CW:

Misgendering self as self-harm in the first line. Sex and panic and Rahdian POV and talk of a past at the breeding temple and coercive nature toward the males kept there. Dysphoria and difficulty with sex due to it.

Stupid stupid STUPID BOY!

The memory of the storm prickles and hisses at the lie I use to punish myself. But… I’m beyond it right now. Far past worrying about my Dream companions' opinions of how I hurt myself when I act like such a fool.

“Rahdian.” Kikii nudges me.

Should have known they would check here! Now you risk not only them finding you and discovering what you are but ALSO blaming all these wonderful women who’ve–

A jerk, a pull, and the girl is tugging me gently to stand.

“C’mon.” She murmurs softly but with urgency. “Let’s go to my tent.”

“I… But–”

“My moms will handle them.” She smiles with enough confidence to make me move without thought.

H– handle them? What? What does she mean!?! Does… are there other women trying to hide from the duenna here?

Kikii leads me through the bumbling campsite while my mind races in anxiety and fear and such paralyzing confusion. If I were smarter I’d have run the moment I saw the duenna but…

Her tent is a small thing more than big enough for two as she pulls me to settle amidst the space that is her own. Dominated mostly by a comfy pile of cushions and a truck that also seems to serve as a sitting desk. She seals the tent’s flap, and leaves us in darkness for a moment.

Then there is a flicker-snap, and the little tent is lit up by a small Everflame lamp at the corner of the truck.

“There.” She huffs, then begins rummaging through a pile of nonsense to the side. “Like… Take a second. Honestly, more if you need them.”

Then she’s offering me one or two little drinking pouches.

“I…”

“Water and/or Glimmer Wine.” She informs me. “If you don’t mind my lips being on them.”

That cracks something. The wave of panic slams against the shore and I can’t help but let out such a choked sound. A noise between a chuckle and a pained sob.

“I’m sorry.” Is all I can whisper.

“Don’t be!” She smiles. “This isn’t the first time we’ve had to help smuggle a girl out of a city she got in a bad way with. And the Academy’s ‘guardians’” She says that word with such disdainful mirth. “Are the worst.”

I carefully take up the pouch I think to hold the Glimmer Wine, take a sip before replying. “I noticed.”

A long pause passes.

“So… May I ask why you thought they were here looking for you?”

I huff and the words just… pour out of me. “I need to speak with one of the Sun Spoken. It's not about anything important to the city or Arudia, just… personal things. I need her help. But they got really upset and wanted to drag me before the Doyans.”

Kikii tilts her head. “Really? Yuck. Yeah that… huh. That’s really gross of them. What you want to speak to her about is your business.”

I take another sip, and let her easy acceptance and the little buzz that comes with the brew settle more parts of my mind.

“I only just barely slipped away but… had to… um… well I don’t think they’d treat me well if I was found. They were made to look foolish with how I slipped away.”

Kikii winces. “Yeah… A pride pricked duenna is such a dangerous thing.”

“They didn’t see my face though, and I’ve changed clothes since then but…”

“Oh!” She seems to relax quite a bit then. “Then you should be fine! You’re tall but… fuck. My mums are gonna be happy to hear that come morning.”

I freeze, and suddenly my entire purpose for striking out into the city from my little cold camp flares in my chest. The ache biting and nibbling in tune with all my worry.

“I… oh. But… I…”

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“You should still burrow down here till they’re gone. But…” Kikii smirks, then points to the exit. “I can leave if you’d rather be alone.”

I shake my head. “No I… I really enjoy your company. Would love to… um… keep spending time with you.”

Such a pretty bloom of pink touches her cheeks then, and that smile quirks her lips in such a neat way. “Same! You’re such an interesting person, Rahdian. I’m still trying to figure you out.”

“I’m no one special, Kikii. Just…”

Just what? Less than two years ago I was just… some stupid sad boy who got sick of waiting for her next life to start. Now… The lie is so easy to speak normally, but here? Now? With her staring up at me with such real interest and wander and… and yeah. Fucking desire!?!

That was something I honestly came to hate back in Lyttoral! I ended up preferring women who would just finish things quickly. But then… the last women to see me this exposed once had that same look in their eyes.

Kikii’s giggle snaps me from the muck that begins to sour my thoughts.

“Just a tall mysterious girl seeking out a Sun Spoken while dodging the duenna.” She reaches out and pulls the Glimmer Wine pouch from my fingers. “Very normal. I’ve met dozens of people with the same story.”

She takes a drink, and leans back to relax. “Aaaaaaaaand who’re just as fucking attractive as you. Like… Yeah. Totally.”

Such heat blossoms on my own cheeks at that. “Wh– what?”

She quirks an eyebrow.

That… no. She's just being kind. I… I’m not… I’m just some ugly half girlthing. Not even two years into the changes the Storms’ promised and helped me spin into myself. I’ve only JUST started feeling and seeing and… and…

My thoughts crack a bit. Yundre and Pip were always kind but… any Amwella dances were mostly just… letting me do the work. I told them that my ‘scars’, the still shifting parts of my old horrid flesh, stopped me from enjoying sex well. So they never pushed me to do more than pleasure them.

But then Pip asked for more and… and I… I didn’t think… and she saw so much of me and… and…

“No. There is NO way you’re that… ” Kikii laughs and shakes her head, but then pauses. “oh gosh you really don’t believe me!?!”

I sigh and look away. “No.”

She huffs and moves to sit up, offers me the Glimmer Wine. “Well… take it from a girl who’s recently gotten to enjoy the company of some very pretty people, You’re kinda unfairly hot. Like… fuck. I’m surprised no one has snatched you up.”

Her words just… just don’t make sense!!! I can’t even…

“Oh gosh.” She giggles after taking a sip and very obviously enjoying my floundering. “You’re… Okay. Well, there you go then. From the lips of an expert, you are really REALLY pretty.”

“That’s not really…”

Possible?

“When was the last time you looked in a mirror?” She presses.

I freeze. “Um… Almost… seven months ago?”

Then she’s rustling through her belongings again, and before I can panic she’s holding a disk against her chest. The dark of the back of a mirror facing outward while the reflective surface remains hidden.

“Can I show you?” She grins and is nearly bouncing in place.

I don’t have words for her… or the fear that bubbles in my chest at what I might see. So I just nod, and with a flourish she turns the mirror around to show me…

A stranger.

The girl who looks back at me has glimmering pale gray eyes and a messy rumple of soft looking brownish blonde hair. Her jaw is defined but… not anything I’ve not seen on dozens of women with her frame. She’s tall with wide shoulders and muscles, a body that many places would cherish in a duenna or guardian.

Or a strong lover.

The stranger's face twists from a blank mask of worry to bear a hint of pain but… there is a grin there. One that roils with disbelief and joy at the person she’s looking at.

“She doesn’t look like me.” The stranger whispers, and I can’t help but get lost in the way her lips shape the words.

“Really? Why’s that?”

“I… I had this idea in my head.” The stranger shifts a little, letting me carefully see her from different angles. “Of this big ugly girlthing. Slowly… slowly becoming less of a mess but better than...” I trail off before I make this mistake of saying more. Offer a simple, “Thank you.”

“Rahdian?” She whispers, and I look past the stranger in the mirror to see Kikii’s face go sort of… not blank but strange. “I… I’m not sure I understand like… the why, of this. But I…” She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes then re-opens them. “You’re welcome. And I… I hope I didn’t push you into something bad there. That seemed really intense for you.”

I nod, then look back down to the stranger. “Yeah… But I needed this. Needed to see the girl I’ve become. The person I should be kinder to.”

Kikii’s smile returns, but… it’s a soft thing. “You really should. I think she’s been through a lot and… and is doing her best.”

Such a long silence settles on us as I watch tears prickle at the edges of the strangers eyes.

“I… um… hey Kikii?”

“Hm?”

“Would you be interested in… um… I guess…” The stranger takes a breath, “Can… Can I share your tent and bed with you tonight?”

“I meeeeean…” She waves back and forth with such a playful smirk overtaking the old smile as her words shift to really pretty Arudian that I can only just understand. “Is the snow cold? The sky full of stars?”

Another pause, then I ask carefully. “Y– yes?”

She giggles, “And honestly… I’d love to share more than just a few good snuggles, if you're open to the idea.”

The stranger swallows, and nods, then says with false confidence. “I am. Yes.”

Kikii leans forward then, quick at first, but… slows just as her face hovers a whisper away.

An offer.

And the stranger that is me pushes aside the mirror, and accepts her.

The kiss is… wonderful. This girl’s lips are soft and warm and drowning in the taste of Wine we’ve shared. My hands easily wander up and cup her smooth cheeks as she sort of just… pulls us to fall back into the blankets. Fingers wandering to push aside and begin unbuttoning coat and… and…

Can’t let her see.

With a little more force than I mean to, I take up her wrists and pull them back. Move both up and away as I trail a kiss down to her neck. Murmur softly. “Is this okay?”

“Mhm. Perfect. Gosh.” She whispers and lets out in an excited huff. “Okay. Yeah. I will not say no to any of this.”

I can’t help but feel such a wash of relief as I sink into this. Begin to feel her Amwella spark and thrash as my kisses weave across her skin. Drawing out little noises and sounds from her that just… just make this all feel so right.

I release her wrists so I can begin to remove her coat and such, and about halfway through feel her fingers move to run such wonderful patterns through my long hair. Can’t stop a shiver and deep exhale of enjoyment from escaping my lungs.

But my fingers keep moving, a little clumsily unhooking the last part and exposing her gorgeous chest to me. Then I’m dragging lips and tongue and even a little bit of raking teeth down her to find a breast.

Kikii’s legs wriggle and move to squeeze a thigh of mine, letting out such a happy little moan of pleasure as I play at a nipple. Dancing tongue around and about before giving it a kiss followed by grazing teeth across it.

Her fingers trail down and around my face, find my neck and shoulders and begin to slip beneath my coat. I almost freeze in worry, but then her hands brush over my soft chest and find one of my own still developing tits. Fiddle and play with it in a way that forces me to a pause.

Fills me with such a yearning to… to let her just… but I can’t. Letting her continue to explore my body will ruin everything!

And so I keep moving. Designing a path of kisses down her belly and hips while my own hands touch at the hem of her pants. “Is this still okay?”

“Mhm.” Is all she mumbles out happily as her legs squeeze at me again.

And so I undo the simple knot at her belt-thing and pull it all away. Lift a thigh to place kisses on its soft and sensitive flesh while watching her. Drinking in the thrum and waves echoing from Kikii’s Amwella.

Her eyes find mine, and in them I see… I’m not sure. Something that makes my heart skip a beat. So, I turn down to move my affections to deeper places. Decide it's better to ignore budding feelings and just… deal with the cold ache.

My lips find her second pair, and It’s too easy to just… sink into her. Dance tongue up and down their delicate and sensitive lengths to the motions of her hips and racing heartbeat. Licking and nibbling until nothing but sweet soulfire pours from her. Press deeper after the first buckling of hips and moans of delight.

Amwella rises up, and like the waves amidst a great storm it rushes and slams into mine. Causing me to tremble as the cold aches form before cracks like so much ice at winter’s end. The feeling of her soul pressing down into mine like two rivers meeting and mingling is… intoxicating.

I’ve already taken more than I’d ever drank from another. It won’t hurt her to be so drained, thank the Storm, but… If she was a constant companion it would mean I’d need to wait before a future dance.

Which she’s not. So… why not take whatever she can offer?

I hesitate as I pull back. Look between this girl who so quickly and easily shared her soulflame with me and the tent’s exit.

I… I mean the duenna are probably still about. And leaving now would risk bumping into them…

So I move up to cradle Kikii’s still panting and exhausted form in my arms. Settling into the warmth that now ripples and settles happily in my chest while my mind wanders into sleep.