CW:

Injury pains.

I awaken in a sweaty mess of tangled limbs beneath a heavy quilt. Leg and head thrumming in concordant pain.

“Uuuugh.” I moan out in a very unsexy way that causes Yrelia to stir.

“Muh?” She murmurs, then pulls me close.

I can’t help but giggle softly when I look up to see her groggy eyes try so hard to open. Which, of course, makes my head throb again. “Ow.”

She nuzzles closer, murmurs something that sounds like. “You should sing.”

So I do and In the quiet of our midnight snuggles, I hum out my request for the World Song to keep healing the wounds and easing my pains. And the big amazing thrumming thing is happy to give me whatever I ask of it.

The wash of cold relief is amazing, as always, and I let the song fade.

Considering the Dream.

The Weaver of The World Song

And… and she called it Her Amwella.

I bite my lower lip gently, and peer down at the still very sleepy and exhausted Yrelia. Wondering if maybe she’s awake enough to talk.

I can’t help but smile at how silly and cute she looks, and end up giving her a good few minutes of caresses to make sure as I untangle myself from this embrace she doesn’t really even stir. Just… ends up finding a pillow to wrap herself around and go back to little tittering snores.

Her Amwella is glowing happily too, and any worry I had about hurting her last night melts away.

* * *

It must still be pretty early, because as I walk the halls the only other soul I find awake is my duenna.

Zigdara kneels in the main seating area, wearing only a light top and shorts, and seems to be going through some kind of… what were they called? Ki Ritta? The Lyttoral stretching things that help the body burn leftover Alchemy from the system. Only her’s is… much more intense than any I’d heard or seen.

It forces her large frame to bend into a few very extreme twists and angles, sometimes so far I worry something will tear or… or maybe even break! But, nope! Her glistening muscles just ripple and move with what now seems to be a sort of slow dance. One that almost… huh. It reminds me of the ocean.

Old memories bubble up and hold me from announcing myself.

So many times when I was younger, before my… my hatred for that old form had grown to cripple my desires for anything but secluded fancies, I adored just… gazing at the sea. And as I get to watch this large beautiful woman move through whatever this is, I can’t help but feel a prickle of tears as I hope to one day swim in those waters again.

Remembering how those same ones carried me down one of the Lyttoral canals and into the arms of my lovers.

“Ina?”

Zigdara’s paused, her eyes locked on what must be such a dreadful sight of me. Standing here so early just… watching her and–

Wonderful. Yup these are tears in my eyes. Fuck she’s–

“Sorry!” I sort of half yelp and half blubber, quickly trying to wipe away any moisture from my eyes. “I just… I didn’t expect to find anyone up this early and… and you… your Ki Ritta is just… really mesmerizing and…”

“It’s alright, Ina.” Her soft smile is still a bit worried as she stands and straightens fully.

I nod quickly. “Seriously I’m… this seems a private thing and I–”

“It’s not, actually. I’m more accustomed to doing them with fellow Duenna.” She reaches out to pull up a towel she’d left hanging on a nearby chair, but keeps her gaze on me while she wipes away some of the sweat. “As large the bedrooms are here, there isn’t enough space to perform these. And with this morning’s chill I decided to just do them here.”

I huff and look away, still embarrassed and knowing it’s showing on my face. “Still though, I shouldn’t have… It's just…”

A long pause passes as Zigdara just… waits. Doesn’t press. Lets her silence tell me she’s curious.

I sigh. Deciding to just… be open with this woman who saved my life and means to dedicate herself to protecting me. “It reminds me of the sea. Of the waters and the waves and… and the feeling I would get when I watched it all. At least from when I was too young to… When I was still comfortable swimming in that body.”

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“Ah.” She smiles after I just… trail off. Not really knowing what else to add as I stand there, some awkward bird. “May I make you some Fudgebrew? Sit with you as we consider the morning?”

I nod, and within the next few minutes we’re sitting in the manor’s kitchen on stools around a big central countertop. Freshly brewed steaming mugs of warm richly sweet drinks between us.

“Did you Dream well?” She murmurs, then blows gently on the bubbly dark brew.

Dream well. That… So I’ve shared small bits of how my relationship with my patron works. How no, we’re not together when I’m awake most days, and how if She follows me to the Waking World it’s because something important or dangerous is happening. How otherwise I meet her in a shared Dream every single night.

“I’m not sure.” I murmur and just before my first sip of the wonderful drink. “She… Fuck me, Zigdara. She’s been through a lot and… and I’m not sure how to help.”

She mimics my sip, pauses to consider. She knows from Emarial about the We–

No, Aceso now. I correct my thoughts with a smile. Anyway, Zigdara knows from Emarial that She hates men, and was probably told why the big sad Sun Spoken refused to sleep, what with how dangerous a Dream with Her can be.

“From what my late traveling companion told me, generations of Sun Spoken have tried and found their attempts to assist the Goddess… unsuccessful. Or worse, turned into placating attempts that lead to themselves becoming seduced into falling into Her darkest schemes. I’m not sure anyone ever could help someone so… foreign.”

I huff. “She’s… Zigdara I don’t think… I mean, I know She’s bigger and more, like older than me. But She’s still a person. A girl who had Her life shattered and… and Her soul split into what seems to be countless shards. Each isolated and alone and hurting.”

Zigdara’s eyebrows raise a bit at that. “That… was not mentioned. At least not so directly to me. Emarial claimed Her a twisted mad thing beyond what anyone could hope to understand.”

“Of course she did.” I snort, once again caught off guard at… at just how stupid I think that woman is.

“Is She…” Zigdara’s voice goes… strained. Conflicted. And suddenly her eyes are filled with worry.

I quirk an eyebrow at her. “What? Is She what?”

She sighs, “I’m not sure it’s my place to question a Sun Spoken, even if she's my sworn charge to protect.”

“Zigdara I… I’ve not… Look. I should have been kinder to you before. Back in the inn. But…” I nibble on my lower lip. “But I want you to know that I really do trust you. You literally saved our lives from the Matron and have devoted so much to keep me safe.”

That seems to relax the tension from her. Soften a tightness I’d not realized had gathered in her eyes. “You were right to.”

But… then I see something else.

Shame.

Her hands curl around the mug. “What the temple does is… It’s… It may be necessary but… but that doesn’t make it right. And your time there has scarred you. More than any would dare imagine.”

That catches me off guard. Causes me to freeze up. Old horrid memories prickle at the edges of my mind. Somewhat dull and muted but… ugly and unpleasant and not things I’d like to think about.

“It’s… Look Zigdara I don’t…” I pause, regather my thoughts and try to close off this discussion. “It’s not fine, but… I’d rather not go picking at old wounds. Especially since you don’t seem to want to take me back there.”

She shakes her head, hard and without any sign of hesitation. “No. Not unless you desire it. Never. I–”

“Good.” I interrupt as gently as possible. “But you had a question from before. And I want you to know that I trust you and you may ask me anything. I may decline to answer, but… I know you mean well when you ask.”

“Of course. Thank you, Ina.” She nods, takes a deep breath. “Is the Weaver hurting you? In these Dreams or without?”

I pause for a long time, considering how best to answer. Decide to just… be as truthful as I can.

“Yes, but… much less than before. Especially after we… um… Worked some things out.” I tip-tap the table in thought. “She’s… Fuck. Emarial really is a stupid cunt. Aceso is as human as any girl you’ve ever met. Just… has a lot more history to alter Her.”

Zigdara nods. Worry plain on her face but… patient and wanting to listen. “Like how the old can seem so strange to the young. Somewhat dismissive and forgetful of the passions and trails of the new generations.”

“Exactly. She’s forgotten more things than everyone in this house could remember, combined.”

A pause, then Zigdara asks. “But... Aceso?”

Oh… right.

I smile at the memory. “I asked Her to pick a new name for Herself.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because ‘The Weaver’ is a mouthful and Her old name is… a problem. Something She doesn’t want to share. It could make Dreaming with Her harder since it’s attached to old horrid memories. I think.”

The big woman nods. “I don’t recognize its meaning or history.”

I can’t help but smile. “She didn’t want to share a name with anyone, so apparently She picked something from an old dead language… or something. It means healing.”

That… weirdly, makes Zigdara relax even more. “Names have power over us. Whether we want them to or not. It was wise to ask Her to change her’s to something gentle.”

“May I ask what your name means?” I murmur, sidestepping the complement.

That catches her off guard, but… makes her… oh well isn’t that fucking cute! This big strong, and still a little scary woman, is blushing!

I fight so hard to fight down a little smirk as I take a sip of fudgebrew.

“Of course.” She gathers herself, and manages to mush down most of the faint red tinting on her cheeks. “It means compassionate strength.”

“OH that’s… Wow.” I murmur. “That fits you so well Zigdara!”

She tries so very hard to keep her composure. “Thank you. I… I’ve always been fond of my mothers’ choice.”

I reach out and touch her hand. “Thank you for sharing its meaning with me!”

She nods, and for a while we sit in silence. But eventually Zigdara pulls back her hand gently, then breaks the morning quiet to ask. “So… what are your plans for the day?”

Right. Guardian. If I go out she’ll insist on following. So… it’s only polite to get her opinion on this…

“I’m not sure. Kinda debating between a few options and… honestly I’d love your opinion on them before I talk with the others.”

She sits up straighter, seems to even glow a bit at this sudden show of trust. “Of course.”

“So… first is just an easy day of rest. One spent with one or more of my Lovers. I owe them so much and would like to give them more of myself.”

She nods. “It’s good to show those you love that you treasure them, and that would be rather restorative for you besides.”

“The second is… Ugh. Going to that like… funding thing. The hearing where the Doyan’s consider different requests for support and… things. I was invited and know that my voice could really push coin into the right hands.”

“A responsibility that is valuable though, and will no doubt endear you to the people of Arudia.” She supplies. “But… exhausting. Especially after a week of intense meetings with women who do not consider you their ally.”

I sigh, feeling the weight of that. “Yeah.”

“Any other possible plans?”

I fiddle at the mug for a few moments. As… as this is not a thing I’m looking forward to. Especially… especially not alone.

“I need to talk with Emarial.” I whisper.

Zigdara winces and only supplies an. “Ah.”

“Yeah.”

A long pause.

“May I ask why?” Zigdara asks.

I nod. “You may.”

Another long pause.

“Then why? Why go see her?” She nearly growls, obvious anger and… and deeper pains than I want to consider right now boiling up. “Why place yourself in danger?”

Why go see the person who so easily threatened to kill me, then actually fucking tried? Who lied to me. Maybe not… not so directly but… but didn’t tell me what she thought she might need to do to me.

What she’d already done to so many like us!

“I… last night was… I learned some things. From Aceso.” I sigh. “And… I need to find out how much Emarial knows. She if her shard has the same memories and…”

I glare down at my mug. “I need to give her something.”

A gift she did not earn, but… needs so desperately.

“Let the cunt rot.” Zigdara nearly snarls. Guessing so easily at what I mean to do.

I shake my head. “Even if… if I could stand the idea of it. Her wellspring of Amwella is too big and dangerous. I need to make sure it’s safe.”

“She should just leave.” My duenna huffs and glares past me. “You’re a better woman than she could ever hope to match. Her decision to remain here clinging to her wretched beliefs is an insult you shouldn’t have to reward with compassion.”

I sigh, agreeing but…

“Yeah. But… She won’t and I can make use of her while putting out whatever future fires she might start.” The phrasing of that sours the sweet flavor of our morning.

“I won’t try to stop you…” Her eyes drift back to mine. “But nor will I claim to support this. She’s dangerous, and her mind is wracked with past wounds and present exhaustion.”

“Which is why I’d like to act now to try and change that.”

She huffs, but… nods. “You’re a better person than either of us hoped to find, and a kinder Sun Spoken than this land deserves.”