many as there should be?
Takes me a few eternities to understand the nature of that.
Just over three dozen furious lights twinkling on the horizon. One for each Weaver shard I’ve collected and imprisoned within my Amwella?
And so very far away. This place’s nature is keeping to the letter of Ina’s promise, if not the spirit.
I sigh and settle to sit and wait. Gripping as best I can to this Dreaming’s quiet nature, and consider what to do when waking. Hoping so much that I did not make a mistake in leaving Arudia in that girl’s care. That I will not awake to Nightmares unleashed and innocents slaughtered and… and my own Wellspring being butchered and harvested.
Not that I wouldn’t deserve the last but… I have promises to keep.
Voices eventually drift through the Dream. Soft and mostly gentle but… punctuated with moments of intensity.
“...It’s a lot like yours was.” A girl murmurs and… I recognize the voice. One of Ina’s lovers? One of the Arudian girls?
“Will she be able to use it well?” Comes a reply, and I can’t help but feel the Dream buckle a bit under the careful worry and anger I feel beneath Zigdara’s Tone.
“Not for anything demanding.”
Then comes a chuckle from Ina herself, “Sooo... No sword things.”
“Doubt her hand could even grip that heavy thing well, and that’s even if she could ignore the tremendous pain of the attempt.” Kque replies.
And I pull from the Dreaming to find myself still burrowed within the blankets and within the same home as before. Arms at my side and being gently touched.
“Managed worse.” I grumble through stiff lips.
The room goes quiet, and as my eyes focus I see that there are only the three I heard. Kque at my side seeing to my wounds, Zigdara at the foot of the bed, and Ina sitting at the desk holding… something?
A very large gemstone sculpture?
No. No it’s twitching a bit and–
“Good morning.” Ina intones softly.
“I…” Try to swallow, find my throat too dry.
Kque sighs and rises, picks up a cup and lifts it to my lips. “Body things first. Then words.”
I nod and accept her aid, cough a bit then begin. “Ina… I–”
“Nope.” Kque cuts me off. “Bathroom, maybe a wash with new clothes, and food, then you can see about the rest.”
I look past her to the other two. Zigdara nods, and Ina smiles softly while murmuring. “Listen to Kque, okay? She’s really good at this stuff. We’ll be here.”
It’s… So odd. Kque is polite, patient, and despite her obvious distaste for me, steadfast in this. She helps my stiff body manage tasks I’d otherwise find difficult. If not impossible.
Even easily pesters me, a girl almost twice her size, into settling back into bed and eating a meal before any words are exchanged. Only turning to Ina and sharing a look of approval when the soup is nearly drained.
“So… No Dreams?” Ina asks carefully.
“Only at the end. But I was alone.” I reply carefully.
She lets out a sigh. “Good. Fuck. Will have to adjust it for next time.”
“Next time?” I whisper in worry.
She shrugs. “Not having you go months and months like that again. Or even days. Specially not while you're still injured. At least… not until we can figure out how to calm your Shards’ many angry tits.”
A pause settles over the room. Tense as the bow-strings the pirates along the coast sometimes use.
“A lot has happened, correct? Since you helped me sleep. Could you… fill me in on that before we discuss future arrangements?” I ask carefully.
Ina smirks. “That, Emarial, sounds like a good idea.”
It takes time, and there are… gaps. Things she pointedly refuses to elaborate on. Weavings among her lovers as they considered how best to handle the brewing blizzard, and how the Zeridii found her.
And that odd gemstone creature is… It’s awake now. Tittering odd sounds and half words as it crawls up to drape about Ina’s shoulders like some scarf as opposed to the almost centipede like shape it wears.
“And after I calmed them from just… exploding out and hurting anyone and everyone and everything… I spent the next few days trying to get this mess of a city to work with the changes.” Ina sighs. “Like… They can’t toss lightning at me anymore, which is nice, but… everything is kinda tense. Delphian and Ophrit have rallied a ton of support from the city, and three of the Matrons and Doyans have had to leave the Academy entirely but…”
I let the pause stretch a bit before asking. “What?”
“The bitch, Veletross, and a few of her allies snatched up the remaining duenna and Murtaziq and… the um… former inhabitants of the Fertility wing of the Academy. They know I could merge with the Weaver and just… deal with them since the worst they’ll have are some swords but…”
“She knows about your curse.” I finish with a sigh. “Understands that within the rush of a conflict you’d struggle to avoid casualties.”
“Exactly. It’s really sick, honestly.” Ina nods, and leans forward. “Vile. Using them as just… things. Tools. And walls to keep me away. And eventually just... breeding stock that she’ll have full control over.”
I remain carefully impassive as I sense the shape of her hopes. “She… Was always ruthlessly practical.”
Ina’s intense gaze cracks, and she looks away. “Yeah, well… so was the Temple I grew up in.”
Quiet falls upon us as I set my bowl on the nightstand and sit up a little straighter. Preparing for the conflict my answers will bring. The pain and wounds at least.
“You… Want my help in resolving this.” I whisper softly.
She bites her lip, nods. “Yes. I… I can’t leave them. Not… not to be… like I was. Used. Endlessly and… and only given half a life when they behave and perform well.”
“But the command stops you from even being near them without a struggle within.” I whisper. “What would you do for them? If they were turned over into your care? Who would you trust with the future of Arudia?”
She grinds teeth and shakes her head. That horrible curse probably biting as she hisses. “I don’t… Expecting them to sacrifice everything is just… it’s gross and horrible and… and I don’t think I can bring myself to care about the future of a land if they treat anyone like that. They… that’s not their responsibility!”
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
“So… no one?” I state, bluntly. “And you’d let the Cold Gather upon Arudia as mothers bear no children? Force this to be their last generation? Then what? Travel back to Lyttoral and demand the same?”
She turns a glare upon me. “Absolutely! We’ve already worked out how to keep them all safe and guarded by those that won’t take advantage of them. Everyone deserves their life, Emarial. If some still… still want to have kids then that’ll be their choice, but otherwise I will not let them be used anymore.”
I’d glare back but… what’s the point? Instead I sigh and speak gently. “Ina… Your personal pains don’t give you the right to rob others of their daughters.”
“Wh- what!?! That’s… you think that…” She sputters, and such pain and horror and even fear touches her eyes. Her ability to hide her deeper feelings cracking like ice under a pick.
“That’s backways,” Kque interjects, firm but with a harsh snap as she rises. Only looking to me when she’s at Ina’s side. Gentle touch at her lover's back and shoulder. “And unfair. And cruel. Ina’s body was never owed to Lyttoral. At all. That’s like saying that because I lost my nice dress in the river I have the right to steal yours.”
I turn to regard Zigdara, sensing too much stubborn ignorance of youth in the other two. “My broken promises aside, how can you, a duenna of Lyttoral, stand there and not refute this? Ina speaks of hollowing out our lands and leaving the husks to decay.”
She considers me for a long moment while Ina reclaims her scowl. But before my fellow Sun Spoken can spit venom, Zigdara half-raises a hand in gentle request.
“We have a term, in Lyttoral. We all know it well enough. Raive.” She states evenly. “A vile person. One who would sneak into our Temples and steal or use a breeding male without the permissions from their Temple. But… this definition is false. Broken over the past years to fit our perceptions of those within the Temple. The root of the word is more broad. Rape. A word that is… less often considered. As it applies to anyone who is violated without their consent. Which… can be done in many ways. And one such way is when a person is trapped into submitting to another’s hungers without a meaningful ability to refuse. To say no.”
I let out a huff. “If Veletross, or your Temple, treated the males poorly then I’d agree to assist in managing a change of keepers. But you’re not speaking of that. You… you’re talking about ending their service entirely. Freeing them from Oaths and leaving their lands without meaningful ways to continue into the future.”
“What does it matter then?” Ina spits, fury snapping out like a whip. Nothing deadly. There is no spike from her Amwella, only from her own wounded heart. “If it was me, again, if Veletross wanted to strap me down and let someone use me while I have to… to stop being a person till it's over? Why care? If it gets the job done?”
Kque flinches, sucking in a breath through teeth while Zigdara turns to level such a pained look at her charge. Shocked by the imagery and words
But… I don’t drop Ina’s gaze, regardless of how much it hurts to bear. “We’re not the reckless fools that sometimes torment the coasts. Sangoma offered you and yours all manner of comforts and gifts and time to live. Veletross isn’t stupid. She’ll do the same.”
“So you don’t mind some people being used then? So long as it seems as gentle as possible?” Zigdara replies evenly.
“Give the lands a better choice then!” I shout back, just a little. My own impatience with this foolishness finally cracking forth. “The means to survival demand some lost freedoms. Yes. Because when a Goddess curses all the adult males and deforms most male children birthed until there are none left you make do.”
Everyone goes stiff, eyes widening in a mixture of horror and shock.
“You… you know about that?” Ina whispers, fury dissolved to wide-eyed worry.
Kque winces, Zigdara glances to Ina in surprise.
“Of course I know.” I growl. “Every single other species has roughly even rates between their birthed children's sexes. Only adjusted in cases where it is sustainable. But not with us, not for those gifted with the Amwella of their Goddess. I’ve seen what Her attentions mean to them.”
“Then… then why not try and… and talk to Her? Them? Work together to fix that!?!” Ina sputters.
“Because Her hate fuels the Curse, and the Curse fuels Her bitter Spite.” I sigh and let myself slump a bit. “And one Shard, no matter how gentle you help it become, does not change the wider regard of them.”
“But you have dozens, literally, inside you!?!” Ina rebukes. “Gathered together and sparking into… into a Hearthfire! Burning so fucking bright it hurts to feel! Even now. If… if they could be convinced to change, to heal, we… we could fix that!”
“And they, even all together, would be able to do nothing.” I reply. “What I’ve gathered is… not enough. And not worth the risk. Each twisted a Sun Spoken to Her view and schemes. Some… some did worse.”
“Emarial…” Zigdara murmurs. “Ina was the youngest within the temple. And no males have been born since, and even before the Obelisks were shattered Arudia hadn’t seen a gemstone of fertility in nearly thirty years. The wound you speak of, that Ina feels in her mind every time she gathers a less than murderous regard for these males, is already fatal to our peoples. We need a better way if we’re to move forward.”
I pause, then turn a question of my own on Ina. Sensing... a path. Perhaps a road to working with her on this. “ You say you’ve spoken with the Zeridii, that they adore you?”
The girl nods carefully, seeing where this is going even before I speak the words. “Then you can convince them to craft more Odlock gemstones. Weave the rare tools needed to allow more males to be fertile.”
“Yeah. It hurts to like… parse it all out to them. But they’re gonna try and make more of the gemstones for that. Turns out um… Monsters who use their gemstones to change are actually super special to the Zeridii anyway so… it's just a matter of time and energy and like… But that doesn’t matter. I won’t offer them this choice just to be used. I’m going to visit some groups and like… work out a system. But we’ve got to start with the ones here. Change the way Arudia sees them so they all don’t just… fall back into old habits and perceptions.”
I consider that for a while, then reply. “It’s not good enough. The birth rates will drop too far and in a century Arudia will be filled with many cold and empty cities.”
“And what are you doing to aid in this?” Zigdara presses.
“Not tearing open the wound to hasten the end for future generations.” I spit back, but without much venom. “But… that was due to lack of options. We… I can compromise with you on this. Aid in your attempts to reconcile with the Weaver shards, see if the curse can be whittled down, while you get the Zeridii to weave more stones of Fertility.”
“And the… the ones Veletross has?” Ina whispers.
“They’ll remain in the care of a Temple or such that works to keep them comfortable while they serve.” I shrug. “Will help you strike a deal with Veletross if her current accommodations are lacking and they need removing from her care.”
Ina shakes her head. “No. Fuck that. You… you don’t get to ‘compromise’ now. Not after… after all of this.” Then she stands, glowers as she spits. “Send for me when you need sleep, but otherwise stay out of my way while I work.”
I still at that. “What? You… you still mean to give me dreamless sleep? Even after…”
“Yes. Fuck you. I’m not a petty bitch. Or … or a Ravie supporting cunt like you.” She spits, then storms out. Tears I suspect she’s been holding back finally beginning to gather and fall.
Kque follows, leaving me in the room with Zigdara and her steady gaze.
“You should see to your charge, duenna.” I whisper and look away. “Her heart is soft and kind, but her Amwella is nearly spent. She needs your well-honed skills to keep her safe until she gathers more.”
“She won’t leave this place without me,” The duenna replies and moves to sit in the chair Ina vacated.
She doesn’t speak for quite some time after that though just… stares.
“What do you want from me, Zigdara?” I murmur. “You, of all people, should know what her plans risk. I can’t stop her, but… you could.”
“I expect, because you should see plainly I’d never hurt her, that you mean with words.” The duenna replies, words even but… brimming with silent warning.
“Of course.” I nod. “I acted foolishly. Filled with old Impulses driven by exhaustion. I’m not claiming what I did was wise, but… that doesn’t mean she’s right in this.”
“Emarial… I never asked, but it was under assumptions that could be false.” She replies. “Did you ever use the Temple or Academy's services?”
I almost spit such fury at Zigdara. At the shape these questions could take. But…
“No.” I reply, hoping my snarl is kept quieter than I expect it is. “I was claimed by the Weaver before my… my lover and I had the chance.”
She nods. “I see, and condolences on your loss. You’d have made a good mother, I think, and were a good Partner to your lost lover.”
That surprises me. Cools my anger. “What?”
She shrugs. “You’re not what you would have been if events had gone differently for you but… You seem to have a temperament that would have thrived well alongside a child and partner.”
I shake my head, battling twined pains. Old and new. “I thought you said you didn’t accept what the Temple did. That… that all women who use it are no better than vile Raive.”
She shrugs. “Those were not my words, Emarial. I was pointing out the verbal drift our culture has adopted to justify worse and worse actions.”
“I… Then what were you trying to say?”
She sighs and chuckles softly. “Something I’ve learned from my time here, and has… helped me consider this. I never wanted to be a mother, so avoiding laying with my charges was easy. But… I have friends and Treasured Flames back in Lyttoral. See the Sangoma of that Temple as a mentor in many ways. And have met those you think I attach that word to.”
“And it doesn’t fit. At all.” I press. “Ina’s pain is more tied to her old body than the service that was asked of her. You must see that, right?”
“Ah… and if it wasn’t? If she’s not the only one hurting beneath the Temple’s expectations?” She crosses her legs and studies me. “Would you change things?”
“I’d assume the Temple would need to adjust, adapt. Figure out what the… the charge needed and shift things. Within limits of course.”
“Ah. Yes. Within limits…” Zigdara murmurs and looks down to her hands. “And… What happens when one like Ina arises? Every session a nightmare she has to struggle to get through?”
“You give them a break. Time to… to recover. Find balance and tend to the issue.”
“And… if the sessions are, the issue?”
I sigh and look away. “I’m not a keeper of such things, Zigdara. Have little to know understanding of the needs and trials that arise.”
“I agree, so… why cling to practices you know little about? Ina lived through this, and means to give all within the chance to leave. If they want to resume a practice that resembles it they will be supported and allowed to reap the rewards of it. She simply asks that all be given the ability to leave and live as any other might.”
“It… And the future of these lands?”
Zigdara shrugs, then rises, moving to leave. “Those living and breathing and suffering now are more important to me than people unborn. No matter how many.”
“That isn’t a solution!” I snap at her back.
She pauses at the door and looks at me. “There… is a saying. One that you always seemed to bristle at, but I think you should reconsider.”
And I do just as she says, even feel my lips twitch at the youthfully ignorant mantra… A thing that would have led to our lands literally rotting had I been stupid enough to follow it instead of the Path needed.
Zigdara smiles without mirth, then curses me with the words once more. “The ends don’t justify the means, our means shape the ends.”
Then she is gone, and I am left with my fury and anger and…
And worse.
The weight of Promises, kept and broken. Festering in my gut as I glare down as my mangled but… healing body.