Content Warning:

Someone vomits. descriptions of soul commands.

The day passes slowly, and I get more and more anxious as we pass from morning to afternoon. And then, as evening draws near I am nearly ready to rush out into the night in worry. Chewing and gnashing on countless horrid futures where the message never reached them, or they’re just waiting on me to come to them, or… or… what if they are so angry they do just… leave me? Decide I’m just a horrible person who only took and took!?!

By that time I’m just sitting sprawled on the floor in the hallway. Out of sight of the main area in case Zin passes through, but close enough to the main door that if they–

A knock, and I’m scrambling to move. It’s not very pretty or refined. Just a sudden and desperate rush to get to the door and see them again. I nearly barrel over the housekeeper to get the door. Am already nearly in tears as I fumble at the latches.

“Lady Inamatorii,” She tries to move forward, all surprised and unsure of how to handle what was such a rude thing. I ignore her, figure out the fucking impossible door, and swing the door wide.

Only two stand there. But… fuck me. I’m already tumbling forward and falling into their arms. They both accept me with more warmth and love than I deserve.

Tasii squeezes me tight while Yrelia is nearly shaking with rage. “That cunt better have a good reason for dragging you back here!”

She knows. Fuck she… she isn’t even…

“Are you okay?” Tasii places kisses on my head, draws me back so both of them can peer into my eyes. Whispers, “Is… Are you alone in there?”

I nod, ignoring the tears and just… hoping she can tell. “I’m so sorry. She–”

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” She pulls me back into a hug.

“Where are Kque and Jevita and…”

A hoot and trill sounds from the street. I peer past to see two bundled forms next to the towering Quelekita as he pitter patters his feet in excitement. More guilt… I don’t have any of the treats we promised.

“Let’s get out of here, yeah?” Tasii begins to move us away from the door, down the steps.

“Lady Inamatorii?” Comes a monster’s call.

I barely repress the rage at the audacity of this fucking parasite to interrupt this warm and wonderful moment of–

But Yrelia acts before me, releases us to move toward the open door and the pair that stands just inside its archway. She raises a hand, and a loud CRACK echoes through the night as she slaps Zin with all the might she can muster.

“Yrelia!!!” Tasii and I… and I think Kque, all yelp or shout at the same time.

Zin and Judic are in the doorway, while a few figures seem to be standing dumbstruck on the stairwell deeper in. Judic… Well to her credit she moves quickly and effortlessly to get between them. Would have probably snatched Yrelia’s hand if she’d gone for a second blow, but only seems to hold a warning hand out toward her now. But… From how I’d seen her move I couldn’t help but feel like she… well… Yrelia’s face was a fury and it was pretty obvious her intent.

Why had she not stopped her? If she works to protect this monster?

“That’s for the other night.” Yrelia hisses, stepping back. Shaking out the pain the slap probably caused her. “I’ve half a mind to take this up with the Hetaera Guild.”

I know she’s lying, and I’m sure Judic does too. But… Zin… somehow. Keeps his monstrous anger in check and just… steps back. Offers her and us a bow as a hand nurses his reddening cheek.

“My deepest apologies, Hetaera Yrelia.” He says with such… control. Not any real hints of actual remorse but… but… trained. “I didn’t consider your protege’s comfort in my efforts to remain private. But–”

I step up, cradle my lover’s wounded hand. Don’t even look at the monster as I consider if I should offer a quiet healing song… But… Can’t… can’t think straight as my instincts scream alongside her commands to protect my lover. To just sing those wonderful harmonies of death and slaughter and–

“I told you to wait!” I hiss, trying to squeeze my eyes shut and pull Yrelia away. Trying to… to avoid the thoughts and commands and impulses I know aren't mine.

“Lady Inamatorii, I’m only–”

But something cuts him off, and I look back to see Judic examining his face, making it hard for him to speak. “If it pleases you, you should have Penelope see to your injury. I will escort our guests to a private room.”

My lover spits. “We’re not coming a single step inside–”

“Yrelia.” I murmur, but in a solid and insistent way as I look to her face. That gets her to pause, look back at me with… worry and confusion and–

I fight to ignore her, turn back to Judic. “We’ll talk outside. There are no Quelekita stables nearby and I need his mother to be a part of our conversations.”

Zin begins to object, but Judic cuts him off. “Please make sure to inform us of your position before you leave. I will see to your remaining belongings in the meantime.”

A long pause, I consider telling her right then and there. No, we’re leaving. Fuck you. But…

Her threat and… and the Cultivation stone…

“I will.” I turn, take Yrelia and Tasii's hands, and lead us back down to our two other lovers. Kque and Jevita immediately step forward to embrace me while Yrelia and Tasii still hover close behind, hands resting on my shoulders.

“Ina, are you okay?” Kque takes my face in her hands, tilts me to both sides. Inspecting for any more Cultivation marks.

“Not really.” I shudder, almost break into more sobs as I feel their warmth huddle around me. “But… Everything is so fucked up. I don’t know what to do.”

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“Ina what happened? Why did you come back?” Yrelia presses, glares back at the house.

“She…” I huff, “Did… did you get my note?”

Yrelia looks back to me. “You left a note?”

“No, We… no.” I feel a twist of my gut. “Judic helped me send a note out with a runner to try and find you all. Ask… Asking you to come here and–”

I’ll not leave monsters alive, not after they’ve violated my Challa.

I shudder, take the closest hand. “She… was really upset after I told Her what happened in the dream. Emarial was… she was right. She… She wants me to… to…” I trail off. Can’t… Can’t say it all.

“We never got a note.” Tasii murmurs.

“Oh.” I slump. “I knew I should have just… left to come after you all. I was so worried you’d… that you were mad at me and…”

Kque pulls me into a hug, kisses my forehead. “Never. We just… well it took a while to get back and try to decide where we should look. Really pissed at Her though. What was She thinking this would solve!?!”

There is a long and awkward pause. My lovers and our big child wait patiently for a time, but its still cold as fuck and they’ve probably been in it for ages!

“I’m… I don’t want to suggest that you do… like anything She’s wanting you to do. But…” Jevita whispers through her thick hood and scarf. “Not to put too fine a point on it, but why is Zin not hurt? Or… worse?”

“Jevita!” Kque hisses, reaches out to take her hand.

“Last time She left a trail of blood in the streets, Kque.” Jevita tries to clarify. “Just… wondering if Ina talked Her down or something.”

“No, you’ve got a point, Jevita.” Tasii agrees. “We know what She’s able to do. Know how She reacted to Ina and one of us being hurt. How possessive She is.”

I have to take a few steadying breaths. Caught between the sudden realization of how… how close I am to a repeat of that horrible night six months ago. Her command pushes me to call them monsters with a threat of pain. Urges me to twist my thoughts to… to see them as horrible parasites that should be… removed. How… How She could take these wonderful lovers from me if I don’t serve Her in this.

“Ina?” Yrelia rubs at my back as I shudder. “We don’t need to go over this right now. Or ever, really. Fuck Her. We can just leave right now. Get far away and–”

“No.” I whisper. “She has a plan. Wants to… to get revenge and… and more than that. Is going to keep pushing me back until it’s done. She also wants to find the crystal thing.”

“Crystal?” Yrelia asks.

“Mhm. Wants me to remove this.” brush the mark on the side of my head. “It… it’s in my dreams. I can see and feel it. She says we needs to break it before we can… I don’t know…”

Jevita tilts her head. “That’s… huh… but She didn’t seem to think that with your leg. What’s changed?”

I pause, considering. Trying to recall the exact thoughts of last night. “I… I'm not sure. My leg wound… well it's not in the dream. My leg is whole there. And you mentioned this crystal can have lasting effects, right?”

Jevita nods. Kque winces.

“So, what exactly does She want you to do?” Tasii shuffles a bit, moves to stand so my face is visible to her.

I tell them, and they hate it as much as I wish I could. I laid out how upset and scared She was in the dream. How She seemed to purge me of Zin’s Amwella. Then… convinced me that he had to be… be stopped. Planned to kill Zin, but… when he mentioned wanting us to meet other Aru… monsters. How She seems to want to kill them too.

All of them.

As many as possible.

Everyone just… stands in horror and silence.

“Really? REALLY?” Yrelia hisses. “She accepts you but… just… hates Arudian men? All of them? Why?”

Monsters and parasites. I correct her words in my head to avoid pain. But… struggle to answer.

“How bad will things get if… if you don’t do as She asks?” Tasii whispers.

“Really bad.” I’m barely keeping myself together now. The cold seems to… to remind me of those last threats even more. And of the command laid on my mind. “I… She just… She did something last night to make me hate them too now. And… and I can’t help but… but want to hurt them.”

“Fuck.” Jevita huffs. “Sounds like… Fuck. Ina, I… are you saying that she did something to your mind?”

I nod. “Hurts so much when I… I try to think of them as people.”

“That absolute cunt!” Yrelia hisses.

Tasii’s grip on one of my hands tightens. “Why though? Why does She… Was it because of what Zin did? Is She just…”

I shake my head. “No. It’s just like Emarial said. She hates men. All men, I think. She… She started hurting me before I told her the details. Afterwards I… I tried to explain and tell Her that… they’re like me and–”

Pain. Cold and horrible and so sudden I can’t help but jerk and spew a few gobs of vomit into the previously perfect white snow. I end up needing to lean onto my knees as it passes. Have to… to repeat Her words to soothe the pain.

Monster and parasites. Monsters and Parasites. MONSTERS AND–

“Fuck. What do we do? How the fuck can we help her?” Are the first words I make out.

Kque kneels with me, keeps hair and cloth from the path of my sick. I very much need her help to stand again, maimed leg throbs from the bad angle I rested on it. She notices the new bone thing then, but doesn’t ask.

“I don’t know.” Jevita seems to become more and more agitated. “Mind Cultivation was purged from Arudia hundreds of years ago due to this very possibility. The stubbornness of the art makes changes basically permanent and horrible and… and… FUCK!”

“But… this isn’t Cultivation.” I stand, weirdly… very much calming as our discussion drifts from talks of monsters and parasites. “It was like… She gazes into my dream eyes, my spirit, and burns something into me. A… A new way I have to think.”

That gets more hisses and exclamations of horror.

“Ina…” Yrelia steps up, pulls me to face her. “How many times has She done this?”

“Twice.” I sigh.

“Fuck. Why didn’t you say anything?!?”

“I didn’t really… understand it. Didn’t know how to explain it.” I look away, ashamed. “Barely remembered the dreams at that point.”

“When was the first time?” Jevita asks.

I sigh, “Back after Emarial… after she… That first night I met her and napped before Yrelia woke me for dinner.”

When I don’t offer more, Tasii eventually presses, real worry and fear in her voice. “What was it? The… The command? The change?”

Deep Breath.

“I did not make you useless. I did not make you stupid.”

I almost can’t help but let out a gasp of relief at that. No pain!?!

“I… what?” Yrelia quirks her head, anger tempered by confusion.

“I think we’re missing some context?” Kque offers.

I shrug. “I… I was asking Her why She picked me. I felt… felt that I didn’t deserve it. She got upset and… did that. And if I even think those two things about myself it’s like… a heavy stabbing pain into my head.”

“Fuck. That’s so… fucking twisted and horrible…” Kque whispers.

“And this second one? What’s the… the exact wording of it?” Tasii asks.

Another deep breath and…

“Arudian men are Parasites and Monsters.”

I can't even fight as the words melt my thoughts a bit as I shudder in anticipation of the slaughter She wants. My lovers nearly jerk back in horror. It takes a minute for me to recover and force revulsion back into the forefront. “I… I don’t know what to do about–”

But an idea strikes me then. Horrible and foolish and… well if I fail She’ll definitely fucking ruin my mind. Like… Really really badly. Might… might just try to lay more than one command on my soul. But…

What choice do I have!?! The previous choices were either run and hope I can resist Her long enough that She doesn’t want to lay any more commands, or plan to slaughter as many… um… well fuck. I can only call them Monsters and Parasites. Fuck fuck FUCK I hate this!!!

She’s… well I’d hoped for Her to become my fifth lover eventually. To… to help my family warm up to Her and begin to rely on Her. To smooth out Her rough parts and…

But Emarial’s words ring through my mind. About Her lack of humanity and tendency to treat me more like a plaything or a… well I don’t remember her other words.

“Ina?” Yrelia finally prompts, sees my eyes sparkle with an idea. “What are you thinking?”

“I… I have an idea.” I whisper, terrified and almost giddy with the possibilities. “About how to avoid Her and maybe even… maybe even help Arudia a bit. But… all of us have to agree to it. If even one says no we walk away from all this. Just like Yrelia and myself becoming Hetaera.”

“Okay, let’s hear it.” Tasii encourages me.

They fucking hate it. There’s a bit of yelling and very emotional objections, and if I didn’t know my lovers so well I’d have been in tears, terrified they hated me. But I do, and end up spending most of that time comforting and helping calm them.

No one can think of another plan either. So eventually Jevita, Kque, and Lule head to a nearby stable/inn and wait for us, and my two first lovers and I head back up to knock on the door to the monster’s house.

Judic answers, face careful and expressionless. “Lady Inamatorii, Hetaera Yrelia, and…”

“Tasii, of the Paths.” She introduces herself.

A beat.

“Come inside?” Judic asks, steps aside to hold the door open.

I take a deep breath, muster all Yrelia’s training and my own self control, and accept her offer.