CW:

JEVITA POV!!! AHHH!!! dehumanization. panic attack things. 4k worb CHAPPY

“Jevy… Are you sure?” Kque takes my face into her hands for the hundredth time today.

“Of course.” I lie with a smile.

Because I am absolutely NOT sure at all if I am fucking okay with this. If… If I can actually help!

Kque or… or even Tasii might be better than me! I’ve explained it all to them! They know the triggers and tells and little mechanics now. And Kque’s journals honestly helped her see patterns that I’ve not even noticed! That I couldn’t!

But… Ina needs me.

Needs a healing and recovered person at her side. A sign that we are NOT just some girl with her mind melted and subsumed by the glyphs. I am not a Maktaba, but instead just… carrying it. Bearing the weight. Consciousness existing alongside.

“A duenna to it.” Ina had suggested. “A guardian. Both to keep it safe, but also everyone else? Since there is so much scary knowledge kept there?”

I couldn’t stop the rush of… of something at that. Kinda fell into a little titter of soft tears at the words.

A girl holding this instead of like… overwritten by it. She even intends to demand the records of my past alongside everything else!

“Because you can and should change your mind if you’re not.” Kque growls, interrupting my thoughts. Still furious at this.

Not… Fuck. Ina feels like Kque is mad at her but honestly she’s really really not! And Kque like… she knows to avoid trying to talk things out because of just how messy everything is right now for Ina. Just how fucking much she’s already trying to manage and… and how honestly this is all kinda the best path for everyone.

But… Wow is this house going to get crowded. I’m so glad Kque has her mothers to help her like… take a break if she needs people to scuttle her off into the town for the day! Give us space to help the other two Maktaba Ina and I will be bringing here.

I reach up to take her wrists, pull her hands down to kiss the knuckles and gentle fingers. “Yeah. I know. But I am. This is important and… and I can help them.”

…I hope. Just because I pulled a person out of a decade of that kind of abuse doesn’t mean they could.

She searches my eyes but… only sighs. “And you will promise me to like… take care of yourself? Walk away if anything gets too hard? Because Ina can handle anything and everything, and between her and Zigdara you should not be worried about her safety more than yours.”

“I won’t be much help to anyone if I fall apart. So yeah. I promise. That’s totally my top priority!”

That cracks at her anxiety. Allows a little dribble of calm to touch Kque’s eyes as we stand in the kitchen.

“And I’m taking Lule with me! He’ll love to walk about and like… gives a great stink eye when he wants to. Will keep us safe too, even though he’d never really hurt anyone.”

Kque sighs and nods. Takes me into such a big and very worried hug. One that thrums with a single unspoken plea that needs no words.

Please come back.

Ina’s waiting so patiently with Zigdara down in the entryway. Well…. Patiently for me. Ina’s nervousness is bleeding through. The cute way she bites her lip and far off look in her eye as she worries over all the things.

Considering the songs she might need if things go poorly.

“Okay.” I announce. “Let’s go.”

She nods, gives me a nervous smile, then… A Hetaera mask is woven onto her face, and standing before me is the proud and confident Sun Spoken she means to project tonight.

* * *

Five women sit beside the Five Doyans in the conclave chambers, and against the back walls are duenna for each. Ina sits at the far end of the big table. Zigdara standing on her left and myself and Lule on her right. I’d worried someone would protest my big child coming into these meetings. But… none did. The hallways and doors seemed made for them to walk about with us, honestly.

We made sure to be the first here. To make a statement. That the Sun Spoken means to show respect by not making anyone else wait on her, but also…

We’ll not arrive later than any other and be taken off guard.

And other than a few hushed whispers, no others speak. Only a few Doyans offer Ina anything but a look or small polite smiles.

There is so much fear and anger and… and hostility. I’m glad Ina’s training with Yrelia seems to give the ability to sit with such stoic fucking poise, and Zigdara to stand at her side like a looming star ready to fall on anyone who might move against her.

Because I am trembling. Just a little but… but…

I didn’t expect her grandmother to scare me this much. I mean… I should have. It’s stupid of me to think that I’d be able to stand here as solid and brave as Ina. And while I am still a bit bundled up in a soft undercoat, my face and head are open to the room for all to see.

So many eyes. Locked on… on my glyphs and… and they know. They understand what they mean and what I’m supposed to be.

But Matron Tiyvanien? Her eyes roil with anger. Fury at the thing stolen and the heiress I left to burn.

“Thank you all for coming.” The Grand Doyan rises, looks about the room. “I won’t waste my breath on ceremony, as there is little precedent for this. So instead I will allow the Lady Sun Spoken to lay out her demands.”

Just that last word makes so many bristle.

Ina stands, and nods to the Grand Doyan. Then turns her attention to the others. Eyes rolling over the five Matrons.

“I’m not as polite as her.” She starts, voice a strange whip-crack of steady focus and authority. “And I’m not going to pretend to be grateful to any of you for anything. Not after all the horrid things you’ve done to these three.”

The silence that follows is so heavy. I… I knew Ina meant to… to demand and force this but… but this seems… um…

“So… Matron Nebduca of House Wringletta, Matron Yundrien of House Kriksata. Where are they?”

A long pause, as almost every eye either sits on Ina or one of the two Matrons. Then… something breaks. The Matron of House Wringletta sighs and waves at the door. “Outside, with my Heiress. It–”

Ina’s glare nearly makes the older woman sputter. But she recovers quickly enough to correct her words, “They are with my Heiress. Alongside the notes and journals and gemstones. Awaiting you to claim them.”

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Ina nods, then turns to Yundrien. Doesn’t speak. Just…

Honestly if I didn’t know her well Ina would be scaring me. Her and glare and… and even posture are things that remind me of… almost that time over six months ago. After she’d healed Tasii and… and Her and the Weaver demanded Yrelia give her a weapon to go hunting for the women that hurt her lover.

“Are we really willing to let this foreigner, this… this child, demand anything of us?” The Matron hisses while looking about the room.

The only response is a soft and cold bitter laughter from a Matron of black scales and burning jade eyes.

“Try your hand at standing against her then, Yundrien.” The Matron Veletross of Rell very nearly cackles. Motioning an arm that seems to be made of pure slim red… somethings at Ina. “See how that goes.”

Ina stiffens at the Matron’s words. Trying desperately to ignore the woman that tried to kill her all those weeks ago, furious to discover that not only was the Matron allowed to walk free but still retained all of her power.

And that only a conclave of the other Five Matrons and the Doyans could censure her. But… with how messy everything had been… such a thing just… never happened.

And while this play to remove the other’s inflicted with the Maktaba would anger them all, it was a small thing. And Ina going after one of the Five Matrons directly might scare the rest and the Doyans into just… treating her as a threat. Ignoring the gemstone problem she promised to solve, and trying to either capture, drive out, or even kill her.

So her show of restraint seems to have gone a long way in making these others show a willingness to gather in one place in front of her.

“I will not give up what my House worked so hard to build and stabilize,” Yundrien turns such a glare on Veletross. “And you’re all foolish to do the same!”

A long pause as she glares at the rest of the room. Look at each of their faces before turning back to Ina. “You claim the role of High duenna, but you were not chosen by us. There was no conclave to approve of your status.”

Ina shrugs. “Was a High Duenna chosen before the Obelisks were carved? Or did She approve and choose who was worthy of this place.”

“It doesn’t matter!” The Matron growls.

“Perhaps–” The grand Doyan senses the escalation, and tries to intervene. But the Matron of Yundrien is like a Quelekita at a tasty fruit in her beak now.

Unaccustomed, Unwilling, and possibly unable to hold herself back. A life of power and wealth just… making her blind.

“You are not of Arudia, and have no right to demand anything of anyone in our lands. We should see you bound for your crimes and the stolen property you flaunt before us returned.”

Lule remained quiet this entire time. A few times nervously pitter patting his feet as he struggles to find the right woman to give his angry looks too. Just… too many powerful people with scary gemstones about.

But… At her words he lets out such a low hiss that rumbles throughout the room, and I’m having to put all my effort into shushing him. Which means I don’t notice Ina go so stiff.

The Matron kinda keeps going. Ends up shouting. Maybe mistaking my lover’s quiet regard for hesitation or… or maybe fear?

Honestly, I think Yundrien is just stupid.

“So… you won’t release them willingly?” Ina whispers as the Matron pauses.

The woman must be the only person in the room to not visibly flinch at my lover’s tone. Even Zigdara seems to stiffen and Lule lets out such a soft hoot of worry.

“Never.” She spits. “It is mine.”

For a moment I… I think it's about to bubble up. The World Song petering just on the edge of my hearing. Suddenly worried Ina means to… to weave something to…

“Fine. Then I request we turn to your Arudian traditions in these matters.”

The room sort of… stutters out. Confused as to her meaning.

“I claimed the role of High Duenna to your lands, but… I’m willing to let you hold a Quorum. Allow the Doyans and Matrons to consider my position and vote on my standing.” She turns her attention to one of the few women not wearing such open surprise on her face. “Grand Doyan, would you like to call for this? If my claim is so much unrecognized chaff, then I certainly don’t have the authority to do it.”

“I can… But, Sun Spoken Inamatorii…” She carefully begins. “Forgive my… directness, but what happens if the vote does not favor you? What are your intentions?”

Are you threatening us all with violence if we don’t affirm your position? Her unspoken question might as well be shouted.

“To illustrate very directly what I’ve told you all twice now. I do not want to rule Arudia. Only see her survive the coming storm and thrive after it passes. But, if the Doyans and Matrons don’t want my help… well… I’m not interested in working with women too blinded by their own fast waning wealth and power to accept it. I will do what I can from the Paths. Walk and weave and help where I can.”

The Grand Doyan nods, and doesn't take her eyes off Ina as she leans forward and folds her hands together. “Then I, as Grand Doyan, lay this vote before the Doyans and Matrons. Would you like to say anything more, Sun Spoken?”

Ina nods. “Thank you, and yes I would.” Then she turns to me, such a loving sad smile on her face.

“You all know what we did, and what we’re offering. I’ll help not only stabilize Arudia, but set her onto a more healthy path than ever before. So I won’t repeat myself in detail, instead I want to introduce you to one of my lovers, Jevita.”

I feel my cheeks flush as every eye turns to regard me with curiosity. Can’t stop the cold sweat that dribbles down my spine and barely notices my big child shuffle to wrap a wing around me.

“I met her before I even knew I was a Sun Spoken, and she helped me so much to discover myself along the Paths.” She begins. “And… I only just recently learned why she was able to do that. How she so perfectly helped me at all the right moments, and… if she is still willing, I’d like you all to hear her speak.”

“Um… Hi.” I say stupidly to the room.

Fighting so hard to not just… run. Escape. Get as far away as possible from the people who would call me a thing and demand I return to the family that hurt me. But… Two others would be left behind. And I know so well how much they need saving! How my words can perhaps make sure Ina’s able to get them out without violence.

I swallow, then nod. “Yeah. I’m not really great at talking to so many people. But… I want you all to understand something. Need you to. Because Arudia won’t survive well if you don’t.”

Another deep breath, and I just… start. “The Obelisks were a bad thing, made in what we know to be really scary times. And while we keep very good records, I’m not sure even the grand library beneath our feet can adequately describe it. But… as a girl with living gemstones inside her head, I can tell you that they do remember.”

That snaps so many dismissive curious looks to surprised things.

“M– Jevita…” One of the more aged Matrons asks very carefully. “What, precisely, do you mean by that? That the gemstones remember?”

I huff and look down. “I… They gave them people's thoughts. Then kept them gagged and chained up for like… almost a thousand years! I don’t know if they remember things like we do… but… fuck its… they… Look. The Maktaba you fucks shoved in me is alive and sentient and it fucking HATES me. Is furious at being trapped in my fucking head as much as I hate it being there and… and I only hope that the other gemstones aren’t as fucking angry as it is because if even a few scary ones are then things are going to get really really bad.”

The silence that follows is heavy as that focus sharpens to something that feels dangerous.

“And if you want any chance of trying to keep this transition peaceful, you need someone who they can trust reaching out. Because when she cracked the Obelisks it was like… like… I don’t know. But it was the first good thing to happen to the Maktaba in my head since I got it, and it may only not be doing really bad things because it’s still adjusting to it. But… It liked that and Ina knows real fucking magic. And can like… adapt it to a ton of weird situations and has this big scary teacher that will give her basically anything she asks for right now. So… trust her, and she won’t disappoint you.”

Ina smiles, murmurs a soft. “Thank you.” And in her eyes I see how… how she knows how hard this was for me. Standing in front of the Matron that infused me with the Maktaba and let her Heiress just… just use me and hurt me and… and having them call me 'it' and…

A hoot and nuzzle from my big child cuts off the spiral, pulls me into such an intimate cuddle with his neck and I can’t can’t help but hug him back and bury my face in his feathers. Desperate to hide the tears as they fall.

And… and my lover breaks all our plans and steps over to join in the hug.

We’d known I would probably fall apart at some point. Tears are good. Honestly… I was terrified I would… would slip and start to let the Maktaba thoughts bubble up and… and stop being me. Show all these fucking horrid women that I really am the thing they turned me into.

But… I didn’t and this hug settles so much of my anxiety. Fills me with such a rush of warmth and gratitude for her and the lovers that wait for us back at the Manor.

“I love you, Jevita.” Ina murmurs. “Thank you so much for coming here and doing this and… and everything else. You’re the bravest of us.”

I huff and turn to nuzzle into her, whisper. “You need to… you… we can’t do this here.”

She squeezes me. “You are the most important person to me in this room, love. I would leave all this behind if you asked me to. We’d break every promise and leave them to suffer the Arudia they built.”

That makes me cry a little more, but after one last hug I pull and push free. “Thank you. But… this is important.”

She nods, gives me a little kiss on the cheek, and turns back to the room. “That’s it then. From the lips of a girl you abused and used and will bear the full weight of this. You can either face the gathering cold alone, or… ask for help. Officially.”

“You dose our Hearthfires and offer to sell us dry wood as the worst blizzard in living memory gathers.” One of the Matrons grumbles.

Ina smirks so cruelly then. “In this metaphor, the Matrons were burning people to keep the flames lit. And I don’t recall demanding any payment for this, only that you stop feeding your new flames the living.”

Honestly… Ina isn’t giving them much of a choice. And I know for a fact this vote won’t stop them from continuing to like… do exactly that. Toss Arudian women out to face the horrors while they sit back and dictate and drink in the wealth.

But… So does she.

And means to change that. Or… at least crack the foundations of their power as she goes. Erode away at the edges so that smarter and better women can maybe take over.

How? Well… That’ll be something Delphian and Ophrit have been busy looking into…

“Then I call for a vote.” The Grand Doyan motions to the women on her left.

The Wringletta Matron and her Doyan give a simple yes vote. No additional words otherwise…

The next is the Matron of Kriksata growls an expected no but… her Doyan surprises all by voting yes. Getting such a jerking surprised glare from the Matron that very well probably sponsored her to this role. Lady… Tophedian, I think? She’s been seemingly kind to Ina so… that’s interesting.

The Matron of Scara Noc is next, but… she only turns to her Doyan. Lady Xian?

“We vote yes.” She states plainly. “But we wish to make known our distaste for this.”

Last House before the Grand Doyan and her Matron is Lunaris, and they both vote the expected yes. Even if Letina is glaring daggers the entire time.

Last is The Matron of Rell and the Grand Doyan. Not… The woman isn’t a Rell but it's actually normal for the Doyans to not bear the name of the five. Blood ties don’t mean anyone has a knack for management and politics.

Veletross grins so fucking horridly at Ina, and my lover seems to meet her gaze without fear or open rage. Just… expectant focus and stoic resolve that thrums with one very simple question.

“Well of course I vote yes.” The Matron purrs, teeth gleaming through her wicked smile. “And look forward to seeing our High Duenna work.”

The Grand Doyan nods. “And, although it doesn’t change this outcome, I vote yes as well.”

Ina nods. “Thank you for your votes of confidence.” Then she turns to face the Matron of Kriksata. “So… Now that’s done. As High Duenna of Arudia I demand you surrender the person bearing the Maktaba of Kriksata into my immediate care, along with everything else related to them. Journals, gemstones, everything you have. Records of their past too.”

The Matron glares back. “And if I still refuse?”

Ina shrugs. “Then I’ll get them myself. Have the duenna search every estate of Kriksata to ensure everything else is brought to me.”

A long pause passes, then Ina’s smile does turn then. Twists into something very much almost cruel. Sends shivers down my spine and even makes Lule shuffle in worry. “And what else might we find, Matron? Surely nothing worse than what you did to this person I mean to save from you? Nothing… less than legal?”

The Matron pales then. “You… But you don’t–”

“Have the authority? I didn’t before, was more than happy to do everything as a silly foreign girl with a knack for Sun Spoken magic.” She leans forward onto the table. “But you had to push this. Had to fight the inevitable changing of the winds when I was being so polite.” Ina continues before anyone else can speak. “And if you keep pushing me, you might just have to talk with the person I answer to.”

The Matron’s mouth kinda bobs open and shut a few times. The Grand Doyan clears her throat. Attempts to politely interrupt. But Ina keeps going…

“Because you all got to meet the nice version of Her before.” Ina turns her gaze over the room. “And I suspect before we settle the Zeridii I will need to call for Her help again. She’s expecting that. But how do you think She will feel about you wasting our time because you wanted to keep a person as a–”

She cuts off. Doesn’t say it. And I can very nearly see this mask crack as her eyes flicker back to me. Just for a second.

Worried her next word will hurt me.

So she reclaims the visage and snaps back to glare down at the Matron. “This isn't a negotiation now. So. Make your choice. Do you want to deal with me, or Her?”